I was a fool. I already knew that.
In fact, I've known for sixteen years that I was being foolish. Yet, I couldn't help myself. That's exactly how much I loved him. Damian Wester, my fiance and someone who used to be my childhood friend a long time ago.
That was until my big confession back in highschool. Me, in freshman year and him, a final year student.
For as long as I live, I could never forget the look on his face when I spouted those special three words that took me hours to finally gouge out of my throat.
"Are you kidding yourself now?" he had asked with a scowl. His ice cold voice had struck my heart like an arrow breaking it into pieces.
I should have left him then. But I didn't.
***
Buzz!
My phone buzzed beside me and I sighed, reaching for it. The voice at the other end was high enough to burst open my eardrums.
"Did you see the news?!" My best friend, Helen, screeched, her tone a high pitch.
I wiggled my eyebrows, pushing the phone away from my ear even as she continued to blabber. "Damian's on the news again. This time, with a different girl!"
I chuckled down the bitterness in my throat. I had seen the news. Probably, the entire city must have seen the news. "That makes how many this week? Ten?" I teased, a desperate attempt to not break into a sob.
I should be numb at this point yet sadly, I wasn't.
"Girl," Helen's voice was softer, a tinge of sympathy underneath. Ugh, how I hated the sound of sympathy but that was all Damian made me receive from everyone who knew our true relationship. Dirty, disgusting sympathy.
"It's nothing Helen and you know it." I tried to act like I didn't care, shrugging my shoulders. "I'm already used to all of this so I'm fine, okay?"
Who am I kidding? I cried myself to sleep last night after seeing the news and even now my eyes were still swollen.
"You're not fooling me, Amy! Anyone else but not me" Helen's voice sounded resolute and strong from my earpiece. "I bet you cried yourself to sleep last night."
Yikes, she knew me too well. "Now don't say another word. Let's meet up this evening at the bar downtown for a few drinks,okay? We need to talk."
I sighed, ruffling my hand over my hair. I didn't want to do this. Drinks, convos or whatever. I just wanted to bury myself under my blanket and cry some more.
And yet my lips betrayed me and I said the words I knew my best friend wanted to hear. "Alright "
***
Evening came much quicker than I hoped and I found myself staring at the mirror, touching up my dress. My appearance was perfect. Smooth glass skin, perfect figure, long healthy hair. There was nothing I didn't try in order to impress Damian.
"What did I get in return?" I asked myself, amused at my own reflection. "A broken heart and some lovely dark circles as a bonus."
With a dry chuckle, I applied my concealer, making sure it looked perfect and all my eye bags and any evidence that I might have cried remained hidden.
Satisfied, I stepped out of my studio apartment and quickly boarded a taxi to go.
Doyells Bar was a few kilometers away from where I lived and honestly, not my favorite place to come to. Everything from the interior to the services screamed expensive and a few visits there had already drilled numerous holes in my pocket.
But Helen had always been quite persuasive. And thus, here I was, waving back at her where she stood waiting for me at the bar's entrance with the last bursts of enthusiasm I could muster.
She guided me inside, her laughter booming against the music that surrounded the place. We were seated at a table in a few minutes and she ordered cocktail.
"I should be asking how you are doing but that's already obvious?" Helen started, her eyes shining like stars. I stared at her, my eyes widening in realization. "Helen, are you drunk?"
"Shhh!" She shushed me with her hands, shaking her head left and right. "I'm not drunk, just a little tipsy."
I shook my head, an incredulous look on my face. A waiter was bringing our drinks as I glared daggers at Helen. "How many times do I have to warn you about your bad drinking habits, girl?!"
"I know!" she whined, close to tears at my angry face. It's not a common thing to find me raising my voice. "It was just a sip, I swear. Tristan bought new wine." Ouch, I didn't wish to know that. Tristan was Helen's long time boyfriend since highschool.
The waiter brought the cocktail, carefully placing it before the both of us. I pushed both glasses closer to me with a scolding look on my face. "You're not taking even a single sip of this"
Without waiting to hear her anticipated refusal, I downed both glasses, one after the other. The drink was sweet and spiky and I felt the alcohol travel up my brain in seconds.
The room started to blur. Uh oh. Maybe two glasses were a bit too much. Helen's loud voice cut through my now spiraling thoughts.
"Isn't that Damian?!"
Immediately, my head snapped to where she was pointing and there he was. Tall, icy and undeniably handsome.
My heart skipped a beat.
A young woman with a figure and hair much prettier than mine walked over, sitting beside him naturally. She flashed him a smile, pushing a cocktail close to him. Calm as I've always known, I watched him pick up the cocktail and downing the contents gracefully.
He wouldn't even eat anything if I accidentally touched them yet here he was, drinking from another woman's cup! I could feel my anger surge. Heat rose up my throat and I stood up abruptly.
My heart burned with a pain that was indescribable as I marched forward. "Amy, where are you going?" Helen was appalled by my sudden action but I could barely register her words.
Sixteen years. How could a human being hate someone for so long? What have I ever done to him? Confess my love, then what?
Was loving someone...a crime?
My inner monologue continued as I made my way to where he stood despite the raging music and lights and my own head aching terribly.
"Mr. Wester!" I yelled, coming to stand in front of him. The whole world seemed to have stopped. What was wrong with me? I had only ever called him Damian.
Slowly he turned to face me and I almost cowered. Something flashed in his dark eyes at the sight of me that I couldn't phantom at the moment yet I continued.
"You." I pointed, my speech fighting the alcohol in my system. "I am divorcing you!"