I didn't even know what time it was anymore. The party had probably calmed down by now, maybe people were still drinking downstairs pretending tonight had not turned into complete chaos, but I'd stopped caring a long time ago. My knuckles burned every time I moved my hand, sore from punching that idiot over and over until people pulled us apart. My jaw still hurt too, and my head was spinning from the alcohol, the shouting, Regina crying, everyone staring at me like I was the bad guy for losing it after getting humiliated in front of half the school. I should've been furious about her cheating. Hell, I should've been downstairs breaking things or texting her paragraphs about betrayal and trust and all that dramatic relationship bullshit people usually say after breakups. Regina and I had been together for three years. Three damn years. Since 10th grade. Everyone knew us together. People probably thought we'd end up married one day or some stupid shit like that. And maybe I used to think so too. Maybe before Anna. Because the truth was, while Regina was upstairs crying somewhere over us ending things, I couldn't stop thinking about her sister instead. That alone should've made me feel guilty, but somehow it didn't. Not anymore. I leaned my head back against the cold wall outside the house and closed my eyes for a second, but the moment I did, Anna's face appeared in my mind again like she had been living there for months already. The way she looked at me earlier upstairs. The way her fingers moved over my chest like she forgot herself for a second. The way she ran after I kissed her, confused and breathless like she hated the effect I had on her. God. I let out a frustrated breath and rubbed my face hard with both hands. Ever since last year, after that night we accidentally spent together during x-mas break, nothing had been normal anymore. Before that, Anna was just Regina's little sister. Annoying sometimes. Funny sometimes. Pretty, yeah, obviously pretty, but nothing more than that. Then that night happened, and somehow everything changed after. Every time I looked at Regina, I felt like I was lying to her. Because no matter how hard I tried to ignore it, my eyes always searched for Anna first when she walked into a room. It got worse over time. Her voice affected me. Her attitude affected me. Even the way she rolled her eyes at me drove me insane. And the worst part? I knew she felt something too. Maybe not love. Maybe not anything pure or innocent. But there was something there. I saw it every single time she looked at me too long before pretending not to. Still, I couldn't find a way to leave Regina. Three years wasn't something you threw away easily, and honestly maybe I was selfish enough to want both of them close at the same time. But now? Now it was over anyway. Regina hated me. Everyone probably did. And somehow the only thing I cared about was finding Anna again. I opened my eyes slowly and stared into the dark street ahead of me. I haven't seen her since earlier, and just thinking about that made something ugly twist inside my chest again.. I pushed myself off the wall immediately before my thoughts got worse. I needed to talk to Anna. Tonight. Before somebody else got too close to something that already felt like mine.
"Can we talk please?"
After clicking send, I let out a long breath and stared at the screen for a few seconds, waiting for an answer that never came. The tiny glow from the phone reflected against my fingers while the night around me stayed painfully quiet. I didn't understand why this was becoming so hard for me. I'd had other girls before. A lot, actually. Girls I flirted with for fun, girls I kissed without thinking twice, girls whose names I sometimes forgot weeks later. None of them had ever stayed in my head like this. None of them had ever made me feel this restless, this angry at myself, this completely out of control. But Anna… God. Something about Anna drove me insane in ways I couldn't even explain properly. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn't supposed to want her in the first place. Maybe it was because every time she looked at me, it felt like she was fighting the same thing I was. Or maybe it was because for the first time in my life, I wanted something I couldn't fully have. I rubbed my hand over my face roughly before shoving the phone back into my pocket. Standing outside thinking about her wasn't helping at all. If anything, the silence only made her take up more space inside my head. I walked back into the house without really paying attention to anyone around me. The music downstairs had gotten quieter now, mixed with low conversations and random laughter that sounded distant and blurry in my ears. A few people glanced at me after the fight earlier, but nobody stopped me. Good. I wasn't in the mood to explain myself to anybody tonight. I grabbed my coat from near the entrance and headed back outside immediately, breathing out sharply the second cold air hit my face again. My sports car sat parked near the driveway under the dim streetlight, black and shining softly in the dark. My uncle had gifted it to me on New Year's after saying every guy needed one stupid thing in life before adulthood ruined him completely. At the time I thought it was freedom. Tonight it felt more like escape. I unlocked the car quickly and slid into the driver's seat, gripping the steering wheel hard while my thoughts kept spiraling faster and faster. The engine growled to life beneath me, deep and aggressive, and before I could think too much, I pulled away from the house at full speed. I didn't even know where I was going. I just needed movement. The roads were nearly empty at this hour, long dark streets stretching endlessly beneath cold yellow streetlights while the city slowly slept around me. I drove faster and faster like I was running from something chasing me inside my own head. Wind crashed violently through the half-open window, cold enough to sting my skin, but it still did nothing to cool the heat burning through my body. If anything, it only made me grip the wheel tighter. Maybe part of me hoped the speed would distract me. Maybe the freezing air would finally knock some sense back into me and wipe Anna out of my thoughts. But instead, she only became clearer. All I could see was her eyes staring at me upstairs earlier tonight, confused and breathless after I kissed her. I could still feel the traces of her fingers moving slowly across my chest like she didn't even realize what she was doing. And her lips… I swallowed hard even though it was quick, jaw tightening instantly as the memory hit me again. Soft. Warm. Brief. But enough to completely destroy my ability to think straight afterward. I pressed harder on the gas, the engine roaring louder beneath me while darkness blurred around the car. But no matter how fast I drove, Anna stayed there anyway. In my mind. Under my skin. Everywhere. And slowly, terrifyingly, I realized I was going crazy over her.
I drove for what felt like hours without really knowing where I was going, the road stretching out in front of me like it belonged to someone else's life and not mine. My hands were still tight on the steering wheel even though the anger had slowly started to fade into something heavier, something quieter, something I didn't have a name for yet. Then, without warning, it all stopped. I slowed down instinctively when I saw it, Rafael's bike parked outside like it had been waiting for me there, like it had been placed deliberately just to ruin whatever control I had left. My chest tightened immediately, and before I even fully processed it, my eyes shifted up. The house was familiar now in a way I didn't want it to be. Anna's aunt's place. And there she was. Anna. Standing in the doorway like she belonged there more than she belonged anywhere else, like she had been carved into that moment just to make everything inside me collapse at once. I pressed the brakes completely, the engine still running, but I couldn't move. I just stared. Because I wasn't surprised. Not really. That was the worst part. I had known something like this would happen the moment I let myself care too much. And yet I still came here. I still drove all the way just to confirm the thing I didn't want to accept. My throat went dry as I watched her shift slightly in the doorway, like she was speaking to someone inside, and I didn't need to see more to understand. Rafael was inside. With her. Alone. At her aunt's house. The thought hit me harder than any punch I had taken earlier that night, harder than the fight, harder than the anger I had been carrying since the party. Because suddenly everything made sense in a way I didn't want it to. The way she avoided my message. The way her eyes didn't stay on me earlier. The way she fell silent when I asked her about us. I let out a low breath, almost a laugh but without humor, because of course it would be like this. Of course she would end up in a space where I wasn't invited. I watched Rafael move slightly in the background through the doorway, just enough for me to catch the outline of him, and something in my jaw tightened.
I stayed there for a moment, my hand resting on the car door handle, but I couldn't bring myself to open it. My body felt locked in place, like something inside me had decided I wasn't allowed to walk away just yet. My eyes kept going back to the house, to that same doorway where I had seen her standing, like the image had burned itself into my vision and refused to leave. I told myself I should leave. I told myself there was nothing for me to see here, nothing for me to prove. But my thoughts kept breaking that lie apart in seconds. All I could think about was him. Rafael. The fact that he was inside with her right now, in a space where I wasn't, in a moment I wasn't part of. The thought didn't even feel like jealousy at first—it felt like loss. Something I hadn't officially admitted I had, slipping through my fingers without permission. I pressed my forehead briefly against the steering wheel, exhaling slowly, trying to reset my mind, trying to convince myself that this didn't matter as much as it felt like it did. But it didn't work. It never worked when it came to her. I turned the key again, my intention finally forming clearly—leave, disappear, stop doing this to myself—when my phone vibrated against the seat beside me. The sound was small, almost harmless, but it cut through everything instantly. I hesitated for half a second before picking it up, already expecting something meaningless, something I could ignore. But then I saw her name. Anna. My grip tightened immediately, my breath catching without permission as I stared at the screen like it might change if I blinked. I didn't open it right away. I just looked at it, frozen between the urge to protect myself and the need to know what she had said. My chest felt heavier with every second I delayed, like the message itself was pressing against me from the inside, demanding to be read. Finally, I unlocked the phone. And in that moment, everything outside the car disappeared completely. The house, Rafael, the night, all of it faded into the background like it had never mattered in the first place. Because all I could see now… was her message.