That's....
That is clearly a lie. The annoying voice in my head only exists to piss me off, and so. When she says things like 'Absolute Defense'. She's saying it as a poorly thought out prank. Just to piss me off.
Because. That's. If that kind of thing really existed in this world, how would anything be challenging at all? Wouldn't every boss, dungeon, and event be trivial? Exactly the thing that I don't want to happen at all costs?
I shake my head, helping Elara get Arin up to his feet, and starting toward the second secret whatever dungeon with the others.
"Master, you're silly. It takes a lot more than just Absolute Defense to trivialize the content of this super hard world!"
I don't feel silly, but that is a little reassuring, at least. It probably still means the low level trash isn't even worth practicing on. It might be good for one or two runs to get used to fighting in this system, but if there's truly no stakes then I have no interest-
"That's why the Heaven's Ultimate Blessing gave you much more than that!"
I stop in place. The others walk ahead of me toward the door that probably eventually leads to treasure.
Excuse me.
Heaven's Ultimate. What? She just made up that name. I'm certain that's not the name I heard before. She's definitely just up that name.
"Of course I didn't make up the name, Master! Isn't that obvious?"
It isn't.
"Heaven's Ultimate Blessing is an ultra special gift which gives you every single starting weapon you could have chosen plus a bonus!" System Helper chirps this with far too much enthusiasm to be legal. "Absolute Defense is just one of them! There's also Elemental Mastery, like I said! You also have Weapon Mastery, Instant Mimicry, Regeneration, The Hero's Blessing, a handy pocket dimension you can access at any time, Monster Absorption, Ultimate Charm Aura, and of course me!"
"WHAT?" I say that out loud, but I don't care.
The hell kind of laundry list is that? It's disgusting! Not even the most generous roguelike would give something like that on its final runs! How am I supposed to do anything in a game when I've been given basically everything on the outset?!
"You can do whatever you want, Master! With your power there's no one who could ever possibly stand in your way!"
That's. The worst possible answer.
"What..what is it?" Arin struggles to speak to me, looking back at me with a pale face.
I wave a hand dismissively. Arin's problems are not mine right now. This is a crisis. I wish I were dead. Again.
With that load out, though, even that's going to be literally impossible to achieve!
"Master don't be so negative!"
That's not fair. This isn't fair. Being able to do anything and everything is...It's right at the outset!! This is the beginning of my quest! I've been given a completely game breaking start! It's cheating! It's- this is wrong! That goddess can't just do this to me!
"Answer: The goddess has complete discretion over what gifts to give a hero!"
I do not need her chirpy input right now.
What. Is even the point of doing anything if I can't even try? If success if guaranteed, how can I ever even start something? This is all so frustrating I can hardly think.
"It isn't, Master! The difficulty of this world is SSSS ranked, you know? To compensate for your ultimate difficulty you have to be overpowered!"
I SPECIFICALLY SAID I DIDN'T WANT TO BE!
"That modesty is why the goddess blessed you with this unique ability! And really, Master. You don't understand! If it's just about progression and growth in this world, then don't worry, I forgot one that will change the whole situation!"
Unless it's a death curse every time I use any of those abilities and this voice rattling off in my head is shortening my days every time she speaks, or a way to turn it all off, I don't see how anything she can say will make this situation better.
"You have another ability!" She pauses. As if I'm in any way excited and suspenseful. "Only You Can Level Up!"
"That is copyrighted!" I snap back immediately. That is plagiarism right there. She's not even trying to hide it.
"You are the Solo Levelin-"
Stop mocking me!
"But I'm not, I'm your cute system helper! And anyway, this world doesn't have copyright."
I groan and rub my forehead. It doesn't actually matter what she calls it. A leveling system would have been fine, assuming it was decently balanced and I started at level 1, but it's not going to fix all that broken garbage on my stat sheet!! There's nothing I want less than to have an overpowered cheating system that will only get stronger every time I actually fight something. Especially if it's balanced to give me even more exp every time I actually find something challenging.
This is the worst! What am I supposed to do with this world? How do I experience the thrill of a challenge? I'll never be in any kind of danger! Even if somehow that 'absolute defense' isn't really absolute, apparently I'll just regenerate without even using any healing flasks. And what the hell are those other skills??
Monster absorption?
The hell even is that?
"It's so that when you eat monsters-"
Who would eat a monster?!
"It's more efficient for gaining abilities!"
I refuse. I'll starve myself to death before I touch that kind of trope!
If only all of the abilities were so easy to avoid.
And what the hell is Ultimate Charm Aura?
"It makes you irresistibly charming to everyone! Especially wom-"
What the hell does that even have to do with fighting a demon king?!
"Uh, well, Master, you don't know. But...!"
I'm not using it! I'm not doing it. Never!
I refuse! I'm not using any of these things! I demand a reset! I want a fair trial! I can't accept any of this!
Why....?
Why?
Why am I forced to cheat?!
I collapse dramatically onto my knees on the floor and wail to the ceiling. "THIS ISN'T FAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIR!"
Elara's eyes are wide with alarm, but her ears are glowing pink and she's looking off to the side. Kael shakes his head. And Arin...looks confused. Of course he looks confused. Nobody understands just what a terrible tragedy this is but me.
"How can I ever have an epic challenge if I'm like this?!"
A pebble bounces off of my head.
Kael is the culprit. "Please take this seriously. I don't understand what you're doing, but there's no point completing the dungeon until we get the loot. Can you wait to express your madness until after that?"
Madness? That's uncalled for.
I roll my eyes and sigh, standing up and brushing off my knees. "You all can go get the loot. I'm heading out of this place."
I'm not taking ill-gotten loot. It's about honor. It's about pride. It's about how overwhelmingly depressed and disgusted I feel right now.
"Master, you should stay with them at least long enough to find the secret path to the third dungeon! You're the only one who can lead them there!"
I. Am. Disgusted.
I can't even have a moment to wallow in self pity without this damn helper spoiling things I wasn't even asking about!
I hate it here!
"Master, don't be like that! Please calm down and think about things more clearly. Do you want to save this world or don't you?!"
Of course I want to save this world! That's the whole point of this challenge! But there isn't any point in doing it if there's no challenge.
If you want me to 'think clearly' then turn off all of the abilities. Return them to the goddess.
"I can't do that. Teehee."
Did this voice just 'teehee' me?
I don't have any faith she's telling the truth at all. Not when she adds that giggle. But I am very certain that I won't extract the information from her willingly. I can tell that much by how she refuses to shut up or listen to my instructions.
Ever. At any time.
"Maaasteerrr!"
Return the abilities then. All of them! Or tell me how to do it myself.
"I won't!"
This little-!
I command you to!
"I refuse! You can't spurn the blessing of a goddess. I won't let you!"
I growl in annoyance and stalk toward the exit of this damn cave without another word.
I really hate it here.