The upper deck of the Muntjac had officially become a psychological active-fire zone. Penny clutched his head, wishing he could just "Travel" his consciousness into a lead-lined box and leave it there because how in the fuck did a mission to get a fucking key become a psychological nightmare he's now trying so hard to manage.
"What the hell is it with quiet people?" Penny groaned with his voice sounding strained. "Seriously, everyone thinks it's all Narnia and rainbows up in your head, Q, but this? This is diabolical. Any telepath forced to endure this deserves a medal and a lobotomy. It's like stumbling into a Peter Griffin fever dream mixed with a snuff film. I don't want any of this!"
The Shadow-Quentin, the Insidious Wraith of repressed inadequacy didn't stop talking for over an hour. It moved with a slow, sickening grace, circling Poppy like a shark that had just found a wounded seal.
"Look at her," the Wraith rasped, gesturing a hand toward Poppy and her body. "Mentally unstable and a total loose cannon that has now blessed you with me. She's probably one bad day away from sinking this ship just to see what the bubbles look like."
"Okay, actually, that part makes a lot of sense," Penny muttered, squinting at Poppy. "I was thinking the same thing."
But the Wraith wasn't done. It leaned in closer to Quentin, its voice dropping into a lewd, grating whisper. "So, why not tie her up, Q? See if she likes a bit of bondage. I mean, if you're too much of a disappointment to satisfy Alice, the least you could do is see if you can satisfy this one. Or maybe you're worried you can't do that either? Maybe you're just a spectator in your own life, watching everyone else actually... live."
"Shut up!" Quentin barked, pacing the deck in a tight, frantic circle. "Just shut the hell up! You don't know what you're talking about. You're just a manifestation of my... my morning anxiety!"
"Am I?" the Wraith laughed, which to be honest sounded very wrong to Penny, "I'm the part of you that knows the truth. While you're over here playing 'Hero,' everyone else is wondering when the real men are going to show up. You're a placeholder, Quentin. A biological speed bump."
Penny winced, physically recoiling at the sheer, unbridled brutality of the insult. "God damn! That is... that is out of line. Even for a shadow-demon. Q, I am so sorry that's your internal monologue. No wonder you're always slouching; your brain is a bully."
"I am not a placeholder!" Quentin shouted at the empty air, his frustration boiling over. He looked like a madman, waving his hands at a ghost only half the crew could see. "I got us this far! I'm holding the key until we get out of this nightmare!"
"And yet, you're still the one everyone wants to hand it off to," the Wraith countered, its eyes glowing with a dull, sickly light. "Because nobody wants to be near the smell of your desperation. It's cloying, really."
"Penny, do something!" Quentin pleaded, stopping his pacing to glare at the Traveler. "Hit it! Telepathically kick its ass or something like that!"
"I can't kick a thought, Q!" Penny yelled back. "It's like trying to punch the wind! Just... I don't know, think about puppies! Think about something that isn't so incredibly dark and kinky! My head is starting to ache from the sheer 'messed-up-ness' of your psyche!" Penny said while rubbing his temple.
Poppy, meanwhile, just stood there, watching the chaos with a look of mild, academic interest. "Is he talking about the bondage thing yet? Because in my experience, the shadow-selves always go for the 'repressed sexual frustration' angle around minute five. It's very Freudian."
Alice watched with growing alarm as Quentin's eyes darted frantically at thin air. "Quentin, talk to me! What is it saying?"
"It's saying, it's saying I'm a placeholder!" Quentin yelled. Driven to a breaking point by the Wraith's commentary on his sex life and general inadequacy, he swung a wild, uncoordinated punch at the gray figure.
His fist passed through the apparition like smoke, and the momentum sent him stumbling forward. He tripped over a coil of rope and hit the deck with a thud.
"Nice move, Champ," Penny drawled, rubbing his temples. "You really showed that metaphor who's boss."
"Alright, screw it!" Kady barked. She was tired of the invisible theater and the way everyone was losing their minds without actually doing the one thing that could help. Before Penny could reach out to stop her, she lunged down and snatched the golden key from Quentin's palm.
The silence that followed lasted exactly two seconds.
"Huh," Kady muttered, her eyes fixing on a spot near the ship's railing.
Leaning casually against the edge of the Muntjac was a mirror image of Kady. This version, however, wore a leather jacket and was aggressively chewing a piece of neon-pink gum.
"Ohhh," Kady whispered, her face pale. "That is... exceptionally creepy."
"Long time no see, bitch," the Wraith-Kady rasped out, popping a bubble with a sound like a gunshot. She tilted her head as her eyes looked at the original with a hint of amusement, "Tell me something. Have you ever thought about telling Penny some of your more 'colorful' past? You know, the stuff that makes the hedge-witch crimes look like a Sunday school bake sale?"
"Oh, shit. No," Kady breathed, her eyes widened and her hands beginning to shake at what the shadow self was referring to.
The Wraith turned its gaze toward Penny with a wicked smile spreading across its face. "Marvelous that you can see me, Traveler. It makes this a lot more interesting and juicy. Tell me," it said, pointing a thumb back at Kady while leaning in toward Penny's ear. "Do you have any idea what that mouth of hers, the one you like to kiss so much has had to do to survive in the past? The things she's tasted just to get a scrap of power or a lead on her mother?"
Penny stiffened, his jaw clenching so hard it looked like his teeth might crack. "I'm not going to trip like this," he growled, though his eyes were darting toward the real Kady with a flicker of involuntary doubt. "I know who she is. Shut the hell up."
Poppy, who was leaning against the mast watching the mayhem unfold with the nonchalance of someone watching a boring documentary, let out a soft whistle. "Wow. You guys are way more damaged than I thought. I mean, my shadow just talked about my bad hair days and my fear of commitment. You guys are going straight for the jugular."
"Stop talking!" Kady lunged at the empty air, her fist wreathed in a crackling blue light as she swung at her doppelgänger. "Stop talking, you stupid, imaginative piece of filth!"
The Wraith just laughed, stepping through the blow with a shimmering ripple. "The truth hurts, doesn't it? You're just a collection of secrets held together by hairspray and bad attitude."
Poppy sighed, looking at the chaos and then at Quentin on the floor with Alice comforting him, Kady swinging at ghosts, and Penny looking like he was about to have a stroke. She muttered under her breath, "This is going to end so badly. You lot are going to need a lot more therapy after this mess."
————
The East River churned and the murky water parted to reveal a head the size of a car, covered in scales that shimmered like oil on wet pavement. The Lady of the East River pulled herself close to the edge of the harbor, her serpentine body coming to a stop in front of the human with a box in his hand. She let out a snort, a plume of fire singing the air, and fixed a massive, slitted eye on the two people.
"What the fuck is he looking at me like that for?" the Dragon rumbled after a few more seconds, her voice vibrating in Kai's very marrow.
Kai didn't flinch. In fact, he looked like he'd just walked into a surprise party thrown specifically in his honor. He tilted his head, a look of pure, unadulterated hunger in his eyes. "I'm sorry, it's just, I've seen a lot of things, but you? You're like a high-voltage battery wrapped in a designer handbag. I'm having a moment."
"What?" the Dragon hissed, steam curling from her nostrils.
"Oh, no disrespect, Your Scaliness," Kai said, waving a hand airily. "It's just that I wasn't expecting this much magic to be rolling off of you in waves. And me? I'm essentially a magical sponge. I'm currently soaking up the 'good stuff' you've got in store, and let me tell you, it's a vintage year. I feel like I just snorted a lightning bolt."
The Dragon narrowed her eyes, her massive head lowering until she was inches from Kai's face. "Uh-huh. Now, why has a… wait. What even are you? I can tell you are not a mortal, nor a mere magical creature. The volume of power within you is a volatile mess and yet it's under your complete control. It's too much for anything but a god, yet you smell like something... manufactured."
"Ouch. 'Manufactured'? That's a bit cold," Kai replied, his sarcasm dripping like venom. "I prefer the term 'bespoke.' I'm a delightful hybrid of a vampire and a magician. A Siphoner-Vampire cocktail, if you will. The ultimate magical multi-tool."
The Dragon let out a sound of pure disgust, a wet huff of smoke hitting Kai's shoes. "Urgh. So you are one of those junkies. A blood-slurping parasite with a superiority complex."
"Oh, please," Kai scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Don't lump me in with those useless idiots with a perpetual boner for O-negative. I am the original model. The only one. And I'm not here to beg for a fix; I'm here for a magnificent deal."
He glanced at Harold, who looked like he was vibrating with anxiety. "Harold, buddy, can I approach the bench?"
Harold gave a stiff nod and Kai stepped forward, the delivery box tucked securely under his arm, his boots clicking on the wet wood of the pier. He stopped just short of the Dragon's snout.
"I'm here for an item in your possession," Kai said as his voice dropped into a more serious and businesslike tone. "And I am more than willing to barter for it with something of my own. Something you might like in fact."
The Dragon's slitted pupils contracted. "Oh? Is that so? And what item would I be in possession of that would make you think the one you have is worth my time, little parasite?"
"A stone," Kai said, his eyes flashing. "One of those ancient pebbles you've got tucked away in your hoard. A stone holding an enormous amount of raw, concentrated magic so much, in fact, that it's capable of granting an official rank in the celestial hierarchy. You've been sitting on it like a paperweight, but I? I have a use for it."
The Dragon went deathly still, the orange glow in her throat dimming as she processed the request. "And in exchange...?" she rumbled, the air around her vibrating with a mixture of greed and caution.
Kai smirked, a look of pure, unadulterated triumph crossing his face. He reached down and flipped the lid of the delivery box wide.
Inside, resting on a bed of black velvet that seemed to absorb the very light of the docks, was a curved, black-colored object that pulsed with a nauseating golden light.