The Dragon leaned in, her massive vertical pupil contracting. "A horn?"
"Not just a horn, Madam Maleficent," Kai corrected, his voice dripping with theatrical flair. "It is the horn of the Fillorian Chaos God, Ember. But wait, there's more! It's imbued with not just his goat-y essence, but also the essence of his absorbed brother, Umber, the God of Order. It's a divine smoothie, captured in a single, convenient calcium deposit."
He reached into the box and hefted the horn. It hummed with a sound like a thousand bees.
Marina stared at the thing, then at Kai, her face contorting in a mix of horror and genuine bafflement. "Did you... did you fucking mutilate a god, Kai?"
Kai looked at her with a wounded expression, "What the hell are you talking about? No. I did nothing of the sort. I mean, come on. I imprisoned a God in a lamp who, by the way, is still going through the Divine Law of Conservation of Energy as we speak. I tricked another God into being absorbed by his brother, whom I then chained up to be bled dry of his magic. And then I chained another one just for closing the supply of the good stuff. I didn't 'mutilate' them; I'm just a very efficient manager of celestial resources. Get it right, please."
The silence that followed was heavy. Even the river seemed to stop flowing for a second in shock. Harold looked like he was about to faint, and Kai could have sworn the massive Dragon actually recoiled an inch or two away from him. "So," Kai chirped, breaking the tension as he tossed the horn a few inches into the air and caught it. "Shall we?"
The Dragon let out a long, shuddering sigh that smelled like ozone and burnt wood. "Well..." She paused, her eyes locked on the pulsing ivory. "The horn itself is of no use to me in its current form."
Kai's smile faltered, his brow furrowing into a frown. "Excuse me? This is the vintage deity product you're looking at…"
"But," the Dragon continued, her voice dropping into a low, rasping purr that sent shivers down Harold's spine. "It will serve as a... magnificent substitute for my usual meditations. I imagine if one were to, say, grind this down into a fine, ethereal powder and... inhale the essence... the clarity would be... unparalleled."
Harold blinked, looking confused. "What do you mean, Mistress? Inhale?"
Marina let out a dry, barking laugh. "She's gonna snort it, Harold. Your Mistress is looking for a divine high that'll last until the next century. She wants to ride the lightning."
Kai's frown instantly vanished, replaced by a look of profound respect. He nodded slowly, pointing the horn toward the Dragon in an appreciative salute. "You know, I knew I liked you. A celestial nose-candy enthusiast. I approve. In fact, I highly recommend it. It's got a bit of a kick, but the colors? To die for."
The Dragon signaled to Harold with a subtle tilt of her massive horns. The herald bowed and scurried off into the shadows of a nearby warehouse, a place Kai's eyes couldn't quite penetrate. A few minutes passed, filled only with the sound of the Dragon's smoldering breath, until Harold returned.
In his hands, he carried a stone-looking item which looked unassuming, and dull to the naked eye. But as Kai narrowed his eyes, the world shifted. Unseen to Marina or Harold, the object was hemorrhaging a gigantic aura of magic, a blinding, ethereal violet that stained the air.
'Well, well, well,' Kai thought as his pulse quickened. 'Look at that. The sheer volume of it... it's denser than Ember after he turned his brother into a divine snack.'
As the exchange happened, Kai's fingers brushed the cold surface of the relic. Heka's piece, he realized, was a rare moment of genuine gravity grounding him. 'I see why they called her the Goddess of Magic.'
The Dragon let out a final huff of smoke, watching Kai tuck the stone away. "Okay, now are we done here? I've got other things to do, you know. Places to be, mortals to ignore, divine powder to prepare."
Kai looked up at her, as a playful spark returned to his eyes. "Absolutely. But before you go, any chance I can get your number? You know, in case I find another deity to dismember for your recreational needs?"
The Dragon paused, her massive neck twisting as she looked down at him a look he couldn't place. "And why should I give that to you, you pedophile? I'm only 12,422 years old. I'm far too young and vibrant to be seen with a dusty creature like you. I have a reputation to maintain, please."
Kai blinked a few times. 'Huh?' his jaw dropped slightly as he watched her slide back into the churning river. 'Pedophile?' he thought indignantly. 'I'm less than thirty years old! If anything, you're the one robbing the cradle here. Though, honestly, I've never minded an older woman with a temper.'
The water settled as the Dragon vanished without another word. Marina, who had been watching the exchange with an impressed smirk, shouted toward the ripples, "You go, girl! Know your worth!"
Kai turned to her, looking offended. "Really? You're taking the dragon's side?"
"Do you want me to tell Julia you tried to get a lizard's phone number?" Marina asked, raising an eyebrow. "Because I feel like that's a conversation she'd find... illuminating."
Kai's expression shifted instantly into a mask of pure, unadulterated affection. "You know how much I love you, right? My favorite, most loyal, secret-keeping Marina?"
She rolled her eyes, turning toward the street. "Uh-huh. I'm leaving. Try not to flirt with any gargoyles on the way out."
They both began to walk away, Kai tossing out sarcastic remarks about the unfairness of age-gap relationships in the supernatural community. As he passed a bewildered Harold, Kai paused and gave him a two-finger salute.
"Stay gold, Harold the Herald! Don't let the 'mistress' snort too much at once, or she'll be trying to fly to the moon without wings!"
Harold watched them disappear into the New York fog, shaking his head. He had served the river for two decades, but he had never met a young man so peculiar or so terrifyingly comfortable with defying and apparently mutilating divine entities.
———
The tension in the Whitespire throne room was so thick you could have carved it with a butter knife, if the butter knife wasn't currently being suppressed by a magical humidity index of course. The Fairy Queen stood before the thrones looking at the two with a bewildered expression at what was just demanded of her.
"You want my what?" the Queen asked in shock, she was unable to fathom just why if all things, this is what was being demanded for.
"Your goddamn bathtub," Margo said once more, leaning back in her throne with the posture of someone who had no time for this bullshit but hey, someone's gotta do all the work right? Even the dirty ones. "And I'm not asking for a blueprint. I want the actual, literal tub. Come on, be quick about it. I've got a kingdom to run and a headache that's currently pulsing in time with your twitching eyes ."
Elliot, who was casually sitting there and looking at her with a look of absolute amusement tilted his head. "It's a very lovely tub, really. Top-tier aesthetics. It would be a shame if it stayed hidden in some damp, invisible realm of yours without anyone but yourself and your minions to behold its existence."
The Fairy Queen's eyes narrowed into slits. "May I ask why you would want my most private treasure?"
Margo offered a smile so polite it was actually terrifying. "Oh, think of it as your contribution to the general welfare of the population of Fillory. It's for the common good, really."
"Along with your other outrageous demands," the Fairy Queen countered, her voice trembling with suppressed rage, "this would make us... visible to the people of Fillory."
"Uhhh, yeah? That's the whole fucking point!" Margo whispered, throwing her hands up. "Have you seen the way some of our subjects look at us when we're having an argument with you in public? We look like we're auditioning for a mime troupe! I'm tired of speaking to the open air like I've lost my goddamn mind!"
"Outrageous doesn't even begin to match the fucked-up things you've demanded from us since you moved in," Elliot added, his voice dropping the playful tone for something much sharper. "No more shadow-puppeting from the glitters. From now on, it's straight-up puppeteering. You're going to be seen, and you're going to be useful."
"Or, hey," Margo added with a shrug, "you could just get the fuck out. Pack your spores and your moisture and leave."
The Fairy Queen went deathly still. "There is another option, you know. I find my children. And then... we renegotiate."
The silence that followed was broken by the sound of Margo and Elliot bursting into synchronized, hysterical laughter. The Fairy Queen's eyes flared in confusion. "What is so funny?"
Elliot wiped a stray tear from his eye. "Darling, even if we told you the exact spot your children are hidden, you still wouldn't be able to see them. Or hold them. They are currently occupying a very specific, very invisible 'elsewhere.'"
Margo leaned forward, her gaze locking onto the Queen's. "You have until tomorrow morning. Have fun on your little egg hunt, because if you don't make the deal by sunrise, we are about to blow the dice. It's going to be a motherfucking Easter around here, and let me tell you, I'm great at the 'hidden' part of the game."
The Fairy Queen blinked, looking genuinely lost for a moment. "I... I do not know what an 'Easter' is."
Margo rolled her eyes, turned her head toward Elliot, and muttered a single, venomous word.
"This bitch playing with me."