Anything to get out of this.
My family insisted that Ryder and I stay for breakfast and that was a big mistake, too much family time for one millennium.
Jules finally strolled down out of her room, and we could finally start eating.
Ryder had helped my mom make the food, so I already knew this shit was about to be good.
The two best cooks I have ever met.
"Ryder was very helpful," Momma beamed.
It was a dig at my dad without fail.
But I watched as Sandro's fiancé's face twitched.
Is she okay?
Maybe it's the caffeine, she drinks a lot.
I started to eat as I stared at ryder. "What did you make, honey bear?"
He gave me this sour face and then started pointing at the things that he made.
"And then we made the oatmeal and pancakes together. I am not very good at breakfast foods, but I tried to be a good help," he beamed.
"How was the bed last night?"
Ryder pinched my thigh, "It was good, nice to see all of Dom's childhood photos."
Sandros's fiance and Jules didn't buy our story.
"Yeah with the hickies, im sure." whats a hickey?
I watched as ryder laughed.
"Whats that?" my dad asked.
"I have not a clue," i said and ryder started laughing continuing to run his hand up and down my leg.
The laughter continued as new conversations formed, but i was getting more glances then usual.
Hey we tried to be quiet.
Ryder's hands slowly got higher until he was fully touching me under the table.
I leaned over to him. "Playing like i wont do round 3 right here."
"You are digusting," he said pushing me and letting go.
I started to smile.
"Domminic, how'd you sleep last night?" sandros fiance asked.
"Fine."
Ryder's hand some how traveled back down to my leg. "Actually, I am not even going to lie i slept pretty good."
"Slept like a damn log," ryder said and i started to laugh.
Someone put me to sleep very nicely.
Is it bad that I am already horny again?
Like just thinking about it has me…I watched as Leo's contact lit up my phone.
I stood up, "I am gonna take this, i will be right back."
"You cant pause the work for your family?" Jules asked
"It will just be a second," i said as i walked outside and shut the door.
"Whats up?"
"Dominic." not leos voice.
"Matteo? Where is leo?" i said and i felt myself start to get worried.
"Still asleep, I fucked him pretty good last night."
"When i get home you better be out of my fucking house do you hear me?" i said rasing my voice at him.
"I am playing, he wont even let me get anywhere near him."
"Good."
"Anyway. I was calling because elena and her men came and started shooting."
"This morning?" i asked.
"Yeah, tried to shoot out a couple of windows but she must have found these guys on the street because no one could fucking aim. But it thankfully didnt wake up isabella or leo, but I left her a little surprise."
I sighed. "What does that mean?"
"Nothing, just shot one of her men dead."
"In my front yard?!"
"Yep. She took him away though, its a shame really, i was gonna use his head as a prize."
Bullshit likes this make me kind of thankful for him and leos little fling because that could have been me.
Not could, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ME.
"Yeah maybe dont do that."
"I wont."
"Good."
"For leos sake." it should be no i wont do that because that is some crazy people shit, not just for leos sake, but okay.
"Yeah, so knowing her she will come back but she is trying to space it out."
"How do you know?"
"So she catches you off guard. She knew you went out of town to visit family thats why she thought she could get into the house and well kill whoever's inside, that being either leo or isabella, but she didnt expect me to be in here, so after the shots she laid off."
"Oh okay. Well we are coming home sometime today, so once i wrap things up here, me and ryder will head on over."
"Be mindful while you are driving, because she knows your car."
"Okay, i will."
The line went dead.
Wait.
If leo wont let him near matteo how the fuck did he get his phone?
I rolled my eyes.
Thats a thing to think about later, all i know is that my family is safe and that is all that matters to me.
Oh fuck thomas texted me.
They got him and zayne too.
I sighed.
That is beyond annoying but i knew my happiness wouldnt last forever.
I put on a smile and opened back up the door.
Everyone was still eating, so i slipped right back in my seat trying my best to smile.
Ryder pinched my thigh.
I turned to him. "Everything okay?"
"It never is baby," i said to him with a smile.
Part of me wanted to lie.
Wanted to keep him in the dark so he does not have to think about the danger that we constantly live in, but i didnt.
I didnt lie to him.
And it felt.
Well it felt really good and made me want to smile genuinely.
"Was it with the lady at the hospital?" he asked and i nodded.
"She is out for blood," i said and he nodded. "Are isabella and leo, okay?"
I nodded. "Thankfully matteo scared them off and attempted to keep my property from being vandalized too."
I forced a laugh out.
"And are you okay?" he was now rubbing my leg.
Better than okay now.
I felt myself lean closer to his ear. "Ill be better than okay if you go a little higher."
He pushed me and started to point at me as i laughed.
"You are a dirty old man," he said and i started to laugh.
"What is happening?" Jules asked.
Of course she would be the first one to notice.
"Nothing, someone needs a shower," ryder said, interjecting before i could say anything.
Jules nodded but her face said she red right through his lie.
The family went back to talking and ryder turned back to me. "Are you okay?"
This time it felt more serious and it made my throat get dry.
"I will be fine. I just need everyone i love to be safe and happy is all."
"And what if thats at the price of your own happiness?" ryder asked with this sad kind of look on his face.
Well.
Actually.
It was supposed to be sad but he looked kind of pissed off.
"Thats fine."
"It shouldnt be, you should be happy too," he said sternly.
"I am happy."
"No you arent," he muttered. "Just cause i bat my eyes at you and give you a mediocre performance doesnt mean you are "happy." It is okay to not be okay," ryder said.
"Im fine, not too much of anything, but one thing i do know, is you and your so called mediocre performance has me rock hard."
"Momment all the way over, you are dirty."
"I know," i said and he shrugged and went back to eating.
"How was it?" i turned to my brother.
"How was what?" ryder asked him back.
"Oh you know."
Ryder rolled his eyes and laughed.
I watched as my mom started to get dishes and ryder quickly stood up to help her.
Holy ass.
Before i could comprehend what i was doing i put a soft hand on ryders ass.
He continued to get dishes paying me no mind and smiling at my mom.
"Hes gorgeous." i turned to sandro who was now talking to me.
"I know."
"Didnt know that was your type."
"Neither did i."
"I can see why you fell for him though. Warm dark skin. Chubby face. Narrow eyes. And a nice ass."
"Okay thats too much," i said.
"Im not wrong."
"Thats my fiance i fear."
"I know, im just admiring." i forget how much of number he is oh my lord, he just says weird stuff most of the time.
"What made you switch?"
"What?"
"Like girls to guys."
"I didnt switch, i just like him."
"Good answer, didnt you just like lova too?"
"I should pop you over this table."
"Im playing, im playing. I think hes more gorgeous than that woman anyway," my brother said and i turned around.
Ryder and my mom were washing dishes and laughing and i felt myself smile.
"Yeah, he really is."
"Bet hes a piece of work though." i turned around to face sandro, my god i cant stand him sometimes.
"Does he bitch a lot?"
"No, not really."
"Not really?"
"Everyone bitches, it only makes you a piece of work if you bitch a lot."
"Yeah."
"How does he feel about the mafia thing?"
"The whole reason why he is been stuck with me so i dont think he likes it that much."
"Does he even like you?" i shrugged.
"I guess so."
"Do you like him?"
"You know i do. I fall quickly and hard and i think its the right one this time."
"Still has his whole life ahead of him though and you just locked him down for life," sandro mumbled.
"Youre a bitch you know that right? You play it off as this play boy nice guy, but you are dick, dude."
"Not as big of a dick as you are my dear brother."
"Dont let him get to involved," my brother added.
"Too late, hes the target for everything now."
"I dont think anyone would dare kill such a pretty thing."
"Dont call him a thing, you are making it weird."
"Sorry, sorry."
"How are you and your fiance?" i watched as he smile dropped.
He looked over at the couch and a smile reappeared but this one was fake.
Now I know whatever comes out of his mouth is gonna be a lie.
Without speaking any words, he just spoke one thousand.
"We are fine just normal couple things," he said with an indifferent look behind his smile.
"That look is telling me you're not fine. And wait I thought you guys broke up what happened to that."
"Oh yeah," sandro said.
A spark of joy appeared in his eyes and then it faded once more as I could tell his mind started to race.
He let out a dry cough. "We are a still together, but we just had some normal fights. You know normal couple things." Right.
Because I believe that.
"Eleborate."
"Well you know how she gets. She somehow always brings me back to her someway or another. I always end up back home. No matter what she does to me, who she does it with, she always comes back to me, or always drags me back and i always forgive her."
Oh.
He shrugged. "Smitted by what used to be there i guess," he said with an uncomfroatble smile.
"I forgive her for cheating, or lying about being pregenant, but she cant fucking come with me to my families house, right because that makes snse."
"Shes here now, isnt she?"
"I had to beg her."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"I am sorry that happened," i said.
"Its just the way life is, i guess i deserve this."
"You dont."
"I do and i have accepted it, at least i have someone to grow old with. Unless…" he stops himself and the color returns to his face.
"Its whatever. If ryder has some older of age siblings or friends that look like him, let me know because hes a looker."
"So you are a cheater too?"
"Nah, im just playing, i just like eye candy."
"So emotionally cheating?"
"I dont call it that, i dont think of them anything more than that."
"Right. Well im sorry about all that."
"Its whatever. I hope you and ryder are happy."
"Thank you," i muttered and the two of us got up.
"Its a shame truly," he mumbled and walked over to his fiance who paid him no mind.
A damn shame.
After some time lustfully staring at ryder from the couch i finally lugged myself up into my bedroom to pack our stuff up.
I wonder.
I wonder if i was normal would ryder still be with me?
Would he still be with me if he didnt have to or is he staying out of necesity?
Out of fear?
Out of all those things that arent love? Is that why he's staying.
I wish he could have met me then.
We wouldve have been similar ages, he wouldve met me before all of this.
Before i became who i am.
Maybe we would have been a leo and matteo situation then.
I dont want that for him.
The more i stare at the photo the more.
The more i realize, nothing has really changed.
I wish it has, i really do, but it hasnt.
I mean i did what everyone wanted me to do.
I got married, hey i even had a kid.
I was finally living that perfect life.
The perfect life i was destined to live.
But somehow it still felt empty.
I loved Lova with my whole soul, with everything i had and in return, well, she walked out on me.
Left me to become this bigger monster, now this time to afraid to even love.
I
Sometimes.
Sometimes i feel myself wondering about her.
How she is doing?
If the mafia killed her.
I do wonder.
I know i am not supposed to because she walked out on me and her child, but i loved her, i really did.
And no one can replace or change that love.
I stare at the clothes in my hand.
They are ryders.
His shirts, pants, underwear, his everything.
I feel my heart race when i am with him.
He makes my heart beat faster than she made it ever.
On our wedding day that was that happiest i had ever been.
Seeing her walk down the isle.
It was the most beautiful thing ever.
But.
Now.
The memories of fragmented.
They are scattered and being replaced.
Being replaced by this 21 year old.
This fucking high school drop out who did sex work with one of my biggest rivals.
This guy.
This guy is replacing the memories of the women i thought i would love forever.
She was nothing like him.
She didnt care as much as he does.
She didnt make me feel loved like he does.
Now.
Memories of him limping around smiling at me or giving me a nasty look or doing something, they are replacing the memories of her.
And no matter how hard i try and remember and look back i cant.
Our wedding day, replaced.
Our wedding night, replaced.
Everytime we slept together, replaced by memories of ryder.
The love i had for her has faded.
And now all i can fucking think about is all the small things she did.
All the small things that were fine because it was Lova, that truly irked and disgusted me to the point of throwing up.
All this love.
It.
Its gone.
All i can think about.
Is how much i fucking hate her.
And not just for walking out on me.
For fucking treating me the way she did.
Treating me like i was something disposal, treating me like i would always be second, always be third, always be last.
I would never be first in her heart and for some reason that makes me so mad now.
Everything about her makes me so mad.
And now.
As i hold…ryders.
His underswear in my hand.
I somehow realize that.
Im over her.
I am truly over her.
And for all these years, these years of pain she caused me, fuck her.
I hope she got killed, i really do.
And that makes me terrible, it does, but i hope when she got home that day she got a bullet hole right through her stupid forehead or she got shot and bled out alone.
Alone.
Because thats where she wanted to be when we met, where she wanted to be when we were together, and where she will stay for the rest of her life, if she is alive.
All of those perfect memories.
Shatter and replaced with new ones.
I smiled.
Now i cant get this.
This feeling.
I felt one of my hands slowly go down.
Down where they shouldnt go.
I can't get this.
This guy out of my brain.
This.
Oh god.
His everything.
Even his flaws, they dont make me internally angry.
They dont make me wanna hide every emotion i feel.
They make me wanna love him.
Love him more than i physical can.
They make me want him in indescribable ways.
My brother was right about me being a dick.
I love ryder for his everything, his personality, his attitude on life, but no matter how many times i try to be a good guy.
I cant get his body out of my brain.
Oh my lord.
Especially last night.
Oh i pray i never forget that.
Oh the way he sat.
Everything was.
Imperfectly perfect.
I want him.
I want him in these dirty sick fanatizes, i want him all day.
Every day.
Twenty four seven, three six mother fucking five bitch.
I want him while he lets out that sweet fucking sound.
I want him to beg me, asking me…
"Dominic." i felt my shoulders tense up immediately.
My hands came out of my boxers and i quickly stood up and turned around while throwing his underwear somewhere other than my hands.
"The fuck is your problem?" he asked me with this nasty attitude.
For some sick reason that made me harder.
Oh my god.
"Nothing."
"Tell me."
"I was thinking about Lova." his face dropped. "And how much i hate her and now i can hardly remember our wedding day because they are replaced with memories of you."
"I can't remember the nights we spent together, the dates, the happiness, its all replaced with this irrepearable hate, this digusting hate i have for her. And my mind started to wander from there to all about you."
He gave me a seductive smile. "Oh im sure it did, do you need help packing?"
I nodded.
We continued to pack talking about random things, until we were standing at the front door.
We had been saying goodbye for like thirty minutes and me and my hard on were so fucking over it at this point.
"Its always so good to see you," sandros fiance said reaching in to hug me.
She pulled back and gave me a weird smile.
"Someones happy to see me too." i was doing a really good job about keeping this secret but you just wanna talk.
I pulled her closer.
"Let me tell you a secret, look behind you." she did just that. "Do you see ryders fat ass in those shorts?" she turned back to me.
"The thought of those off, has me hard as a rock, so dont flatter yourself," i pushed her back with a smile.
After that comment, i think it is so time for us to go home.
"Make sure you eat all of ryrders cooking and no take out," my mom said.
"Yes mom, i will."
"And ryder, make sure domie is eating enough, he looks a little skinny."
"He is eating plenty but i will fatten him up for winter for you." my mom smiled and gave ryder his 4th hug.
"Okay bye, i love you guys, call or text if you need anything, now please," i said and with a few kisses and a bunch of waving, we were in the car and driving back home.
"What did you tell sandros fiance?"
"That you in those shorts is making me hard."
"You did not!" ryder said, smacking me appalled.
"I so did, it was more vulgar then that too, you wanna hear?" i said slipping a hand on his inner thigh rubbing it.
"No i dont, pay attention while you drive."
"I am, your thighs just feel, i look down at his inner thigh."
"Why is that shaved and the other parts arent?"
"I dont shave my legs, that part just grows less hair or none at all."
I nodded. "Oh cool."
"Do you want me to shave my legs?"
"Nah, the leg hair is hot."
I heard ryder started to bust out laughing as i physically cringed.
"You are so zesty I can't."
I smiled. "Okay mommy."
"And you are making it worse," he muttered playing with my aux.
I was tapping my arm on his thigh as we were in traffic to the beat of a song i didnt know.
He was singing along and i had a smile on my face.
"Im glad we met."
"Me too," ryder mumbled in between song lyrics.
I should.
I should take him out.
He deserves that.
"Why dont we plan a date?"
"Wheres this coming from?"
"I wanna be a good fiance."
"Something at home would do just fine, it doesnt need to be anything special. In fact i dont like fancy dinners," ryder said with a smile.
"Noted. We can do something at home."
"Thank you."
I felt my mouth go dry.
"I love you, ryder."
He smiled. "I love you too dominic, i love you too."
I smiled.
The words were true.
They were so true.
Unlike.
Unlike those time before when i was unsure, i was unsure of my perfect life.
Im unsure now of almost everything, but i do know one thing.
I know those words are true and they always will be.
They will always be true for him because no one can replace this feeling.
This feeling.
This feeling of love.