"You can do it," I said with a smile, and Ryder gave me a weird look. "Will you stop?"
"Sorry," I said.
We were currently in the doctor's office, and I was WAY too excited for our date.
"That's good, I am glad you have been up and doing stuff," the doctor said.
"Yeah," Ryder said back.
"Are there any concerns you have?"
Ryder paused. "Um, not really." He looked over at me, like I had the answer.
I stood up and went to stand near him on the hospital bed. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," his voice got quieter now.
I rubbed his back, "Baby, tell the doctor if something is wrong, so they can help you."
Ryder looked back at the doctor. "I have been having dark thoughts recently."
"Dark thoughts? Would you like to elaborate more?"
Ryder looked back over at me, like he didn't want to say the wrong thing.
He played with his fingers, "I don't really know if this is a side effect of the medicine or just personal things, but I have been mentally spiraling a lot about my life and everything in it. And having thoughts of what I could have been, and also self-sabotage."
"Did you use to feel this before the accident?"
"I mean not as much."
"Well, we could put you on…"
"He doesn't need more medicine," I felt myself bark, and the doctor looked at me. "I'm sorry?" she asked.
"I said he does not need more medicine; it's already affecting his mental health. I don't need any more of that," I said.
The doctor turned her attention to Ryder, who was looking down at the floor.
God, now I look like I am trafficking him, oh my god, Ryder honey, please say something, I am begging you.
"Ryder? Are you okay?"
"Uh, yeah, I am, and Dominic is right. I don't want to be on more medicine, I feel like it is making me crazy," Ryder said as he reached out for my hand.
"And you aren't just saying that?"
"No, Dominic said what I was thinking, I was just too nervous to say anything," Ryder said with a sheepish smile.
"Okay, here is what we will do. Because a lot of the medicine you are taking is to help with the pain and to make sure you don't have permanent damage in the already damaged areas, as well as your organs, I don't wanna just take you off them all willy nilly, do you understand what I am saying?"
Ryder nodded.
"We can try one at a time and then come back to see how you feel, and that will help us see which one is causing these feelings."
"That sounds good," Ryder said.
The doctor handed him the pamphlet on which one he should stop taking. "Are there any more questions you guys have?"
We both shook our heads.
"Okay, well, you too can follow me to the front, and we can get you both checked out for today."
"That sounds good," Ryder said again, and we followed her down the hallway.
I felt myself instinctively walking behind Ryder just in case anyone wanted to take a look or say anything.
After filling out way too much paperwork, we were back in the car again, and we were driving.
Okay, how am I going to do this?
I surprisingly got the flowers in the car without him seeing; I just needed him to get them.
"Baby, can you see if my wallet is in the backseat?"
Ryder gave me a weird look. "Why do you need your wallet?"
Someone loves to ask questions.
"Just in case we get pulled over, I can have my ID."
"When have you ever cared about that?" he said, squinting his eyes at me.
"Ryder."
"Okay, okay, I am going…" his voice stopped.
I felt a smile grow on my face.
"What are these?" he asked as he came back over holding the flowers.
"Um, they are for you?"
"They are for me?"
I nodded, still trying to look at the road.
"When did you even have time to get these? We have been together the whole day."
"The devil works hard, but I work harder."
"Be for real, you don't even know what that means."
"You're right, I don't. But I just wanted to surprise you because you said you liked surprises," I said with a nervous smile.
He put the flowers down and quickly started to kiss my face. "Daddy-o, that is so sweet, oh my god, I didn't even know you had it in you to do this."
"You deserve it," I said, patting his thigh as he continued to kiss me.
He finally stopped and continued to let me drive.
I watched as he picked up his flowers, and he smiled at them.
He pointed at me. "See, now you have deserved some head."
"What now?"
"You deserve to get your dick sucked."
I felt my face start to get red. "No, no, I just wanted to do this for you, to make you happy, I don't want anything in return."
He pushed me. "Suddenly, Mr. Mafia is a good guy."
"Love changes you."
"You're so gay."
I itched the back of my ear as I continued to drive.
"Okay, now where are we going?"
I pulled into a random parking lot near the beach boardwalk.
I got out, and I opened the door for him.
"Date."
"Date?"
"I am taking you on a date," I said, and he jumped out of the car onto me, "Oh my god, oh my god."
"We just went to the doctor, I am begging you, be careful of your arm and leg," I said, holding him and putting him down so he was standing upright.
"Sorry, sorry, I just…I have never been taken on a date before," He said, and his smile truly made this all worth it.
He clung to my arm, and we started to walk on the boardwalk.
It feels good to be outside, to not be worrying about that stupid convention, to not be worrying about the mafia life, to just be happy. It feels so good.
God, the whole thing has been running me into the ground the past couple of days.
I looked down at Ryder, who was talking my ear off, and all I could do was smile.
It was a nice day outside too, nice and perfect.
Do you know what wasn't nice? People keep giving us dirty looks. Now that was weird.
Person after person that is so fucking weird, can't people go on a date nowadays?
"What are you in the mood for, honey?"
"Literally anything…oh! Maybe seafood, because we are by the beach, that would be fun."
"Oh yeah. I am not the biggest fan of seafood, but I can get steak or something," I said.
"Oh, we don't have to go if you don't want to."
"No, but you want to go, so we are going, I just told you that I could get a steak," I said, and he nodded. "Okay, okay."
We walked into the closest restaurant that thankfully wasn't that busy, and the host sat us down immediately.
"Hello, my name is…" Here we fucking go. Our waiter pushed back a smile as she looked between the two of us, "Jane…uh, I will be your waitress today. Would you like any drinks to get you both started?"
"Water for me is fine," Ryder said, smiling at her.
"Same."
"Okay!" She was way too excited for us to just order water.
"Uh, well, I will leave the menus with you both, and then I will be back, and you guys can start ordering," She said, handing us the menus and then basically flying away.
I turned to Ryder, who was also weirdly smiling. "Seafood can't be that exciting, baby. What's up?"
"Nothing, I just love how happy she was."
"Oh."
Ryder looked down at his menu, and I did the same.
Okay, so they don't have steak, uh, okay, I can't ruin it, Ryder is excited, what should I get instead?
I can get a salad, but that won't be filling. Okay, I will just get this weird loaded potato dish, that should be fine.
How do we have loaded fucking potatoes, and no steak is beyond me, but okay.
"What are you gonna get, handsome?"
Ryder squinted his eyes at me.
"Why do you keep doing that, baby?" I asked with a smile. It was really cute.
"You are being so nice today."
"I am always nice!" I said, and he started laughing.
"Well, my beautiful princess," oh, right. "I am going to get the lobster…if that's not too much. I don't want to…"
I cut him off, "You could buy the entire menu, and I wouldn't care as long as you are happy."
I heard a squeal beside me, and I looked to see our waitress practically jumping out of her skin. "Are you okay?" I asked with a concerned look on my face.
"No, I am sorry, I mean yes, I am okay, and no, sorry, carry on, I didn't want to interrupt your moment."
"You're fine, I will have the loaded potatoes, and he will have…" I said, trailing off so Ryder could order his food.
"The lobster, please, and can you tell them to do extra butter?"
She nodded, writing both things down, "Okay, sounds so good!"
Ryder laughed at her, "Are you sure you're okay?"
She nodded her head very quickly, "I am sorry, you guys are just so cute, and I just get happy when I see couples like you guys…oh my god, okay, I will be back with your food." Oh. I looked back at Ryder, who smiled.
That's probably why those other people were looking at us weirdly. Because we are both guys. I didn't even register that, oh my god.
"She must watch some of the boys' kissing shows."
"I bet, at least she isn't giving us a dirty look."
"I mean, yeah," Ryder said.
I feel my eyes start to wander to Ryder. Today has been a little busy, so I don't think I have fully taken in what he's wearing today.
He has on shorts as normal that are grey and this cloth material.
And he has a thin, white long-sleeve shirt.
It's loose, doesn't hug like I want it to, but it does show, "What are you looking at?" Ryder asked.
"Your nipples."
He blinked at me, "My what?"
"I didn't mean to say that out loud," I said as I tried to make eye contact with him.
"Didn't know you were into that."
"I'm into all of you."
"You're a gay dog," he muttered, pointing at me as my eyes continued to betray me.
He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned over to drink some of his water.
"You're still staring!"
"I know, it's really…" My voice trailed off, his arms slowly slipped down, and those beauties were back on full display.
"I guess it can't be helped," he muttered as a hint of blush covered his cheeks.
"Sorry. This is your day, all about you. My niceness doesn't come with strings. I don't expect anything from you. I'm doing it because I care."
"I know, old man. And I'm letting you look because I want you to eye fuck me in the middle of the restaurant," he whispered as I felt a foot play with my leg.
"What old man? Hey, if we head down to the beach later, you can get a good look," he said, leaning over and smiling at me.
I just shook my head.
I watched as he stood up, "What are you doing?" I asked, and he slid his water over the table.
"Up!"
I stood up, and he moved me out, took my place, and then pulled me back into the booth.
I felt a hand go behind my waist and squeeze my stomach.
"Now, if I can hold you like this, then look," he said, moving closer to me as my eyes subconsciously looked down his shirt. "You can look all you want, do you hear me?"
I blinked quickly and looked away.
I can't look. I can't.
He continued to squeeze me tight as I fought everything to not look at him with perverted eyes.
The waitress came back with our food, and her smile got wider and wider.
"Do you…would you guys like anything else?" she said, stuttering.
"I think we are good for now," I said, and she nodded.
A couple of seconds went by, and she was still standing there.
I looked over at Ryder, who had already started eating, and then back at her. She was still there, "Yes?"
"Are you guys married?" she blurted out.
Ryder choked on his food as he started to laugh.
"Uh, we are engaged," I said, and Ryder lifted up his finger to flash the ring.
"Oh really, how long?"
Ryder looked at me, "A couple of weeks. He has been waiting for me to be legal, so he can actually propose."
The waitress's mouth dropped open, and I turned to Ryder and looked at him crazily.
"I'm just joking. I'm 21, and we have just been engaged for a couple of weeks now. I am playing," Ryder said, and the waitress slowly started to nod.
I am going to get put on a watchlist now, oh my god.
"Well, you guys are a very cute couple, and I hope you enjoy your date!" She said and basically floated away once more.
"What a weird girl," Ryder said. I looked down at his plate, "damn, you're already done?"
Ryder sat up straight, "Sorry."
"No, nothing to apologize for, clearly wasn't a lot of food, do you wanna order more?"
"Oh no, I am okay."
I looked at him, while taking a bite of my own food, "You sure?"
He nodded sheepishly, and he grabbed his shirt and fixed it.
"You look good," I said.
And he rolled his eyes, "I know."
"Do you?" I pecked the side of his neck and pulled back, "I like when your shirt hugs your body, it looks hot."
Ryder pushed me, "Whatever, you weirdo."
I smiled at him as I continued to eat my loaded potato. What a cutie.
I turned my head around, shoving the food in my mouth while looking at Ryder as he played with the butter and typed on his phone at the same time.
I tilted my head. God, he is to die for. It is truly crazy how a man could be so beautiful.
Even with the imperfections, the marks, the scars from our first meeting, he was still beyond handsome, and I don't even like men like that. I never have. But he is something special, and he is a fucking looker.
Part of me is so glad that I was selfish that day at the park, part of me is so glad I ruined his life, forced him into mine, part of me is so glad that I can have him by my side, time after time again. He makes me happy beyond words and…I don't even know. Just wow.
His narrow eyes continued to stare at the bright screen on his phone, and his fingers continued to swirl the butter, and then brought them to his mouth and sucking on them.
I felt my tongue lick my teeth as I watched him.
His warm chocolate skin slightly tainted with sweat, his slightly chubby face extended into his plump lips turned slightly upwards as the light felt like it got brighter and brighter.
His fingers continued to swirl in the butter, and I started to lick my lips.
My mouth had been open for too long, too long, and I was feeling nothing but dirty thoughts. It didn't matter where we were, what we were doing, as long as he was here, these thoughts would never truly go away.
Something from the way he carries himself, to the way he talks, to the way his body looks under that basically see-through shirt. I didn't know what to do with myself, I really didn't.
I felt one of my hands fix my shorts to make the hard-on less obvious.
Dirty thoughts over practically nothing.
Practically over him, licking his fingers, those gorgeous lips, those long fingers.
That gorgeous neck. Down to his collarbone.
I just wanna kiss it all, wrap my hands around it and beg him to say my name, say it in that sexy tone, beg him to moan in my ears, call me every name under the sun, anything, as long as it was him.
I just want my dick in his mouth, I want it all over his body, followed by my hands and my mouth. Treating him like he's worth something.
Worth it, even with the weight gain.
Even with how much it's changed his body in such a short time. He's still worth something.
Still worth it as I stare him up and down, get turned on by the faint sight of his dark nipples under his shirt.
Still worth it as these dirty, crazy thoughts started to fill my head, my entire body.
Dirty thoughts that really should be empathy, should feel bad for putting him in this state.
But those dirty thoughts don't feel any of that. They don't feel bad one bit; they would do it again and again if it meant that we could live this life with him.
The dirty thoughts that really should be love, should be looking at him with so much love, but they really aren't; they are perverted, they are everything that they shouldn't be.
Dirty thoughts…that are going to ruin this entire night.
After a while of us really not saying anything and just enjoying each other's company, we got up, and I was paying the bill up front.
I handed the man working the front my card and smiled at Ryder, "Don't worry, daddy's got you."
"That was grossssss," Ryder said, dragging out the s as he cackled at me.
I turned back, and the guy gave me a weird look, "Your total was 150, would you like to leave a tip?"
I nodded, "whatever the highest percent is."
"Trying to impress your date, I see," the guy blurted out.
"And our waitress was fun, I liked her."
The guy nodded and then slid my card back.
We walked out of the restaurant, and Ryder clung to me as we walked, "That was so much fun!"
"The night isn't over yet," I said, and he gave me a perverted smile.
"We are going to get ice cream," I said, and his smile dropped as he squinted his eyes.
I smiled, cutie.
"Right."
We walked to the nearest ice cream shop and popped in there.
God, my eyes are getting old. I stared up at the menu as ryder started to order, "Hi, can I get a milkshake?"
I watched as the guy paused and a smile came onto his lips, "Yes, what kind?"
"Oreo is fine."
The guy nodded, and he started to make it. "How old are you?"
"21, why?" Ryder asked, smiling.
"Oh, I'm 22."
"Oh, cool."
The guy scoops the ice cream and puts it in the blender. "You single?"
Ryder shook his head, and I felt myself slowly walking up behind him and wrapping my evil hands around his waist. Ryder pointed back at me, "he is my fiancé."
"Oh, figures. Someone as beautiful as you would, of course, have somebody."
"How flattering," Ryder said, smiling, and I felt myself kissing his neck as he swatted me away. "You need to get back," He said, not looking at me.
I pulled away from his neck, keeping my hands on his waist, "Uh, can I have…"
"I'm not done doing his order, please give me a second!"
I turned my head to the side and raised my eyebrow at the guy.
Wait, whose paying for the ice cream? And who is FLIRTING WITH MY FIANCE IN FRONT OF ME? Right, okay, I see how it is.
"That was rude," Ryder mumbled to the guy.
He flashed a small smile, "I'm sorry. It's just me working here, and I am stressed."
"Right," Ryder said.
I felt one of his hands snake behind me and squeeze my ass as I jumped, "What are you gonna get, daddy?"
"Please stop grabbing me," I said, and Ryder started to laugh, "you hold my waist, I'm gonna hold your ass."
"How does that even correlate?"
"Just go with it, freak. What are you going to get?"
"Uh, probably vanilla," I said.
"You're boring."
"I am also blind because I can't see the menu."
"Old ass."
"I know," I said, kissing his neck. This time he whipped around and started pointing at me.
I felt my eyes instinctively drop as his mouth started to move, but I couldn't hear the words that were coming out.
I was too busy staring at his, "Are you listening to me?" He put his arms across his chest.
I shook my head, "You know I'm not."
He rolled his eyes and kicked me, "Watch your fucking foot!" I yelled.
He rolled his eyes again and turned back around.
"Are you ready, sir?"
I nodded, "Can I just have one scoop of vanilla on a cone?"
The guy nodded and didn't say anything.
"I'm sorry I am so boring, doll," I said and kissed the side of his face as we slowly walked to the checkout.
The guy handed both of us our ice cream and I pulled out my card. I put the chip in, typed in my password, and put it back, "why don't you use the card I gave you?"
"Because I don't really need to."
I nodded slowly, "Okay."
"Thank you!" ryder said to the guy as we left, and I felt a hard slap on my ass as ryder slowly walked in front of me, sticking his tongue out.
I smiled at him as I followed him.
After a little more walking, I had finished my ice cream, and ryder said his hands were getting cold, so I was now holding his shake.
We were walking along the sand, well, I was walking, and ryder was getting sand all in his cast, jumping around.
"I love the beach!"
"Your cast doesn't."
"You're no fun," ryder pouted, and I smiled.
"We can head down to the water if you'd like."
"That would be so much fun!" he beamed, and he took off his shirt and slowly made his way down to the water.
With the sun setting behind him, this really does feel like a movie.
A really good one.
I put my phone, wallet, keys, and Ryder's milkshake in the sand. I took off my shirt and shorts and followed after him.
I smiled as ryder tensed up when the cold water reached his feet. He turned around, "It is very cold."
I smiled, getting closer to him, "I bet. It's getting late."
"Please be careful of your cast."
"I am. Party pooper, calm down," he pouted.
My eyes raked up and down his body as he played in the water.
He's beyond handsome. It's a shame, really, we didn't meet normally.
But I feel like, "Would you still be into me, if we met normally?"
Ryder turned around, "You said what?" he slowly hobbled over to me.
"Would you still be into me, if we met normally?" I asked.
"And you weren't a mafia boss, or are you still a mafia boss?"
"If I were still me, we just met like normal couples do, would you still like me?"
Ryder paused, "That's a good question. How would we have met? I feel like if it were you, no matter where we went, Matteo would have come after me no matter what."
"True."
"Why are you thinking about that?" ryder said, taking my face in his hands, "damn, you are very tall."
"I know," I said, laughing, "I guess. I mean, I don't really…Well, I know. I was checking you out and thinking about that guy flirting with you, and it's no wonder because you are so gorgeous. I would too if I saw you, even with the ring, because I would want you so much, does that make any sense?"
He smiled at me, pulled my neck down and kissed my lips. My hands wrapped around his waist, "kind of. Are you jealous?"
"You know that I am, but it's not because I don't trust you. I just…" my voice trailed off."
"I understand. It's because you're old, you don't know how your emotons work," he said.
"Okay, now that's too far."
He squinted his gorgeous eyes at me, "Was it?" he kissed me again.
"Or were you checking me out while I am vulnerable too far?" he asked, his eyes still with that evil expression.
I shook my head slowly, "Don't remind me, I know I'm a bad guy." I reached down and lifted him up.
He smiled at me, "This is so gay," he said with a smile.
I kissed my lips as my hands rested on his ass.
"We are so gay."
He started to laugh.
God, this all felt like a movie, like a dream, and I never want to wake up. I truly never want to.