Hi everyone ^^
Hope you're doing well, I would like to talk with you about a few things and also announce a little hiatus the story will be having.
First I would like to apologize, (づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ, the story is a bit messy in the last chapters, I'll explain the reason in a bit, however I'm sorry if you felt confused or bored while reading. This story is something I've been working on for a year and a half already, at first I only published on 'webnovel' (currently this story is posted on ao3, webnovel and scribble hub), and then entered a indefinite hiatus because of lack of feedback, when I decided to start posting again I reviewed the chapters a lot, so that's why the first chapters are more polished. But since from chapter VII onwards I have been writing and posting in the same week, I haven't been able to fix minor mistakes or catch on plot holes. That's my mistake, that's why I apologize, I can't say that from now on I won't do the same, since I write in my free time and sometimes my head is too messy to fix it up, but I'll attempt to work on it a bit slower (it takes me around 5h to write most chapters, and fragmenting it through my week is a bit hard, so that's why).
Secondly I would like to thank everyone, (ꈍᴗꈍ)♡, for the kudos, comments and even the people that just read silently, good part of the reason I've been able to put on chapters most weeks is because of that.
Thirdly, the reason why I'm a bit messy, I have really bad adhd, so my mind is a mess, when I write I get easily distracted and not only that but my mind works faster than what I can type, so sometimes my ideas aren't concise, I wish I could focus more, and the ways I found to externalize my overworking brain is to write more than one story at a time (so that I don't mess my story and also work on my creativity), however it kinda got out of hand? I'm working on 5 stories at the same time, none properly written, it worked for HLWC because it's the story I dedicate most of my time, so that's also why sometimes I post ''late'', because I get messy, work on other stories, have a boom of creativity and just them am able to write for HLWC. I think explaining this might make y'all understand why sometimes things are a bit all over the place.
I've been writing for 13 years, when I was younger I used to write mostly fanfics because that was what I consumed the most, but my dream always was writing original things. What halted my progress for so long was my crippling anxiety, not only I can't write for long properly (causing me to drop everything I started, and then deleting everything, regretting, writing again and then repeat), but I also work too much on a reward system, needing positive feedback to fight my self-doubt, not able to do so myself. Doing therapy is important and I never was able to, because of a lack of money, support or time, so I often find solace in writing to fight such things. I do have a support net at home, but my partner doesn't read or takes interest in this world, so I tend to find myself quite lonely, and my lack of ability to socialize (I'm extremely awkward), and that impacts negatively with my works.
Why I'm talking about this? Well, I read a manga today that made me cry hard on self-reflect, I deeply recommend it, the name is 'Love is Probably Around the Corner', and geez, was hard to read, it made me think a lot about creative process and surrounding yourself with those that support you, however also the impact one's 'flop' can have when you put yourself out there. There's this book I'm working on for 3 years already, I haven't wrote much more than the first chapter, but is such a passion project that I have a 10k word folder with the story planning. However writing a book means no active feedback until its published, and unfortunately I'm still not in the right headspace. Therefore I decided!
After this rant and a random manga rec (read it if you work with creativity, seriously inspiring and tearjerking), I got into the conclusion that if I can't afford therapy and hasn't been able to change my brain wiring in 13 years, I must work with what I've got. So I'll be working on a few stories at the same time, and would like you to check upon those as well, and once I finish it I'll self-publish after fixing it up, this way I can get my fix with the ''reward'' of even 1 or 2 readers and not give up ^^ Improving yourself isn't easy, especially when all you can think about yourself is negative, but self-reflection sometimes can be positive as well. I truly love writing and I feel like giving it up would be giving up on myself.
I won't be much consistent with the other stories because this still has my priority, but I would be happy if you checked once you can (of course once I post them) ^^
Oh, about the hiatus, it's not because of this (this was a lengthy rant sorry about it), its because I'm an adult and it sucks, hehe. I'm currently sorting immigration documents, yesterday I had my 'last step' (?), and now I can work here already, so I'll be looking for a job, so it'll take a good chunk of my time, if it was just that it would be ok, but our landlord suddenly asked us to leave (•ˋ _ ˊ•), so we have 1 month to find a rent, and with the housing crisis here in Europe I'm dying, ffs. So yeah, the hiatus will be most probably 1 month or until I we have found a place to stay.
Once I find a new rental and get a job I'll probably be able to have a fixed workspace, so I'll be able to write more and more properly (let's cross our fingers that my partner indulges my hobby needs), so I think then I'll be able to fix up a proper update date and keep on a schedule, it might help me to be more responsible with writing. I also have plans on making a discord server, I never used one and I honestly always hated discord (more for moral reasons aka minors shit in there), but unfortunately I can't think a better place to post on shit about my stories and interact with others, it'll probably be made a looooooot later since I probably need courage (social anxiety is no joke even online), it is in my plans though.
Being an adult is hard, but lets work hard since we only get one try at life ^^
Grab a drink and enjoy your day, thank you for reading this rant and see you in 1 month (probably).
(btw the new Sabrina Carpenter's album is awesome, give it a listen, but today I'm addicted to the song 'We're Both Idiots' by Shrink the Giant, check it out, I listen to way too many bands and songs so if you want a rec just ask, I will give even unasked hehe ^^)
(on my book in the works I'll be posting here too, it's the older sister of HLWC since I had the inspo for this story while working on the characters there, its a fantasy story on a group of friends that finds out about a world of fantasy parallel to ours, it has more than one protagonist and I plan to make each instalment have a different main character, its a story with a variety of couplings as well, since I'm mainly a romance writer, from m/m, f/f to f/m or even characters that fit none. Nikias was inspired by the big bad villain of that novel, they're quite different, but when thinking about the villain I got sad because he's too much of a villain and then wanted to write him in romance so I had to make him more human, in the end getting Nikki ehe, but they're extremely different now, since I wanted to write an irredeemable villain there, and Nikki isn't all that bad ^^ oh and the villain there also has heterochromia, hence why I wanted Lyor to have it, even though Lyor was born with it and the villain there got it later on, yes I have a thing with genetic rarities or interesting traits, like heterochromia, albinism, gingers and also twins ^^)
bye bye now ʚ♡⃛ɞ(•ᴗ•❁)