Stefani:
Met Mony today, it was great, she was very upset. You know how some people start to feel sad when other people around them are sad, I have the opposite of that with Monica.
I went to school, yeah shocker. I graduated last year and I'm currently attending_ online_ what I thought was the dump of colleges to disappoint my parents, I was fouled...it turned out to be a pretty decent one.
So me going to highschool isn't even a formality at this point, it's just for fun aka pissing Mony off_ the dean let it slide because of my parents _ so apparently they had a test and I was absent _ I wasn't, I'm not a student there anymore _ meaning I had to take a test without preparation since someone forgot to tell me beforehand.
It was light work, finished under 10 perfect score all that and the teacher did compliment my answers _ idk what she or he said_ but Mony was annoyed as she clearly put effort in the revision, sweet heaven~
Ofc my day can't be perfect, it has to have some bad to it to balance out. This time? It was them, my fake friends... No I didn't buy them as opposite to popular beliefs. I call them fake because I know what they say behind my back and I still can't stop myself from being nice to them, call it habit, loyalty or stupidity IDC .
We were good friends ofc, in Kindergarden, maybe elementary school too. Idk where it went downhill from there. What I do know is that to them I'm just the Duff _ obviously without the dumb bit_ so yeah, mood? Awful.
" Hey, I haven't seen u around much lately , where have u been? U look amazing btw"
Just one comment that they said in sync _ twins_ made me doubt everything these liars said, especially the last part, I hate myself for thinking awfully about my body from just words that if I asked them to repeat they won't be able to, yet I can't bring myself to hate them....
" Hey!"
" We were going to watch the game after lunch , wanna join?"
"... Sure" normally I would be eager to see Sebastian play but lunch? U mean looking at a couple tomatoes at a certain angle then mumbling they're full? Yeah they're full... Full of shit!
Guess who's already in the cafeteria, plate to the top with homemade deliciousness _ I would sell my soul to the devil to try her food, especially with the noises and faces Sebastian makes when he eats it...I would never tell her that _ Monica! I can't understand how she eats what she eats and never gets heavier whereas if I looked at a salad I gain pounds_ doesn't stop you from eating like a pig_ I sometimes mock her chest to cover that I'm jealous deep inside, wishing we could switch bodies for one day_ Fridays are my favorite btw_ so I can get the strain of my poor back.
As usual I threw a couple of comments in their conversation while not so secretly trying to hold the growling of my stomach. I know I can't and I still try. God forbid I eat something in their presence, the backhanded compliments? No thank you.
Work was great _ I ate some cake_ however the guy Mony was with before? never missed a day since then. He think he's slick, he isn't. He's only here when it's Holly's _ the 16 year old cute new hire_ shift. Pretty sure that's some level of pedo there. Not a chance especially since he looks like that_ handsome but he's rocking the heartbreaker bad boy vibe and I hate it_
Now to my favorite part, Seb simp off-load :
He looked hot during practice, muscles shinning with sweat , wet but not so much hair with the shorts.... I almost had a heart attack when I saw him licking the side of his hand as the sunny side up yolk ran down his fingers, thank you Mony for the sandwich snack u packed him.
Sometimes she does good stuff, for example when she's not with Seb, or when she doesn't cry over a grade, or when she's not at the cafe, or when she reads the books I want to borrow quickly so I don't have to wait.....
One thing I always disliked about her ? Is that she has always had my perfect life and she doesn't even know it, the uncaring parents about grades as long as you pass but so caring about literally anything else, the hottest guy as a best friend, the body...
She genuinely said what u lack ? I was born with. And it shows how insecure I'm everytime I try to prove that I'm better just because I'm smarter.
Do I know what's wrong with me? Yes _ I'm obsessed with this one girl I am jealous of since middle school now_
Do I know what caused it? Maybe_ Seb or my parents' pride and honor_
Am I gonna do something about it? Working on it_ it's college then work so I have money to afford a therapist who doesn't spill everything to my mom like the first one did_
I know it's toxic but I can't afford going through that experience again so I need to ensure I have my financial independence_ my part time job is funding my savings account so I can move out_
Note to future self btw:
Stacy and Monica became friends? Look into it, and if so, stop it from happening.
Monica:
Gone to Kyle early this morning, mainly to complain about my test yesterday but also to ask Jake about the possibility of any development in my date situation ...
I...heard Jake ask Kyle about me.. I don't know what I was expecting but it certainly wasn't this..
"So.. saw your girl a while ago with some guy? Maybe a date? Who knows." Tbh, I don't know what was he doing asking that, was he making sure I didn't tell Kyle anything ?
" Monica isn't my girl." Said after a weird silence, he voice sounded strangely annoyed. That I expected but what came next..
" Yeah, now I know, they looked close, his girl now."
" Jake? What you doing? It isn't working, save me the trouble of punching you in the face and making you one with the wall."
" Chill bro , she's not girl, got it. Why not tho? We both know y'all have chemistry, where's the issu? Age?"
Silence, then:
" .. Not only age, but she's naive, innocent and... Also I don't have to explain myself to my little shit disturber of a brother, just take it as I will never date her since she's..... like actual hell will freeze before I attempt to because I know nothing good will come out of it, for her ...."
I just ran after...
I don't know why but that...hurt.
Is this what it feels like to get rejected before confessing?
I don't even have feelings for him so why the fuck does it hurt?
Why did he say that? Why did he say what he said like that?
Like I was a child and he was repulsed at the idea of approaching me in that sense, it's obviously not my looks_as if_ but why the hell would he say that like I'm disgusting... I thought we were at least friends of some sort...I don't talk about my friends like that..Why did he have to say it too... He knows I hate that word... I have told him about my insecurity of being a v card holder... Just to find out he thinks of it as a reason he would never date me ..I shouldn't have told him about it..
My dad, best friend and now even Kyle use it as an excuse to undermine me, my opinions and decisions,.
Well, if it's just a thin layer of blood that controls my life and strangles me.
I will get rid of it and I know the exact person to ask.