Monica:
Last year's prom night
After mom and dad dropped me of at the school gate I walk to inside avoiding mom's second teary fit _ because I grew up so fast?_ I wait a little and when it's been like 5 minutes I walk out the same way I got in.
Ain't no way I'm going to prom alone no matter how pretty my dress is but I didn't want mom's pitty eyes as I told her Seb wouldn't take me_ out in one of his disappearances_ Do I feel bad because I lied to them? A little. Do I regret it? Not really. Especially as I'm going to Kyle's, I hadn't been there for a while and I love to show off my little dress... it's blue , my fav color and it has pockets.
A knock, then another but no one is responding when I get there actually the door is open, which first I thought maybe Kyle's house is being robbed then I just figured he might forgot to close the door, so I rush my stupid ass inside _ not at all because I was dying of heat seeking the AC_ and close the door for him.
It was dark, which should have been my first clue that something was wrong, my second clue however was the weird atmosphere around, like the vibe at the morgue or the graveyard, not that I have been to either.
As I round the corner of the entryway to the kitchen I stumbled on a log, a log so big I fall to my knees, then I realize it wasn't a log it was Kyle, on the floor, I get up and turn on the light only to be struck with shock at the scene playing in front of me. Kyle is crying, at least he was, red eyes puffy cheeks and fucking snot coming out of his nose, he was weeping in silence and as I look around I see about a dozen maybe more empty bottle of whiskey and whatever fancy wine he acted like was just decorations the last time I noticed them on his display shelf...he looked nothing like the man I knew him to be
He was a mess that he didn't register me even after I tried to shake him out of it, it was my first time dealing with a drunk thanks to Seb but this was definitely the scariest thing to witness. I panicked so bad I slapped him to wake him from his haze...and fortunately it seemed to work, he stopped crying and looked me in the eyes like this was the first he had seen me, like I was the last drop of water to a man stranded in the desert, like I was his salvation. It unnerved so much so I started dragging him to his room just to avoid eye contact, once there I ordered him to shower , I just pointed and told him he needed one and there he went. As he was doing that, I went back to the kitchen, picked up the bottles and throw them away and started a soup on the stove, my granny's hangover recipe_mama likes her wine.
I must have taken a while because he came looking for me after his shower, normally I would appreciate a hot looking nerd fresh out of the shower with his hair down seeking me but_ his hair was wet , dripping on the floor which took away the charm, or that's what I told myself _ I pointed to the couch he sat there while I went and brought him a towel and started drying his hair, I guess I took too long that it felt so intimate I smacked him by mistake...anyway when the soup was done I brought it to him to eat, he kept looking at me and not moving so I started feeding him , when I was satisfied _after two bowls_ that he wouldn't die tomorrow of a fucking hangover I put him to bed, did I want to tuck him in ? A little, did I? No...
Unfortunately for me he wouldn't close his eyes so instead I told him to wait as I went and got in comfy clothes_ my sweatshirt and shorts I left behind because I sometimes change here since our last gym couch was creepy_, wiping the makeup and getting in bed with him, he didn't even blink when I did, as we faced each other I couldn't help myself anymore so..
" What happened?"
" ...My mom died three days ago.."
I figured..his mom has been sick for months now , doctors said she was on her death bed and it would take a miracle for her to get better _ that's what my mom told me at least, in attempt to explain Kyle's obvious distress these last few sessions _ still I felt like he wanted to say more so I didn't utter a word.
" ..her funeral was so not what she would have wanted...her loved ones crying, dad who was in grief so much so he slept next to her grave after.. if u could call a 20 minutes nap sleep anyway...my brother didn't attend as he couldn't watch her leave the he world twice in one week, he was with her in her last moments neither dad nor I made it in time... Fuck even her death was nothing she deserved, cold in a hospital room surrounded by strangers who failed her as she couldn't speak or move her hands , a slow fucking painful death .. people judged me for not crying, they talked about my family like I couldn't hear them, people who barely knew her, because if they did, they would know she hated funerals but loved memorials because death didn't necessarily mean sadness . To her, crying was the admission you are too weak to bare the thought that a loved one is no longer there not that they're no longer loved, because they always would be . I didn't cry at the funeral nor at the house, hearing condolences was starting to anger me so I got home and I couldn't hold back I guess, the pain was too much then."
" Is it better now?" I did recognize my voice as I said it
" I don't know, I'm exhausted I don't think I feel anything but emptiness... Don't look at me with those eyes. Please not you too."
" I can't help it, I can't imagine how much it sucks and I don't want to act like I understand your pain."
" You don't have to feel bad for me, it was a long time coming, we all knew it so don't pitty me, Monica."
" It's not pitty I feel rather frustration and helplessness, what is there to pitty? I bet you she was wonderful mom...I just wish I could have met her."
I did feel bad for him a little though but I didn't feel like that was the right thing to do when he was in this emotional and fragile state , instead I went to a safe option to talk about, his memories of her.
" .. You would have loved her, she made some mean dishes, I can cook you her recipes and you still wouldn't know how better hers would have been, she is...was a no nonsense kinda person, knows when you lie and still would let you squirming digging yourself a bigger hole, she loved fashion and makeup but most importantly noise-"
" Noise?"
" Yes, mom hated silence and the quiet , which is weird considering she married a man who spoke in grunts and death glares-"
" How did your parents meet?"
".. don't freak out.. my mom was born in a cult and dad saved her from it... I know those eyes, you won't stop until you hear the whole story, are you?"
" Figured me out."
We kept at it even though he didn't go in detail about their love story like I wanted to. h
He spoke foundly of their memories until he fell asleep, I left him be and went to the couch and slept there for the rest of the night after I texted my parents to stop them from worrying about me.