Fu Yinxiu, seeing Ming Yutong's pale and fragile appearance, finally took a step forward, each step feeling as heavy as lead.
He walked to the side of the bed and, seeing Ming Yutong lying there with no consciousness, his hand trembled as it reached forward, eventually resting beside her pale face.
His fingers shook violently but eventually lightly caressed her face.
Her skin was cold, pale, and delicate.
Even now, Fu Yinxiu could not forget the sight of Ming Yutong in his arms, her chest stained with blood.
He would probably never forget it for the rest of his life.
"I'm sorry," Fu Yinxiu said softly, choked with emotion. "Yutong, I'm sorry. It's me... I'm such a fool. Wake up soon, and then hit me, scold me, or even kill me. I'm so sorry…"
But Ming Yutong couldn't hear him now. She lay there quietly, with no response.
Her hand was also cold. Fu Yinxiu recalled Ming Yuqian's earlier words, that her body was extremely cold and that she had to rely on traditional medicine to gradually improve.
Even now, she was still not well.
How could he have not noticed her cold hands before?
Yes, in the past, whenever they met, he was too busy mocking her, torturing her, and making her uncomfortable, focused on hating her, without caring if she was well or if she was uncomfortable.
How could he have noticed her cold hands?
He thought to himself how ridiculous he had been before.
The more he thought about it, the more absurd it seemed.
He had been so detestable that he had no face to see Ming Yutong again.
What face had he used to pin false accusations on her before?
And every time Ming Yutong saw such a ridiculous version of him, what did she think?
"I'm sorry…" Fu Yinxiu held her hand tightly, continuously apologizing.
At times like this, he really didn't know what else to say besides "sorry."
"Knock! Knock! Knock!"
The door of the ward was knocked on. Fu Yinxiu turned his head slightly, his eyes red, and said, "Come in."
Alpha Guard 1 gently opened the door and walked to Fu Yinxiu's side. "Master, we have retrieved the diary."
Saying this, he offered a beige leather-covered notebook with both hands.
Fu Yinxiu glanced at it and immediately recognized it as the same notebook he had seen by Ming Yutong's pillow in the middle of the night.
At that time, he had almost picked it up to read.
But when Ming Yutong had stirred in her sleep, feeling guilty, he had quickly withdrawn his hand, preventing him from taking the diary.
Now, Fu Yinxiu took the diary from Alpha Guard 1's hands.
He couldn't help but wonder if things would have been different if he had insisted on taking the diary and reading it back then.
Ming Yutong might not have been injured. He wouldn't have been so proud that he refused to show up when she needed help, leading to her being captured and almost dying.
Just thinking about it made Fu Yinxiu feel terrified and anxious. The outcome could have been very different in a moment of carelessness, and he wouldn't even have had the chance to apologize, seek her forgiveness, or ask for her to scold him.
Fu Yinxiu turned to look at Ming Yutong. He had never regretted anything in his life.
But with her, he repeatedly felt regret.
Fu Yinxiu's regret and sorrow were overwhelming as he read through the diary.
Each entry, each word, seemed to pierce through him with the weight of his past mistakes.
The first entry was dated January 12th:
January 12th, Snow
Today I went to see the detective, carrying hope but returned with disappointment.
There was no news of Fu Xiu. The detective said that even after pulling strings and checking many records, there was no trace of him.
I don't understand. Even if he no longer liked me and wanted to end our relationship, why couldn't he face me and tell me directly?
I always believed he wasn't such a coward. No matter what, he could face things head-on.
But this time, he never showed up, just had someone throw me out of the hospital.
I don't understand why. Even if he wanted to break up without reason, if he told me face-to-face, I wouldn't have persisted.
But why, right after I gave birth, did he throw me into the rain, as if I were trash?
It was so coincidental. When I was thrown into the rain, I saw family members of patients coming out to throw away the trash. It was really the same.
I want to find him, to find my son.
I don't know how his parents will explain to him. Will they say I abandoned him? That I am dead? That I'm not a good woman, not a good mother?
I don't want my son to know these are lies. I just want to find him, take care of him, and ensure he is well, so he doesn't grow up without a mother.
I want to find Fu Xiu. I won't pester him, won't ask him to get back together.
I just want to know why. I want to tell him that breaking up is fine; I won't persist. But I want to explain things face-to-face.
I also want to tell him that I am not trash, and I don't need to be discarded so disdainfully.
…
January 14th, Rain
It's raining. My joints ache, and my head hurts.
Today I wandered aimlessly in the streets.
Because I have no purpose. I don't know where Fu Xiu is. Maybe he'll appear somewhere, and I might just happen to run into him?
After all, our initial encounter was so coincidental.
Today is the fourth day since I gave birth. I don't know the name of the baby, whether he is healthy, or if he is still in the hospital or has already been taken home.
As Fu Yinxiu read these entries, he felt a profound sense of guilt and heartache. He realized how deeply his actions had hurt Ming Yutong.
Her words revealed her anguish, her search for closure, and her longing to be treated with dignity.
He could see how her pain was compounded by his absence and by his failure to address the issues between them.
It was clear that Ming Yutong had only sought answers and respect, not the suffering he had inflicted upon her.
Sitting by her bedside, holding her hand, Fu Yinxiu felt the full weight of his regrets.
He knew that no amount of apology or explanation could undo the past, but he hoped that by acknowledging his mistakes, he could at least offer some form of restitution.
He continued to read, determined to understand everything she had gone through and to honor her resilience and strength in facing such challenges alone.