I obviously thought I'd made my first friend out of Jisung- maybe not. He doesn't even look at me in the school corridors, and as we go home he doesn't wait up for me. He's a strange, lone child I don't really understand. School was horrible. The canteen smells of fish and detergent, while all the children in my class laughed at me except Jayson who's in the same Entertainment as I am. We were given trainee food at the cafe, potato cubes and a chicken leg with low fat gravy- while the thin children salvaged ramen and stuffed lamb and crab. At the training building we're straight to dance practice. I don't seem to be able to do the splits anymore. Instructor Kim watches me try, then very suddenly plops himself on my back. I bite my lip as hard as I can, but let a scream escape when the pain gets too much. The we go through Sorry's choreography again. It's break-neck choreo, plus chest weights - I hate every second of it and am panting like anything at the end. After that is vocal practice. We learn a song and sing while dancing to it for "voice stability". Next we wear chest and ankle weights, and jog on the spot while chanting and singing. I am exhausted and feel like fainting. We take drama lessons too, then…
Swimming?!
I am a good swimmer, but my muscles are already worn out so I can't show any skills. Our instructor stands at the poolside, screaming that we should speed it up- two of us swim down one aisle while the other two the other way. I'm crying into the water, and I can't handle Jisung acting as if I'm not there.Straight after we've changed from the pool we practice ice skating, then ballroom dancing- I collapse for a few minutes, my whole body giving up. When I wake up, I've been placed at the side of the studio with ice on my face- but no one's done anything. They're perfecting a routine on the other side of the studio. Finally, after another half hour it's bedtime. After the smelly showers it's 12:37am, and I collapse into my oily mattress bed which I never appreciated last night. My feet ache and hurt already and my thigh bones are sore from those splits. My muscles start to throb little by little. My sister's first song "wish it away" stats to play in my head and I sob and wonder how she lived 5 years through this.