Nefretiri
The carousel turns, and it feels like the world stands still.
Lights flash and change color, even though it's late afternoon. There's a sense of peace in the air, people enjoying the carnival without a care in the world. It's like they're under a spell; their problems checked out when they entered, and someone cleaning them so they're not so bad when they leave. You look around and wonder why you were so anxious about money, why the spark disappeared from your heart, and how you forgot you used to care. It's beautiful, but I don't get to enjoy it like they do.
They're infected with innocence and ignorance.
The faces change as we go around, and their smiles remind us of what they think they want. They're not alone. I want it, too, but I'm burdened with the truth, which hurts. Yet, I can't help but let their carelessness sweep me away—at least for a little while.
My horse goes up and down, his black coat gleaming under the light, his mane long and done in dozens of warrior braids you can run your fingers through. He's one of the larger horses, taking up more space, but no one minds. We're on our own line, so it looks like we're running faster than the other horses until we catch up to one of the larger ones. There are only five, each a different color but just as majestic as mine. We move around the circle, crossing from the inside to out so it feels like we're actually riding.
"Hi!" I wave at a giant silver wolf running beside me. I stretch my hand out, and he nudges it, whining at me. "I'm sorry... You can't come on."
He whined again, attempting to jump, but the carousel moved too quickly.
"I'll be done soon!" It broke my heart to see him so sad. "I promise."
With his ears down and his head tilted, it was almost like he was questioning my promise. Seeing him act like that was funny, but he was like that. Sometimes, he was confident and self-assured, bordering on arrogance, but other times, he was insecure and needy. Honestly, it was nice to see him like this from time to time. I worry he's too independent and will forget about me.
'That'll never happen.' I swear, I almost heard him say, but his mouth never moved. 'I love you.'
"I love you too!" laughing, I held onto the reins. The music changed as the mirrors lit up.
I saw my reflection for the first time and didn't know what to think.
It was me, but different.
My dress was a floor-length silver satin ball gown with a handmade shawl that felt like butterfly wings. If that didn't give off princess vibes, the hundreds of tiny braids twisted into a crown would do the trick. Not to mention the strange but beautiful hairpiece clipped to the left side of my hair. It looks like a flower made of gold and silver, but the petals feel real to the touch. Teardrop diamonds, star-shaped sapphires, and polished silver beads cascade from the flower like vines, each filled with magic.
For some reason, half a mask covered some of my face in random places, making me feel incomplete.
"Weird..." The mask was the scariest part of everything. I couldn't see my face and felt disconnected from my identity.
A growl pulled my attention away from the mirror. Turning, I saw the silver wolf still chasing me, but he wasn't alone. Now, he had his companion, and they were just as anxious to stay with me. His fur was glittering gold and fluffier than his brother's, but no one would dare approach him. Everyone was afraid, seeing their size and viciousness and thinking they were monsters. How could I make them know they were the sweetest creatures in the world? No one would believe me.
"What is it?" something had set them off. They were never supposed to be together, but now they were. Why?
"Diana!" I freeze, gripping the painted horse so hard I might've chipped the paint. No, it couldn't be! "Diana!"
The carousel made another turn, and that's when I saw him.
No matter how much I wanted to pretend, I couldn't. It was the last person I wanted to see; he wasn't alone. Three women stood beside him, with another in the lead, but it was his brown eyes I couldn't look away from. Of course, he found me—he always does.
"Ricky..." His name feels like a threat, the wolves snarling but refusing to look toward the group. Their goal is to protect me.
What happened to him?
He looks different. He is still as beautiful as an angel but also broken. The perfection women fawn over isn't there. He feels more human and weaker, and I don't feel the same level of fear. Isn't that a good thing? How long has he tormented me, and I finally feel like he can't touch me?
But he can.
Of all the people in the world, this is the one person who can destroy me without ever letting me die.
It's my fault, but I don't know how.
"They can't protect you," he calls, glaring at the wolves. "It's time to go!"
"No," I whisper, trying to figure some way out. "No, I won't go..."
'They can't hurt you if you're on the ride...' One of the wolves is blocking their view of me with his body. 'But when this ends...'
He didn't have to finish.
Once the ride was over, they would be free to come for me. No one would help us. They couldn't. Whatever happened was outside their power, and I had to do it myself. The only problem was the fact I had no way around them.
'Run...' the other wolf warned, the carousel speeding up, a warning that it was ending. 'Run.'
Ricky moved closer but stopped several feet away from the ride.
The wolves kept him at bay, but it also felt he wasn't allowed on either. It had nothing to do with his worth. In his dark robes, he looked like the dark prince he was, but that wasn't enough. The power of the carousel is not light or dark and requires flesh and blood but also something hidden. That's why the wolves can't join me. They aren't really here. Ricky wants a place here, but he's not worthy of it.
'So, why am I here?'
The women surround Ricky like the harem they are, each touching him and helping him approach. Their power amplifies his, but it's still not enough. Darla's his favorite, but her beauty won't allow him entry. Stephanie is a brilliant strategist but lacks the compassion and understanding it takes to be here. Jackie's the most vicious yet the bravest, and she can push him forward, but he ignores her as if he sees no value in what she brings. That's his downfall.
The only one with an invitation is Melissa, and isn't it ironic that she doesn't look at him with adoration.
She knows who and what he is and isn't blinded by it. Of course, she's not. She's his little sister, but there's always been a sharpness to her eyes when it comes to him. Even now, he fears her, but she doesn't. There's no balance between them, and I wonder what the truth is.
Ricky wants the power she holds, but he can't have it.
Does that work for or against me?
Everyone senses them, knowing they shouldn't be here, but no one tells them to go.
There's a primal understanding that warns them how dangerous they are, and it's safer to look away. That doesn't stop some from marveling at Melissa's beauty. It's not surprising. She was made to ensnare hearts and deceive the mind. Darla is hands down more attractive than all of us, but something about Melissa leaves her in the dust. I don't know if it's her confidence or presence, but people want to be near her, and men want to give her everything.
Yet, I've never felt safe around her.
I still don't.
The invisible pull keeping the muffin tops and Ricky back doesn't hinder her, and she's close enough to touch the ride. She doesn't try, knowing the consequences even she'll have to pay, but the message is clear. She isn't like everyone else. The carousel won't protect me from her, and she's willing to wait. The only thing that seems to bother her is the wolves. They keep running but growl every time we pass her, and she looks nervous. I don't know if they can beat her, nor does she.
"I don't want to go back." I'm not sure who I'm saying it to, but Melissa hears it. So do the wolves.
No matter what happens, I can't go with them.
"You don't have a choice," Melissa calls to me, her expression less calm. She thought she could convince me, but she's not so sure. "You belong with us."
"I don't..." I had to believe that. I didn't belong with them. They weren't my people. They weren't my family. "I belong with Ivan. You don't get to take me from him again."
Again?
How can I say things I don't understand?
"He isn't worthy of you." She's chasing the horses, pushing past the people watching. Some hold her back, but she's always able to break free. "He lost. He doesn't get to keep you!"
"It's my choice!"
The ride's slowing down, and I'm running out of time.
"Run!" Another voice screams, and my body stiffens. I know her. I know that voice. "Nefretiri! Baby! Run! Don't look back! Don't wait for us! Run!"
"Mom?" It couldn't be.
Tears blur my vision, but I remember where she was when she said that to me. We were in a room, but I don't know where. She gripped my arms, shaking me as I begged her to come with me. Why did we need to run? It was important. She said not to look back and to leave her behind.
"All we can give you is a chance..." she said, cupping my face, tears in her eyes, too. "You'll have to do the rest."
"Run!" I screamed as the carousel came to a stop, the same fear from that moment jolting me to act.
I don't know what I expected to happen.
Even if I jumped off the horse and took off, they'd catch me first.
However, it doesn't come to that.
I'm on the other side of the ride, the pressure holding everyone back broken as people jump down, but I don't. The horse grows warm beneath me and starts moving on his own. As I try to make sense of it, I feel him change from the painted black horse into an even darker stallion. He's wild and chaotic, bucking onto his back legs and nearly throwing me off, but I hold on. It's only now I realize I was riding side saddle, which is dangerous when a wild animal decides to take off. I can only hold onto his mane and wrap the reigns around my arms, hoping it's enough.
Jumping off the platform, my horse takes off, ignoring the people around us who act like nothing's happened.
The sound of howling makes me want to turn and check for the wolves, but I can't.
We're gone and moving so fast that if I do anything, I'll fall and shatter as I hit the ground. He's faster than sound, and the world is nothing but blurry images. Could he move faster than light if he wanted? I don't want to find out.
Something nips at my ankle.
I dare to look beside me, shocked to find the silver wolf running with us. He's not panting or tired, his fur glowing as he disappears in the moonlight. Before he's completely dissolved, something else touches my other side, and I see the gold wolf now running, his silver eyes focused on the world in front of us. Soon, he disappears, but not before his brother returns.
What is this?
'The sun and moon...' My thoughts whisper an idea I haven't had in a long time.
The wolves were changing places as the sun and moon rose and set.
We were moving so fast that the days were blurring together. The only way to tell was how the moon changed form. A whole month goes by, and we're still running. Will we ever stop? Are we still in danger?
As if hearing my unspoken question, the horse stops and turns to show me something in the distance, and it's enough to drain the blood from my body.
"Run!" I command, taking the opportunity to fix my legs. "Don't stop! Run!"
He snorts, taking off again as the wolf covers our retreat.
There were so many of them. An army made of legions. All of them coming for me. What's worse? They weren't all the same. I counted at least six different banners, each representing its own people.
Why?
Why did they all want me?
I'm no one special.
This feels endless. I don't know how long we run, but we're exhausted. We're slowing down. The days and nights growing long enough for me to see where we are. I've seen oceans, jungles, forests, and deserts. We've run through cities I don't recognize, but nowhere is safe. Time is against us, and they hold all the cards.
'Go home...' The gold wolf suggests, nudging my horse to change direction. 'Home is safe.'
But where was home?
We stop again, the horse panting for the first time since we started, needing to rest.
We're in the mountains, and there's something familiar about them.
The echo of magic calls to me, offering me sanctuary, but I don't know if this is home. It feels like it is, but the wolves urge us to move. They're thinking of somewhere else. Where? Why did it worry me so much? This was somewhere I understood, but the place they wanted to go held its own dangers.
"And that's why we have to go there..." I reason, understanding their logic.
Those dangers will keep us safe and everyone else out.
If we can survive.
Every second is precious, but I give my horse the time to rest. It'd be reckless, but so is going nonstop until we collapse. What we're doing is a risk, but it pays off. I feel his energy grow, the magic surging through us before we take off. It's like we're starting over, recharged, and more alert. It was worth the time we lost; hopefully, it will confuse our pursuers.
This time, we don't stop.
We have a purpose now.
The air grows colder, the connection to humanity waning like the moon before it goes dark. Yet, we all feel awake. This is where we belong. The snow-covered land welcomes us. It remembers our names and connection, bringing a weary smile to my lips. The trees were sleeping, and the mountains shifted as if to greet me. How could I be scared to come here? How could I think I wasn't welcome?
"Take us to the cave," I order, relaxing my body against the stallion's back, my fingers running through his mane. "Take us home."
There's a stillness as we approach the mountain. Peace that can't be found in many places. Some might find the silence maddening, but it's liberating and gives me time to breathe. No armies are coming for me here. We've passed the danger because it was never a threat to me. There's a chance they'll break through but never find their way here.
"Thank you, Ragnar..." I slide off the horse's back, stroking his head. I don't know why I forgot his name, but remembering it is easier here. "They won't find us here. You can go back. I'll be okay."
He nickers and snorts sounds with such an attitude I can imagine him saying something sarcastic.
"You won't leave?" I'm touched, but it's not safe for him here. He has to go. "No..."
Instead of arguing, he nudges me toward the cave entrance, the two wolves waiting. I wish I could fight him, but he's stronger and bigger than I am. So, I'm forced to walk, my legs feeling like jelly. There's nothing but darkness inside, but I'm not afraid. I know what's waiting for me.
"Come on," I urge them inside, the growing storm so far away it can never touch us. "This way, they won't find us."
It's warm inside. My bare feet no longer chilled. It's like the ground was heated for my comfort, and I'm sure it was. Torches light up, revealing a life in space instead of a wild unknown, making breathing and calming down easier.
"We're home," I announce, smiling when I see the blanket in the middle of the large cavern.
Ragnar trots off to a different cave, somewhere that looks made for him, leaving me alone with the wolves. They yip and howl, happily chasing each other like they're familiar with this place. Of course, they are. They were born here. This is where they took their first breaths.
"Alright!" I laugh, feeling lighter than I have in a long time. "I'll lay down with you."
Would it hurt to take a nap?
The world will run without me for a little longer.
So, I curl up on the blanket that smells like heather as the storm roars outside. It's unbreakable, and yet we're untouchable.
My wolves lay beside me, each nuzzling against me like pups needing comfort.
"We're really home," I marvel, stroking their fur. "They won't get you here. He won't take you away from me again."