(MC POV)
There's a distinct kind of high that comes from robbing the most heavily guarded vault in Konoha and getting away with it by lying through your teeth to the Hokage's face. It's not the I'm evil high. It's the I could steal your socks mid-battle and convince you I was returning them kind of high.
Which is exactly the energy I carried with me as I flopped onto my self-conjured couch in the treehouse.
System-tan popped up in my vision, a chibi version of her avatar wearing an eyepatch, pirate hat, and holding a scroll like a treasure map.
[Master~! Current status: Scroll Hoarder Supreme. Power Level: 'Yes.']
"Damn right." I stretched and reached for the Sensory Sealing for Dummies scroll. "Time to see what kind of tomfoolery I can cook up."
The scroll opened with a slight shimmer, releasing a puff of chakra like old parchment letting out a yawn. Inside were diagrams, notes, and chicken-scratch commentary that ranged from incredibly insightful to "who let a toddler write on this?"
[Oooh~ This one's juicy. If mastered, you could suppress your presence so completely that not even Sage Mode users could detect you.]
"And if I mess it up?"
[You might accidentally erase your own ability to sense gravity.]
"Risk accepted."
I activated [Universal Mastery], letting the knowledge pour into me. Symbols, theory, application, feedback loops—it all clicked into place like chakra-powered Legos. My hands danced through the air, mimicking the diagrams, and within minutes, I had recreated the suppression seal in midair.
Then I layered it on myself.
And promptly disappeared.
Literally.
Not just visually or spiritually—like, even System-tan paused.
[…Master?]
"Yo," I said, snapping my fingers. No sound. I waved a hand. No movement. "...Okay, this is freaky."
I disengaged the seal.
Instant reappearance. System-tan popped back in, visibly distressed.
[You turned into a conceptual ghost. That wasn't stealth. That was obliteration from context.]
"Okay but… it was super effective, right?"
[Please don't do that in crowded areas. You could erase people's ability to remember lunch.]
I grinned. "Noted."
Next, I opened the 'Prototype Rasengan 0.3' scroll.
It looked more like a diary entry from a drunk Minato. Notes like "Spins good, but wobbly," and "If this explodes again, I'm naming it 'Boomball'."
I activated [Observe].
Item: Prototype Rasengan v0.3
Status: Incomplete. Lacks core rotational stability. Unpredictable outcome.
Warning: Has exploded during testing. Twice.
Minato's Notes: "Needs more control. Or less chakra. Or both."
"Let's make it explode better."
With [Universal Mastery], I conjured the technique, feeling it pulse wildly in my hand. Chakra spun in conflicting directions, like a tiny hurricane with ADHD. I adjusted the spin, added a stabilization loop, and created a chakra sheath to reinforce it.
What formed was a blue sphere with a soft electric whine, glowing like a baby sun.
[New Skill: Rasengan (Stabilized Variant) acquired! Add-on unlocked: Detonation Mode.]
"Heck yeah. We'll call this one 'Boomball Supreme'."
[Trademark pending.]
Clone experimentation came next.
I summoned four shadow clones.
They stood at attention, but each with slight variations: one wore glasses and carried a clipboard, one had a small apron and tea set, one looked like he hadn't slept in days, and the last was already writing something in a notebook.
Clipboard Clone spoke first. "Ready for task assignments, Original."
Apron Clone handed me tea. "You look like you need to hydrate before destabilizing reality again."
Sleepy Clone yawned. "Please… no more kinetic chakra physics today. My brain hurts."
Notebook Clone didn't look up. "I'm halfway through the second arc of the fanfiction. Should I give you a love interest yet or wait until Chapter 10?"
"...I love you all in different, unhealthy ways."
We got to work.
One clone tested sealing techniques in the upper canopy of the treehouse.
Another mapped chakra flow through unconventional weaponry. He used spoons.
One clone monitored natural energy in the forest and ended up befriending a possum.
And the writer clone… continued to turn my life into a romantic comedy.
[Side Quest Activated: 'Archive of Absurdity' — Let at least one clone finish a full-length fanfic. Reward: ???]
"I don't even want to know."
Hours passed.
The scrolls yielded more than I expected—half-formed theories, battle formations, ancient sealing methods, and a near-complete chakra-conversion grid that could turn one elemental type into another. I'd just stumbled onto the secret of casting fireballs with water chakra.
System-tan updated my skill sheet. It now scrolled sideways.
I leaned back, sipping tea from Apron Clone's latest brew, and stared at the moon.
[Master~ Just a heads up, ANBU are investigating the tower break-in. They suspect a high-level intruder with exceptional stealth and impeccable fashion sense.]
"So me."
[So you. They're triangulating presence signatures and checking for foreign chakra.
Also, Kakashi saw you from a rooftop and told people he saw 'a hot forest ghost.']
"...I'll take it."
Time to distract the ANBU.
I summoned another clone and handed him a mask, cloak, and one of the backup scrolls.
"Go to the Land of Rivers and dramatically drop this scroll in front of a border patrol. Say cryptic things. Vanish into smoke. Try not to monologue too long."
"Understood," the clone said with a salute. "Do I get a code name?"
"Yes. You're now Phantom Drip."
He vanished with flair.
[Reputation in Land of Rivers: -5. Reputation with mysterious cults: +10.]
Later that night, I heard it—soft rustling in the trees nearby. Then silence. Then a flicker of chakra.
ANBU.
I dimmed my chakra, switched to Hot Wanderer Stealth Edition, and leaned against a tree with a book in hand: Sealing Theory for the Romantically Inept (written by one of my clones).
The squad approached silently.
Three masked figures.
"Target was sighted near here," one whispered. "No signs of forced entry, but residual chakra aligns with the Tower incident."
"Could be a rogue Uzumaki," another said. "Or a seal master. Maybe both."
I cleared my throat. Loudly.
They turned instantly, kunai raised.
"Oh hey," I said. "Didn't see you guys there. I'm just out for a midnight read. Lovely forest, yeah?"
"Identify yourself."
I raised my hands. "Satou Tanaka. Traveler. Seal nerd. Occasionally confused by local customs."
[Would you like to activate Dumb Himbo Defense Protocol?]
"Absolutely."
My eyes glazed slightly. I tilted my head and smiled in a way that screamed "harmless and probably too pretty to jail."
"You guys do cosplay or something? Cool masks."
The lead ANBU stared at me for a long moment.
Then sighed. "...Just a wanderer. Let's move."
They vanished.
System-tan cackled.
[Master~ Your Charisma is now high enough to baffle trained assassins. Would you like to increase it further by wearing an open shirt next time?]
"I already do."
[Exactly.]
Back in the treehouse, I updated my clone logs, fed the possum clone's new friend (we named her Mochi), and began organizing my scroll library.
Each one had potential for world-breaking power. Each one was another brick in the chaos I was constructing.
And I had plans.
Next stop? Hijacking the Academy's curriculum.
Because if I was going to be a wildcard in this world, I might as well start teaching kids how to make chakra bombs using kitchenware.
Canon had no idea what was coming.
[To be continued...]