(MC POV)
The night air in Konoha had that weird smell—part burning wood, part ramen steam, part unresolved trauma. You know the vibe. The streets were mostly empty, save for a few late-night jonin hopping rooftops like caffeine-fueled squirrels.
Perfect.
I crouched just outside the village walls, cloaked in an invisibility genjutsu so layered it made Byakugan users develop migraines.
My coat was now matte black with subtle purple accents—Stealth Mode: Night Ops Edition. My chakra was tuned down to undetectable levels, my heartbeat synced with the ambient forest noise, and I had a literal squirrel decoy running interference.
[Master~! Welcome to Phase One of Operation: Canon Is Optional! Objective: Infiltrate the Hidden Leaf, steal some ancient scrolls, maybe flirt with a few kunoichi, and absolutely do not get adopted by Hiruzen.]
"You say that like it's not already 30% likely."
[Hiruzen's 'Adopt Troubled Powerful Teenagers' stat is extremely high. Proceed with caution, Master Daddybait.]
"...Never say that again."
The outer defenses were laughable. Chakra barriers? Please. I had System-tan spoof my chakra signature to look like ambient squirrel static. I waltzed through that gate like a ghost wearing designer drip. Even the seals on the main entry shimmered politely and made way like I was royalty.
Konoha at night was kind of peaceful. Nostalgic, even. Lantern lights. Paper signs. Sleepy ramen stands still open because apparently shinobi have no bedtime. I kept to the rooftops, avoiding patrols with Luck-enhanced timing and anime parkour physics. I even paused to strike a cool pose against the moon once. For the aesthetic.
[Target acquired: Forbidden Scroll Archive, sublevel three of the Hokage Tower. Sealed vault. Traps include explosive tags, paralysis seals, one very confused intern, and a jutsu-eating toad named Clarence.]
"Wait—what?"
[Clarence is part of the vault's ecosystem now. Don't worry, he's chill if you bribe him with fruit snacks.]
"This world's lore is getting dumber by the second. I love it."
Minutes later...
I reached the Hokage Tower without incident, bypassed every trap with [Observe] and [Universal Mastery], and left Clarence the Toad three strawberry gummies. He winked. I winked back. We had a moment. I feel like I gained a friend.
Then came the vault.
Layers upon layers of seals, written in styles from Uchiha to Uzumaki to 'Probably Made Up By Tobirama On a Dare.' Some even pulsed with sentient annoyance.
"System-tan, decode?"
[Analyzing… Done! One of these seals was just a badly drawn cat meme with 'DO NOT OPEN' written in Old Earth Language.]
"Impeccable security."
[Proceeding to unlock. And... done! Congratulations, Master~ You've committed your first Class S Grand Theoretical Scroll Theft!]
Inside the vault was scroll heaven. Giant scrolls. Mini scrolls. Scrolls with skulls on them. Scrolls with warning labels like "Read Only If You Want Tentacles." One scroll had an ominous hum like it was singing Gregorian chants in reverse.
I grabbed five at random. Then paused. One scroll pulsed.
[Warning: That's not a scroll. That's a sentient contract.]
"What does it summon?"
[A debt collector.]
"Pass."
I snagged a summoning contract, a lost wind technique, something labeled 'Prototype Rasengan 0.3 - Please Don't Touch,' and a scroll titled Sensory Sealing for Dummies with a stick figure on the cover. A literal goldmine of forbidden knowledge.
Mission complete.
[Quest complete! +5000 EXP. +New Title: Scroll Bandit Extraordinaire. Reputation with Konoha: -10 (They don't know it yet.)]
I was about to leave when I felt it—a presence behind me. Sharp, old, and absurdly wise.
Hiruzen Sarutobi stood in the shadows, pipe in hand, brow furrowed. His chakra was calm but vast—like an old lake that could drown you politely.
"You move well for someone I've never met," he said calmly.
Crap.
Time for emergency measures.
I spun and bowed. "Elder Sarutobi! So glad to finally meet you. I'm an independent seal specialist from the Land of Whirlpools—your presence is an honor!"
His eyes narrowed slightly.
"And what brings a seal specialist into my forbidden vault?"
[Master~ Emergency charisma dump in 3... 2... 1...]
"I sensed an instability in the sealing matrix and feared it could collapse into a chakra implosion! I only entered to stabilize the structure temporarily while investigating the anomaly. I would never steal from you, Lord Third."
Hiruzen stared at me.
Then, he smiled.
"You remind me of Jiraiya when he lies. But with better hair."
"...I get that a lot."
He took a puff of his pipe. "If you're lying, I'll know. If you're not… perhaps Konoha could use someone with your talents. We're stretched thin these days."
[ALERT: You are now 48% adopted.]
"I appreciate the offer, but I'm something of a wanderer. Mysterious. Cool. Occasionally morally ambiguous."
He chuckled. "Suit yourself. But do be careful. Konoha watches everything."
He vanished in a flicker. Literally. The man had better exit timing than Batman.
Back at the treehouse, I collapsed onto my couch and dumped the scrolls on the floor. The treehouse gently swayed as chakra winds brushed the forest. It smelled like cedar, ink, and imminent power boosts.
"System-tan, we just robbed the Hokage. How do you feel?"
[Like a main character's accomplice in Season 3 of an anime where the budget just got upgraded!]
I laughed.
[Oh! And you gained a passive perk: 'Vault Raider' — +10 to Lockpicking, +20 to Charm When Caught Red-Handed.]
"I'm going to abuse that so hard."
[We know, Master. We know. Also, Clarence says thanks for the gummies. He left you a lucky frog pebble. It hums when it rains.]
I examined the frog pebble. Sure enough, it faintly pulsed with passive luck.
Time to crack these scrolls open and see what other rules I could break.
Canon?
Consider this a formal declaration of war.