Chapter 2: The Struggles
As Bethel grew older, life slowly began to change. After everything that shaped her childhood, she finally got admission into the university. It didn't come easy, but somehow, she made it through. That moment was supposed to feel like freedom, like a new beginning—but instead, it became the start of a different kind of reality.
Before even stepping fully into the world, her first struggles came from home. The older she got, the more she felt controlled. What used to feel like protection slowly started to feel like restriction. She wasn't allowed to make certain decisions for herself, and it became frustrating.
Her mom, in her own way, believed she was doing what was best, but it often led to constant disagreements. Bethel wasn't allowed to take up even small jobs to support herself or handle basic needs. Instead, she spent most of her time at home, doing chores and following rules she didn't always understand. It felt like she was growing, but not really moving forward.
Her dad, on the other hand, was strict in a different way. Going out became a problem. Seeing friends felt like something she had to explain over and over again. And whenever they came around, he questioned them so much that it made everything uncomfortable. It was as if she was always being watched, always being checked.
As time went on, this began to affect other parts of her life—especially her relationships. Bethel found it hard to keep a relationship, not because she didn't care, but because she couldn't give the time or presence that love required. She couldn't go out freely, couldn't show up the way she wanted to, and slowly, everything kept falling apart.
At some point, she stopped blaming them. Because deep down, she understood—how do you hold on to something you barely have time for? Still, it hurt. It made her question herself and wonder how she was expected to build a future like that.
Then came university life, where she thought things might be different. And in many ways, they were—but not always in the way she hoped. School opened her eyes to people, to friendships, and to a different kind of pain. She learned that even friends could hurt you. That sometimes, people make you feel like you're not enough without even saying it directly.
She started noticing the little things—the way others had what she didn't. The wigs, the clothes, the shoes, the bags… the kind of life that made everything look easy. And without realizing it, she began to feel less than. Like she wasn't doing enough, like she wasn't enough.
At the same time, she felt stuck between two worlds. One where she was expected to grow up and become independent, and another where she wasn't fully allowed to live life on her own terms. She wanted to make her own decisions, to learn from her own experiences, but instead, she felt held back.
And in all of this, Bethel did what she knew best—she kept it in. She carried the confusion, the frustration, and the quiet pain within herself, trying to stay strong on the outside while figuring everything out on the inside.