I clenched my jaw tight as tears rolled down my cheeks. I sank in bed, holding my doll which was gifted by my sister-no, sister-in-law. I sometimes wanted to run away from this hell of a household. Actually, life was never like this. I grew up in a decent family and had a great childhood surrounded by my loved ones. I always thought life was like this, until my parents married me off to one of the wealthiest families, at just 15. my parents-in law promised to take utmost care of me. I enthusiastically accepted my new life hoping that it'd be just as beautiful as my old one. But I was so wrong. My husband was Enrique, but he wasn't as romantic as his name. in fact, he was every girl's nightmare! And I wasn't an exception. He felt hatred towards me at first sight, and I didn't know why. Was it because I was literally a kid and therefore unable to cope up with his mentality? Maybe yeah. Enrique and I were 12 years apart. He was a solid adult near to his 30s while I was a kid who still needed a doll to sleep with. Hew was the worst thing that could've ever happened to me. He hated me so much that he even got abusive at times. He sometimes threw things at me and I dodged most of them. He even enjoyed pulling my hair and slapping me. If I knew the true face of married life, then I would've objected and somehow changed my gruesome fate. But the truth was, I did love my mother-in-law and my father-in-law a lot. They were very nice to me. But if only they knew how horribly their beloved son treated me behind closed doors. In this vast manor, the most significant room in my eyes was 'our' bedroom because it bore witness of Enrique's true colors. In fact, every bit of furniture, and even the night sky were the witness of his abusiveness. I feared him so much that I always slept at the edge of the bed. I felt very unlucky when he came back at night. He never said anything nice to me, not even once. I was married to an elite household, and that didn't mean I was jobless. I knew how to kill time and be as evil as Enrique. Just because I was young didn't mean I was always pure at heart. Yeah, I was sometimes a pain in the back for my siblings, but they never let me take notice of that. I generally finished his old mathematics exercise books, played hide and seek with Parcel, read tons of books from the library and also didn't forget to touch the dailies, But my mother-in-law slash Enrique's mother loved me to bits. She adored me! Sometimes, I'd sit next to her in the sofa, and she would say, "Anne, my dear… you're such a lovely girl. You remind me of my daughters when they were younger.''
Then she'd say, "By the way, I asked your father to bring something nice for you on his way home." hearing this, I'd squeal with joy. Then she'd hand me a magazine which I'd gladly accept 'cause I was a bookworm. I also had Miriam, my personal maid. We were very close. Let's just say, everything was great except Enrique. But something very weird happened one day. I was asleep as always, but now I lied on my back instead of lying at the left sideways. Honestly, I was so tired of lying in that position. But, just then, I felt hot-like real hot. Probably because it was summer. I needed water, but I couldn't get up. I was too stuck in sleep. The next thing that followed, was the most uncanny phenomenon ever. It felt as if I was dreaming while actually being awake. But I couldn't actually sense things well. And at one point, I felt as if I would suffocate. I breathed heavily for a while. But I drifted deep into sleep again. The next day, I woke up. My whole body hurt, especially the thighs. I hate him so much! It was all thanks to the weird position all night. I mostly felt discomfort because of lying sideways. But, I still couldn't forget that uncanny feeling of excitement I experienced last night. It matched the descriptions of my mother on the eve of my wedding. In reality, she had no choice but to lecture me about marital duties that night and also explain the mechanics in formal code language. Sure, I wasn't meant for adult stuff like these, but I was bound to listen. It didn't mean my mother-in-law would act like the ideal parent-in-law, wanting an heir the moment I set foot on their house. On contrary, everybody from my in-laws saw me as a toddler, while I wasn't that young at all. SO, it was literally impossible for her to urge us. But that was not the actual fear at all, this lecture was only extra backup. My mother knew mother-in-law won't pressure, but she thought about the individual case (Enrique's taste), not the collective case. But it was true that I was very afraid of marital duties as it mainly sounded scary and highly based on coercion. But this was weird, and didn't feel real at all. Was I dreaming or was I just bluffing? Uh-I thought only men have dreams of those. I was still young, wasn't I? no. it wasn't supposed to feel good. I pulled myself up. My bedside was empty as expected. I felt triumph as usual. About the body aching, I definitely needed milk. The pain was probably because I was growing. I left the bedroom and appeared at the dining room. Things felt silent, no one was around. Was I too early? But I did see Miriam putting the bowls and cutlery on the table. Seeing me, she greeted, "Good morning! Hope you slept well." I did not sleep well, but I still said, "Thank you, I did. But am I too early? Where is mother and father?" "Oh, they already had breakfast and the lady told me to give you breakfast when you wake up." "I see," I said, "Oh, please give me a glass of milk if you can. My limbs are aching." she agreed. After breakfast, I got a glass of milk. I still couldn't figure out what actually happened but I decided to ignore for now. Since Enrique was gone, I could spend time with Parcel. Well, parcel was his pet dog and he was white and fluffy. Enrique would never let anyone touch Parcel except himself. So, I played with parcel behind his back. Not going to lie, parcel kinda likes me more than him.
And when Enrique and his father came back that evening, they broke the news that they'd be leaving for Jura to retrieve their share of land and the owners of our neighboring land were scheming to snatch away ours as well. That land was an heirloom, so retrieving it was a must. And for that, they'd have to go and stay there for 3 LONG WEEKS! I was screaming with joy inside and quiet at the outside. But, my luck wasn't really good and I only sensed it when mother declared she'd be visiting my sister-in-law. I was mortified. I begged to her feet, "Mother, please take me with you! What will I even do here alone? I'll be bored and I'm very scared of being alone!" but from afar I noticed Enrique's evil smirk. I immediately realized for sure that he wasn't up to any good. Rage took over me, and I fumed. How I wanted to gouge out those demonic Amber eyes, and try tearing his burnt caramel hair! He whispered something into mother's ear, and she at first looked hesitant, then looked pleased. After that, he left and stood next to the window. I failed to hear what he said, but my worst fear came true when mother decided to leave me here and agreed that this house needed a caretaker. I was even more horrified. I tried protesting and I was enraged but I froze, because from far away, I noticed Enrique staring outside the window casually, while Parcel tried to bite off his coattail. I inspected him closely, and noticed then realized that he was struggling to prevent himself from laughing out loud. Him, laughing at my plight didn't seem surprising because he had surely plotted to leave me Alone by manipulating his dear parents. I whistled and said in supersonic English, "You need not try attracting his attention, Parcel. Come to me!" Everyone gasped and stared in surprise as I whistled in a certain rhythm, and Parcel left Enrique and came running to me.I heard that he was talented in five languages including English, but he was unable to make out what I said. He stared palely as Parcel was running to me, constantly woofing. I realized what a thing I had done. I started running backwards, but Parcel just wouldn't stop following me. I ran inside the bedroom and locked the door. Enrique was definitely going to kill me!! And I was right.
That night, he firmly locked the doors and windows, and violently pushed me. I fell, hit the back of my head against the desk and passed out. When I regained my consciousness, I found myself in bed, my head hurting. My whole body burned with rage. I sat and screamed, "THAT'S IT! I'm telling mother to transfer my stuff in the guest room." Honestly, I wasn't even supposed to sleep next to him. It was an ancient tradition for married couples to have separate beds, and I was also supposed to sleep alone. But mother thought that I was scared to sleep alone, so she let me sleep next to him. Out of genuine anger, I cursed him, "How great it would be if he goes and never comes back from Jura! Death will be the greatest demise for him! Then yes, would be so great if he dies!" During dinner, I stayed silent. He was silent too. His gaze was lowered. Come on Annette, don't ever expect him to feel guilty after torturing you! In bedtime, I slipped out of bed and left. I won't sleep next to him tonight. I went to the drawing room and slept on the sofa. A few days later, they all left, leaving me alone. I was hurt, but at least I had Miriam and Parcel.
Not going to lie, my days went surprisingly well. Parcel loved my company a lot. I was happy too. Miriam made food for me and ate here as well. She'd go back to her own house for short hours as she had to take care of her son. But that was until I fell very ill one day. I had vomited for about four times, and my head also spun and ached. And creepiest of all-my menses were still not coming. At first…it seemed as if it was only a delay, nothing else. But weeks passed, and it felt fishy. I was also gaining weight, which terrified me. So, Miriam contacted a doctor, and sent a letter to my mother-in-law about my weird illness. And as shocking as it seemed, the doctor revealed that I was with child!! Miriam and I were very baffled hearing this. I couldn't believe my ears. How on earth can I be with child out of nowhere? I mean, I do know where babies come from, as I am a bride, but…including 'it' on my list of doubts is obvious because like I said countless times. Enrique and I have the relationship of torturer and tortured. There's no way we would like to do bed sports (terribly funny metaphor I guess). Whatever, I was very afraid because it was a first for me. But still, Miriam is with me, and she has promised to ensure the safe birth of the child. Of course, pregnancy norms kicked in. I sometimes felt this terrible, all-consuming hunger in the weirdest times, and also craved for many sorts of food, and those items had to be the rarest and most unaffordable. I craved sweets, truffles, roast meat, giant lobsters and even pink pasta(which doesn't even exist) at times. These good items could never be afforded by Miriam at a critical time like this. But it wasn't that my cravings bothered to think of that-they just came. I tried restraining myself from throwing tantrums for 'Pink pasta' and 'Giant' strawberries, because Miriam was trying so bad...and I didn't want to show her the monstrous me. I totally became a different person after conception. Like, I started reading plenty of those fishy romance novels which were probably adored by my mother-in-law ages ago. Those novels talked of men as perfect as fairy tales, and they were indeed not as merciless and bad as Enrique. Sometimes while reading these, I'd sigh and think,''If I had a better husband, then he would have surely moved heaven and earth to get me what I wanted. But alas!'' Literally Impossible! Like I said, pink pasta doesn't exist, but in my pastime, I tried finding a way to make it EXIST. Hmm...I had this cool idea at last:It's all cream, you see. We've the boiled pasta here, and we can mix a round bowl of cream with it. The cream is white, I know but it will automatically turn pink if we mix Beet shreds with it. After the mix, we'll put a cherry on top and Ta-Da! You have PINK PASTA!! I giggled at just thinking of this. But as days passed, I felt as if I wasn't carrying just one child.I still had not been able to find out how I got pregnant, but it was very uncomfortable as I knew nothing about navigating a tough situation like this. I forbade Miriam from writing to mother about this because things were very messed up, and I was not feeling like making this public. Plus, I was afraid she would let Enrique know as well, and who knows what he'll do once he knows.Indeed,rumors had it that he abhorred children, So he might end up lashing out at me and the child and make a whole,problematic scene.Suddenly, Miriam got a letter from father that said that they will probably take about a year to come back as that scum was refusing to agree that the land was ours.I said to her,''I think the long break is great, because while they are away, I can safely give birth and finish the business just before they return.'' She replied,''Madame, you know, this is going to be very tough for you!And you are not even letting me contact anybody for help.'' I shook my head.''Please do not, I-I don't want to cause more chaos.No one knows what your young master can do once he finds out.He's already pissed at me for spending time with his dog." just then, Parcel came wagging his tail. Miriam asked, "Are you that scared of young master?" I frowned, "I am. But not only do I fear him, i also despise him. he clearly does not deserve any heir!" She awkwardly laughed. Then she suddenly turned serious, "Or would you perhaps...like an abortion?" I asked, "W-What's that?" She replied, "It's a way to eradicate the fetus in the womb by using special medications." My eyes widened, I completely froze. i said, "No, no I-I don't want an abortion! That's terrible! The child is innocent. Why should I end their life?" Miriam's expression softened, "I know that's very brutal, but you see...if you abort the child, then the incident will be easy to cover and no one will suspect a thing." I replied, "I see...but there can be an alternative way too. Nevermind, let's just keep the baby. We'll think about the covering in the future." I was in a dilemma, but I decided to focus on the present. But I was really afraid that Miriam might write to others behind my back, so i made her sit down and gave her a huge lecture. I said, "Look Miriam, suppose you want to write to mother and you already wrote to her. She'd be very concerned, and also feel very cringe." "But why?" "Because she sees me as her daughter and pregnancy doesn't suit me at all! Alright, after she knows this, she'll send word about this to my family, and then-they'll be extremely tensed and maybe excited too, and lastly they'll inform it to my father-in-law and finally his dirtbag-of-a-son will find out and kill me. And you may have known that Parcel is the best substitute for a child to Enrique." She looked at me blankly for a while before saying, "Maybe you ARE right, m'lady. How smart of you!" I nodded and patted Parcel. He freaking jumped on my lap after receiving the pat! Life was amazing! I realized I had never felt this free before. I had the house to myself, and I could borrow as many books as I wanted.But the pregnancy norms just wouldn't stop haunting me. I sometimes felt extremely lonely, as if I had no one. I really craved for love, which was literally a luxury. I just wished I had somebody to let out all my pain. So one day, I mustered up my courage, and sat down to write to my aunt, Heather who was obsessed with romance, courting plus matchmaking. She had a dream of being a famous relationship expert, and I hoped that her dream came true. So, I wrote,
Dear Aunt,
This is your niece, Jeanne. It has been so long since we last met. I hope you are doing well. I-I am sort of fine all thanks to the Almighty. Hope your relationship consultancy business is going well. Today, I write to you for a special request.
But first, I must tell you how I am doing.You will be devastated to know that Papa married me off to a very affluent family, the Vincenzo-Antoines. They have a massive textile business, but my Papa never wanted to do a thing like this-he was bound to, so please do not lash out at him. My parents-in-law love me a lot. I get to have a nice wardrobe stashed with lacy dresses, fine jewellery, a ton of shoes and of course, their love. My mother-in-law, Madame Josephine has never talked to me about offsprings- not a single day. I am like her own daughter. But my husband, Enrique is a brute. He ruined my life, and I can only breathe a little because he is out of town. I miss home so much. I cannot bear to tell about his abuse to his parents. I am afraid. I hate him so much, but no one is here to save me. Another shocking news is that-you are going to be a grandma. I know that is funny as you are young, but I myself have no idea how I suddenly became pregnant. My husband and my parents-in-law are away, and I only have my lady's maid and Enrique's dog, Parcel.Miriam cares for me a lot, but I often feel alone. I sometimes crave for love, for a companion to talk to and let out all my pain. So I was thinking you would be able to find me a gentle companion my age. I believe you will find nice little boys my age around you. I know this is dangerous, but it will not be a big deal at all. we will just be pen friends, or he can visit me always-until the third month passes-as you know why. You understand what i am dealing with, but will he? Will he want to understand that i never wanted to carry a child on purpose? little pregnant girls like me are nothing but a matter of sorrow for young boys.like-How can a boy of 14-15 think of keeping contact with a girl his age, but she is bearing somebody else's child? It is obvious-very obvious. But I still believe you'll be able to find a pen friend for me. If you can, then that is great. Do try.
No more today, do write to me soon, and take care.
Your loving niece,
Jeanne-Annette Isolde.
I knew I'd not be able to send it, but I still felt a rush of peace as I wrote it.I carefully hid it in the bedside drawer, and picked up my latest book. Days later, I found my belly swelling and it became unusually big. I was pretty worried about it, and found it queer. I asked Miriam,''I do not think one small baby needs that much room to fit.It is also painful, and I'm scared that one day, this endless swelling might kill me!''Miriam told me,''No worries, dear madame..it's just the child growing. It has already been three months,you see.But if you are that tensed, then I can call the doctor again. Because I too have a bad feeling about this.'' So, she called the doctor again, and he checked up on me. He closely inspected me, and said,'' Hmmm..doesn't look like she is carrying just one child, because if it was just one, then her stomach wouldn't have swelled this much.So, I can clearly guess that she's carrying two children—twins!her belly is actually creating room for the babies as they're growing.''We both breathed a sigh of relief. then Miriam asked,''Can you guess if both the children are male or female?''the doctor said,''Of course not, how can I do it? I ain't a ghost. but there are some stupid superstitions you might love to believe but the least you can do is pray for the gender you like. since this little lady is from a rich family, then she'd need boys as sons are so precious. You want me to tell you why?''
[To be Continued]