A knock at my new door pulls me out of my little sightseeing around the apartment. The spare room I'm supposed to stay in is tiny. Really tiny. It looks less like a bedroom and more like some pop-up shop. Ellie has turned it into her little empire. Her ring light stands on a tripod in the corner, next to some camera equipment that screams "content creator."
She's got a huge following on TikTok, ten thousand, maybe more, who knows and Mom and I have always called them her "minions." All they do is tell her she's pretty while she dances through whatever trend is popular this week. Ellie loves putting her life on display. Funny thing is, despite all that oversharing, I never knew she was dating anyone… until now.
The door swings open, and she's there before I can say a word, her beaded bracelets jingling with every movement.
"So… what was that drama?" she asks, voice casual, like she's talking about a TV show instead of the absolute chaos I caused.
I feel my blood thrum in my ears. Crossing my arms, I square my shoulders at her. "I'm not apologizing. Forget it."
She frowns, that irritated, offended look she's always perfected. "Whatever beef you've got doesn't mean you get to punch him. Again. How did you even know him?"
"Isn't he your boyfriend? Ask him."
Ellie narrows her brown eyes at me. "I'm asking my twin."
Right. She's always had to be the boss, the older one, even by a few minutes.
A hot spike of anger runs through me at the thought of Dosu. He shows up in my life and turns everything upside down. I sink onto the unmade bed, staring at Ellie, who has crossed her arms and is now leaning against the doorframe, waiting for an answer.
"Did you know he sleeps with men?" The words slip out before I can stop them.
The second I say it, I realize how brutal it sounds. My chest tightens, my tongue feels heavy. Ellie freezes, then blinks at me, slow, like she's thinking whether to explode or just laugh.
"I… what?" she says finally but I can feel the tension radiating off her.
"You know. Dosu. With men." My fingers curl into the edge of the sheet. "I didn't even… I just—"
Ellie's eyes roam over me, not the usual "is he completely insane?" look I'm used to. She blinks a few times and asks, "Wait… are you homophobic? I know you're not. You know I'm queer, right?"
"Ugh, why does everyone keep asking me that?" I press my knuckles into my forehead and groan. First Dosu, now my sister. Is that even a fair question? Homophobic? The only thing I'm scared of is that damn Dosu. I can't be homophobic, not after that night. Being gay isn't some disease. It's scary as fuck. I'd know.
"So why would you say that?" she presses.
"Because he was my roommate, and he's a total pervert. He sleeps with men."
Her face goes blank for a second, then she tilts her head. "And that's… disgusting? You do know I sleep with women too, right?"
"Yes! I—I swear I'm not homophobic. But he's a stupid, sex-obsessed fool. And seeing him with you just messes with my head."
Ellie arches both eyebrows and lets out a flat, humorless laugh. "That's it?"
"Uh… yeah?"
She slides closer and sits beside me, her hand brushing my shoulder. "Relax." And somehow, I actually do. "We aren't exactly serious."
"But you guys—" I cut myself off as a wave of nausea hits.
Ellie laughs, loud and teasing. "Why are you so obsessed with my sex life?"
"Ew. Gross. Can we just change the subject? I really hate you," I snap, even though we both know that's not true, not even a little.
"No," she says. "I'll tell you, and it's really no big deal. See, we met in this online group for people who've been in relationships that made them feel like sex was… everything. I don't want to say 'sex-obsessed,' but after Alex, I realized I needed a break. Anyway, we met there, talked a lot, and I actually like him. We're keeping it non-sexual for now. Does that make you feel better, that I'm not sleeping with him?"
I raise an eyebrow, doing my best to act normal. "Yeah… sure. So why didn't you tell me about him before?"
"Oh, I knew you'd never get it," she shrugs, brushing it off. "You've always been…"
"Been?"
"Different."
"Different how?"
She shrugs again. "You're more… conservative. Even Dad knows it. That's fine, Eli. It just means you're not like everyone else. I wish I could be different too."
"But you are different," I tease, nudging her shoulder with mine.
She bumps me back and grins. "Please. On TikTok, we're all just a herd of sheep doing the same thing. It's weirdly fun and obsessive, but eventually, we'll get tired of it. Till then…"
"Yeah, right. Like anyone could pry you away from your phone," I mutter.
She looks at me calmly, then rests her head on my shoulder. All thoughts of Dosu fade for a moment. "It's so good to see you. I just wish you went to school here with me. I hate having to explain to my friends that I'm a twin who goes to a different school. We're like… the first twins ever split apart."
"That's not true. There are plenty of people. I just… I want to be on my own, you know? Independent. Doesn't mean I don't miss you. I mean, hey, I'm here."
"Yeah, to punch my boyfriend in the mouth," she says. And she's right. There's nothing I'd love more right now than to smack him for all the chaos he's caused in the past few months.
"Whatever," I mutter. Ellie doesn't need all the details.
"So… are we good?" she asks, lifting her head to look at me.
I play dumb. "With?"
She rolls her eyes. "You know… Dosu and me. Because there's an event tomorrow I planned for the three of us, and I don't want you two tearing each other apart."
Her words, that tiny shift in meaning, slam me back into that night, the night he watched me as I pleasured myself, the way it burned through every boundary I'd tried to hold. The memory makes my skin heat up and fire up all the feelings I've buried for months. No. No. No. No. No. Not now.
"Don't do that," I growl, my voice rough.
"Do what?" Ellie asks, genuinely confused.
"Don't… talk about sex. It's gross."
She grins, standing up, and mouths, "Prude." Then she stretches and starts heading out. "So we're on. Get ready tomorrow, and maybe try to fix what's between you and Dosu. Okay?"
I don't answer. I just watch her go, a weird mix of irritation and something else settling in my chest, and I know I'm definitely not ready to name it.