For the second time this week, Ellie is running around her apartment at eight, ring light in one hand, tote bag in the other. I wonder if she's actually going to class or just making content. If you asked me when my sister became an influence freak, I wouldn't know or maybe it started when we were six, sneaking into Mom's room to film videos on her spare tablet. I barely showed up in any of them.
I crunch my cereal slowly, watching her go insane. The sitting room is a mess, and honestly, it's kind of amusing to see I wasn't the only insane sibling. "This is embarrassing to watch, you know but go on, I am having fun."
"You shut it. Can't you even help me?"
I swallow the milky content in my mouth and chuckle, my eyes following her as she bends down to check the sofa.
She's wearing a basic top, maybe too basic and a short denim skirt, with minimal jewelry.
"I would if I knew what you're looking for," I say.
She swats my legs from the sofa and makes me sit, breaking my lying-down position. My socked feet groan at the cold floor. The ring light slips from her hands, and she falls to her knees, staring dramatically at the ceiling. "For Christ's sake! Can this day get any worse? Where is my phone holder clip?"
I set the bowl of colorful cereal on the coffee table and shake my head. "Wow. You're in the wrong department. Theatre arts fits you better."
"Shut up." She slaps my exposed thighs. "And wear something, for the love of God. I'm freezing and I'm clothed."
I glance down at my white shorts with thin vertical stripes and sneer. "That's why I've got this shirt on. I can't feel the cold," I say, tugging at my button-up.
"Uh… I'll never understand you. Seems I have to go to class without my ring light." She drops it on the table next to my bowl. I pick up the cereal and lean into the sofa. "I don't think TikTok would close if you skipped a day."
"They should." She makes a face and rises to her feet. "I'll be back in the afternoon," she says, already halfway across the room. "Maybe evening. Honestly, I don't know. Maya might want to eat after the shoot so—"
"So ten," I say. Her friend Maya might even make her stay overnight. That's fine. At least I'll have the place to myself. I can sleep and finally catch up on the Netflix series I've been postponing. Maybe coming here isn't so bad.
She points at me without turning around. "Exactly. Maybe ten. Love you, bro."
"Byeeee." The door clicks shut.
I finish the cereal and wash the bowl. Maybe it's finally time to finish this Japanese animation. I just started episode one, and with all this silence, I might actually get through it.
Three hours later, I give up entirely. Staying alone, I have realized, isn't as fun as people make it to be. I used to think I like being alone but these past months have made me think otherwise. I liked to think sometimes, I craved human interaction.
My stomach is grumbling, I need a snack. I'm in the kitchen, whipping up a sandwich, when a knock hits the door. I mouth several F-bombs. If this is one of Ellie's friends, I'll be devastated. I just got the apartment to myself.
The knock comes again. I groan and switch off the stove.
As I walk to the door, my eyes drop to my exposed thighs. Was this short always this…short?
Ellie was right. The cold is crawling up my skin, and I look like a little princess who just woke up after a long night with the prince.
Imagine if Dosu sees me like this. A reckless, dangerous thought flashes through my head. Either it has a death wish, or I'm insane for thinking it.
There's no reason for me to think of him or for him to be here. Ellie is gone. He should know she's gone because he is… somehow, through some cosmic joke I haven't finished processing…her boyfriend. He should know she has a shoot today. He can't be here.
Still, a daring feeling flares in my chest, nudging me to open the door and prove Dosu isn't here.
My legs have never moved so fast.
When I see Dosu's face, I realize I don't feel surprised. The universe doesn't seem to surprise me anymore.
His eyes don't show any surprise either, which means he knows I'm home alone. But there's something else…his gaze is fixed on my face and I swear something intense flares through his stare.
I don't say anything. I just stand by the door, and instinctively, I follow the trail of his eyes… down to my thighs.
I frown but use it to quickly study his outfit. He looks like he's going somewhere with an open blue shirt over a white T-shirt, baggy shorts, keys clinking at his side. His hair is pushed back from his face again.
My heart jolts. I swallow and cough.
"She's not here," I say, about to close the door.
"I know," he says quickly. "She texted me. I just need to grab something…" He makes a face as if to remember what and says, "Her ring light? She found her phone holder with Maya, so she wanted to use the light. She said I could come, and I thought she told you."
I make sure my face stays impassive. "Okay. Whatever." I step back from the door. What am I going to, physically block him? It's his girlfriend's apartment too.
He steps inside and actually sighs when he sees the ring light on the table, like he doesn't want to spend two minutes around me. Somehow, that sits wrong in my stomach.
I flop back onto the couch, pick up my phone, and stare at my Netflix page with its endless animation recommendations, waiting for him to leave. He starts to move toward the door.
"You know," Dosu says from the entrance, turning back with that tone, the one that means he's been thinking about something and decided to say it whether I want to hear it or not. "You don't have to pretend I don't exist when Ellie's not here."
I keep my eyes on my phone. "I'm not pretending anything."
"You haven't said more than five words to me." He sounds… almost desperate and it's sickening.
"You want five words? Okay." I snap briskly. "Thank you for helping my sister pick her ring light. There. Five. Even more, technically."
"Eli." The way he says it makes the dizzying current in me impossible to ignore.
Fuck it. Fuck. Fuck… fuck. Can he just leave me alone? I don't want this. I don't want him. I drop my phone and look up. Bad move. He's watching me too intently. I look away.
"What do you want me to say?" I snap. "We're not friends. We were never friends. You're dating my sister, I'm staying here for two weeks, then I go back to school and that's it. So I don't know what you're waiting for."
Something passes across his face. Not hurt exactly. More like he's weighing every word.
"I'm not waiting for anything," he says, sucking in a breath. "I just think you're punishing me for something you chose too. We had sex. Deal with it. Move on. For heaven's sake, it's just—"
He doesn't finish. My eyes see red. My fists clench. Before I know it, I cross the room in four steps and my fist connects with his jaw. The crack echoes.
Dosu's head snaps sideways. There's a full second of absolute stillness.
Then he turns back. It's not the controlled anger from the dorm room. This is raw, something darker. He drops the ring light and curses.
His hand goes to his jaw. When he pulls it back, there's a smear of red on his fingers. Something clicks, because now he's moving toward me, jaw tight.
He's bigger than me, always has been. When he grabs my shirt and shoves me into the wall, I'm not surprised when the hardness nearly crushes me.
I shove back with all I've got, hands pressed between us, but he doesn't let go. We slide across the room, almost exposing my skin as we struggle toward the other end.
We crash sideways into another corner of the wall, both of us breathing fast, grappling in that ugly, close-quarters way.
I press a hand against his chest and push. He twists, moving behind me, his arm sliding across my collarbone, pulling me back against him.
My elbow swings into his ribs, trying to break free. He grunts and yanks me closer. We're pressed together, his chest against my back and I feel it. For heaven's sake, I feel him.
My brain stops.
Not the fight, it's still happening, my hands still pulling at his arm but something inside me just detonates. I'm not in this living room anymore. I'm in our dark dorm room. Dosu is behind me in a completely different way. His mouth is at my ear. His hands… I remember his hands. I remember getting on my knees, the way he looked down at me, the way his whole face changed when I…
"Eli."
His voice pulls me back to Ellie's apartment. We're both still. His arm is still across my chest, but loose now, not restraining like it was before. We're breathing hard. I can still feel him at the small of my back, and I know he knows I can feel it, the arm across my chest goes rigid in a completely different way.
I don't move. I don't know why.
What I do… something I'll think about for a long time, turning it over and over, never fully explaining…is press back. Just small, a shift of weight barely worth calling a movement.
Dosu makes a low sound in his throat.
That sound, the same one I remember from that night breaks the trance completely.
I wrench forward out of his hold and put the full width of the room between us.
We stare at each other. Both wrecked. Both breathing like we ran a race. The living room looks like a mild disaster.
Dosu's chest is heaving. His jaw bleeds properly now, a slow streak of red at the corner of his lip. He's not looking at my face. His gaze drifts somewhere near my collarbone, jaw tight, and I watch him become aware of himself, aware of exactly what's happening and the embarrassment spreads across his face.
He takes a few steps back, running a hand through his hair. The silence is catastrophic.
This should make me mad. It should make me go on a murderous rage. But instead, I'm more concerned about his bleeding face.
"Sit down," I say. My voice comes out flat, clinical, the only voice I have access to right now. "Your lip is bleeding."
"It's—"
"Sit. Down. I'm not going to say it again."
He sits and I know it's not because I told him to, I don't think Dosu has ever done anything just because someone told him to but who knows? Maybe like me, he needs a second to gather himself.
I go to the bathroom and run cold water over my hands and face. I stare at my reflection. The fuck is wrong with me? I close my eyes but that's a mistake, because all I can think about is the surge of excitement when I realized I made him hard. I splash more water on my face. God, this is so wrong.
I return with a basic first-aid kit like cotton wool and antiseptic. He's pulled his shirt off, wearing only the white T-shirt. He stares at a fixed point past my shoulder, jaw still tight, embarrassment still etched on his face in a way I've never seen. He usually hides everything. Not now.
I tilt his chin up with two fingers, and he lets me. I ignore the tingling pit in my belly.
The cut is small, at the corner of his lip. I press a damp piece of cotton wool against it.
He doesn't flinch.
If Ellie sees this wound, she'd know we fought and then she'd want to talk to me. She'd know something must have happened for us to actually hate each other this much. And I'm not ready to tell her we fucked.
"My dad asked about you," Dosu says, snapping me out of my thoughts.
Does he have a death wish?
I keep my eyes on his lip. "What?"
"After the park. He asked why things were awkward between us." Dosu pauses. "He said you seemed like a good person. I told him you were."
"He doesn't even know me."
"He's a good judge of people."
I pull the cotton wool back and check the bleeding, pressing a fresh piece against it. Dosu stays quiet, watching my face while I work. I only watch his lip because if I look up, if I meet his eyes, I don't trust myself not to crumble.
"He wanted to know if we'd fallen out over something," Dosu says. "I didn't know what to tell him."
I say nothing.
"I didn't tell him anything," he adds. "In case you're wondering."
"I wasn't wondering."
Lie. I'm absolutely wondering.
I set the cotton wool down and check the cut one more time. It'll be fine, a split lip that'll be tender for a few days. I sit back.
Dosu looks at me.
I start packing up the first-aid kit with more focus than necessary.
"Eli."
"You should ice your jaw tonight," I say. "The bruising will be worse tomorrow if you don't."
A pause. "Okay. You should take care of your back. I saw you wince."
I just nod. "And if the lip swells before morning, cold compress. Twenty minutes on, twenty minutes off."
"Okay," he says again.
Dosu stands and moves across the room to pick up Ellie's ring light. I wish it were broken…at least then they could break up or something and I wouldn't have to deal with this idea of him in my sister's life. How they met doesn't even make sense.
At the door, he stops.
"Thanks," he says. "For the—" He gestures vaguely at his face. "Yeah."
I roll my eyes. "Don't thank me."
"Okay," he says. Then he's gone, the door pulling shut behind him, and I stand in the wreckage that is Ellie's apartment, frozen for a long moment.
Then I put the kit away and walk to my room. I flop onto the bed, arm over my eyes, heart racing. All I can think about is that moment I pressed into him.
My whole body feels like a live wire, buzzing with something that isn't just the fight. I press the heels of my hands against my eyes. That sound…his low sound, pulled from him by a shift of my weight…the same sound from that night, in the dark, when I had my…
I roll onto my side. My hand moves into my shorts, stroking my dick before I even decide to stop.
I'm not thinking about the fight. Not about the living room or the blood or the embarrassed line on his face as he picked up that ringlight. I'm thinking about that night, the weight of him, the way his hands felt, the sounds he made, the way he looked down at me and said my name like it was the most sexist thing in the world.
I press my face into the pillow and stop pretending I'm going to stop.