After successfully surviving his gig as an inter-dimensional Uber driver, Kara felt like his soul was slowly chipping away. Not because he was scared of ghosts, but because he was completely done listening to System's non-stop yapping, which was honestly way spicier than level 30 ghost pepper sauce.
That night, Kara was chilling and stretching his legs in front of his hut while counting some loose change of soul coins. Meanwhile, Cruel, his younger brother, was busy swatting flies in the corner of the room.
"Hey, Tem, you ever realized something? Real friendship nowadays is like a rare commodity for people like us. Lately, the word 'Bestie' is just like a supermarket flyer—cheap and handed out to literally anyone. To your face, they're like, 'Omg, love you so much!', but behind your back, they're busy screenshotting your venting stories just to make them gossip material in another group chat. Honestly, I feel like an open enemy who flat out says they hate you is way more honorable than a 'bestie' who only shows up when they need to borrow money or need a free ride to trauma-dump."
[Well, that's just life for a deadweight like you. The world is full of two-faced people who love talking trash about each other, yet put on their most loyal, 'I'm always here for you' face when they're actually in front of the person.]
"Right? Exactly! Friendship bonds these days aren't built on shared hobbies anymore, but on shared hatred for the same exact person. One common enemy can make a drifting circle tighter than solid concrete. It's pretty tragic, honestly. We only feel close when we're collectively getting our daily dose of sins from gossiping about someone else's life."
[Don't tell me you used to be exactly like that, Deadweight?]
"Watch your mouth! Well... okay, fair, you're not wrong. I'll admit I used to be like that, but that was the old me. I'm not a hypocrite who won't own up to my mistakes. I'm no saint either, so what's wrong with admitting it? Why are you asking anyway? Wanna learn a thing or two from me? Ha! Say what you want, but I'm a total pro when it comes to gossiping."
[Oh, really—]
"Okay, stop. Instead of you yapping all day, you better find me a job. Seriously, are you a robot or a talk show host?" Kara cut him off quickly.
System immediately glared at the boy with a piercing gaze, but soon enough, it let out a scoff.
[Fine, fine. Fetching a new job for you... searching for listings... please wait a moment... Job found! Notification! There's a whale of a job, Deadweight. The pay is enough for you to buy martabak in seven different realms all at once. But the requirement is heavy: You need to have absolutely zero shame left in you.]
"My shame has been pawned off to the supernatural pawnshop since the day I was born to be Cruel's babysitter, Tem. What kind of job is this? Exporting tuyul overseas?"
[No, Deadweight! There is a job you can totally pull off: Becoming the Supernatural Wedding Officiant for the Java Region and its surroundings.]
System said it so casually that Baskara's eyes instantly went wide.
"What did you just say? A wedding officiant? You trying to get me protested by a mob for spreading heresy?!" Kara protested while polishing his increasingly battered Bogo helmet.
[Chill out, Deadweight. You aren't marrying them off religiously. You're more like a 'Civil Registrar' specifically for ghosts with weird tastes. A lot of ghosts in Indonesia have their love lives left hanging, so they end up haunting the locals. Your job: Legalize their relationship so they can rest in peace in their own realm.]
"Oh, so I'm basically like a civil registry officer for spirits? To stop them from having a supernatural live-in sin situation?"
[Exactly. Besides, who else has the balls to ask a Genderuwo for a dowry if it's not you? Your mental fortitude is already as strong as steel coated in pure poverty.]
"Are you complimenting me or insulting me, Tem?"
[Why not both if I can manage it? It's way more fun if I can roast your feelings, mwahahaha!]
"Damn you..." Kara hissed under his breath, standing up to get ready for his new job.
Kara definitely wasn't messing around. That night, he was sitting at a wooden table right in the middle of a teak forest. In front of him stood a couple that would make any normal person's goosebumps break out—but to Kara, they were just clients who needed a "travel permit."
The groom was a heavily furred Genderuwo who kept fussing over his messy sideburns.
His bride-to-be? A Wewe Gombel whose white dress had just been fitted at a ghost boutique yesterday.
Kara looked at the two of them with a look of pure pity, ignoring the creepy stares they were giving him. Not long after, Kara broke the silence.
"So, Mister... uh, Mr. Gender... what was your name again?" Kara opened his notepad made of coarse rice paper.
"Gundala, Mr. Officiant," the Genderuwo replied in a deep, booming voice that literally made the ground shake (you know, for dramatic effect).
"Okay, Mr. Gundala and Ms. Wewe. What's the dowry? Don't tell me you guys are asking for a human sacrifice, because I will scratch this application right now!" Kara threatened, pointing his nearly dried-out pen at the ghost couple.
"No, sir... the dowry is just a basket of mangoes we stole from the Village Chief's orchard, and a promise that I won't kidnap little kids anymore," the Wewe replied shyly.
Kara nodded along. He thought the dowry was going to be something extreme, but it turned out his guess was completely wrong.
"Alright, I get it. Honestly, in my opinion, this kind of dowry is way more Sharia-compliant in the supernatural world. Okay, listen up, you two!..." Kara paused mid-sentence, staring at the two mystical entities before him.
"You guys... I hereby declare you legally husband and wife as the most compatible supernatural couple of the year. Please exchange your pasts... uh, I mean, exchange your auras!" Baskara clapped his hands in celebration, while the newlyweds smiled bashfully.
"Is this for real, sir? Wewe is officially my wife now?" Gundala asked in disbelief.
"Yeah, man, it's official," Kara replied casually. "I bet you guys never even dated when you were alive, right? Come on, admit it~" he teased.
"Hehe, you caught us, sir. Back then we never really dated. We were too busy chasing money and working overtime, and well... we collapsed before we could even enjoy the results," Wewe chuckled softly.
Baskara nodded understandingly. Shortly after, the two ghosts, now officially husband and wife, walked away into the night. They left Kara behind, who was already busy counting supernatural leaves that looked exactly like cash in his eyes. Not bad, this could definitely be used for snacks at the ghost market.
[Congratulations, Deadweight! Your 'Local Wisdom' points have increased by +200. You just prevented a child kidnapping case in the next village by legalizing their relationship.]
"Turns out being a ghost wedding officiant is more like community service, huh, Tem? Way more useful than my novel draft which is just nothing but endless family conflicts," Kara muttered happily, shoving the leaves into his cloak pocket. "Today's mission is a wrap!! Let's go home, Tem!! I'm sleepy!! Let's just continue tomorrow," he added, standing up and walking away.
After successfully legalizing the relationship between the Genderuwo and the Wewe Gombel, Kara felt like his reputation as the "Supernatural Officiant" was becoming completely unstoppable.
And just like yesterday, tonight he was already sitting under a tree to meet his clients.
But strangely, tonight, the client who showed up wasn't a ghost, but a creature far more pathetic than any phantom out there: A Chronically Single Guy.
His name was Darwis. He was a banana tree ghost who had been single since the colonial era.
"Mr. Kara, please help me..." Darwis whined, twirling the edge of his shroud which was already starting to look moldy. "I'm so tired of watching people date in the city park. Even the tuyuls have partners to steal with, so why am I always alone?"
Kara stared at Darwis with a look of deep concern. "Dar, your face... how do I put this? It's a bit too 'resigned' for today's ghost standards. Modern ghosts want something aesthetic, someone who can at least be featured in a TikTok content."
[Notification! Acute loneliness levels detected, which could cause emotional distress pollution in the surrounding area. Your task: Find Darwis a partner within 1 hour, or your hut will be besieged by a mob of single ghosts from all corners of the supernatural realm.]
"Screw you, Tem! I'm a wedding officiant, not a dating app admin!" Kara snapped. "Finding a match for a ghost is easier said than done. Their tastes are super weird!"
[Use the 'Local Ghosts' database. There is one potential candidate: A junior Kunti who was just dumped because her hair was too messy and her face was considered 'too horror' for millennial tastes.]
Kara snapped his fingers. It was as if he had just made a groundbreaking discovery that could shake the entire world.
"Great idea! Tem, call that Kunti named Susi over. I have a master plan."
[Ugh, look at you ordering me around.]
"You want the money or not? If you don't, fine, all the cash goes to me—"
[Okay, okay, I will go call Ms. Susi. Remember, Deadweight, we split the profits, keep that in mind!!] System shot back, just as snarky as Baskara, before instantly vanishing in a blink.
After a few minutes passed, Susi arrived with her hair covering her face, letting out a laugh that sounded more like someone choking on a fruit seed. Strangely, Darwis immediately hid in the corner out of fear, making Baskara furrow his brows in confusion. After asking Susi to sit under another tree, Baskara sat next to Darwis, staring at the ghost beside him like a kid who hated vegetables.
"Mr. Kara... she's so scary... I'm afraid she'll scratch me," Darwis whispered, pointing at Susi.
Baskara rolled his eyes in annoyance. Come on, this ghost was being way too picky.
"Shut up, Dar! This is what you call a diamond in the rough. You gotta look at the potential, not the packaging!" Kara got up, reached into his fanny pack, and pulled out a shiny 10 cm construction nail that glistened under the moonlight.
"Ms. Susi, come here for a sec. I'm gonna give you an instant glow-up treatment that's way more potent than any beauty clinic in Jakarta," Kara said with a sly smirk.
Susi approached hesitantly. For some reason, she felt a bit intimidated by the human standing in front of her.
"What are you gonna do, sir? I'm not down for liposuction, I'm already this skinny."
"It's not lipo, Ms. Susi. This is a technique called 'Hardcore Acupuncture'. Close your eyes for a bit," Baskara replied, placing the nail right on top of the ghost's head.
TAK!
With a single strike—Kara hammered the nail straight into the crown of Susi's head. Kara let out a sigh of relief; luckily, Susi didn't fight back.
Instantly, the atmosphere went dead silent. Slowly, Susi's piercing, screeching laugh faded away, replaced by a soft, gentle sigh. Her hair, which was completely wild a second ago, suddenly fell into place, looking perfectly brushed and shiny like a shampoo commercial. Her pale, ghostly skin turned into porcelain white, and the face behind the hair... suddenly became gorgeous, looking just like a K-drama actress.
Darwis stared, completely slack-jawed. Drool almost escaped his mouth as he stared at the Kuntilanak form that Kara had just stabbed with a nail.
"I-Is that really Ms. Susi? How... how did she become so pretty?" Darwis muttered. Susi instantly touched her own face, then looked at her reflection in the rearview mirror of Kara's battered bike, breaking into a smile.
"Wow... Mr. Kara! Why am I... why am I not scary anymore? My voice sounds so soft, too!"
"That's what you call the 'Aesthetic Nail' technique, Ms. Susi. As long as that nail doesn't come off, you're gonna be the ultimate diva among ghosts," Kara explained, patting the dust off his hands. "Now, Dar! What do you say? Still afraid she'll scratch you?"
Without wasting any words, Darwis immediately ran over to Susi.
"Ms. Susi... would you like to... you know... go for a stroll around the heroes' cemetery? I heard there's a frangipani flower festival going on there?"
Susi smiled sweetly—this time, it was genuinely sweet, not horrifying at all. "Sure, Mr. Bejo. But you're paying for the supernatural parking fee later, okay?"
Darwis nodded quickly, handing Kara a few sheets of supernatural leaves. After that, they immediately left the area, leaving Baskara Kara behind, who could only watch the couple walk away while shaking his head in amusement. Deep down, he was actually happy for them.
[Congratulations, Deadweight! You just started a new beauty trend in the supernatural realm. Your 'Aesthetic Misguidance' points have increased by +500. But watch out, if that nail ever comes loose, you're the first person she's going to hunt down to eat.]
"Shut up, Tem! The important thing is no one is crying over being single today. Besides, turns out a construction nail is way more useful for finding a match than my diploma that's currently buried under the laundry rack!"
Kara sighed, suddenly remembering something. "If only Bang Al knew this trick back then... wait, actually, never mind. Bang Al has been handsome since birth, he doesn't need a nail driven into his head."
"I wonder how Bang Albiru is doing... I hope he's always healthy... I really wish I could talk to him again, just to tell him that I'm happy here..."
Kara's face turned somber for a moment, before the ping of the System notification broke his train of thought once again.
[Don't day-dream, Deadweight. There's still a queue of 50 single ghosts waiting in front of the hut. Get your nails ready!]
"HOLY CRAP! AM I RUNNING A HARDWARE STORE NOW OR WHAT?!"