On the streets of New York, a naked man and a man wrapped in a bath towel were being chased by a group of panting Police, staging a scene of absurd pursuit.
ε = ( o ｀ ω ′ ) ノ Police, ε = ε = ε = ┏ ( ゜ ロ ゜; ) ┛ Sato Kazuma, ε = ε = ε = ┏ ( ゜ ロ ゜; ) ┛ Sakata Gintoki.
In the end, under the implicit blessing of Sato Kazuma's EX-rank luck, the two tumbled and scrambled, crashing through a heavy wooden door to hide in an abandoned church.
"Bang!"
The heavy door slammed shut behind them, completely cutting off the noisy sirens outside. The church was dim and silent, with only a few faint slivers of moonlight filtering through the stained-glass windows, illuminating the dust dancing in the air.
Sato Kazuma and the silver-haired man with the natural perm leaned against the door, like two fish out of water, slumped on the floor panting heavily.--- ( ＿ ＿ ) ノ |, --- ( ＿ ＿ ) ノ |.
"Ha—ha—you—you bastard!" Sato Kazuma was the first to break the silence, pointing at the other man with trembling fingers.
"Because of you, I've run two marathons tonight. Tell me, fellow traveler, what—what is your name!"
The silver-haired man glanced at him listlessly. With those dead fish eyes, he looked Sato Kazuma up and down, specifically at the text on his stomach, and spoke lazily: "Sakata Gintoki. And you? Mr. Excalibur?"
"Sato Kazuma!" A vein bulged on Sato Kazuma's forehead.
"Don't you dare call me that name!"
Sakata Gintoki picked his nose, looking indifferent.
After a brief standoff, the two were too tired to say another word. They moved to a row of dusty wooden pews and sat down, and the church fell into silence once again.
"Hey." Sato Kazuma couldn't help himself, looking at this strange man beside him.
"What did you do before? How did you—end up like me? This—that—"
He asked vaguely, but the meaning was clear. How did he end up transmigrating while naked?
Sato Kazuma's question was like a key, unlocking a dark, cobweb-filled room in Sakata Gintoki's mind that he wished to keep sealed forever.
His expression froze instantly, and a rare flicker of emotion appeared in those dead fish eyes, as if he had seen something truly terrifying.
The reason he had arrived in this World in the same socially dead state as Sato Kazuma—the cause of it all—had to be traced back to that drinking party that shattered his worldview and left him with lifelong regrets—
That day was the year-end party for the Kabukicho district.
The Yorozuya's low table had been moved to Otose's tavern, and the place was packed.
Shinpachi was still futilely playing the role of the only sane person, trying to stop everyone from drinking sake like water; Kagura was clutching a rice bowl bigger than her head, her mouth stuffed with vinegar kelp and rice, shouting indistinct insults at Okita Sougo at the next table;
Miss Otae wore a "nuclear" smile, personally serving everyone her homemade egg fried rice, which was a "dark matter" emitting an ominous aura;
Kyubei silently guarded Otae, casting cold glares at any male creature that tried to get close;
Old Lady Otose and Catherine were already flushed red from drinking, arms around each other, singing off-key enka songs.
And he, Sakata Gintoki, as the boss of the Yorozuya in Kabukicho, was naturally the center of attention (or so he thought).
With a bottle of alcohol in his left hand and a plate of desserts in his right, he wove through the crowd, drinking from seven in the evening until his consciousness blurred and the World spun.
When he woke up the next morning, his head felt like it was about to explode.
He found himself lying in a strange room, covered by a soft sheet. He propped himself up, and the sheet slid off, revealing his stark naked body.
"Damn it, I got too drunk last night—nothing bad happened, did it? Did I do something inappropriate while drunk?" He rubbed his messy natural perm, his memory of the hangover a complete blank.
He subconsciously glanced to the side and noticed a person-shaped bulge under the sheet.
Who was it?
Sakata Gintoki's heart skipped a beat, and cold sweat broke out instantly.
Please—please don't let it be someone I know! Please! I'd prefer a hot blonde bombshell that I don't know! Even if it isn't one, just don't let it be—
While praying frantically in his heart, he trembling reached out and slowly lifted the blanket beside him.
Then, he saw a face covered in wrinkles, yet somehow forcing a bashful expression.
It was Old Lady Otose.
Sakata Gintoki's World stopped at that moment.
He thought his eyes were playing tricks on him, or that he hadn't woken up from the hangover yet. He slammed the blanket back down, shook his head violently, took a deep breath, and then lifted it again with lightning speed!
It was still that same face. Old Lady Otose even smacked her lips. She had also woken up, and when she made eye contact with Sakata Gintoki, she too seemed a bit flustered.
Boom—!
Something called "worldview" and "integrity" shattered in Sakata Gintoki's mind, leaving nothing behind.
He turned entirely black and white, his pupils dilated, his mouth hung open in an "O" shape (⊙ ｏ ⊙), and in the background, countless Crows seemed to fly by, cawing "caw, caw."
He, Sakata Gintoki, the White Yaksha who once struck fear into the hearts of his enemies, the dream lover of thousands of girls (self-proclaimed), had actually—actually been taken by an old hag who knows how many years his senior after drinking—
His lifelong reputation, ruined in an instant! ┌ (. Д. ) ┐.
A strong wave of nausea surged from his stomach. He suppressed the urge to vomit, climbed out of bed with trembling limbs, and scrambled to grab his scattered clothes and his wooden sword, Lake Toya.
No, he had to return to the Yorozuya immediately! He had to ask Shinpachi and Kagura what earth-shattering, heaven-defying incident had occurred after he got drunk last night!
Grabbing his clothes and wooden sword, he threw the door open and rushed out without a second thought.
However, the familiar wooden hallway he expected did not appear.
He stepped into thin air, and his whole body felt like it was being sucked into an invisible vortex. The next second, he felt a cold, hard surface beneath his feet.
Piercing sirens and strange languages flooded his ears, and he was surrounded by cold steel skyscrapers and flickering neon lights. He, Sakata Gintoki, stood in a strange, deserted alleyway, clutching his clothes and wooden sword, stark naked.
Fortunately, there was no one where he landed, and it was already late.
Unfortunately, before he could figure out the situation, a beam of blinding headlights swept over him. A Police car slowly pulled up to the alley entrance.
The doors opened, and two Police officers stepped out. Their hands were on their holsters, and they shone flashlights on him, shouting orders in English for him not to move.
Arrest? What a joke! Would he, Sakata Gintoki, just sit and wait for death?
Sakata Gintoki didn't take those two guns seriously at all; he turned around and bolted.
The rest of the story was that heart-stopping naked run, and the "meeting of the century" with another unlucky guy.
Pulling his thoughts away from those unbearable memories, Sakata Gintoki shuddered.
He absolutely, absolutely could not tell this guy in front of him, who had strange text written on his stomach, about this dark history that would ruin his lifelong reputation!
He looked into Sato Kazuma's inquisitive eyes, cleared his throat, returned to his lazy dead-fish-eyed expression, and while picking his ear with his pinky finger, said in an indifferent tone:
"Huh? Me? I just took a nap, and when I woke up, I was here. Weird, right? How about you, brother Kazuma?"