I am at a loss. She has been like this for an hour. It is fine for her to be concerned—knowing I am cherished to this degree doesn't feel bad—but seeing her this despondent is a different matter. I don't know what to do with her. I stroked her hair, but she didn't even offer a small smile, which she usually does.
Also, regardless of how worried you are, do not drag me into the futon while still clinging to me. Do not entwine your legs with mine. I am nursing a great deal of frustration from today, you know. I might just decide to devour you myself.
"What is… 'Cursed Energy'? What are 'Cursed Spirits'? You can see things that no one else can, can't you, Madoka-chan…?"
"…You are better off not knowing. I have no desire for you to step into this side of the world."
I have no intention of teaching Himiko about a world where negative emotions swirl into monsters that prey on humanity. There are things in this life that are better left in the dark.
I don't want to involve her. I must not. I am the only one who needs to stand in the world of Sorcery.
I don't intend to die as a sorcerer. I don't intend to leave regrets behind. I will do what must be done. But Himiko… I will never let her see that ugliness.
"No. Tell me. If you don't tell me, I'm not letting you go."
"You wouldn't let go even if I did tell you, you brat."
"…If you don't tell me, I'm not making any more sweets for you."
"That is foul play!"
This girl…! To voice such a heinous threat…!
I live for the snacks she prepares! To snatch those away from me—you…! You monster!!
"If something happens to you in the future, I couldn't stand it. And I won't stand being the only one left in the dark. So tell me. Everything."
"…"
"No more sweets. I am serious."
"…I still will not speak of it. You must not know. Please, let it be."
The thought of living without her sweets is agonizing. Truly, it would be a miserable existence. But knowing that she would be burdened by the knowledge of my world is even more painful. I want her to remain untainted by it.
"…Fine. Then I'll ask Aizawa-sensei. You told him, didn't you?"
"Hey."
"If you won't tell me, I'll go to him. And still, no sweets for you."
So, whether I speak or not, she is going to find out eventually… Ngh.
I wanted to keep this hidden. I truly did. But nothing ever goes my way.
"You will regret knowing. Are you prepared for that?"
"I'd regret not knowing much more. So tell me everything. About you… everything. Because I want us to be together in everything…"
In the end, it turned out like this. I told Himiko about Cursed Energy, Cursed Spirits, and Sorcerers… and then she absolutely ruined me.
Well, you see… I was already so full of pent-up frustration from the battle being cut short, and when she bit me before bed, I simply lost all my resolve… In the heat of the moment… I sought her out…
…It was very good. I feel as though I was made to say some incredibly embarrassing things, but even that… wasn't entirely bad. Not entirely…
…Honestly, I think I might never be able to win against this girl.
(Note: Here we see the battle-junkie resolving her frustration not with a fight, but with affection. After the intensity of the combat chapters, I'm planning for more of this "lovey-dovey" dynamic in the next part—though it's already starting to bleed through here. Madoka is well and truly "tainted" by Himiko's devotion.)
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