YEAR:2022
Love… isn't it the sweetest yet most bitter thing in this world?
Standing here today, in the middle of the school courtyard, surrounded by soft laughter and quiet conversations, I finally understand what that means. The air is filled with a strange mix of excitement and reluctance, as if no one is truly ready to leave.
Groups of students gather everywhere, holding their certificates, taking photos, calling out to one another. Some are laughing, some are already tearing up, others busy writing last messages on uniforms and notebooks, trying to leave behind something that won't fade.
Everyone looks happy.
Or at least, they're trying to be.
But me?
I just stand here, holding my high-school graduation certificate, feeling like something is missing. Or rather, someone.
Have you ever loved someone for so long that you didn't even realize it?
I did. For five years.
And the funny thing is… I only understood it after he was gone.
A soft breeze passes by, brushing against my face, yet it does nothing to calm the strange heaviness in my chest. My eyes wander unconsciously through the crowd, scanning faces one by one, as if I'm searching for someone who was never going to be here.
"Zhu Hua! Over here!"
I hear my name being called, but it feels distant, almost unreal. I turn slowly, forcing a small smile as my classmates wave at me.
I walk toward them, step by step, blending into the moment that somehow doesn't feel like mine.
"Quick, let's take a picture before everyone leaves!"
They pull me into the center, laughing, fixing their hair, straightening their uniforms.
"Ready?"
A phone is raised.
I smile.
But my eyes… they're not looking at the camera. They're searching. Always searching. As if a part of me still believes that if I look hard enough, I might find him standing somewhere nearby.
Liu Yifan.
The name lingers quietly in my mind, like a memory that refuses to fade.
The last time I saw him was on a day just like this, the same sunlight, the same voices, the same quiet restlessness in the air. Except that day, he was the one graduating, and I was just a girl standing far away, watching him without understanding why I couldn't look away.
Back then, I thought it was nothing. Just admiration. Just curiosity. Something small. Something meaningless.
I didn't know that a single glance could turn into something that would stay with me for years.
A shutter sound clicks.
Soft cheers rise around me as everyone leans in to check the photo, laughing and teasing each other. I step back quietly, letting their voices fade into the background. My gaze drifts again, across the courtyard, the familiar buildings, the paths I've walked countless times.
Everything looks the same.
Yet everything feels different.
Because he isn't here.
Not today. Not yesterday. Not even once since the day he left.
"Zhu Hua."
I turn at the sound of my brother's voice. Zhu Hao walks toward me, calm as always, as if nothing in this world could truly disturb him.
"You're done?" he asks.
I nod lightly. "Yeah."
"Let's go. It's getting crowded."
I hesitate, just for a moment.
"…Ge," I call softly.
He looks at me. "What?"
My lips part, but the words don't come out.
Do you still talk to him? Is he doing well? Does he remember me?
So many questions.
But none of them leave my mouth.
"…Nothing," I say, lowering my gaze.
He doesn't ask further. "Then let's go."
I follow him, step by step, toward the school gate, toward the end of something. Or maybe the beginning of understanding something I was too late to realize.
But just before I leave, I stop.
I turn back.
The courtyard stands behind me, unchanged, filled with voices, footsteps, and memories that no one else can see the way I do. And somewhere in that place, a younger version of me still exists, standing quietly, looking at him, falling in love without even knowing it.
Liu Yifan…
Did you ever know?