My heart nearly jumped out of my chest when I saw Ghoth standing right outside my own door.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, trying to sound casual despite the sudden spike in my pulse.
"I... I was worried," he stammered, his eyes searching mine. "So I waited for you."
"Let's talk about that in the coming days," I replied, smoothing out my shirt. "Besides, didn't you have something to tell me? We can settle both then. Or even later before bed, since it's still relatively early."
"A-alright," he whispered, looking a bit dazed.
I offered him a small, reassuring smile, praying he couldn't smell the scent of another man on my skin or see the lingering flush on my neck. I just hoped I'd fixed myself up well enough that he wouldn't suspect a thing about what just went down with Dayesh.
Ghoth's POV
After a few excruciating minutes of suffocating silence inside, we sought refuge in the cool, biting night air. Sapphire stood leaning against the weathered wooden bench, a lit cigarette perched between her fingers and a steaming cup of coffee in her other hand. I stayed a few paces back, a silent sentinel watching the steady, ghostly curls of smoke rising from her lips. I waited, my heart hammering a frantic rhythm against my ribs, waiting for her to finish before I dared to shatter the quiet.
Finally, I swallowed hard, the words feeling like shards of glass against my raw throat.
"Saph... what I mean is... you see..."
"Hmm?" she hummed, tilting her head toward me. The cherry-red glow of her cigarette faintly illuminated her eyes, catching a soft, teasing glint that felt miles away from the turmoil in my chest. "Why is my baby stuttering all of a sudden?"
"You... you know I love you, right?" The confession felt fragile, barely carrying over the evening breeze. I searched her face, desperate for any flicker of hope, any softening of the lines around her mouth.
"Yeah. And then?"
Her bluntness was a cold splash of water.
"Is there really no chance for us?" I whispered.
She took a slow, methodical drag from her cigarette, blowing a cloud of smoke into the darkness before turning to face me fully. "If I tell you there's no chance, Ghoth, will you actually stop doing these secret things with me? Will you walk away?"
The question was a physical blow, knocking the breath from my lungs. I couldn't answer. A dark, paralyzing fear began to coil in my gut, anchoring me to the spot.
"Hey. Answer me," she urged, her voice dropping to a soft, dangerous silk.
Still, I remained frozen, the weight of the "what if" crushing my tongue.
"Fine, I'll do the talking then," Sapphire sighed, tapping the ash off her cigarette with a clinical detachment. "Don't be shocked by this. First of all, I've told you before, you can claim my body as much as you want because I want you, too. But you can never have my heart. I will never be able to love you."
The words hit with chilling finality. Never. My heart thrashed against my ribs like a caged bird.
"It's entirely up to you if you want to start avoiding me after tonight," she continued, her voice terrifyingly steady, as if she were discussing the weather rather than the destruction of my soul.
A sinking feeling struck my gut. I instinctively knew this had something to do with the time she spent behind Dayesh's closed door earlier. I forced myself to stay quiet, waiting for the guillotine to drop.
"Something happened between the two of us earlier," she confessed flatly, taking a small, casual sip of her coffee. "But just like with you, I don't love him either. Ghoth, I need to survive. I need to save. If he and his ex-wife ever fix their wreckage, I'm just a ghost in that house. I want to leave with enough money to never have to look back. Every time he calls for me... it comes with a raise."
For a few seconds, the world went gray. My mind couldn't process the transactional coldness of it. A salary raise? If it was purely about money, I would have bled myself dry to give her the world. But it wasn't about the gold, it was about the walls she had built to keep the world out.
"Don't leave me," I pleaded, my voice cracking as I stepped into her space, exposing every raw nerve. "Just stay... come to me. If you decide to leave this place, come to mine. I'll take care of everything."
"I can't, Ghoth. I don't want to. I can't do it. I'm sorry," she whispered. It was only then, as she turned into the moonlight, that I saw them, silent, heavy tears spilling over her lashes and tracking down her cheeks.
"Why are you crying? Saph, did I say something wrong?" I panicked, my hands trembling as I reached for her.
"N-nothing," she choked out, a bitter, jagged smile touching her lips. "I just remembered why I'm like this. I'm sorry... but I can't gamble with my heart ever again. I'd rather you just kill me right now than force me to love you." She reached out, gently patting my shoulder, a gesture of comfort for a wound she was actively deepening.
"Please... just give me a chance to prove it," I begged.
But as I looked at her, I realized that despite the nights we spent tangled together, despite how well I knew the curves of her body, I hadn't even put a single hairline fracture in the fortress around her soul.
"Let's just be content with what we have," she said, her tone returning to a heartbreaking, practical calm. "I told you, you're free. Find a woman you can actually marry, someone who can give you what you want. Just call me whenever you need me in your bed."
"But I don't see you as just some girl for my bed!" I yelled softly, the frustration finally boiling over into my own eyes, blurring my vision. "Why won't you let me in? Why is my love a threat to you?"
I couldn't hold back. Disregarding who might be watching from the windows, I pulled her tightly into my arms. Her frame trembled against mine, and she began to sob, quiet, muffled hiccups, a desperate attempt to stay silent even in her breakdown.
"If I said something wrong... I'm sorry," I whispered into her hair, holding her as if she were made of glass.
"I accept it if you choose to distance yourself," she murmured against my chest. "I don't expect anything from anyone anymore. From where I come from... I learned the hard way that you don't need to love someone just to feel them."
I closed my eyes, letting her words sink in like lead. Whoever had broken her, whoever had taught her that love was a losing gamble, I felt a murderous rage toward them.
When her breathing finally leveled out, a heavy, suffocating silence settled between us.
"Don't leave me, Saph," I whispered, resting my forehead against hers. "I don't think I can handle the void."
"What do you mean you can't handle it? You were perfectly fine before I crashed into your life," she let out a weak, watery laugh, trying to deflect the intensity. "Stop acting like a martyr, Ghoth. I'm not the only girl in the world."
"But you're the only one I see."
"Don't be like that. As the old saying goes... there are plenty of fish in the sea."
"You're not a fish to me, Saph," I said, my gaze locking onto hers, refusing to let her turn away. "You're a diamond. Hard to find, harder to break, and worth everything."
She let out a faint, genuine smile, shaking her head. "Wow. Look at you, turning into a smooth talker."
I looked at her and made a silent vow. I wouldn't force the door anymore. I wouldn't pressure her to unlock the parts of herself that terrified her. For now, as long as I was allowed to stay in her orbit, as long as she let me hold her through the tears... I would be her anchor, whether she believed in love or not.