The following are delivered mid-October.An audio receiver, the Pioneer VSX-9300S, which features anintegrated Dolby Prologic Surround Sound processor with digitaldelay, plus a full-function infrared remote control that masters upto 154 programmed functions from any other brand's remote andgenerates 125 watts of front speaker power as well as 30 watts inback.An analog cassette deck by Akai, the GX-950B, which comescomplete with manual bias, Dolby recording level controls, abuilt-in calibrated tone generator and a spot-erase editing systemenabling one to mark the beginning and end points of a certainmusical passage, which can then be erased with a single push of abutton. The three-head design features a self-enclosed tape unit,resulting in minimized interference, and its noise-reduction setupis fortiɹed with Dolby HX-Pro while its front-panel controls areactivated by a full-function wireless remote.A multidisc CD player by Sony, the MDP-700, which spins bothaudios and videos—anything from three-inch digital audio singlesto twelve-inch video discs. It contains a still-frame slowmotionmultispeed visual/audio laser that incorporates four-times-oversampling and a dual-motor system that helps ensure consistentdisc rotation while the disc-protect system helps prevent the discsfrom warping. An automatic music sensor system lets you makeup to ninety-nine track selections while an auto chapter searchallows you to scan up to seventy-nine segments of a video disc.Included is a ten-key remote control joy-shuttle dial (for frameby-frame search) and a memory stop. This also has two sets ofgold-plated A-V jacks for topnotch connections.A high-performance cassette deck, the DX-5000 from NEC,which combines digital special eʃects with excellent hi-ɹ, and aconnected four-head VHS-HQ unit, which comes equipped with atwenty-one-day eight-event programmer, MTS decoding and 140cable-ready channels. An added bonus: a ɹfty-function uniɹedremote control lets me zap out TV commercials.Included in the Sony CCD-V200 8mm camcorder is a sevencolor wipe, a character generator, an edit switch that's alsocapable of time-lapse recording, which allows me to, say, recorda decomposing body at ɹfteen-second intervals or tape a smalldog as it lies in convulsions, poisoned. The audio has built-indigital stereo record/playback, while the zoom lens has four-luxminimum illumination and six variable shutter speeds.A new TV monitor with a twenty-seven-inch screen, theCX-2788 from Toshiba, has a built-in MTS decoder, a CCD combɹlter, programmable channel scan, a super-VHS connection,seven watts per channel of power, with an additional ten wattsdedicated to drive a subwoofer for extra low-frequency oomph,and a Carver Sonic Holographing sound system that produces aunique stereo 3-D sound eʃect.Pioneer's LD-ST disc player with wireless remote and the SonyMDP-700 multidisc player with digital eʃects and universalwireless-remote programming (one for the bedroom, one for theliving room), which play all sizes and formats of audio and videodiscs—eight-inch and twelve-inch laser discs, ɹve-inch CD videodiscs and three- and ɹve-inch compact discs—in two autoloaddrawers. The LD-Wi from Pioneer holds two full-sized discs andplays both sides sequentially with only a several-second lag perside during the changeover so you don't have to change or ɻipthe discs. It also has digital sound, wireless remote and aprogrammable memory. Yamaha's CDV-1600 multidisc playerhandles all disc formats and has a ɹfteen-selection random-accessmemory and a wireless remote.A pair of Threshold monoblock ampliɹers that cost close to$15,000 are also delivered. And for the bedroom, a bleached oakcupboard to store one of the new televisions arrives on Monday.A tailored cotton-upholstered sofa framed by eighteenth-centuryItalian bronze and marble busts on contemporary painted woodpedestals arrives on Tuesday. A new bed headboard (white cottoncovered with beige brass nail trim) also arrives on Tuesday. Anew Frank Stella print for the bathroom arrives on Wednesdayalong with a new Superdeluxe black suede armchair. The Onica,which I'm selling, is being replaced by a new one: a huge portraitof a graphic equalizer done in chrome and pastels.I'm talking to the delivery guys from Park Avenue Sound Shopabout HDTV, which isn't available yet, when one of the newblack AT&T cordless phones rings. I tip them, then answer it. Mylawyer, Ronald, is on the other end. I'm listening to him,nodding, showing the delivery guys out of the apartment. Then Isay, "The bill is three hundred dollars, Ronald. We only hadcoʃee." A long pause, during which I hear a bizarre sloshingsound coming from the bathroom. Walking cautiously toward it,cordless phone still in hand, I tell Ronald, "But yes ... Wait ... ButI am ... But we only had espresso." Then I'm peering into thebathroom.Perched on the seat of the toilet is a large wet rat that has—I'massuming—come up out of it. It sits on the rim of the toilet bowl,shaking itself dry, before it jumps, tentatively, to the ɻoor. It's amassive rodent and it lurches, then scrambles, across the tile, outof the bathroom's other entrance and into the kitchen, where Ifollow it toward the leftover pizza bag from Le Madri that forsome reason sits on the ɻoor on top of yesterday's New YorkTimes near the garbage pail from Zona, and the rat, lured by thesmell, takes the bag in its mouth and shakes its head furiously,like a dog would, trying to get at the leek-goat cheese-truʀepizza, making squealing sounds of hunger. I'm on a lot of Halcionat this point so the rat doesn't bother me as much as, I suppose, itshould.To catch the rat I buy an extra-large mousetrap at a hardwarestore on Amsterdam. I also decide to spend the night at myfamily's suite in the Carlyle. The only cheese I have in theapartment is a wedge of Brie in the refrigerator and beforeleaving I place the entire slice—it's a really big rat—along with asun-dried tomato and a sprinkling of dill, delicately on the trap,setting it. But when I come back the following morning, becauseof the rat's size, the trap hasn't killed it. The rat just lies there,stuck, squeaking, thrashing its tail, which is a horrible, oily,translucent pink, as long as a pencil and twice as thick, and itmakes a slapping sound every time it hits against the white oakɻoor. Using a dustpan—which it takes me over a fucking hour toɹnd—I corner the injured rat just as it frees itself from the trapand I pick the thing up, sending it into a panic, making it squealeven louder, hissing at me, baring its sharp, yellow rat fangs, anddump it into a Bergdorf Goodman hatbox. But then the thingclaws its way out and I have to keep it in the sink, a board, heavywith unused cookbooks, covering it, and even then it almostescapes, while I sit in the kitchen thinking of ways to torture girlswith this animal (unsurprisingly I come up with a lot), making alist that includes, unrelated to the rat, cutting open both breastsand deɻating them, along with stringing barbed wire tightlyaround their heads.
