I stood on the prayer mat.
It felt unfamiliar.
Almost… foreign.
My hands slowly rose beside my ears.
"Allahu Akbar."
The words trembled as they left my lips.
I hadn't said them in so long.
I folded my hands… but my mind went blank.
What comes next?
I knew this.
I used to know this.
But now…
Nothing.
Silence.
Panic crept into my chest.
"Did I forget… everything?"
My breathing became heavy.
I tried to remember Surah Al-Fatiha.
But the words wouldn't come out.
Only fragments.
Broken pieces.
"…Alhamdu…"
My voice cracked.
Tears started falling.
I couldn't continue.
I dropped to my knees.
"What have I done to myself…?"
Years.
Years of neglect.
And now… I couldn't even stand before my Lord properly.
"I'm so lost…"
My forehead touched the ground.
And for the first time in years—
I cried.
Not because of the world.
Not because of people.
But because of Him.
"Ya Allah…" I whispered.
"I don't know how to come back… but I want to."
The room was silent.
But my heart wasn't.
For the first time in a long time…
It felt alive.