The orange glow of the Nagano sunset filled the windows of the Sawamura home, but for Eijun, the warmth felt mocking. As soon as his mother closed the front door, he quickly took off his shoes and ran straight to his room. Then he collapsed onto the floor, his heart racing.
The panic attack from the park still echoed in his body. Seeing Wakana, not just as a drawing from manga, but as a real girl playing catch, had shattered his defenses. The world was neither a dream nor hallucination. It was a harsh reality, and he was trapped in the life of Sawamura Eijun. For the next few days, the house was quiet. He left his room only to eat, staying silent and returning to his room as soon as he finished. His family was worried about him, but he ignored their attempts to talk. Eventually, they seemed to forget about it when he started spending more time outside his room. They probably thought he was sulking like a normal kid.
Over the following years, he played baseball alone in the backyard against the wall. He practiced till he was exhausted. If he wore himself out enough, he didn't have to think of the girl who once chased scholarships and corporate dreams. He avoided contact with anyone outside his close family, terrified that getting too close to the world would mean belonging to it. He didn't want to remember his neighbors' names or the street layout. To remember was to accept, and he wasn't ready to let go of the "her" that was fading more every day. But the clock didn't care about his fear. When he was four, almost five, he was told a horrible thing for him at that time. He had to go to kindergarten.
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The morning of his first day at kindergarten felt like a march to a gallows he had already seen in a previous life. His mother hummed a cheerful tune as she adjusted his yellow hat, but Eijun felt a cold stone sitting in the pit of his stomach. To her, this was a milestone but to him, it was the moment the "real world" would finally try to claim him. When they arrived, the noise was the first thing that hit him. It was a mix of childish laughter, crying toddlers, and the frantic energy of thirty children who hadn't yet learned the concept of personal space. Eijun stood at the gate, his knuckles white as he gripped his small bag. He had spent years avoiding contact with anyone, hiding in his backyard to preserve the memories of his old self.
Now, he was being pushed into a room full of the very people he was terrified to meet. He retreated to the far corner of the playground, finding a spot under a large oak tree where the shadows were long. He sat down, intending to remain a silent observer, but a shadow soon fell over him. "You're the quiet boy from the house with the big barn, right?" Eijun looked up. His breath hitched. It was Wakana. She was smaller than he remembered from the manga panels, her eyes bright and filled with an unfiltered curiosity.
Behind her stood Nobu and a few other boys - future Akagi middle school team. "I'm Eijun," he said, his voice flat, trying to sound as uninteresting as possible. He kept his distance, physically leaning back against the tree bark. He didn't want to get close to any of the 'characters.' They weren't just children to him; they were symbols of a path he wasn't sure he wanted to take.
"I'm Wakana! And this is Nobu! He says he can hit a ball farther than anyone!" she said cheerfully, ignoring his cold response. "I can!" Nobu shouted, stepping forward with a plastic bat over his shoulder. "Hey, Eijun, come play with us. We need someone to throw!"
"I'm busy," Eijun replied, staring at the dirt.
"Busy doing what? Staring at the ground?" Nobu laughed, not unkindly, but with the energetic spirit associated with the Sawamura world. "I don't think I have to tell you that."
During nap time, he lay awake, staring at the ceiling and counting down the years until he could be independent. During snack time, he ate his orange slices in silence. However, kids are persistent. By afternoon, they surrounded him again. They spent time with him not because he wanted to be with them, but because Nobu and Wakana refused to leave him alone. "Look, Eijun! I found a beetle!" Nobu shouted, shoving the shiny insect near Eijun's face. Despite himself, Eijun's mind kicked in. "That's a Palingotit, a scarab beetle," he muttered before he could stop himself. The group fell silent, staring at him in awe. "Whoa... Eijun is a genius!" Nobu cheered. For a moment, Eijun felt a small warmth in his chest. He felt a little closer to them. He noticed Wakana smile when he shared his knowledge, and the weight of his past seemed a fraction lighter.
But could he actually do this? The story had already changed, so what if he just let them be without getting closer? Wouldn't it be better that way? These thoughts spun in his mind, scared to get closer but unwilling to stop getting to know them.
But as the bell rang for the end of the day, doubts returned. Watching his new "friends" wave goodbye, he felt guilt. Was he betraying the girl he used to be by enjoying this? Was he becoming the 'Eijun' the world expected him to be? He walked home with his mother, hand in hand, feeling like a stranger in his own skin. He had survived the first day, but the struggle between his two identities had only just begun.