I decided to test myself.
A stupid idea, in hindsight.
But I needed to prove something.
That I was still in control.
That whatever this was—it didn't have a hold on me.
So today, I made a decision.
I wasn't going to look at him.
At all.
Not once.
It sounded easy.
Simple.
It wasn't.
The moment I walked in, I felt it.
That pull.
Stronger than before.
Like my body already knew where he was without needing to check.
I ignored it.
Walked straight to my seat.
Sat down.
Looked anywhere but in his direction.
You're fine.
I picked up my phone, scrolling aimlessly, not even processing what I was seeing.
Minutes passed.
Or maybe seconds.
It felt longer.
The urge to look kept building.
Quiet at first.
Then louder.
Then impossible to ignore.
I shifted in my seat, exhaling slowly.
This is ridiculous.
Why was this so hard?
It didn't make sense.
He was a stranger.
Just a stranger.
And yet—
It felt like something was pulling at me from across the room.
Something silent.
Persistent.
Waiting.
I clenched my jaw, forcing myself to stay still.
Don't look.
I didn't.
I couldn't.
Not yet.
But then—
That feeling came back.
Stronger this time.
Like a weight.
Like eyes.
On me.
My grip tightened slightly around my phone.
He's looking.
I didn't need to confirm it.
I already knew.
And somehow, that made it worse.
Because now it wasn't just curiosity.
It was awareness.
Mutual.
Intentional.
I lasted a few more seconds.
Then—
I gave in.
Slowly, I lifted my head.
And there he was.
Watching me.
Like always.
But this time, there was something different in his expression.
Something… knowing.
Like he had been waiting for me to break.
And the worst part?
I had.
A small smile touched his lips.
Not teasing.
Not mocking.
Just… certain.
Like he already understood something I was still trying to deny.
My heart stuttered.
Annoying.
Frustrating.
Unfair.
I looked away quickly, exhaling under my breath.
"This is nothing," I whispered.
But it didn't feel like nothing.
Not anymore.
Because if it really meant nothing—
He shouldn't matter.
And yet…
He did.