"Eris, stop pulling my jacket! You want to strip me naked in the middle of the market?!"
"BUT THAT DOG KEEPS STARING AT ME, YUUJI! He must know I'm a goddess and wants to bite my butt because I smell like heaven!" Eris whined, hanging off my arm like a monkey with a phobia.
Her face was still smudged from the horse-piss hay earlier. Her silver hair, which was supposed to be radiant, now looked more like a fiber broom used to scrub a gutter. People around the market stared at us with that "I feel so bad for that guy with the crazy sister" look.
"Shut up or I'm selling you to a secondhand shop," I threatened. Eris went silent instantly, though her eyes remained wide and wary of a poodle busy licking its own leg in the corner.
We arrived in front of a large building featuring a crest of crossed swords and a shield. The Adventurer's Guild. The place where the dreams of Isekai youths begin, and usually end as manual laborers because they have no skills.
BAM!
I kicked the Guild doors open like a total poser. Everyone inside—rugged adventurers, black-robed mages, and the receptionists—turned at once. Silence followed.
"Yo! Who here wants to sign up the most legendary hero in history?!" I shouted, hands on my hips.
Behind me, Eris whispered, "Yuuji, embarrassing... don't scream..."
"Shut it, Sky Skank. This is called branding."
A beautiful receptionist in a tight uniform (which, let's be honest, was more for eye candy than administration) offered a polite smile, though her eyes narrowed with doubt at my scruffy appearance.
"Welcome. Looking to register as adventurers? The processing fee is 5 bronze coins per person," the receptionist said in a practiced, professional tone.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the 10 coins from the man I'd scammed earlier. "Here, for me and my private assistant with the slightly loose screw in her head."
"HEY! I'M A GODDESS, NOT AN ASSISTANT!" Eris protested, but I ignored her.
The receptionist pulled out two blank crystal cards. "Please place your hands on these cards to check your stats and determine your class."
I went first. I pressed my palm down. A dim light flickered, and text began to etch itself onto the surface.
Name: Yuuji
Level: 1
Strength: 5 (Average sedentary civilian)
Agility: 8 (Good for dodging debt collectors)
Intelligence: 15 (Quite cunning for a human)
Luck: -99 (A miracle you're still alive)
Class: Scumbag of Society (Unique)
Silence again. This time, it was horrifying.
"Pfft—" An adventurer at a back table spat out his beer. "Scumbag of Society?! Hahaha! First time I've ever seen a class lower than 'Unemployed'!"
"Hey, what's with that -99 Luck?!" another adventurer yelled, rolling on the floor laughing. "Were you cursed for seven generations by a horny god or something?"
The receptionist cleared her throat, her face turning red as she stifled a laugh. "Um... Mr. Yuuji... the 'Scumbag of Society' class has never existed in our database. But the description says... you cannot learn Holy skills, but are proficient in all types of deception and sabotage."
"Perfect. That's my talent," I said proudly, pocketing the card. "Now, your turn, Burden."
Eris stepped forward haughtily. She puffed out her modest chest. "Watch this, Yuuji! I'll show you exactly who you brought along! My power will probably make this building explode!"
Eris placed her hand. Bright white light flashed violently—the classic sign of an OP character. Everyone in the Guild tensed up. "Whoa, maybe she really is a goddess!" they muttered.
The card finished processing. The light died down. I snatched the card before Eris could read it.
Name: Eris
Level: 1
Strength: 3 (Weaker than an elementary schooler)
Intelligence: 1 (Often forgets how to breathe if not reminded)
Luck: MAX (Does not apply when near Yuuji)
Charisma: 100 (Only functions to attract creepy old men)
Class: Goddess of Burdens (Permanent)
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Now it was my turn to roll on the Guild floor laughing. "INTELLIGENCE 1?! ERIS, YOU'RE LITERALLY DUMBER THAN A TADPOLE!"
"WHAT?! IMPOSSIBLE! LET ME SEE!" Eris snatched the card, read it, and her face turned pale as a corpse. "Why... why is my intelligence only 1?! I'm a goddess! I know the secrets of the universe!"
"Secrets of the universe my foot! You didn't even know whether to 'pull' or 'push' the door earlier; you just walked straight into the glass!"
"THAT'S BECAUSE THE GLASS WAS TOO CLEAN, YUUJI! HUWEEEE!" Eris started crying again. The Guild, which was supposed to be a cool place, had turned into a circus.
DING!
[Degenerate Act Detected: Insulting a Goddess's Stats in Public until she suffers a Mental Breakdown.]
[You Earned: 150 Degeneracy Points!]
[Current Degeneracy Points: 250]
"Alright, since we're registered as 'Scumbag' and 'Burden,' time to find a quest," I said, dragging Eris by her collar toward the quest board.
I scanned the papers. There was 'Slaying a Dragon' (Death), 'Escorting a Noble' (Lazy), and then one quest caught my eye.
[Quest: Clean Axel City's Sewers from Green Slime (Waste Slime).]
[Reward: 500 bronze coins.]
[Note: Extremely disgusting, smelly, and risks ruining clothes.]
I ripped the paper off immediately. "Eris, we're taking this."
"WHAT?! CLEANING SEWERS?! I'M A GODDESS, YUUJI! THESE HANDS ARE FOR BLESSING THE WORLD, NOT FOR DIGGING THROUGH SLOP!"
"Listen here, Sky Skank. Your intelligence is 1. The only thing you can do right now is act as bait or a scooper. Take your pick: dive into the sewer, or I leave you here to be a waitress for those creepy old men at the bar."
Eris glanced at the bar, where a group of old adventurers was staring at her while licking their lips. Eris started shaking instantly.
"S-sewer... the sewer isn't that bad, right?"
"Good choice. Come on, time to harvest some underground degeneracy points!"
We walked out of the Guild—well, I walked with enthusiasm, while Eris dragged her feet like a zombie. At the exit, I purposefully tripped the adventurer who laughed at me earlier, sending him face-first into a trash can.
DING!
[Degeneracy Points +20!]
"Life is beautiful when you have no shame, Eris."
"YOU DO! I DON'T! HUWEEEE!"