Inside The Red Keep, King's Landing.
"It's been a long time, my dear uncle."
As soon as Joffrey entered the council chamber, he saw Tyrion Lannister and greeted him with a broad smile.
"Yes, it really has been a long time. Seeing my dear nephew being so polite, I thought I was still drunk from last night and hadn't woken up yet."
"My dear uncle, I wonder what instructions you have for me this time?"
Joffrey casually tossed a few lemon candies into his mouth. He still felt some goodwill toward his uncle, Tyrion Lannister; at the very least, their interests were highly aligned.
Furthermore, the relationship between Joffrey and Tyrion, whether by blood or politics, was much closer than with people like Petyr Baelish and Varys.
"My dear nephew, you truly are His Majesty the King now, above all others. For the sake of our good relationship, could you give me the position of hand of the king?"
"Although I have a letter of appointment from our Lord Tywin Lannister here, I still hope for your strong support—just as Littlefinger strongly supports brothels."
Tyrion spoke half-jokingly; he could see that Joffrey was indeed different from before.
Moreover, from his observations along the way, Tyrion found that his dear nephew Joffrey had already purged the spies planted in King's Landing by other factions, and even those from House Lannister were no exception.
This ruthless way of handling things was just like his father, Lord Tywin—well, a Lord Tywin with hair.
"No problem. I've always put blood relatives first. Besides, I must listen carefully to Lord Tywin Lannister's orders; otherwise, who knows when he might replace me."
With that, Joffrey nonchalantly tossed the badge of the hand of the king to Tyrion Lannister.
"Hah, I think you should just set your heart at ease. I'm not trying to compete with you, but our Lord Tywin has always wanted to replace me as his son. He's spent more time working toward that goal than he has leading armies in battle."
Tyrion happily caught the badge, raised his wine cup for a sip, and chuckled self-deprecatingly.
"Then you're more miserable than I am; I can't compete with that."
Joffrey gave a wry smile and raised his glass.
"To our amiable and kind Lord Tywin Lannister!"
Seeing this, Tyrion Lannister also chuckled and clinked glasses with Joffrey.
"To our Lord Tywin Lannister, whose fatherly love is as immovable as a mountain!"
They had confirmed each other's positions and formed an alliance then and there. Sometimes, the strongest covenants are the simplest to make.
Joffrey Baratheon and Tyrion Lannister—one was Tywin's maternal and paternal grandson, the other was Tywin's son.
As it turned out, the grandson didn't call him grandfather, and the son didn't call him father. Both addressed him as 'Lord Tywin' at every turn; it was truly a picture of harmony, with a content king and happy subjects.
...
Outside The Red Keep.
"Where are you heading, Lord Baelish? I get the feeling you're avoiding me."
Having just received the badge of the hand of the king from Joffrey, Tyrion Lannister, accompanied by Bronn and several members of the Mountain Clansmen, cornered the Master of Coin, "Littlefinger" Petyr Baelish, right in front of The Red Keep's gates.
After all, Tyrion Lannister was never one to let a grudge sit overnight; having been screwed over so badly by Petyr Baelish, he had to get his payback.
"Hand of the King, what are you doing? We are colleagues, after all. If something unpleasant were to happen, it wouldn't reflect well on His Majesty's honor."
Seeing Tyrion Lannister approaching aggressively, Petyr Baelish did not panic. Maintaining his smile and composure, he decisively invoked King Joffrey's name as a shield.
Sure enough, hearing him mention Joffrey, Tyrion remembered that his nephew was still making heavy use of Littlefinger.
His behavior softened slightly; he merely had him surrounded without making a move, though Bronn's hand resting on Littlefinger's shoulder exerted significant pressure.
Tyrion said, "Lord Baelish, you've certainly done quite a deed. Because of your words, I've suffered quite a bit."
Hearing Tyrion's thinly veiled threat, Petyr Baelish knew he wouldn't be able to leave today without paying a price.
When Littlefinger originally framed Tyrion, he never expected him to return alive, as Petyr Baelish had specifically instructed Lysa Tully to have Tyrion killed, ensuring there would be no possibility of reconciliation between House Stark and House Lannister.
However, to his surprise, Tyrion left The Eyrie unscathed. Seeing that the Starks and Lannisters might reconcile, Littlefinger had to resort to some backup plans.
"Hand of the King, you've just returned to King's Landing, and perhaps you're a bit short on Gold Dragons. I am willing to personally provide you with five thousand Gold Dragons as support. Let's just consider it making a friend."
Petyr Baelish smiled, patting Tyrion Lannister on the shoulder to show intimacy. He was truly out of money now; it had all been spent over the last few days.
Not just money; he had also given up a fossilized skeleton of a hatchling dragon from the era of the Dance of the Dragons that he had treasured for years.
Furthermore, a fellow calling himself "A Man" had been hounding him for debts in King's Landing, making his life miserable.
"I've heard that Lord Baelish has a knack for making money and must have acquired many properties over the last two years. Why don't you give me that tavern and brothel in the city center?"
Tyrion also knew he couldn't touch Littlefinger for the time being, so he made an outrageous demand for some tangible benefits—five thousand Gold Dragons was like tipping a beggar.
One had to realize that land in the center of King's Landing was worth its weight in gold; the daily profit from a single tavern was more than an ordinary person could earn in a lifetime.
Petyr Baelish maintained his outward composure, but he secretly gritted his teeth and said, "The tavern is a joint venture between the state and myself, so I cannot give it to you. However, I can decide to gift you that brothel."
He was truly out of options; after all, even a powerful dragon struggles against a local snake.
Littlefinger had only been in King's Landing for a few years. Although his promotions had been meteoric thanks to his relationships with Lysa Tully and Old Jon, he certainly couldn't match the connections of an established noble house like the Lannisters.
Furthermore, since the former Commander of the City Watch, Janos Slynt, had been sent to the Wall, he had no usable military force at his disposal.
The new Commander of the City Watch that Varys had found for Joffrey, Ser Jeslyn Beesbury, was a real blockhead—even harder to deal with than Eddard Stark.
Upon hearing Petyr Baelish's promise, Tyrion immediately beamed with joy.
He jokingly scolded Bronn, "Bronn, what are you doing? Hurry up and let go of our good friend Lord Petyr Baelish. Your lodging has been settled!"
Tyrion had gone to great lengths to get this brothel; if he hadn't made such an outrageous demand, he wouldn't have known Littlefinger was actually this wealthy.
Watching the jubilant Tyrion and the men behind him, Petyr Baelish felt a pang of heartache.
He called out to Tyrion, who was about to turn and leave, and looked at him with his grey-green eyes, saying:
"Lord Tyrion, serving in the same court is like being in the same boat. I hope we can coexist harmoniously on this vessel."
"Certainly, certainly."
...
"And who are you, the proud lord said..."
After a night of revelry outside, Tyrion Lannister felt wonderful. Humming a tune, he walked into the council chamber with Bronn, ready for his daily routine of clocking in for work.
The King had not called for a Small Council meeting today, so normally the hand of the king would just come in alone to handle administrative affairs.
However, before he could even sit down, Joffrey Baratheon, who had been sitting at the head of the table early, suddenly spoke up.
"My dear uncle, is your business finished?"
This question made Tyrion pause, then he realized what was happening after glancing at Varys, the master of whisperers, sitting beside Joffrey.
Could this fellow have told his nephew Joffrey about him extorting "Littlefinger" yesterday?
"Hehe, my dear nephew. I was just settling a small personal grudge; Littlefinger and I have a long history of grievances."
Tyrion Lannister smiled, feeling that Joffrey was making a mountain out of a molehill.
But then Joffrey said, "Littlefinger is only useful for the time being. If you want to kill him in a while, I wouldn't mind. What I'm asking is, have you registered the property you got from him with the state?"
"Registered? Register what?"
That's news to me. Since when does giving someone something require registration? Tyrion was a bit baffled.
At that moment, Varys suddenly pulled out a stack of documents from under the table and read:
"According to the new laws promulgated by His Majesty the King, any property in King's Landing must disclose its ownership, costs, profits, and taxes to the state. Furthermore, a business license personally signed by His Majesty is required; otherwise, it will be legally nationalized by the state."
Hearing this, Tyrion's face turned green. A property he had just managed to acquire was being nationalized right away? What kind of logic was this? This business license thing was clearly a scheme thought up by Joffrey to rake in money.
Having not seen him for a few months, how had his dear nephew become as wicked as Littlefinger? Though, he was probably quite wicked to begin with.
Seeing Tyrion Lannister stunned into silence, Varys glanced at King Joffrey and continued:
"Lord Tyrion, His Majesty has prepared two options for you to choose from: one is full nationalization, and the other is a fifty-fifty split between the individual and the state."
"Are you really giving me a choice? I can't be stupid enough to pick the first one, can I?"
"If you truly wish to choose it, there's nothing I can do."
"You!"
Tyrion Lannister finally saw through it; his nephew Joffrey and the master of whisperers, Varys, were playing a double act with him.
Moreover, he suspected that Joffrey might have planned this the moment he entered the city—letting him act as the vanguard to demand things from Petyr Baelish, while Joffrey waited in the back for his share.
"Wait, Littlefinger said the tavern in the city center was a joint venture between him and the state. Don't tell me..."
"Uncle, you truly are clever. Littlefinger chose the second option," Joffrey said, clapping his hands with a smile.
"My dear uncle, I won't touch the legitimate properties of ordinary commoners. However, for complex industries like this, which involve many noble factions behind the scenes, I must uncover the inside story."
Joffrey continued, "Besides, surely you realize that some of the money involved isn't exactly clean?"
With things having reached this point, Tyrion Lannister had no other choice. He could only go with the flow and split half with Joffrey, treating it as a stupidity tax.
"Fine, I'll take the loss this time. Half and half it is," Tyrion said with a wave of his hand, turning away and slumping into his chair with a look of disgust, refusing to look at Joffrey.
"It seems my uncle is reasonable after all. We'll handle the paperwork in a moment, and I will personally sign the license for you." Joffrey was quite satisfied with Tyrion; it seemed he should be a bit nicer to him in the future.
In fact, Joffrey's policy was mainly aimed at nobles hiding their assets, but Tyrion Lannister just happened to get caught in it.
Joffrey had no other choice but to reluctantly part with what he loved.
Well, he'd endure Tyrion's pain and part with what Tyrion loved.
After all, if he ignored it when it came to his uncle Tyrion, the ministers would start grumbling about the King's unfair enforcement of the law.
Just then, Tyrion Lannister seemed to recall something important. He sat up and asked:
"How is this 'half' divided? Half the money and half the women? The money is easy, but how do we divide the women? I seem to recall that the number of women in that brothel is odd. We can't exactly split the extra woman in half, can we?"
Joffrey Baratheon was stunned by his words. Before he could speak, Tyrion Lannister continued:
"Let's get this straight first: I want the bottom half."
"Get out! You can have all the women; I only want half the money!" Joffrey was shocked by Tyrion's wild imagination. That he could come up with something so bizarre was truly something else.
"Then I thank Your Majesty," Tyrion Lannister said, spreading his hands with a nonchalant smile.