He breathed for another week, but never woke from his fretful sleep. Luna sat by his bedside holding his hand as much as she was allowed and wept every time Jaeger or Amelia drew her away. She became a ghost of a child, eating what was put before her and listening absently to stories that were read to her. All the while the snow fell.
The funeral was small - with a larger service planned once travel became possible again. They traveled through tunnels dug in the deep snow to the chapel and the graveside. The handful of dirt Luna threw atop her father's coffin was muddy with ice and splattered. Beside her princess-consort Serena's face might have been carved from marble - her makeup so skillfully applied that the redness of her eyes was barely noticeable. Luna held her cold hand tightly beside the coffin.
Luna barely found the energy to eat breakfast after Amelia coaxed her out of bed with her favorite tea and the Cook's rare sweet nut buns. She'd lain awake half the night weeping, only to exhaust herself and wake again in the small hours to cry more when she realized she couldn't run to her father and tell him about the terrible nightmare he'd died. Because the nightmare was her world.
Amelia was chattering silly gossip as she moved around the room, her limbs long and gangling. She went on about which cats the stable boys were betting had fathered Lady Fusset's pampered feline's litter, or how the maids were organizing two seperate groups to gather holly and pine boughs for the midwinter celebrations. Luna's breath caught in a little sob. Midwinter was her birthday and her father had promised that he would take her on a sled ride through the frozen forest just the two of them. Amelia heard the noise and turned, her eyes widening as she realized her misstep l. But she didn't get a word out befote the bedroom door was flung open.
Jaeger hurled himself into the room, already dressed for a day in court. His face was red from running and he bent double, a hand braced on his knee to suck in air. Amelia stilled, hands at her sides and watched the young man with intent eyes. Luna looked up from her tea, clutched to her chest, barely noticing the hot liquid had slopped onto her night gown.
"Jaeger?" her voice wobbled, "What's happened?"
It had to be something terrible, but he didn't tell her. Instead he looked to Amelia.
"Get together the finest outfit that Luna can put on quickly." Amelia nodded, eyes narrowed as she turned on her heel for the wardrobe. Jaeger moved to Luna, kneeling at her side. He took the teacup from her trembling fingers. "The princess-consort has called the Council together to petition them for a Regency. She's claiming you're not ready to be Queen."
Queen. Luna hadn't even had time to think of her coronation in her grief over her father's death. But yes, the preparations would have begun today. And Serena was already closeted in with the council.
"Amelia!" she yelped, looking at her maid, the young woman's teeth bared as she pulled out a heavy dark gray gown and the rest of the things that would remind the Council who now ruled. She met Luna's gaze and said firmly, eyes flashing.
"Eat, your Majesty."
"I'll be in your sitting room to escort you." Jaeger squeezed Luna's hands, drawing her attention back to tea and the plate of food. Luna's throat felt tight but she nodded and let him go to pick up a bun.
In an amount of time that would have shocked most of the court ladies, Jaeger took Luna's arm and they walked through the royal wing to the public part of the palace. Her spine was straight with rage and the tight lacing of her corset. Talk died as she and Jager passed, leaving only the sound of their footsteps.
He squeezed her arm before releasing it to push open the heavy doors to the council chambers, his deep voice cutting through the conversation already taking place, "Her Royal Majesty, Queen Luna!"
There was a brief pause and then the buzz of conversation in the chamber resumed, the council discussing the fate of the Kingdom in low strained voices as Serena presided from her father's seat at the head. Serena avoided Luna's gaze, looking instead down the table as the discussion continued.
Luna took in the discussion as she paced to her father's seat. Seven councilors kept glancing at Serena for her approval, three seemed unsure and two rose to bow to her with murmurs of grave greeting. She took their hands and pressed her fingers into them firmly, meeting their eyes and nodding.
Then she was at Serena's side and she raised her voice, trying to keep it from breaking or shaking. "You have no right to that seat, princess-consort. You have no voice on this Council."
That silenced the council for a moment and Luna turned, hands clenching at her sides. Now her voice broke, but she couldn't help the words that spilled out.
"How dare you! All of you! My father has only just been laid in his g-grave! How dare you," She rounded on Serena, tears on her cheeks. "Grab for power like this when the kingdom is in mourning. Did you even love him!?"
The princess-consort's face paled, bright spots of red appearing on her cheeks. "The kingdom is in disarray and that must be dealt with, Princess. But you are right, this seat is not mine. Nor is it yours. And I think you have shown the council exactly why you are unfit to take it at this time."
Luna's stomach twisted, and she turned to the faces of the council, the people who had advised her father and helped him rule. There was grief and compassion on some faces, disapproval on more but it was clear that not one of them would voice support for a girl of thirteen to assume the throne. Her throat closed as Serena called Jaeger to take her back to her rooms. His expression was mulish and for a moment Luna thought he would lose his temper on the council. But he just took her arm and they walked back to her rooms in the same bubble of voices falling silent that they had come with. A quiet decree hours later announced Serena as the Princess Regent. Luna did not bother to leave her room for it.
Luna wasn't sure if she was miserable or relieved when midwinter came and Amelia brought her breakfast to her in her rooms, instead of helping her dress for the exuberant festivities that the castle had always thrown for her birthdays. Instead she was escorted to the Princess Regent's study, a small sunroom that had been redone for the purpose. Serena stood looking out at the winter gardens, she half turned as Luna curtseyed and took a seat before the ash desk that her stepmother had commissioned, there were few papers on it, and her newly crafted Regency seal with golden wax, no pens or ink for writing nor books for research. "It would be inappropriate for the castle to celebrate your birthday so soon after your father's death and on a village holiday. So we will not. You are fourteen now and should display the maturity of your age. Soon you will begin the lessons most important to your station, ones your father neglected in his indulgence of your headstrong nature. Spend today in quiet reflection of what it means to be a ruler since you have already declared you believe yourself ready to do so."
Luna pressed her lips hard together, glaring at Serena's profile. She managed her response in a low voice thatl held a touch of the anger that simmered in her stomach at this high handed move. "Yes, stepmother. Of course, stepmother. May I be excused then?"
Serena waved her hand and turned back to the window. Luna saw herself out, heels clicking in the halls as she went back to her rooms. She stiffened her spine at the pitying glances or whispers behind hands as she passed. That bravado lasted until she was able to collapse onto her settle shaking. Amelia and Jaeger had other duties or unlike her they were at the village fair. Luna curled in on herself, wondering what Serena considered the appropriate lessons that her father hadn't. Whatever they were, a pity of dread opened up in Luna's stomach. Tears dripped down her cheeks no matter how many times she wiped them away with her fingers. She gave up on stopping them after a while and closed her eyes remembering her father holding her small hands in his and telling her more and ridiculous stories about midwinter.
Amelia woke her hours later, all of Luna's maids arrayed behind her, mostly grinning as if they were up to something though a couple looked nervous as they all stepped back to reveal a lovely little tea of cakes and sweets from the village festival. They crowded around her as she burst into tears again, flinging herself into the group of them and hugging indiscriminately. She was petted and wished a happy birthday before being firmly settled in the center of the tea and treated to the gossip of the castle as she had been when she was much younger. Luna was happy enough to tuck her stocking feet up under the warm layers of her gown and listen to the older maids tease Amelia about a certain cook's apprentice with her lovely golden braids.
"You even bought her that red ribbon didn't you!" teased one of the older girls, Amelia blushed and grinned.
"She loved it."
Luna considered if she felt slighted that she hadn't gotten any gifts when it was traditional for one to give their friends gifts at midwinter and it was her birthday. Looking around though that seemed ungrateful and after all her maids had spent their money on the treats they'd all shared.
"Thank you all for the tea." Luna said with a small smile, curled over her warm cup.
"Oooh, Princess! If you really want to thank us, tell us who strikes your fancy among the castle folks." Luna found herself in the center of all their eyes. She gaped at the grinning group of maids, all except Amelia who had her lips pressed together and eyes averted.
The chief of her maids who had served her father's late mother and dangled Luna as a babe on her knee, affectionately called Auntie by most of the castle, cleared her throat.She cast a beady eye over the group. "The lad our Luna fancies should be plain to anyone with eyes. If you don't know then you're blinder than me."
There was a general outcry at Auntie for that statement but no one pushed Luna further as Amelia brought up the village bonfire and the dances. More teasing ensued then, the maids pouncing on each other about who they would dance with. Finally the sun was setting and the maids swept out, shooed along by Auntie. The old woman helped Luna out of her sleep crumpled and tearstained gown and into a fresh shift. They settled by long habit in a chair and footstool that stood in front of the fireplace. Auntie ran a brush through Luna's white locks, another long habit of theirs. Luna let the familiarity of the situation lull her, her eyes half closing.
"Auntie, what did you mean about me fancying a lad? I don't think I do?" Luna turned her head, the brush tugging through the long locks. Auntie smiled at her, her eyes vanishing in a nest of wrinkles.
"You'll know when you know, my dear. And until then you needn't worry about such things." Auntie laid the brush aside and Luna turned to face the fire again as the old woman slowly arranged her hair in a complex braid. Luna thought of asking her about the lessons Serena had mentioned but she didn't know where to start asking questions or if Auntie would even have any answers.
Luna watched the old woman pick out a somber wool gown dyed the color of winter firs but embroidered with greens and reds of holly. It was a fine version of what any maid in their kingdom might wear, and Luna knew it had been a gift to her from the tailor's guild last year. It was warm, comfortable and appropriate for mourning as were the rest of the pieces the old woman chose for her. Luna beamed at her for it as she wrapped a black shawl over the outfit and waved Luna back to the settle. Her eyes fixed on Luna's. "You should know it was young Amelia that was behind that little tea we had, coaxing all the girls to put in a few coins for the treats."
"I'll thank her properly, Auntie!"
"I know you will, my dear."
With that said Luna picked up the history of their kingdom she'd been reading and resumed her great grandfather's faded but plainly written account of a day spent in court judgment. He'd been deciding the fate of a man accused of diverting his neighbor's stream. It took Luna several seconds to resurface at a knock on her bedroom door. Jaeger peered around the door a moment later and smiled at her holding up a small bouquet of flowers including two lovely and most certainly out of season white lilies. "Happy Birthday!"
"Jaeger!" She yelped, ancient lawmaking forgotten as she scrambled to her feet to hug him. He wrapped her in a one armed, horse, hay and pine scented embrace. She hurried for a vase and filled it with water from her wash pitcher. Jaeger plucked one of the lilies from the other flowers and tucked it behind her ear. Luna's heart warmed, and she leaned on him again as she put the rest into the vase and arranged them to an effect she liked. They looked at the flowers together as she sighed. "They're perfect."
"Yes," He said, turning to smile at her. "They suit you."
A moment passed as they smiled at each other then he chuckled and held out his arm formally. "May I escort you to your birthday dinner?"
"It's just dinner. The Princess Regent was very firm about that, but yes. I'd be delighted by your escort." She slid her arm into his, ignoring how his smile faded and his head tipped questioningly. But he didn't actually ask and she didn't elaborate as they walked together toward the dining room.
Jaeger walked her up to the royal table and pulled out her chair. Luna curtseyed to him with a quick grin and seated herself so he could push her chair in. Luna extended her hand to him. "My thanks, Huntsman."
Jaeger took it and bowed over it, murmuring so quietly Luna only barely heard it herself. "I am honored, my Queen."
She started but he only grinned at her as he straightened. The grin fell away to a polite courtly smile as Luna heard a step behind her. "Your Highness."
"Huntsman. Thank you for your escort of our dear Princess Royal."
Jaeger's eyes flicked to Luna's but he bowed and withdrew. Luna turned to her stepmother, who looked away from the young man's retreating back to study her. "An interesting choice of gown for dinner."
Luna looked out over the court. "The wool for the gown came from sheep in the mountain foothills, the embroidery thread was dyed in the castle village and the needlework was done here in the castle. This gown is of our kingdom. You asked me to contemplate what it means to be a ruler. I think it means being aware of our people from the least shepard to the members of the Council."
Serena raised a cool eyebrow at her. "I see. An admirable stance to take, if naive. Now it's time for dinner."
She looked away dismissing Luna and raising a hand to begin the dinner service. The tea felt distant as the food was brought out. Luna wasn't certain at first but her portions seemed smaller than usual. The roast fowl, Luna's favorite, cinched it. Instead of an entire small bird she was only served half of one. She lifted her head to call the server back but Serena's cool smile stopped her. "Really Luna dear, you do eat far too much. That's more than enough food for a proper lady."
Luna let her hand fall, feeling her heart sink with it. She muttered. "Yes, stepmother." And picked up her fork to nibble on the food that suddenly didn't seem appealing anymore.
The meal was interminable, Luna could feel Serena's triumphant gaze on her and barely ate anymore. She didn't join the court, instead drifting back to her room to stare listlessly at her history book. She'd finally become absorbed into the words again when Amelia slipped into the room and gave a little cough.
"You didn't eat your dinner. Cook picked out that bird herself and nearly cried putting a knife to it. And you didn't eat it." There was a sharp edge to the other girl's voice. Luna looked up at her, the book falling to her lap. She felt the words as if they were blows and it must have shown on her face as Amelia's blanched.
"Oh L-luna." She hurried over with a covered tray in her hands. "We all thought you'd overindulged at our tea. But that wasn't it, was it?"
Luna shook her head, staring at the floor, though she could smell butter and spice from whatever Amelia was carrying. Her stomach protested that dinner had not been much at all. "It was her. She thinks I eat too much. That I'm not ladylike."
Amelia set the tray down and grabbed Luna's hand, tugging her over to the armchair by the fire and the now uncovered tray of toasted buns, apple butter, the rest of the roast fowl, cheese and hot cider. The maid was getting stronger and Luna didn't fight the pull. "Eat. You need it."
Luna gave her a grateful smile and dug in as Amelia made the room ready for sleep.
She yawned as she walked to the library the next morning, a minute or two late for her morning lessons. She hesitated as she passed the gates that closed off the royal family's private collection. Technically as the Princess Royal she could read any book from that section she wanted. Luna slowed her steps further, looking at a small ornate shelf that held her father and mother's journals. She turned away from the books, feeling strangely raw. Maybe she'd read her father's journals one day, but not yet.
Instead she walked into her arithmetic lesson only to find one of the royal guards waiting for her instead of her tutor. The blank-faced man escorted her to the Princess Regent's study where Serena smiled brightly at her as she explained the change in Luna's lesson plans.
"In short, my tutors have been dismissed and I'm forbidden from the library?" Her voice was careful, polite and soft as she studied her stepmother's face. Apparently it wasn't enough as Serena's eyebrows drew down and her mouth twisted.
"You don't need them. Studying things like finances, law and taxes is far too serious. We have advisors for such things. You'll have dancing lessons, memorize classical poetry and the heraldic code instead." A book was thrust into her hands, Luna grasped it automatically.
"Memorize that. You'll recite for the court at the end of the week." Serena waved her out, Luna heard as she moved towards the door. "Call for my Huntsman. I wish to go out falconing."
She started to turn but didn't get half way before she decided that hunting probably wasn't something Ladies did. Only Queens. Her shoulders slumping, Luna looked down at the floor. She didn't see Jaeger until his shoulder knocked into hers. He gave her a small quizzical smile but she just hurried on without returning it. She found one of the lesser used sitting rooms, out of fashion in the winter with its dismal views of the snow covered gardens. She leafed wearily through the poetry book. Jaeger found her there after lunch, his court clothing suggesting that her stepmother had not gone falconing after all.
"Why don't you come and visit the stables with me." He knelt by her chair and closed the book that had been open to the same page on her lap for nearly ten minutes. Luna lifted her head and looked at him.
"Ladies only ride in the summer, Huntsman Jaeger." Her voice was solemn and prim as she repeated one of Serena's harped on maxims. He drew back warily, his brows coming together before a smile bloomed and warmed her heart.
"Luna. I doubt anyone has accused you of being a lady." His deep voice carried the same solemn note and the young man was rewarded with the first hint of a smile he had seen in weeks. She climbed out of the chair and took his hand in hers.
"Yes. I want to go to the stables. Can I sit up on your horse?" Jaeger nodded as he fetched her heavy winter cloak.
"Of course. If that's what you want. I'll even walk him around the corral for you." Luna gave another small sad smile and Jaeger gently mussed her silvery hair.
It wasn't long before she had her gloved hands buried in the charcoal mane of the draft horse Jaeger rode. He jogged in front of them encouraging the horse to trot and make her laugh as she bounced along. It was a recreation that they had enjoyed ever since the young man had entered her father's service. Jaeger wasn't quite a knight as he had been born common and tradition did not allow commoners to become knights, but his position as the Royal Huntsman and Champion afforded him special considerations. Like occasionally looking after wayward little Princesses.
Luna laughed and directed him about the castle grounds with delighted imperiousness.
"Right, Highness." He said playing up the country accent that palace living had softened.
"Oh! Oh! Shall we go to the chapel, Jaeger?" Luna clasped her hands atop the horse as Jaeger turned the steed. He gave a little flourish of a bow.
"As my lady wishes." His court accent was perfect now and his tanned face split in a white toothed smile. They headed towards the gate, crossing the courtyard beneath the castle windows. Movement flashed in the corner of Luna's vision and she looked up at the windows of the Princess Regent's study. Her stepmother stood behind the glass watching the pair in the courtyard, looking down her nose. She might have smiled gently. Luna watched her, not realizing that Jaeger's pace was slowing until the horse fully stopped.
"Huntsman Jaeger!" She pulled her gaze from the window as a page ran mellpell up to them. He was older than Luna but younger than Jaeger. His cheeks were red with cold and exertion. The day seemed to dim around them as he caught his breath.
"Huntsman Jaeger, her Royal Majesty, the Princess Regent requests your presence immediately. And-" he gave a soulful glance at Luna.
"Reminds her Highness, the Princess Royal that Ladies do not ride in the winter." The boy backed away quickly as Jaeger lifted Luna down from the saddle. He used the move to mask a small hug.
"It's alright, P-… Luna."
She stood before the great doors of the castle she was meant to rule, growing colder in the winter light and looked back at the study window. But her stepmother was gone.