Some of the whiskey splashed on her shoes,then stared at me, a cruel smirk on her lips. "I believe you once told people that i eat on the ground. I'm not mistaken,Am I".
"Cj, name your price". "how much would it take for you to shine my shoes using your tongue?".
I had said those words, only to protect her. The girl who pursued me comes from a wealthy family as mine, some even wealthier. I have no power over them, so belittling her was the only way i can think of to lessen her suffering.
I wanted to explain, to tell her everything. But i held back afraid she wouldn't believe me or worse she wouldn't care.
I looked at her , my voice was steady " no charge,if it makes you happy".
Even if it is humiliating, I endure and bend down leaning over to her shoes like a dog preparing to lick it. But all of the sudden she kicked my shoulder, knocking me away.
She bursts into laughter. "Cj, have you completely lost your pride? if it makes you happy ? or did you figure saying that me make you give more money".
My heart seized. I never imagined she could hate me this much.
But it's made perfect sense, the old kara has been sensitive and fiercely proud of herself. And I publicly degraded her. If our roles were reversed, I would hate me too.
F*ck, i would love to tell her the truth. i want to explain that i only did that to protect her. But I'm afraid of her scorn. I was even afraid that she would come back to me.
But if she came back to me...... did i even deserve her?.
I stumbled back, landing hard on the floor. I couldn't meet her eyes. She had no idea no one could trample my dignity because, i didn't care what they thought.
But she's deffirent. All it took was one scornful laugh and my heart broke into a million pieces.
I shook my head.
Kara beckoned to me in one finger, "come here on your knee".
I crawl back to kara and kneeling so close . I had been once this close to her, When she fell asleep at the library desk in my old penthouse. She exhausted doing school work, back then i wanted to steal a kiss but i didn't have the nerve to do it. I had leaned down and covered her with a blanket.
Now at the same distance, I had to look up at her. she looked down on me like i am truly were a dog.
Kara tilted my chin up"Cj 3 years... and you've become more interesting. But why are you not smiling?' is this how to you treat your customer??".
I forced a smile, She nodded and was satisfied.
How many times have I dreamed of holding that hand? but never dared. Afraid it would upset her, think no woman would want a man touch to be transactional. I never crossed the line, because i respect and admire her.
All of that makes me love her.
Or maybe i already love her, anyway. Why did I love her? and what i love about her?..... I don't really know, i just did.
Three years in prison, the only things that keep me going is the thought of seeing her one last time. the hell I endured in there was more than would have been enough to kill me thousand times over.
I speak. "Madam if there is nothing else, I'll be on my way"
I turn away without waiting for her reply. Yes I'm running away, I am even ready to quit my job because stripping all of my dignity in front of her is the only thing i can't bear.
"STOP".
"Who said you can leave".
Her voice is sharp and cold, I know she not gonna left me off so easily.
I hesitate for a moment, turned back in front of her and let a long sigh. I drop on my knees again. A self-deprecating smile on my face." I said a lot of hurtful thing back then. I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry... if you can't accept my apology, punish me all at once. And get over with. can you just do that... just let me go please i begging you!!!"
Kara face look irritate, She grab my collar. "get up".
I was drag by kara outside the bar, I dont know what about to happened. then kara suddenly speak. "CJ do i look stupid to you?".
I was taken aback, I shook my head. How can she be stupid, when she build a million-dollars impire. I dont know why she asking me this.
"CJ, I asked the manager about you". She said and her tone is full of mockery ." He said your customer the other day was pervert old man, and you did anything for that old man for a thousand dallor".
Kara smirk and ask me "how much is your freedom?". Then she take out a bundle of cash and toss it in front of me. "Is this enough". I really needed money because the debtor is still harassing me. My salary and tips isn't enough to pay the debt. I want to take the money but the tought of what she wants from me terrified me.
I ask kara with a soft and sad tone. "Kara can you really not forgive me?.... Do you hate me that much?". After I speak, I walk right pass her and enter at the bar.
Kara shout angrily. " Yes!!! I hate you that much!!! So much that I want to kill you myself!!! But....." Even tought i heard her shouting, I never stop walking because I know if i hear more it'll be more painful and unbearable.