"Careful...careful...we don't want to ruin this" said Lorimer with a eye dropped like plant in hand
Lorimer was currently standing in front of an awfully realistic globe that had even clouds with an eye dropper in hand
Lorimer carefully squeezed the plant in his hand, letting an odd liquid fall on the globe. the liquid's effect took place a few seconds later, clouds that floated over the globe started moving around like actual clouds
It was as if the wind disappeared and the liquid brought it back
Lorimer let out a sigh of relief before a satisfied smile formed on his face
"Only a little more work and i can have the perfect test site" said Lorimer as he prepared the dropped once more "a fully functional human free mini planet"
"LORIMER!" Yelled Jerry as he barged into the room causing Lorimer to crush the plant, dropping a large amount of the wind liquid unto the small planet
Which led to a tornado that made the planet smash into Lorimer's wall
Lorimer watched as animal roars and screams came from the planet as it's spewed out lava everywhere
Lorimer turned to Jerry and glared like he never did before
"Hey, what's that look for?" Asked Jerry frowning "...is that real lava?"
"If only you weren't my dad" said Lorimer frowning
"Okay, that's enough. Come downstairs we're having a nice family Christmas, also my parents are coming soon so no weird sciencey stuff while they're around"
Lorimer sighed and snapped his fingers, causing plants of many different kinds to move and clean the mess
And to give him a good cup of strawberry juice
Lorimer groaned tiredly
"This is gonna be a long d-"
"Can i have one of those?" Asked Jerry staring at the strawberry juice
Lorimer snapped his finger and an odd flower rose from the ground and spewed out odd particles at Jerry's face
Causing him to lose the ability to speak
Jerry made an angry face while trying to talk
"I thought it was clear from the snowball incident to never interrupt my monologues"
Jerry drooped as Lorimer ignored him as he went downstairs
"For real this time. This is gonna be a long day"
"Merry Christmas! Hello!" said Jerry angrily as he walked into the living room "my parents are coming over for the first time in years; can we stow the gadgets and look alive"
"Alive? For your parents?" Asked Beth as she held a tablet
"Hah, good one" said Jerry as he took a way the tablet and put in an oversized sock
"Hey, man!" Said Beth angrily
"You hey man. This holiday is about humanity" said Jerry dramatically
"You know, i thought it was about being born half god or something?" Said Morty while on his phone
"No no, Morty; dad might be right" said Lorimer calmly sipping his strawberry juice
Everyone was bloody confused. Lorimer...saying that Jerry is right? Even Jerry was confused
"Really?" Asked Jerry raising a brow in confusion
Everyone turned to Lorimer
"Yeah, that's correct" said Lorimer before pulling out his DNA gun and shooting his entire family "and now we're no longer humans. Can you stop talking about Christmas now?"
"But...nothing's changed?" Said Jerry in confusion
"Yes, you look the same, but now you have acidic blood, retractable fangs, ears that flap on command and you can survive by eating wood because i wanted a random evolutionary trait" said Lorimer before taking a very long sip from his strawberry juice
Everyone quickly tested out what Lorimer said (except the eating wood)
Beth flapped her ears, laughing at how it felt. Summer did the same
Morty was playing with the retractable fangs
"Doesn't matter! We look human, we're human. Now turn everyone back because we're still celebrating Christmas" said Jerry with a frown on his face
Lorimer sighed before he shot everyone again much to Summer's protest
"Hey! I wanted to keep those ears!" Said Summer angrily
"Then blame dad" said Lorimer as calmly took a more comfortable position on the couch
"Yeah, i removed the ears, now I'll remove the electronics; hand them over" said Jerry with a frown on his face
And after some protests and threats about joining Facebook. The house was electronics free
And then Rick came through the front door with a homeless santa and Jerry went talk with Rick
Everyone decided to follow
"Everyone, this is Ruben he's a friend. I check up on him every year and give him a medical *burb noises* evaluation"
"Aww, dad. That is so sweet"
"Yeah, sweet" said Lorimer staring at Ruben with a frown before turning to beth "well, I'm gonna go and knock myself out with a tranq dart"
"W-*burb*-wait Lori. I may need your expertise in biology with Ruben s-*burb*-so stay awake" said Rick calmly
"Being thrown around by two old men. Why couldn't it be a cute tsundere instead" said Lorimer frowning as he walked back to the living room "i would've loved that, ahh the-"
"Then get a girlfriend" deadpanned Summer
"Do not interrupt my monologues!" Yelled Lorimer angrily as he quickly spun to Summer before going back to normal
"Hey! Why doesn't she get the silence pollen thing too" said Jerry frowning in frustration
"Spite" was all that Lorimer said before he sat on the couch
"Aww the mouth goes in your mouth, girl" said Jacob, the guy who came with Jerry's parents, as he wiped the mouth of Jerry's mother
Everyone laughed to that...except Lorimer and Jerry
Lorimer watched as Jerry asked about the nature and origin of Jacob and his parents' relationship
"Mom, this is sad" Lorimer told his mother in a calm tone
"Lorimer, don't say that!" replied Beth with a frown
"I meant dad, but ok" said Lorimer frowning as he glared at Beth "keep supporting anything sounding vaguely like a good thing"
"What do you mean?" Asked Beth angrily as she glared at her son
"Are you two gonna keep us out of your little loop?" Asked Jacob jokingly making everyone laugh
"Oh, sorry. It was just something random. Please continue speaking, grandma" said Lorimer calmly
"Well, how about we talk about you" said Joyce, Lorimer's grandmother, happily "are you still afraid of dogs?"
Lorimer froze the moment he heard that, then he decided to take action
"Heh heh, well how about talk more about Jacob" as he silently pricked his grandma with a plant under the table "I'm sorry, i missed everything you said and i was very excited to hear it all, so can you start from the beginning but go at faster pace"
Joyce's head wobbled around for a few seconds before it went back to normal and with it came a new attitude
"...well, if you say so. Our life with jacob is incredible, we find new things everyday, we reinvent ourselves"
"That is amazing, Joyce" said Beth with a smile
"Thank you, Beth; but that's just the start"
Lorimer slowly leaned towards Beth and spoke
"I injected her with a mind control serum" whispered Lorimer frowning "she's gonna talk for a while; wanna leave some stand ins and learn nothing at the end of the day"
Beth contemplated for a bit before nodding
And with that, plants grew on their seats, creating a Beth and Lorimer to take the originals' places
"Lorimer, i need your expertise NOW" said Rick hurriedly as he barged into Lorimer's room
"Dad, what's going on?" Asked Beth raising a brow
Inside Lorimer's room, Beth and Lorimer were sitting around making a new mini planet together
"What happen-" said Lorimer before Rick just snatched him away
"No time to explain" said Rick as he ran to the garage with Lorimer in hand
Rick took Lorimer to the garage as fast as possible and when they made it there
"Go-*burp*-od job on your first clone escape from family time by the way" said Rick with a smile, giving his grandson a thumbs up "proud of you"
"Urgency!" Lorimer reminded Rick
"Right. Ruben, he's dying and i need you to fix him" said Rick as he showed Lorimer Ruben on the table
Whose heart stopped right in front of them
"You can't cure death, can you?" Said Rick bluntly
"No, but i can do this" said Lorimer as he pulled out something from his button up shirt's pocket
The item Lorimer pulled out was a small white fluffy cube. Lorimer crushed the cube in his hand and it turned into a weird purple heart shaped plant with a chunky retractable needle coming from it
Lorimer proceeded to plunge the needle into Ruben
Ruben's heartbeats were back and he started spazzing out
"This thing is a trans heart plant." Said Lorimer before receiving an odd look from Rick "it's a good name and joke, shut up. Anyway, the plant does everything a heart does and more, releasing hormones, some enzymes and other stuff to keep the body alive by force; this would decrease the maximum lifespan of the person by a lot if they manage to survive by the way"
"I can work with it" said Rick before opening his communicator "Morty, things are about to go cra-*burb*zy in there, so get out and we'll fix it from the outside"
And with that, Rick sat in his chair nonchalantly after strapping Ruben to the bed
Ignoring the screaming man, Lorimer decided to speak
"So...are you gonna tell me what's going on?" Asked Lorimer raising a brow
He knew what was happening, but you gotta look curious for the smartest man in the universe
"Anatomy Park"
"You made an amusement park using human parts as attractions?" Asked Lorimer raising a brow
"Yup. If you ever go in there, make sure to to go the pirates of the pancreas. That's my baby" said Rick before burping loudly
Lorimer stared at Rick silently for a few seconds before he spoke
"Me and mom are playing civilizations with a mini planet i made. Mom is playing with a civilization of dad centaurs vs my summer nagas. Wanna join?"
"Holy shit, that sound fun!" Said Rick before realizing he has to watch for Morty
Rick's expression was easy to read for Lorimer
"We can take Ruben and the size thingy to my room too"
And with that
Beth, Lorimer and Rick made their civilizations on the mini planet
"Centaur Jerrys! You have always brought me cheer" said Beth dramatically, causing the centaur jerrys to cheer "but today, you bring me glory! You bring me victory!"
The jerrys cheered harder
"Not so fast!" Said Rick dramatically "satyr Morties! You *burp* have to go out there and make em pay for what they said about my baby...the pirates of de-nial!"
"Stop talking about that dang river, old man!" Said Beth narrow her eyes
"Never! De-nial isn't just a river in morty land" said Rick angrily "it's a symbol"
"Oh, you all are wrong. Victory will be mine!" Said Lorimer with a mischievous smile "Summers! Attack!"
And they did
In baseball!
The bat hit the ball and naga Summer started running
Satyr Morties and Centaur jerries raced towards the ball
But the Jerry centaurs caught the ball due to their speed and four legs
"Ha ha! Yes! In yo face!" Said Beth with smug smile
"Ugh! This is not fair! He has horse legs" said Rick angrily
"Yeah! He has a biological advantage!" Said Lorimer angrily
"I said that about satyr Morty's jumps and naga summer's weird ball throw move, so suck it up losers!" Said Beth happily
Then the three heard a scream...a teenage scream
"That came from outside" said Beth glancing at the window
"If it's someone important, someone will tell us" deadpanned Rick "now, make me proud, Morties!"
Then Summer barged into the room
"Lorimer! Your plants are killing my boyfriend!" Said Summer angrily
"Then tell them to stop doing it" said Lorimer nonchalantly
"Hey, can we trade? I'm ki-ki*burb*-kinda losing faith in some of my morties" said Rick frowning as he stared at his morties
"They're your plants!" Yelled Summer
"I made a defense system not a death trap"
Everyone just stared at Lorimer silently
"...ok, yes. I said it was a death trap and it is, but i made it so you can pardon trespassers, Summer! Just yell out that your boyfriend is a guest and it'll let him go"
Summer immediately ran away to save her boyfriend
"By the way, i could've turned it off from here by snapping my fingers" said Lorimer calmly before turning to Rick "maybe we should trade"
And with that, everything happened largely the same as normal
Lorimer had to help get Morty and another girl out of Ruben
Jerry now hates human Christmas
Ruben lived to see...well, he died a few weeks later
The writer was exhausted so he had to cut a large part out
Anatomy park was moved to Summer's boyfriend
But the most important thing
"Boom! Suckas! How's that for civilization?" Said Beth happily
"Oh come on! This is rigged!" "She's cheating!"
Never mess with Beth when playing civilizations
This has got to be the worst thing I've ever made