A few moments prior, near the top floor of the fortress...
"No chill, all thrill..." Sonia equipped a bracelet from her inventory before jumping out of the plane. She readied some real shit and shattered through a fortress window. She entered a small storage room. She front flipped in rapid successions. It was thanks to the auto-jump property of the bracelet. When she landed, she immediately and automatically bounced like a rubber ball. It maintained her momentum from being flung out a plane and she busted through the storage door.
Blue blur ball Sonia – working title – bounced at extreme speeds through the corridors and rooms of the fortress. She soared over pits of lava, bounded beyond the multiple pipes that haphazardly broke through the floors, ceilings, and walls like some sort of plumber's pipe dream, and zipped on by enemies. Maneater flytraps tried to bite her, shellies tried to block her, and swinging fire pendulums tried to burn her. Sonia skirted their hit boxes and avoided being slowed down.
Farther down the corridor, two shellies held hands and looked longingly into one another's eyes.
"Oh, Squirtz, I love you. Blame it on the wedding, but...will you marry me?" one shellie asked the other.
"My goodness! All of a sudden? Why, y..."
Sonia blasted into Squirtz, and atomized them. It sprayed and traumatized their partner with blood and viscera. They didn't even register the blue blur due to her speed.
"God?" the shellie uttered.
Ball Sonia speedrunned – or spedrun, or speedran – Lord Shellies' fortress in a blaze of glory. She overcame all the spike traps and pitfalls, donked enemies in the head, and even jettisoned through an entire hall flooded with water; all in the name of speed. One maneater plant saw her eliminate another and it screamed. It yanked itself free from the pipe and held its roots up like a dress's skirt. Sonia took the opportunity to use the abandoned pipe.
Dark and moist, the pipe actually had a suction to it that propelled Sonia forward. It launched her pinball-style into another hallway, this one with a large bridge near the end. An under glow below the bridge and the heat haze cast from the stone made it clear it was suspended over a huge magma pit. Past the bridge was a brilliant, metallic red door.
Sonia sped through the room and left enemies, trap ceilings, falling buckets, and spikes in the dust. She bounced across the bridge. The heat from below wafted up and clutched to her body. She cleared the bridge and finally came to a stop by skidding her heels along the ground. She glided up to the doors and poked it with her finger.
"And time! Shaburu, Asterion-kun," Sonia proudly beamed. She reached the boss door not only before anybody else, but did so flawlessly. She didn't burst into the final room since Lord Shellie's capabilities were unknown to her. She remembered her training, "Dodge, dip, duck, dive...and parry. It's just like you say, Talis, find the safest route for the optimal no-death run..."
Sonia opened her character screen and instinctually spoke out to Talis, but the silence reminded her of her loss. For the first time in a long time, she was truly alone on her journey to the top, "It's such a strange feeling. I haven't solo'd since I was in high school. That's okay! I can do this without Ta..."
When Sonia put her weight down to push the doors open, she activated a pressure plate. A swinging branch of spikes shot out from the wall and impaled Sonia in the ass.
"Zasranets! You have to be kidding me!" Sonia glared at the spike trap. She nudged the trap out of her booty and rubbed the sore spot. She sighed, "Zho-pa...I jinxed myself. How does anybody get their laundry done in this damn place? Idi na hui!"
Sonia picked up motion back past the hallway of hazards. From around a corner, Gamer had come into view. The two rivals leered at each other.
"Come on, Gamer! You're too slow!" Sonia pantomimed a jog.
"Your pee pee is tiny!" Gamer's insult echoed to her.
"Bigger than yours!" Sonia flipped him the bird.
Gamer gave the same vulgar salute, and then didn't even attempt to tackle the deadly obstacle course. Sonia giggled, and appreciated the banter. Her frustration faded, she turned, and pushed into the boss room.
The final boss room contained a high vaulted ceiling, brilliant twin chandeliers, pillars of stone, beautiful stained-glass windows, and rows of pews leading up to an altar. It was a chapel. Confessional booths were aligned on the right wall, and a reception table provided dishes and drinks on the left side. Two vertical banners hung on the chapel wall behind the altar; and displayed silhouettes of Princess Persica and Lord Shellie.
A few shellies, bobs, and gas mask nuns sat on the pews closest to the altar. When they heard the doors open, they turned to greet whoever was there. However, the doors closed without a new person in sight.
It confused most of the attendants, but they shrugged it off, "Must have been the wind."
Sonia hid behind one of the stone pillars. Her skills were limited to moving and schmoozing, not brawls. She'd need to leave that to Gamer and Asterion. She peeked around the pillar and counted fifteen enemies.
"Blue shellies, Fallout cosplayers, and no Lord Shellie in sight. Looks like I'll have to wait around. Pfft, boring," Sonia surmised.
She shimmied from one pillar to another, and then crouched behind the back pew. Near the front corner of the room, past the confessionals, was another door. She moved towards her goal – until it opened and a handful of enemies shuffled in. Sonia noped out and ducked behind the pews again.
She camped out here while the chapel continued to receive more enemies. They mentioned a throne room and preparations for Lord Shellie's arrival. They were all worried about the lack of chumps in the area. Apparently, large portions of their forces were disappearing or wandering off. The elite guards were the first to abandon station. It didn't ring alarm bells, but perturbed the congregation.
'Maybe I can just chill here...' Sonia told herself. No need for unnecessary risks.
A shellie sat at the pew Sonia hid behind. Their heft spooked Sonia, and their words made her heart skip, "I hope this is quick. I've been gassing it up all day. I'm ready to take a shit."
'Risking it!' Sonia crawled away, but a small group of nuns entered through the corner door. Sonia dove into the closest confessional.