I flipped the magnum a few times like a cool ocelot cat before putting it back in my inventory.
Sonia moved noticeably closer to me and asked, "Why did you shoot Mr. Khom?"
"He's beneath you," I kept it simple. Sonia liked the response, but I was hooked on what Nathaniel said, "So, the Illuminati are the final boss. Surprise, surprise..."
"That's not a real concern," Asterion glared, even if I couldn't see his eyes behind his shaggy bangs.
"Let's rescue the princess!" Minnie jumped.
"Ditto! It's time to scale a volcano," I slapped my hands together and rubbed. I recalled Persica saying that the kart track led up to the fortress. Yet I hadn't seen a way up during the race. I knew right then and there, Persica had lied to me.
"Excuse me?" Persica sliced a glare against Gamer.
"That's slander. We should sue," Lord Shellie advised with a mouthful of popcorn.
"Okay, okay, it's possible we missed a turn going at one hundred miles an hour. But – and it's a big butt, French laugh – that doesn't change the fact we didn't know where to go," Gamer shrugged.
"Then how did you get here?"
As I was saying...well, actually, it was Sonia who did the saying, "Mind if I join you?"
My squad and I collectively wondered, "Why?"
"You knocked me out of the Million Point Club, and I need to get my score back up. If Nathaniel spoke the truth, then using you as a distraction to take all the points is a valid strategy," the woman folded her arms over one another and propped her distractingly nice boobies up. She really knew how to grind...my gears.
"You're not even going to pretend to be on my team. This is pre-betrayal!" the audacity of this bitch.
"C'mon, Gamer, are you chicken? It'll be fun! Competition makes everything better!" Sonia sold.
I utilized skepticism. Even if I didn't have to worry about her stabbing me in the back, she would easily become a monkey wrench if unattended, "You're actually competent. That just makes it harder for me to get the wish. Forget about it. You're on your own."
"I'll share my french fries with you," Sonia held up a cup of stick potatoes.
"God McDammit, you're in!" I couldn't refuse such a sublime offer. We dapped and I acquired the carton of ambrosia.
"You're hopeless..." Asterion sighed.
He was obviously jealous. I needed to distract my buddy with a question, "Is Ego still in working order?"
Asterion shook his head, "No, he's out of commission after all the damage sustained in the race. He left it all on the track."
"Why don't we just fly up there?" Sonia suggested. "It'll be faster than driving."
"They'll see us coming if we fly," Minnie brought up the cons. "The fort will be heavily protected and, the moment they spot us, they'll rain spears, hammers, bobs, and billies on us."
"Which is why we dive in hot and fast," Sonia used her hands to insinuate the plan. "It'll be like throwing a flashbang in SWAT games. Don't give the enemy a chance to shoot, and you won't get shot."
I shivered at the mention of SWAT. The trauma I sustained loomed on my digital memory.
"Your logic is sound, but what about an escape plan if things fall apart?" Asterion asked.
"My life is too interesting for escape plans. Just don't get hit, gozonji no tōri," Sonia said matter-of-factly.
Minnie said, "If I can get my hands on a blue shell, I'll be set. Nothing would be able to hurt me."
All eyes fell on me. I contemplated the pros and cons. I had to carefully consider everything. A single mistake meant the end of it all. The plane idea was reckless, dangerous, and insane. I'd never flown a plane before, in or out of video games.
It was a suicide mission.
So we totally did that shit.
We took to the air! We used the go kart track as a runway to takeoff. The planes were rudimentary, but operational. Based on their low-texture designs, they were either antiques, ported from older games, or set dressing not designed for use.
Asterion struggled with his plane the most, but I blame the control's shitty reverse steering. I'm pretty sure it was that and not the crappy, burping mess his plane sounded like halfway up the mountain. Because the moment we arrived at the peak, that dude just nosedived into the fortress wall.
Sonia, that adrenaline junkie, did a bunch of tricks in the plane around the fortress tops. We expected to be attacked, but nothing was there. No enemies, no turrets, no quick-time events – nada. Thus, Sonia did some speedrunner shit where she launched herself from the plane and through a window. Her plane crashed into the fortress wall.
"Eeeee!" Minnie screamed as she spiraled and crashed into the fortress wall. I think...I think she just wanted to copy the others. I don't remember anything going wrong for her...no...no, yeah, I think that's it.
And there I was, the lone survivor of the Battle of Lord Shellie's Fortress, separated from my team. Memories of 1917 flashed in my mind. The fate of our mission to save Persica fell on my dependable shoulders.
Funny enough, I hadn't noticed the lackatoe leaving for the day, "Ah, this party's getting crazy. It is SO unfortunate that I must rush home at this exact moment. I hope Lord Shellie understands I have to feed my gulp gulp. Hold on, Mr. Beans, I'm..."
My plane shred the fucker to pieces, and immediately caught fire. Classic vehicle rules; hit it enough and the whole thing catches aflame. I bailed from the plane just as it exploded.
I pulled out my flying broom and slowed my rapid descent. I could safely lower myself to the fortress courtyard. Unfortunately, as I switched to my broom, my french fries slipped out of my grasp. They tumbled to their death below. I screamed, "My french fries!"
I lunged down for them, missed, and careened into the fortress wall.