Chapter 21
An Addams Investor Appears!
The doorbell rang at precisely 6:66 PM. (Try Arguing with an Addams, I dare you.)
Which, Jake noted, was not a real time.
But the clock insisted.
Ding.
Dong.
The manor lights flickered obligingly.
Jake opened the door.
Standing there in immaculate pinstripes and enthusiasm was Gomez Addams, mustache curled with the gravitational pull of romance and questionable financial decisions.
Beside him, serene and radiant as a moonlit dagger, stood Morticia Addams.
Behind them:
Wednesday, already inside somehow.
Pugsley holding what looked like a Geiger counter.
Lurch carrying a briefcase that might scream if opened.
Thing giving a confident thumbs-up.
"Mr. Calison!" Gomez declared, arms wide. "We are here to discuss your agricultural necromancy enterprise!"
Jake blinked.
"…You mean the game?"
Morticia smiled softly.
"We mean the plants."
Silence.
The sunflower outside pulsed faintly.
Gomez leaned forward conspiratorially.
"They are real, yes?"
Barbara did not flinch.
"Yes."
Kara folded her arms but tried to look casual.
"They're proprietary."
Wednesday raised a hand.
"The purple tomato that detonated my brother has entered my top five childhood memories."
Pugsley beamed proudly.
Jake inhaled.
"…Beta access?"
Thing slapped the briefcase.
It moaned happily.
The Pitch Meeting
They convened in the manor's half-repaired dining hall.
Gomez refused normal chairs and instead dramatically reclined sideways across one.
Barbara projected the demo build on the wall.
Title screen:
There's a Zombie on Your Lawn™
Now with authentic leyline resonance physics.
Gomez placed a hand over his heart.
"Authenticity."
Morticia rested her chin on her fingers.
"Show us the bucket one."
Barbara obliged.
Cartoon bucket zombie shuffled forward.
Real-time overlay comparison appeared beside it: actual farm zombie, labeled Specimen 4-B (Bucketed, Mildly Polite).
Gomez's eyes sparkled.
"Marvelous symmetry between art and undeath."
Jake leaned forward.
"We're planning plushies."
Morticia's gaze sharpened.
"Plushies."
Kara tapped the tablet.
"Solar-powered sunflower bobbleheads."
Lurch exhaled reverently.
"Ungh."
Wednesday tilted her head.
"Is there a variant that screams in Latin?"
Jake slowly looked at Barbara.
Barbara slowly looked at Jake.
"…DLC," they said together.
The Numbers
Barbara stepped into full Oracle-mode.
Projected revenue streams.
Projected expansion packs.
Mobile ports.
Esports potential.
Pokémon integration mode (pending League approval).
Kara added:
"Helia-branded organic produce line."
Gomez clasped his hands together.
"You have diversified."
Morticia leaned slightly closer.
"And what do you require?"
Barbara answered smoothly.
"Distribution leverage. Capital infusion. Legal insulation."
Wednesday deadpanned:
"And plausible deniability."
Gomez beamed.
"Oh, we adore plausible deniability."
The Demonstration
Jake insisted they step outside.
The real Helia glowed.
Gomez approached the sunflower reverently.
"It is luminous."
Pugsley poked a zombie arm sticking halfway out of the soil.
It snapped at him weakly.
He giggled.
Barbara activated the test lane.
Helia generated a floating sun-orb.
Jake caught it.
Converted it.
Planted a Peashooter.
Morticia watched the projectile thud into a rising zombie with satisfied calm.
"Functional."
Wednesday nodded approvingly.
"The animation in-game is accurate."
Jake puffed up slightly.
"We pride ourselves on realism."
A zombie attempted to crawl past the lane.
Helia glowed brighter.
It did not pass.
Gomez inhaled dramatically.
"I am in love."
Morticia gently touched his arm.
"You already are."
"With the business model, querida."
The Negotiation
They returned inside.
Lurch opened the briefcase.
It did scream.
Inside:
Gold bars.
Bonds.
Three antique daggers.
A deed to a crypt.
And a clean investment contract.
Barbara read it in 12 seconds.
"It's favorable."
Jake blinked.
"…That fast?"
Kara leaned over her shoulder.
"It includes international expansion clauses."
Wednesday added:
"And a clause ensuring we receive early access to anomalous produce."
Jake narrowed his eyes.
"…Define anomalous."
Morticia smiled faintly.
"Whispering zucchini."
Ah.
Those.
Jake cleared his throat.
"In exchange for 20% equity—"
"Thirty," Gomez said cheerfully.
"Twenty-five and exclusive gothic skin pack rights."
Morticia's eyes gleamed.
"…Accepted."
They shook hands.
Thunder rumbled approvingly.
The Threat
As the paperwork finalized, Barbara and Kara were absolutely brilliant.
Barbara dismantled a predatory counter-clause Gomez had inserted purely for sport.
Kara outlined brand protection strategies and merchandising ethics that made even Morticia nod with respect.
Jake watched them in awe.
When they finished—
He leaned back.
"…If you two get any more impressive, I might have to kiss you."
Silence.
Thing snapped its fingers.
Pugsley gasped dramatically.
Gomez clutched Morticia's arm.
"How scandalous."
Kara slowly turned.
"…Might?"
Barbara adjusted her glasses.
"Threat acknowledged."
Jake swallowed.
"…I retract the word might."
Wednesday blinked once.
"Documented."
Morticia smiled serenely.
"You are building something powerful here, Mr. Calison."
Gomez leaned closer.
"And in our experience, passion sustains enterprise."
Jake's face turned slightly red.
Barbara did not look at him.
Kara absolutely did not look at him.
Helia glowed brighter outside.
Closing Toast
Gomez raised a glass of something probably not FDA-approved.
"To agriculture."
Morticia raised hers.
"To innovation."
Wednesday lifted a tiny black teacup.
"To controlled chaos."
Jake raised his.
"To not getting sued."
Barbara:
"To scalability."
Kara:
"To keeping the zombies on the lawn."
They clinked.
Outside—
A zombie paused mid-shamble.
Helia glowed.
A pea flew.
Thud.
The sun set over a farm that was no longer just a farm.
It was:
A business.
A battleground.
A brand.
And somewhere deep beneath the soil—
The leyline pulsed.
Stronger.
As if amused.