Chapter 24
More Merch, Lurch!
The fever had begun.
Not the undead kind.
The commercial kind.
The Situation
Pre-orders had outpaced projections.
Helia plush prototypes were backordered.
Bucket Zombie stress balls were already being flipped online at three times retail.
Solar bobblehead Sunflowers had a waitlist.
Jake stared at the numbers.
"…We need manufacturing."
Barbara nodded.
"Yes."
Kara leaned against the desk.
"And distribution."
Jake rubbed his chin.
"…And someone who knows how to monetize madness."
The front door creaked open.
On cue.
Standing framed in dramatic lighting was Gomez Addams, eyes glittering with capitalist delight.
Behind him loomed Lurch.
Carrying three empty trunks.
And one sewing machine.
The Addams Response
"My dear agricultural mogul!" Gomez announced. "The market trembles in anticipation!"
Morticia's voice drifted faintly from the hallway.
"Desire must be dressed appropriately."
Lurch rumbled:
"Uuunnngh."
Jake blinked.
"…You brought luggage."
Gomez beamed.
"We are embarking on a pilgrimage."
Barbara folded her arms.
"To?"
Gomez twirled his mustache.
"To those who understand the alchemy of mass production."
The Names Not Spoken
Jake still had not been introduced to:
A certain bat-themed billionaire.
Barbara's vigilante alter ego.
The very obvious truth about Kara.
And yet—
He had already:
Shared sunlight with Clark Kent.
Received "friendly suggestions" from Tony Stark.
Kara sipped tea casually.
"I'm sure they won't mind."
Barbara adjusted her glasses.
"They won't."
Jake narrowed his eyes.
"…Why do I feel like I'm the last to know things."
Silence.
Mew floated by.
Smug.
The Quest Begins
Gomez and Lurch departed at dawn.
Not in a limo.
Not in a hearse.
But in a matte-black vintage convertible that purred ominously.
Destination?
Every factory that could handle:
Plush production.
Solar circuitry.
Collectible figurines.
Gothic-themed limited editions.
Stop One: Plushie Paradise
Gomez inspected stitching like a man evaluating fine art.
"This sunflower must radiate comfort… and faint menace."
Lurch squeezed a sample Helia plush.
It squeaked.
He nodded solemnly.
"Ungh."
The factory owner asked:
"Is it supposed to glow?"
Gomez smiled.
"Yes."
"…Is that safe?"
Morticia, who had somehow joined via speakerphone, whispered:
"Safety is subjective."
Contract signed.
Stop Two: Solar Engineering
A sleek tech facility.
Rows of engineers.
One very familiar billionaire hologram flickering on a wall.
Tony's voice echoed:
"So you're telling me the sunflower charges Kryptonians."
Gomez leaned back.
"It nourishes excellence."
Tony paused.
"…I want a collector's edition."
Gomez grinned.
"Of course."
They negotiated like sharks at a tea party.
Profit margins stabilized.
Branding secured.
Tony added micro-optimization to the solar bobblehead.
Did not admit he enjoyed it.
Stop Three: Discreet Distribution
A shadowed corporate tower.
No logos visible.
Elevator music oddly dramatic.
Gomez stepped into a private office.
A large silhouette sat behind a desk.
Voice calm.
Measured.
Interested.
Terms were discussed.
Warehousing secured.
Logistics optimized.
No names exchanged.
Lurch shook hands with someone wearing cufflinks shaped like bats.
The deal closed in silence.
Meanwhile, At The Farm
Jake paced.
"…Should I be concerned?"
Barbara typed calmly.
"No."
Kara shrugged.
"They're efficient."
Jake stared at her.
"You say that like it's reassuring."
Helia glowed.
The field hummed faintly.
Merch mockups updated in real time:
Helia Plush (Standard Glow)
Helia Plush (Midnight Gothic Edition)
Bucket Zombie Desk Companion
Solar Bobblehead Sun (Car Mount Edition)
Latin Whisper Zucchini (Collector Resin)
Jake blinked.
"…We're insane."
Barbara nodded.
"Yes."
Return of the Investors
Three days later—
The convertible returned.
Lurch stepped out first.
Then Gomez.
Triumphant.
Behind them—
Samples.
Crates.
Prototypes.
Contracts thicker than occult grimoires.
Gomez spread his arms.
"The world is ready for agricultural joy."
Jake picked up a finished Helia plush.
It glowed softly in his hands.
Perfect stitching.
Warm.
Real.
Kara tested the bobblehead in the sunlight.
It powered immediately.
Barbara skimmed the finalized contracts.
"…These are excellent terms."
Gomez winked.
"We believe in growth."
Lurch held up a limited-edition Morticia-themed Midnight Sunflower variant.
Black petals.
Soft violet glow.
Wednesday appeared instantly.
"I require three."
The Unspoken Network
Jake looked between them.
Between the contracts.
Between the silent efficiency.
"…You talked to them, didn't you."
Gomez smiled.
"Of course."
Barbara didn't meet his eyes.
Kara definitely didn't.
Jake sighed.
"Am I ever going to be introduced properly?"
Barbara smirked faintly.
"When it's funny."
Kara added:
"Or dramatic."
Gomez placed a hand on Jake's shoulder.
"You are cultivating more than plants, my boy."
He gestured to the glowing crates.
"To build an empire is delightful."
Morticia stepped from the car, serene as dusk.
"But to build it with friends…"
Her eyes glimmered.
"…is divine."
Final Shot
That night—
Helia plushies lined the manor staircase.
Solar bobbleheads shimmered in windows.
Pre-orders doubled.
The city buzzed.
And somewhere high above—
A bat-shaped shadow paused.
Watching the farm.
Curious.
Evaluating.
Jake stood in the field.
Hands on hips.
"…More merch, Lurch."
Lurch, from the porch:
"Ungh."
The leyline pulsed.
The brand expanded.
And the garden was no longer just defending lawns.
It was conquering markets.