Chapter 7
You're Cordially Invited to an Addams Family Dinner. We Hope You Survive the Experience.
The invitation arrived by raven.
Not metaphorically.
An actual raven.
It tapped on the mansion window twice before dropping a sealed black envelope onto Jake's desk.
He stared at it.
"…I don't even have their address."
Kara adjusted her glasses.
"You do now."
The wax seal bore a familiar insignia — elegant, gothic, dramatic.
Jake opened it cautiously.
Inside:
Dear Mr. Calison,
You and your radiant associate are cordially invited to dinner this evening.
Attire: Funereal Chic.
Survival: Optional.
— The Addams Family
Jake lowered the letter.
"…I can't tell if that's a joke."
Kara smiled faintly.
"With them? It's both."
The Addams Estate
The Addams mansion sat at the edge of the forest line, where fog seemed to gather out of respect.
Iron gates creaked open as they approached.
Lightning flickered in the distance.
There were no storm clouds.
Jake looked up.
"…Atmospheric commitment."
Inside, the foyer was candlelit.
Portraits watched them.
A harp played itself in the corner.
Gomez appeared at the top of the stairs with dramatic flourish.
"MY BOY!"
He descended with operatic enthusiasm.
Morticia glided behind him like elegant shadow.
"You came," she said softly.
Jake nodded.
"I debated."
"That's healthy," Wednesday muttered from a nearby staircase railing.
She was already there.
Of course she was.
The Family Expands
In the dining hall, the full table was set.
And seated were additional figures.
At the head opposite Gomez sat an elderly woman stirring something neon green in a cauldron placed directly on the dining table.
"Granny," Gomez introduced proudly.
Granny squinted at Jake.
"You've got sturdy bones," she said approvingly. "I can work with that."
Jake decided not to ask.
To the right of Morticia sat a mass of flowing hair in a tailored suit.
Two small eyes blinked from within.
"Cousin It," Gomez said warmly.
The hair bundle waved enthusiastically.
Jake nodded respectfully.
"Pleasure."
A familiar silhouette stood near the window.
Perfect posture.
Hat.
Umbrella.
Composed expression.
Jake blinked twice.
"…Is that—"
"Yes," Morticia said calmly.
Mary Poppins inclined her head slightly.
"I was between employments," she said crisply. "And this family appreciates structured chaos."
Jake processed that sentence slowly.
"…You're… babysitting?"
"Supervising," she corrected.
Wednesday raised a hand slightly.
"She won't let me summon anything after dessert."
"Reasonable," Kara murmured.
Jake took his seat carefully.
"Quick question," he said. "Is Pennywise coming?"
A pause.
Gomez's smile dimmed slightly.
"He's been banned for a year."
Granny nodded vigorously.
"Couldn't respect the dinner etiquette."
"Clowns are tedious," Wednesday added.
Jake exhaled in relief.
"Good."
The Meal
The first course was… alive.
It stopped moving when Morticia touched it.
Jake stared at his plate.
Kara calmly began eating.
He glanced at her.
"You're unfazed."
"I'm adaptable."
Gomez raised a glass.
"To new neighbors!"
Everyone raised theirs.
Even Cousin It.
Jake followed suit.
"To… cooperative zoning laws?"
They drank.
The liquid tasted surprisingly excellent.
Like blackberry wine with something ancient beneath it.
Conversation began flowing.
Gomez leaned forward.
"I've reviewed preliminary projections of your farm."
Jake blinked.
"Already?"
"I adore preparation," Gomez said.
Mary Poppins interjected gently:
"He has the spreadsheets color-coded."
Jake felt slightly threatened.
Granny leaned across the table.
"You planning livestock?"
"Eventually," Jake said cautiously.
"Good. Chickens are honest."
Wednesday studied him.
"You don't run from discomfort."
"That's… generous."
"It's observation."
Morticia tilted her head.
"You are suspicious," she said softly.
Jake stiffened.
"…Of what?"
"Of ease," she replied.
That landed uncomfortably accurately.
Kara noticed.
She placed a hand lightly on his arm beneath the table.
Grounding.
Gomez snapped his fingers delightedly.
"Exactly why we like him!"
He leaned forward conspiratorially.
"Your grandfather was the same."
Jake looked up.
"You knew him well?"
"Oh yes," Gomez said warmly. "He once invested in a haunted vineyard."
"It was profitable," Morticia added.
Jake blinked.
"…Of course it was."
Mary Poppins cleared her throat lightly.
"You have influence here," she said to Jake. "But you haven't decided what kind."
He frowned slightly.
"What do you mean?"
"This house," she said, glancing toward Kara, "responds to intent."
Silence settled briefly.
Even Wednesday looked mildly attentive.
Jake leaned back.
"I just want to build something stable."
Gomez's smile softened.
"Ah."
Morticia's gaze warmed.
"How rebellious."
Jake blinked.
"Stable is rebellious?"
"In this city?" Wednesday replied flatly. "Yes."
Cousin It made an enthusiastic noise of agreement.
Granny cackled.
"Stability terrifies chaos more than fire does."
Jake let that sink in.
Across the table, Kara watched him carefully.
Not speaking.
Letting him think.
Finally, Gomez clapped his hands once.
"Excellent! We shall invest."
Jake nearly choked on his drink.
"Wait."
"Minor stake," Gomez assured. "We enjoy watching growth."
Morticia's eyes lingered just slightly longer on Kara this time.
Kara held the gaze evenly.
Unflinching.
Something silent passed between them.
Respect.
Assessment.
Approval.
Jake did not miss it.
He filed it away.
Mary Poppins stood gracefully.
"Dessert," she announced.
The lights dimmed.
The chandelier flickered.
A cake emerged from beneath the table on a small mechanical lift.
It was black.
Intricate.
Almost funereal.
Granny whispered something over it.
It glowed briefly.
Jake stared.
"…I'm assuming this is safe."
Mary Poppins gave him a pointed look.
"Define safe."
He cut a slice.
Tasted it.
Paused.
"…Okay that's incredible."
Wednesday leaned in slightly.
"You survived the appetizer."
"That was the appetizer?"
She nodded.
He leaned back in his chair.
"You people are insane."
Gomez beamed.
"Thank you."
Dinner continued late into the night.
No one died.
No one was cursed.
No eldritch portals opened.
Which somehow made it more unsettling.
As they prepared to leave, Morticia stepped close one last time.
"You are welcome here," she said softly.
Gomez clasped Jake's shoulder.
"Build something magnificent."
Wednesday added:
"Don't rush it."
Mary Poppins opened the front door precisely on cue.
"Growth," she said crisply, "requires patience."
Jake stepped out into the foggy night beside Kara.
The gates closed behind them.
They walked back toward the farm in silence for a while.
Finally—
"…That was the most stable instability I've ever experienced," Jake said.
Kara smiled faintly.
"They like you."
"That concerns me."
She glanced at him.
"You didn't try to impress them."
"I was trying to survive."
"Same result."
The mansion lights of the Addams estate flickered behind them like watchful eyes.
Jake looked ahead toward his own property.
"…Okay," he murmured.
"No locked room mystery."
"No cursed dinner."
Just investors with questionable hobbies.
Beside him, Kara bumped his shoulder lightly.
"You handled yourself well."
He exhaled.
"…I'm still nervous."
"Good."
"Why good?"
"It means you care."
Ahead, his own mansion windows glowed faintly in the night.
And somewhere inside—
Another room unlocked.
End of Chapter 7