I hate myself…
No matter how hard I try, I can never say what I really want to say.
''Hey, Daiki wanna come along…''
Go away you bastard
''There's a new shop at the mall an--''
Such a pain, leave me alone.
''Wha-''
''Tanaka, don't bother him…'' even worse, her. ''it's clear that he doesn't want to come alone, let's go.''
''later dude.''
''Why..why
Why does he always say ''later'' like we are still friends, and Misaki always cold and distant not even looking at me any more..
Whatever, to hell with them.''
DROP
I said that but..
''Damn it, why I'm crying?'' sometimes a lie was better than the truth. ''oh it's raining, that explains that.''
And most times even the craziest lies are what we need, so we never feel hurt.
''I'm home…''
Silence greets me every time I opened the front door.
''if anybody cares.''
I think it has been two or so years since--
''Hey mom, I'm home.''
Since my mother died.
I really didn't do much at home, my stepmother handles all the house chores. Even though she was expecting.
And my father, that piece of shit who got remarried right after my mom died.
''It really took him two weeks to move on…'' I never needed a mirror to see the expression I had on my face every time I thought about it.
''asshole.''
''Daiki sweet heart, I'm home…''
My stepmother was loud as they came. ''I went shopping and I got some sweets if you want some.''
I never answered or reacted to her talking to me but that never stopped her from knocking on my door every stupid time she came home.
KNOCK KNOCK
''Daiki, you there?''
DAMN IT, ME ALONE YOU HAG…
To make it worse she won't go away until I would open the door.
''Oh--Daiki don't open the door like that, you scared me…'' she said that even though she was knocking on my door for like five minutes, stupid hag. ''here take some sweet, hey--listen to this…''
Here we go again with this lady, just give the sweets and leave me alone would you.
''I was in the line and there was two students that had the same uniform as yours and they were so sweet that they exchanged places with me, let me see if I can remember their names--it was something like mesa-something.''
Kinda sounds like Misaki but what are the odds that it's Misaki and Tanaka
''Oh yeah, it was Misaki and Tanaka, by any chance do you know them?''
SLAM!!
''Oh. my god Daiki, the exams have started right and you must be studying. I'm so sorry for bothering you sweet heart, if you need anything
I'm down stairs okay.''
A normal person would leave after but not her. She would stand in front of my door like she waiting for something.
''What a weird lady.''
Sometimes I would think my life was pre-programmed or something. Because how was it that the moment it turned eight, that asshole of a father walked through the door?''
''Hey son, I'm home.''
Like I care.
''How was school today? Hope it was great. I heard from your mother, she ran into
Misaki and Tanaka. Do you still hang out with them anymor--''
''GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY DOOR!''
My voice came out rough. I didn't even recognize it.
''Why do you want act like a father now? Where was that when mom died?
For two weeks I had to deal with mom not being here on my own, TWO WEEKS.''
Silence
''I spend days alone and you, where were you?''
''Daiki just liste--.''
''Just leave me alone. A few more months and I'm moving out. So just leave me alone…please.''
''…''
RING…
The morning was my favorite time of the day but after my mom died…
It felt empty…lonely.
''man, I hate walking to school.''
No you hate walking alone.
''huh--the hell did that come from, no I don't need anyone in my life--.''
I had a shortcut that lead to the main road and it cuts through big family houses, making it hard to the incoming cars once I got through and normally it was quite because people hardly knew about or used it. But that, the silence that I so desired was not there. The screams echoed as I was about to reach the main road.
''What the hell is going on?''
In the middle of the road, a small girl.
''Oh, she fell down.''
''SAKURA! SOMEONE HELP!''
Must be the mother or something, guess she ran a head of her and fell when she was crossing the road. Kids man, such a pain--wait did she just say help?
HANK HANK!!
''A truck.''
The was no way that the mother was going to make it, didn't think about it just threw my bag aside and ran towards the girl.
Push her out of the way…
That thought crossed my mind but what if the truck turns and I push her in the way of the truck again.
The second idea hit me faster: use my body to shield her. I'm not built like a tank but..
''At least it might reduce the impact!'' I shouted, heart hammering, hands wide open leaning forward.
Please…don't let her get hit…
The last thing I remember was a loud thud…
Pain nothing,
Blood the same…
Only that loud thud is all I can remember and the next time opened my eyes.
''Oh my head…huh,'' woke up to eyes locked on me. ''What happened?''
My father, stepmother and Tanaka were in the room--even Misaki was there and her eyes were red from all the crying she did. The moment I got up everybody ran to hug me.
''I--I can't breathe.''
The hug was tight as hell but some how felt great.
A knock at the door brought everybody back to reality
My dad opened it, and a doctor stepped in. He asked how I was feeling and since I didn't feel pain or discomfort he didn't stay long and on his way out, though, he called my dad aside.
My stepmom followed as well, than Tanaka and Misaki.
THUD!
''That sound, who fell down?''
A cold breeze brushed against me--no goosebumps
''H--hey guys, what was that?''
I tried to get up but Tanaka came running in and told me not to move
but..
His face.
His eyes.
I had never seen Tanaka look like that before. His entire body was shaking.
''AAAAHHH!!''
A scream echoed the hallway.
But who--who was that?
''Ta--tanaka wh--what's going?'' my voice was cracked, barely loud enough to be heard.
It happened fast, but I saw two nurses were carrying Misaki into another room.
''Misaki!'' I shouted out. ''Tanaka, what the hell is going? What happened to Misaki?''
He didn't answer. He just stepped closer, hugged me as tightly as he could…and started crying.
My father and I were one and the same and I could read him like a book so when he walked in and didn't look me in the eyes, I felt like something was wrong--something heavy.
He started talking but don't even look my way,
His hands were trembling.
''Daiki...your mother couldn't carry a pregnancy to term.''
I frowned. ''What are you talking about?''
He swallowed hard.
''She got pregnant three times before you. and every time...'' His voice cracked. Every time we lost the baby.''
Silence filled the room
What the hell is he on about...?
''The doctor called it 'Recurrent Pregnancy Loss'. They ran tests. Hormones, genetics, everything. They said her body just...couldn't hold the pregnancy.''
I felt my chest tighten.
''She blamed herself,'' he continued. ''Every time. Even though it wasn't her fault. She cried at night when she thought I was asleep.''
My hand clenched into the sheets.
''So where does Sachiko come in?'' I asked quietly.
My dad finally looked at me.
''Sachiko was your mother's closest friend. They grew up together. After the third miscarriage...your mom was scared to try again. The doctors warned us it could break her body completely.''
He paused
''So your mother made a decision. She asked Sachiko to be a surrogate.''
My brain went blank.
''She carried you for us, Daiki. You grew in her womb...but you are your mother's son. Genetically. Completely.''
My throat went dry.
''They were both there the day you were born. Your mom held you first. She cried and kept saying, ''He's finally here.'''
The room felt smaller.
''When your mother realized her illness was getting worse...she made me promise something.''
He wiped his eyes.
''She said, 'if anything happens to me, I want Sachiko to take care of my boys. I trust her more than anyone.'''
I couldn't breathe.
''I didn't remarry two weeks later because I moved on,'' he said, voice breaking. ''I remarried her because it was your mother's last wish. And because she was already family long before you were born.''
Silence.
I never cheated on your mom. I loved her. I still love.''
''Why are you telling me this now?''
''The doctor said...that the is a chance that you won't make it to the end of week.''
I didn't cry or anything like that, I just put on a smile…cuz I thought if I cried than everyone would feel more hurt and I saw that it took everything my dad had to say that without crying as well.
''Time really goes by pretty fast, huh? Tanaka.''
''Yeah, I guess so--but Daiki why did you…''
The door slammed opened and there she is.
''Yo…''
Misaki, it looked like she ran here and was out of breath and still crying. '' would you stop crying already you big baby.''
''But, the doctor said--''
''Just forget about that, let's talk for a bit--hmm''
For the first time in two years I spoke to the most important people in my life and shared my feelings, it felt weird as hell or maybe it felt…
Wrong
Misaki's hand stopped really close to face. I didn't try to block it at all. Because every word that came out of mouth was followed by the same thought.
What the hell I'm saying…
No way in hell Misaki would think like that.
Tanaka is not like that.
Dad had a good reason for leaving back then.
It was all in my head, I was acting selfish all this time.
I couldn't face any of them.
''Let me get this straight, you distanced yourself from us because you thought we replaced you
And the reason you thought so was because your dad got remarried two weeks after your mom died?''
''Yeah.'' I answered but my voice was so low, I'm not even sure if I said anything.
''And your mom died and you didn't think about telling us?'' now that I think about it, Misaki was really close to my mom.
Damnit…
Tanaka stood at the end of the bed, he was clearly angry.
My father said nothing. He just stood there beside my stepmom, who sat by the window, one hand resting on her stomach as she cried softly.
''Daiki, Daiki look at me.'' I had been running away from something, that was not even real so I had to face her because she was real and was standing right in front of me and had been worried about me all this time.
''I thought we were friends, you stupid idiot.''
It's been a while but…
I have forgotten that Misaki was and is still a crybaby, and that's the reason I became friends with her in grade school. The class crybaby.
My stepmom stepped out with Misaki, it was just me and my dad and Tanaka.
It was quiet and intense, but a sudden sharp pain on my left arm.
''You are gonna leave us anyway so why not send you off with a broken arm.''
''Huh--I need that arm to grab on for dear life or I'm gonna fall in hell.''
Tanaka was not the type to speak his feelings out, but he did show them through his actions.
''Hey. I'm sorry for acting stupid and selfish and why are letting me continue cuz this is so cringe for both of us?''
''Why should I, being cringe once in a while is not so bad.''
''Guess you are right.''
Tanaka and Misaki took the week off so we could make up for the two years and I became a big brother to cute baby sister before I knew it, a week passed, then two, three, then a month.
''Ivan!''
The exams were easy for the first time in my life.
''Ivan, wake up.''
Ah. The hell, who's Ivan?
''Leave me alone, I want to sleep.''
''you good for nothing lazy shit.''
''That makes no sense, idiot.''
''Oh, I see so you are awake, YOU STUPID PIG!''
THUD!!
''Ah. The hack, why am getting kicked .''
''Get up, lazy. Your mother is calling you and she is not happy.''
''What and you're telling me now Clarice, oh shit, later.''
''wha--I hope she kills you this time you big oaf.''
''Stop telling lies Clarice, my future wife shouldn't lie.''
''Y--your fu-ture what, who says I will marry a lazy pig like you just die, YOU BIG OAF!!''
Ten years ago I was reborn in this new world as a son of a farmer,in this world I go by the name...
IVAN BLOODSTONE.