Chapter 5: my nerves are wrecked and coming unwoundSummary:they watch Mulan and eat pizza. that's it.
Notes:chapter title is from the hard sell by the crane wives
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text"Hey Penny," Oksana was talking to her. Through the door. "Yelena just ordered pizza. Natasha even brought popcorn. Do you want to watch a movie with us?"
The teen was crouched on the ceiling. Her neck ached from craning it back. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably, reminding Penny of how hungry she was. Slowly, she moved onto all fours and started crawling down the wall. Her socks made a soft sticking sound with each step, and she found herself on all fours, on the ground.
"Penny?" She hadn't even realized that Oksana was speaking in English until that moment, the absence of an accent seeming all the more poignant. Penny stood up wobbly, kicking out her left leg to try and get rid of the feeling of pins and needles.
"Yeah, okay," Penny said loudly as Oksana lightly rapped her knuckles on the door. "I'll be out in a minute,"
"We're watching Mulan , you'll love it!" Oksana's voice sounded farther away with each word. She had probably made her way to the kitchen, where the other women were. Penny couldn't discern exactly what they were saying, but they were having fun, if the sound of laughter was any indication.
Penny took a few breaths to steady herself. Okay, you can do this . She reassured herself. You've done tons of dangerous stuff. A movie is child's play.
Gently, she turned the doorknob and peeked outside her room. One person sat in the kitchen, back turned to the hall. Penny immediately recognized the flaming red hair and felt her shoulders tense unwillingly.
Penny tip-toed into the main area, her throat suddenly dry. She could hear Yelena and Oksana chatting, sitting in front of the TV. Two navy blue couches were stationed in front and adjacent to the TV, along with a striped tan loveseat, all arranged in a semicircle.
"Hey Penny," The teen froze at Natasha's voice, slowly turning to face the older woman with wide eyes. The redhead smiled warmly at her, before Natasha's gaze moved to the paper bag in her grasp. "I got some popcorn. Do you like popcorn?"
The teen shrugged, unsure of how she should respond. She had never eaten popcorn before, nor had she watched this 'Mulan'. Hopefully, she wouldn't be in trouble.
Penny watched as Natasha put the popcorn in the microwave and set the time to two minutes. The shorter woman had to stretch to open the cupboards and take out several small porcelain bowls. Natasha hummed softly, but it was quickly drowned out by the sound of the popping.
Penny flinched violently at the noise, resisting the urge to cover her ears. She dug her nails into the skin of her palm. Natasha's brows furrowed when she turned to look at the brunette, but she didn't say anything — which Penny appreciated. Penny was currently glaring a hole in the countertop.
The bowls clinked lightly as Natasha put all four onto the counter, the redhead smiling lightly at the sound of the microwave's beep . Penny let out a quiet sigh of relief, her shoulders drooping. Natasha ripped open the now-puffy bag, messily distributing the popcorn amongst them.
"Natashka! Hurry up!" Yelena yelled. "It cannot take this long to make the popcorn!"
Natasha cupped her hands around her mouth, "I'll be there in a minute!" She yelled back.
"Hurry up!"
The redhead let out an amused huff, rolling her eyes. She raised her eyebrows meaningfully at Penny as she picked up a piece of popcorn that had fallen onto the counter and popped it into her mouth.
"Sisters ," Natasha mock-complained, picking up two of the bowls, before motioning to the others with the top of her head. "You mind picking up yours and Oksana's?"
Penny nodded, maybe a little too eagerly, and snatched up the snacks. Natasha smiled a little as they made their way toward the couches. The teen plopped down onto the empty loveseat — after giving Oksana the popcorn — and tucked her feet beneath her thighs as Natasha sat next to the blonde, passing Yelena her snacks, as well.
"Okay," Yelena drawled, tossing her head back with a light groan. "Are we ready now?"
Oksana huffed, smiling a little and nodded. "Go ahead, 'Lena. We can watch Mulan now,"
Yelena childishly pumped her fist in the air, before clicking a button on the remote. Penny straightened her back, ready to fully focus on the movie. The iconic Disney logo appeared on the screen, and she could see the other women get comfortable. Oksana draped a blanket over her stomach and thighs, taking up the whole couch as she lay horizontally onto the couch.
Soft music floated in the air, and on the screen, ink painted itself onto a page, just before the title of the film appeared. Penny was immediately enraptured. She leaned forward, lips parting slightly. The evening sunset shone through the windows as Penny shoved a handful of popcorn into her mouth. It was a testament to how immersed she was in the film that no feelings of embarrassment showed as she loudly crunched the kernels in her jaw.
Penny giggled as Mulan rushed herself out of bed, the sound drowned out by the chaotic noises on screen as Mulan's father's prayer was interrupted by the dog and several chickens.
Penny's left hand unconsciously played with the hem of her shirt, with the other holding her bowl steady. A small smile curled up on her lips as the grandma tested the luckiness of a cricket, causing accidents as she meandered across a busy road.
"Yep!" The grandma called out to Mulan's mother. "This cricket's a lucky one!"
The teen snickered, cuddling deeper into the soft cushions. She took another handful of popcorn, looking around the area as a song played in the background. Penny's sharp eyes didn't miss the glance that Natasha and Oksana shared, the two women somehow communicating without a single word.
Penny was taken out of her thoughts by the sound of the music fading, and she turned to see Mulan's mother tucking a flower comb into Mulan's newly-combed hair and gently caressing Mulan's cheek. The grandma — who was quickly becoming Penny's favourite character — was singing, giving Mulan beads and accessories to help her.
Penny averted her eyes, the warm feeling in her chest dissipating slightly. She buried her face in the back of the seat, closing her eyes as a gentle melody filled the room.
She could hear Yelena cackling like a madwoman and Penny peeked long enough to see Mulan's cricket getting up to some shenanigans as Mulan attempted to pour the matchmaker a cup of tea. It lifted Penny's spirits enough that she moved to fully face the screen.
The teen went to grab another handful of popcorn as Mushu accidentally broke the Stone Dragon statue, but found the bowl empty. A frown marred her features and Penny let out a soft sigh. She chewed the inside of her cheek, gaze moving from the movie to the door.
Oksana said that Yelena ordered pizza . Penny reminded herself. Be patient.
It wasn't easy to sit still, even if the movie was really fun. Her stomach complained, bubbling like it was full of fizzy soda. Penny still kept her expression neutral and her eyes focused on the animation. Halfway through a catchy song where Mulan was learning how to fight ( "Let's get down to business, to defeat, the Huns,") . She heard a knock on the door.
Immediately, the teen stood up — almost knocking her bowl onto the ground in the process, but let's not mention that — expression brightening. "Pizza!" Penny chirped. "I'll get it!"
She was a little sad to miss the rest of the song, but the feeling quickly dispersed when she caught a whiff of the cheesy goodness. Her stomach grumbled excitedly as she opened the door.
"Hi," The delivery boy had dark curls and tan skin and wore a basic black uniform. "I just need the payment for the food and we're all good to go," He smiled at her but Penny felt her stomach drop. She didn't have money. She didn't even know where they kept the money. Her insides twisted, but from hunger or anxiety, she had no idea.
Penny felt a hand gently squeeze her shoulder, and she almost jumped as she turned to see Yelena, with a green credit card in hand.
The older woman wiggled her eyebrows. " Someone'shungry," Yelena teased, before tapping her card against the reader.
The delivery boy inclined his head as Yelena grabbed the two boxes, giving a little wave as he tucked the card reader back into the (now empty) delivery bag. Penny gave a little wave in return as he got back onto his bike, before turning back to Yelena.
"Weren't you…" Penny trailed off, unsure. Yelena tilted her head, as the fifteen-year-old searched for the right words. English and Russian were muddling up in her brain. "You're going to miss the movie," Penny said after a moment.
Yelena shook her head, blonde hair going every which way, before hesitating, and then shrugging. "I paused it, <
It's your fault. Penny had to hide a wince at the return of the voices. If you weren't so greedy, she wouldn't have had to stop her movie.
The movie would've had to be paused anyway. Penny argued in response. It's not like I made the pizza arrive at that moment.
Penny started as she noticed Yelena several paces ahead of her, already opening the pizza on the ground in front of the TV. The music restarted — though she hadn't even noticed it had stopped — and Yelena was munching on a slice as she leaned against the bottom of the couch. Penny quickly scrambled after the blonde, taking a slice for herself.
The pizza was overly greasy, and the food was actively falling apart in Penny's hold, but there was no denying that it tasted delicious.
"Go home, you're through. Sir, I can't, make a man, out of you," Shang tossed Mulan her horse's reins. Mulan stares at him as he walks away. Then, her face became determined. She used the weights that Shang had used earlier in the movie, wrapping them around the wooden pole and climbing up.
There's a transition shot, and Mulan is at the top of the pole. She tossed the arrow to Shang's feet, and the man smiled. Penny smiled too.
She quickly learned how much she liked Mulan , even if she had to turn away when the soldiers discovered the decimated village. Penny even audibly gasped when Shang refused to execute Mulan, and by the time the emperor bowed in front of her, she was completely sold.
Penny turned to Yelena, eyes sparkling. "I love this,"
The blonde whooped excitedly, leaning forward. "It's so good, right?"
The teen nodded happily, wrapping her arms around her body. "Yeah," Penny said softly, head whipping back to the screen when she realized the movie hadn't finished.
The music was sombre as Mulan made her way into the garden where her Father sat. She knelt, showing her Father what she had accomplished. But, instead of looking at her gifts, he reached around to hug Mulan. Penny's eyes were wider than coins and she scooted a little forward as Mulan's Father whispered about how he had missed her.
The girl soaked it in, happy for Mulan, but a little sad at the same time. Then, the grandma comes to the garden.
Penny perked up at the reappearance of her favourite character. She giggled as the grandma complained about Mulan's lack of a 'man', only for Shang to appear.
Penny had to stifle a cackle when the grandma exclaimed: "Sign me up for the next war!" and the mother gave the grandma a wide-eyed look. She actually cackled when Mulan asked Shang to stay for dinner, and the grandma's voice carried, asking Shang; "Can you stay forever?".
Upbeat music played while the credits rolled, and Penny took a second to look around her.
Oksana was curled up in a tight ball with a blanket covering her body up to her shoulders. Her eyes were droopy and half-lidded. She seemed to notice the credits rolling because she sat up, back cracking as she stifled a yawn.
Yelena was munching on the last slice of pizza in the box, her eyes still glued to the screen. In the light from the TV, the blonde seemed, younger, somehow. A bit less like a woman and more like a little girl, with her knotted hair and the tomato sauce smeared on her cheeks and in the corners of her lips.
Natasha looked asleep, partially curled up, though Penny was fairly sure the redhead was awake, due to how unnaturally still she was. She was facing the back of the couch, so the teen couldn't be sure.
As Penny looked around the room, a thought struck her, as suddenly and sharply as a bolt of lightning.
I feel safe here.
It was ludicrous.
Safety? Penny could laugh at the concept. She hadn't felt safe for ten years. Trust was something she couldn't afford to give, and to settle in one place was a fantasy for petite, soft-spoken housewives and dainty little girls.
Suffice it to say, someone like Penny did not fit the bill for a place with crackling fireplaces and storybooks. She pushed against the couch, standing up. Her legs almost buckled beneath her, having become numb, but she saved herself further embarrassment by quickly righting herself.
"Penny?" Oksana spoke softly, a Russian accent lacing her words. "Where are you going?"
"Bed," She said shortly. Penny needed to get rid of these childish attachments, quickly. Eventually, she might even become one of those spoiled Americans, if she continued to play pretend like this.
Pretend like she deserved this life, of movies and moonlight meals. As if she didn't have blood, the blood of people who deserved this sort of life, who were much better than she ever was — or could ever be, staining her hands.
Notes:sorry if it's more filler this chapter but I enjoyed writing her for this <3 the ending is kinda abrupt but i wanted her to feel comfortable and then self-sabotage bc we love a traumatized girlie who doesn't trust people :) this chapter has American slander bc the author loves to bash them (I'm joking btw my friends are American) chapter 8 and 7 are sfhakfahkfasd going sorta so next week's update mayyyy be late but I hope yall enjoy this!!
Chapter 6: i'm one deep breath away from a breakdownSummary:penny goes shopping (yay!) and then has a sensory overload (not yay :< )
Notes:chapter title is from The Hard Sell by The Crane Wives B)
TW: Sensory Overload. Light Mentions Of Self-Harm.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter TextPenny woke up with a gasp. Sweat soaked her t-shirt and her eyes darted around anxiously, almost expecting the normal fluorescent bulbs and concrete walls. Chill seeped into her bones as Penny sat up, pressing her fingers to her temple as a headache pulsed behind her skull.
She took a few deep breaths as she stretched her arms above her head. Penny could still feel the aftereffects on her body. Her heart pounded and her breathing was erratic.
It was a small mercy that she couldn't remember the dream. It gave her enough willpower to slide out from under the covers and land silently on the balls of her feet. She ignored how her knees buckled, pacing in a circle to get herself ready for the day. Penny could hear people in the kitchen, and if she closed her eyes and focused, she could even count their heartbeats.
One. Two. Penny inhaled and exhaled instinctively. She rubbed her eyes, rolling her shoulders as she stretched her back. A yawn crawled out of her throat and Penny smoothed out her shirt — it was the same blue one Oksana had given her when she had first arrived.
Penny's hair was undoubtedly a mess, she ran her fingers through her curls in a meager attempt to smooth them down but gave up after the fifth time they snagged on a knot.
She buried her self-consciousness deep down as she sauntered into the kitchen area, snagging an apple from the countertop and taking a bite. Natasha and Oksana were standing in front of the countertop, eyebrows raised.
Natasha shot Oksana a look, which made Oksana let out something that sounded suspiciously like a sigh.
"Penny…" Oksana started, "Natasha—" The redhead coughed pointedly, which made the Asian woman roll her eyes, " We , think that it might be a good idea if we went shopping. You can't wear only one outfit all the time."
Penny took a bite from the apple, head tilted curiously as Oksana continued: "Plus, you need to get acquainted with the area. So, we thought, if you'd like, all of us could go to a mall," She sounded uncharacteristically unsure. "What do you think?"
The fifteen-year-old chewed thoughtfully, silently weighing her options. Penny swallowed. "Okay," She responded simply. Sounds fun .
Plus, she did need new clothes.
Natasha, who had been quiet throughout most of Oksana's speech, finally said something: "You need to brush your hair though."
Fair enough. Penny nodded. I don't want to look like I just rolled out of bed. She huffed in mild amusement at the thought. Natasha eyed her, before turning on her heel and exiting the area.
The teen blinked confusedly as Natasha pivoted into a room, leaving the door ajar behind her. After a moment, she reappeared with a brush and several hair ties on her wrist.
Penny gently put her half-eaten apple back on the counter as Natasha proceeded to sit down on the couch, making a vague motion. Penny blinked, gaze flickering from Natasha's face to the brush, confused.
"Come here," the redhead patted the couch, "I can braid your hair for you."
Penny nodded in understanding, a soft feeling building in her chest as she went to sit down, leaning against the couch. A small smile curled on her lips as she felt the older Widow gently brushing out her hair. It was a good familiar, the feeling of fingers deftly plaiting her hair.
It reminded her of better times.
She took a few breaths, closing her eyes.
These things are gifts, Penny reminded herself. You must not make them regret it.
The mall was huge . It spanned two floors and held dozens of stores. Everything was so loud, from the bright clothes in neon shades that were typically reserved for children's toys, to the disproportionate amount of voices, which overlapped with several different types of music that blared throughout the mall, along with the smell of at least half a dozen different types of cuisine.
It all screamed for her attention.
It was so different from anything Penny had ever known and she was itching to explore. Her eyes were wider than a doe's as she attempted to take everything in at once. It was a little overwhelming — but in a good way.
Still, Penny stayed close to Oksana, the backs of their hands brushing every few seconds. It was childish, and weak, relying on someone as if they were some sort of crutch, but Penny couldn't help it. In this place, her senses were practically useless — more of a hindrance than anything. The touch was grounding.
Eventually, Natasha stopped in front of a store with white mannequins covered in both basic and gaudy outfits displayed on the storefront. Penny looked up to see a navy blue logo with the words GAP written in bold white lettering.
Bells chimed softly as Natasha pushed open the door, Penny and Oksana following a few steps behind. The smell of cologne in the air was almost unbearable, and she could hear a child whining loudly to her mother a few feet away.
They were in a section painted an off-white, with the words GIRL'S CLOTHES printed boldly beneath a poster of two young girls — one blonde, and the other brunette — smiling happily. Penny's jaw clenched at the sound of an overly-autotuned singer crooning through the store's speakers clashing with a different singer playing just outside the store.
Why can't they just play the same thing everywhere? She thought, taking a few deep breaths to steady herself.
"What do you think?" Penny blinked, pulled out of her thoughts by the sound of Oksana's voice. The older woman was in front of her, holding a pink T-shirt with a butterfly.
Penny looked at the short-sleeve tee for a few seconds. It looked very soft, but it seemed a bit small. What did Oksana want her to say?
"It looks pretty," Penny said eventually, attempting to gauge the Asian woman's reaction. Oksana smiled, so she must've answered right.
Natasha was to her left, holding up two pairs of nearly-identical pants, expression much too serious for a simple shopping trip. Eventually, she seemed to resolve whatever silent debate that was happening in her mind, because she placed one pair back onto the stack, and turned on her heel to face the teen.
"C'mon, Penny," Natasha teased, but to Penny, it sounded a bit like the redhead was underwater. A migraine throbbed at her temples. "You're looking grumpier than Clint when I tell him that he can't live off of coffee." The redhead snorted to herself, but it took a bit longer than usual for Penny to process Natasha's words.
She had never met a 'Clint' — and inevitably, the puzzlement must have shown on her expression, because after one glance, Natasha swiftly clarified: "Clint's my best friend. He's the one who helped me defect to SHIELD,"
Penny thought she might like Clint.
Though she might be a bit biased — she liked anyone who helped Widows get out of Dreykov's clutches. Penny's nose scrunched when the music seemed to get louder, and it took the majority of her willpower to keep her hands still by her sides.
This is only the first store . Penny thought, frowning. I want to see more, but I don't know how much longer I'll be able to last. She flinched back when she felt someone touch her, already on edge.
She met Oksana's concerned gaze, and Penny could feel her limbs trembling like a tree in a windstorm. Weak, you couldn't even last twenty minutes in a mall? She berated herself. You've barely been in America for a month and you're already soft.
Everything was too loud, too bright, too much . She can't- she can't breathe- why can't she breathe —
Penny flung a hand out when she felt someone touch her, tears blurring her vision.
Her breaths were coming out in those annoying hiccuping gasps that people did when they were trying not to cry but failing. She clawed at the stickiness on her cheeks until she felt hands grabbing her wrists, and she suddenly felt frozen.
Penny wanted to escape, she wanted to move , she wanted everything to stop , and she wanted to get out . Her body obviously didn't get the memo though, because she was stuck, everything fuzzy and disconnected.
It was like she was a mouse stuck in a glue trap, endlessly scrabbling and scraping to get out, but every movement just cemented her body more into the trap until she couldn't even open her mouth and scream — please, please, please, please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
Her skin felt prickly to the touch, and Penny was on the ground — when did I get there? — and she felt something wrap around her hips and underneath her knees. She kicked out her legs in an attempt to defend herself from the unknown assailant, vigorously rubbing her eyes in an attempt to get at least some amount of her sight back.
<<"Penny, stop, we're trying to help you," >> The teen flinched away from the voice, before hesitating.
Penny could recognize the sound of her mother tongue, despite the fact that she couldn't recognize who was speaking it through the fog in her mind.
Penny did listen, though, some primal part of her understanding that it was an order, and Widows were nothing if not obedient. She stayed still for long enough to feel herself being hoisted into the air as if she were a toddler. Penny was still shaking, teeth digging into her bottom lip harshly enough that she could taste blood.
Every slight movement caused the fifteen-year-old to wince, and she sniffled a little as she felt herself being put back down. Penny took a few deep breaths, feeling as if someone had scrubbed her skin with sandpaper.
She hunched into herself as the background noise became sharper, and she could actually hear rather than have a messy conglomeration of everything in a twenty-meter radius blasted into her eardrums.
Close to her, there were two heartbeats, both unnaturally fast.
<<"Is she okay? What happened?" >> Penny scrunched more into herself, covering her head with her arms.
<<"I don't know, Natasha,">> Oksana's voice was tense. <<"I told you already, she just started shaking, and she looked so far away… I told you this wasn't a good idea. We have no idea what the Red Room has done to her, and she's only been here for three weeks," >>
The fifteen-year-old pulled her knees up to her chest as the two women had a hushed argument
Natasha gritted her teeth. <<" So you're saying this is my fault?" >> Her voice was not loud, but it had an edge of venom to it that just made Penny feel worse. She tucked her head between her knees.
<<"I could've just bought some clothes online!" >> Oksana hissed, <<" Now she's here and she just had a meltdown, all because you're too hardheaded to listen! " >> Penny dug her nails into her arms, barely noticing the twinge of pain that shot up her spine.
Penny swallowed. Her knees weren't stopping the sounds of Natasha and Oksana's whispered argument.
<<"Unless I hallucinated our conversation, you agreed to this!" >> Natasha bit out, <<"All of us thought that it would be good for her to get out!" >>
There was a lump in Penny's throat.
This is all my fault.
Penny choked out an apology. <<"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." >> She rocked herself back and forth, muttering indistinguishably under her breath. <<"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I wasn't good enough. I should've–" >> The teen stopped, feeling the weight of their gazes on her.
Penny sniffled, still rocking herself slightly.
<<"Hey, hey, Pen, it's okay. You're not in trouble,">> Penny peered suspiciously at Oksana as she crouched in front of her. The older woman spoke empathetically, meeting Penny's gaze. <<"It was our fault, okay? Not yours.">>
Penny opened her mouth to disagree, to tell Oksana that if only Penny had been better , not been bothered, but nothing came out. She didn't know how much she needed to hear that she hadn't been bad, that she hadn't done anything wrong .
Penny had the urge to chew on her fingertips but genuinely felt too drained to lift her arm.
Natasha stood to the side, stare pinned on Penny's expression, scrutinizing it, as if she searched hard enough, the older woman could figure out all of Penny's secrets.
<<"It's our fault,">> Natasha said quietly. <<"We shouldn't have made you come to the mall. Let's go home, hm?">> and, like the redhead already knew what Penny was about to say, she added: <<"We can order you new clothes online,">>
The brunette shook her head. <<"I-I,">> Penny stuttered, voice raw from crying. <<"It's nice here,">>
She avoided Natasha and Oksana's concern and worry, respectively. <<"I would like to see more, but it's just so loud…">> Penny spoke like a guilty man in a church confessional, looking up at the ceiling to avoid their expressions. She didn't want to see their reactions to her weakness.
A single bulb sat in the center of the ceiling, flicking slightly.
It cast a shadow on the edges of the changing room — because that's where she was — and revealed a half-constructed cobweb in the corner. Penny watched a grey-brown spider with long, thin legs, skittering around, pulling the webbing from its abdomen as it slowly stalked around the edges of the web.
Penny heard the sound of footsteps and the sound of the door opening and closing. The ceiling was off-white. The room was cold. Penny could feel the bass from the music, thrumming through her skin and into her bones.
It was considerably less noisy here, enough so that Penny could slowly piece herself back together. Still, guilt festered like a heavy stone in her gut. She took a few more breaths, her tone considerably more even as Penny whispered: <<"I like the mall. It's cool. I'm sorry,">>
Oksana clicked her tongue disapprovingly, letting out a breath. <<"No more apologies. You have nothing to be sorry for,">>
Penny didn't believe her. Her lips pressed into a thin line, palms pressed harshly against the wood. Her breathing was erratic, and Penny's eyes burned.
She blinked quickly, trying to calm herself down from her childish tantrum. What kind of Widow can't even handle a little music?
Penny flinched as she heard the door open, swallowing. After a moment, the teen tilted her head back down, scouring Natasha's face for some sort of disapproval or anger. Surely she had earned it for being so dramatic over nothing. But, the redhead had an excellent poker face. Eventually, Penny's eyes were drawn to a box in Natasha's hands.
<<"These are noise-cancelling headphones,">> Natasha said after a moment, <<"I noticed them earlier when we were walking in. You have a problem with loud noises, don't you?" >> The redhead's tone wasn't accusing, but Penny still bristled defensively, a retort on the tip of her tongue. The words died in her throat though, when Natasha handed the headphones to her.
Penny avoided the older woman's gaze, slowly opening the box. She cringed slightly at the sound of cardboard scraping against itself, and how the plastic screeched as she pulled it out, but Penny felt her cheeks warm, as if she was sitting in front of a crackling bonfire. The headphones were blocky and black, and it took a second to tug them out of the moulded plastic, but it was all worth it when she put them on.
A grin involuntarily spread on her lips and Penny slumped against the wall. Everything was muffled, background noise she could easily tune out. She could still hear Oksana's breathing as she sat next to her, but only if she focused.
Natasha bent down, tucking a stray curl behind the headphones, and smiling kindly at Penny. The girl leaned slightly into the touch, before snapping out of whatever had possessed her, sitting ramrod straight, anxiously fiddling with the hem of the green-blue shirt.
<<"How is it?">> Penny could hear Natasha decently well, but despite knowing logically that the redhead was speaking at an average volume, it sounded more like a whisper through the headphones. She gave the redhead a thumbs-up in response.
Natasha seemed pleased and nodded to herself. <<"Can you still hear us?">> Natasha asked, tapping one of the headphone's ears.
Penny's head bobbed up and down, even as her nose scrunched slightly. Her body felt more in her control, no longer spiralling and shaky. Penny took another few breaths, turning her head to look at Oksana. The older woman had been quiet during her and Natasha's exchange, but Oksana's brows were furrowed, lips curled down into a frown.
<<"Are you sure you want to stay here?">> Oksana said after a moment. <<"We can leave. It's no big deal. Yelena's gone to go pick up her dog, so she won't be back until tomorrow,">>
Penny shrunk down beneath both their gazes, swallowing. She shrugged, fiddling with the hem of Natasha's shirt.
<<"Penny… we're going to need an actual answer. Unless you want us to stay here for the rest of the day,">> The last part was inflected with humour, a wry grin on Natasha's lips. Penny stopped herself from shrugging, her fingers tapping erratically on her thigh. Penny's gaze was fixed on the polished oak, and she gently rubbed her palm against the grain of the wood.
After a minute, Oksana spoke: <<"Why don't we go get some food? Then you can decide. That sound okay?" >>
Penny slowly moved her left leg, the sole of her shoe pressing against the tiled floor. She focused on the silver doorknob as she nodded.
Penny flinched away when she felt Oksana's arm brush against hers as the older woman stood up, rolling her shoulders back. Her face burned, red and ashamed, but she quickly followed suit, hands clasped together and head bowed submissively.
<<"Sorry," >> She muttered reflectively as she felt people's eyes on them. Penny thought she saw Natasha scoff, but the redhead didn't say anything. She strode out of the store with her head held high, gaze determined.
Penny was envious.
She copied Natasha, pushing away any feelings of discomfort and slipping into character — someone who was more confident, more self-assured, someone who didn't notice the eyes boring holes in the back of her head, who hadn't just broken down in public over something stupid like noise .
Oksana's hand brushed against Penny's, causing the fifteen-year-old to look at the older woman.
Oksana's eyes crinkled at the corners as she met Penny's gaze softly. She was unused to it, so after a moment, Penny broke eye contact, and scampered to catch up with Natasha, who was a few paces ahead of them. She could smell the food court from there, and even though it was a lot, Penny focused on putting one foot in front of the other.
Every few minutes, she felt the back of Oksana's hand brush up against hers, enough so that Penny recognized it as intentional. So, she kept her arm down, almost grateful for the grounding touch.
"Let's get some McDonald's," Natasha cupped her hands around her mouth, eyes sparkling, but Penny swore for a second, she could still see an undercurrent of worry there. I must be imagining things.
She could see Oksana nod out of the corner of her eyes, so Penny gave Natasha a thumbs-up. The redhead joined a line, while Oksana guided Penny to one of the few open tables. The table was small and round, obviously intended for one or two people, but four chairs had been haphazardly dragged around it. Penny picked the one facing east and sat down. Oksana chose to sit opposite her, so she had to crane her neck to watch Natasha.
Her legs swung impatiently, and she watched Natasha approach the clerk. She couldn't make out what was being said, but after a few minutes, he handed her a paper bag. Oksana waved Natasha over as the redhead's eyes scanned the crowd before she saw them. Natasha grinned, and swiftly made her way to them, plopping onto the seat between them.
Natasha searched through the bag, pulling out a container of fries. "I got a six-pack of nuggets and some fries for each of us, Penny, you want any sauces? I have sweet and sour, or ketchup," Oksana put her hand in and pulled out the remaining two fries, plopping one in front of Penny.
The teen stared at the food for a moment. She pulled a singular fry from the container and popped it into her mouth. Immediately, Penny's eyes widened. It was salty and crisp, and she needed more. She shovelled a handful into her mouth as Natasha and Oksana were talking.
Honestly, Penny didn't really notice what the other Widows were doing until there was another container being put in front of her. Penny shoved another handful of fries into her mouth, ignoring how they burned her tongue, in favour of at least partially satiating her hunger.
Natasha and Oksana started chatting with one another as Penny scraped the bottom of her bucket for the remaining tiny fry bits. She sighed happily as the salt coated her taste buds.
"So, you know where we should go next? " Oksana asked, biting into her nugget.
"Nope," Natasha popped a fry into her mouth. "Probably a less busy store,"
Penny opened the box and bit into a chicken nugget as Oksana rolled her eyes. "I know that. I meant which one?"
Her stomach grumbled happily as she felt it fill up. Penny always forgot how hungry she was until the food was in front of her.
Natasha shrugged, "We can check out Abercrombie. Heard they're good,"
Oksana snorted. "From who? Stark? That place is expensive,"
Too quickly, though, the food was finished. Penny found herself staring longingly at the empty box, something akin to a pout on her features.
"I work for SHIELD. I have plenty of spare money," Natasha told Oksana dryly. Her head turned towards Penny, who was still staring at the empty box as if she looked hard enough, more food would appear. Then, Natasha added: "I can get you some more food, if you want, Pen,"
Penny quickly shook her head, tearing her gaze away from the table. "No, it's fine. You were talking about a store? Let's go," The girl spoke hurriedly, standing up.
It wouldn't be right to ask for more when they were already giving her so much.
Natasha raised her eyebrows, but stood up with Penny, shoving the garbage on the table into the paper bag. She paused, hand hovering above Oksana's half-finished fries.
"You eating that?" Natasha asked.
When Oksana shook her head, Natasha tossed them to Penny, who gleefully devoured the extra calories, already feeling her energy returning. The Asian woman stood up, casually putting her hands in her jeans pockets.
"Ready?" Oksana asked rhetorically.
Penny nodded happily, her excitement already building back up. She took a few deep breaths, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Natasha lightly tugged at the hem of her shirt to guide her.
She could almost skip. Penny kind of wanted to. It was dumb and childish, but the former Widows were so kind . She yearned to trust them.
Or maybe this was all an elaborate ruse, a trick by the Red Room to break down her barriers only to hurt her worse than before. Maybe it wasn't.
Either way, as the sun shone brightly through the mall's glass rooftop, Penny thought.
Even if they're lying, I'll enjoy this while it lasts.
Notes:for this fic I think I'm going to publish every tuesday-ish (times may vary if I'm really struggling with writers block)
but!! next chapter Penny meets MJ!!! sorry for the angst btw lol
tbh this was not my favourite chapter i've ever written but I feel like it's pretty good, all things considered. what do yall think?
Chapter 7: what about the rest of us?Summary:flashback to the red room
Notes:chapter title is from Down By The River by The Crane Wives
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter TextRED ROOM
Petra stabbed the stick into the dirt as she attempted to pry a rock from the ground. She pushed the tip underneath the slab, pressing down on the non-buried side with a small smile. Her nose wrinkled as she pushed down, using all of her strength to pull it from the ground.
<<"Come on ,">> Petra muttered to herself, groaning as the wood snapped under the strain. Half of the stick was still wedged between the rock and the ground, so she grabbed the piece that was left and pried it up once again, except this time, it worked.
She grinned as the rock flipped over, revealing a bunch of bugs and worms nestled in the dirt. The bugs skittered around in alarm, some flailing around on their back and others disappearing into the grass or the ground. Petra watched with fascination as a blue-green beetle wiggled its legs in the air, rolling from side to side until it finally righted itself.
The four-year-old pressed her finger to its back, giggling as it squirmed underneath her touch. Her gaze was bright as it darted around the uncovered area, slowly picking up the bug and curiously observing its black underbelly.
<<"Woah, cool. What is that?">>
Petra flinched violently, accidentally flinging the beetle from her grasp from the surprise of someone speaking directly into her ear.
<<"Hey!">> She whined. <<"You made me drop him!">> She whipped her head to glare at the person who spoke — a girl with white-blonde hair and bright blue eyes.
The girl blinked a little, looking from Petra's now-empty hand to the grass. <<"Sorry,">> She offered tentatively. <<"My name's Gwen,">>
Petra frowned at her, <<"You made me drop the beetle!">> She repeated, crossing her arms to stop herself from flailing them around.
<<"Do you want me to find another bug?">> Gwen asked, brows furrowed.
Petra huffed. <<"Fine,">> She said, already feeling the frustration start to go away. Her stance softened as Gwen grabbed the broken stick from earlier and started lightly poking at the dirt. <<"Do you like bugs?">>
<<"No,">> She said matter-of-factly. <<"But you do, so I can like them,">>
Petra bobbed her head up and down, completely understanding Gwen's point. <<"They're pretty cool,">> She said excitedly. <<"I think they're awesome!">>
Gwen paused. <<"Does this mean we're friends?">> She pulled a worm from out of the dirt, making a face.
Petra shrugged. <<"I don't know. We can if you want,">>
Gwen grinned. <<"Gwen and…">> She trailed off, her cheeks tinting pink. <<"What's your name?">>
She rolled her eyes. <<"Petra,">> She supplied succinctly.
<<"Gwen and Petra!">> The little blonde proclaimed. <<"Best friends in the whole wide world!">>
Petra breathed slowly. In… Out… In… Out…
Her body was exhausted, bruised and battered. But, she couldn't sleep. Petra's mind whirred like a machine even as the rest of her body begged to sleep.
<<"Hey,">> Petra heard shuffling beside her as metal clanked against metal. <<"Petra. Hey. Are you awake?">>
Somewhere in her brain, Petra recognized the voice of her best friend. Her eyes flickered open as she turned her head to face Gwen's bed.
<<"What do you want?">> Petra whispered tiredly. Gwen's face was mostly hidden by the dark but Petra could sense the shit-eating grin on the blonde's lips.
Her bed creaked as Gwen shifted closer to Petra. A sliver of light snuck into the shared room as Gwen lowered her voice some more, cupping a hand around her lips: <<"Why weren't you in languages today? Madame Komarova was teaching us German,">>
Petra shrugged. <<"Dunno. They always pull me out of classes, Gwen. I don't ask,">>
Gwen frowned. <<"I wish we were together. No one else talks to me,">>
Petra's brows furrowed. <<"Why not? You're awesome,">> She lifted her head, ignoring how her aching muscles protested while Gwen's face turned a bit sad.
The blonde chewed on her nails, gaze focused on the locked door. The sound of the other girls never felt so echoing as it did at that moment. Petra could hear Gwen's breathing stutter, but before she could ask what was wrong, Petra froze.
Someone was walking in the hall. It was hard to hear from beneath the normal sounds of the Room — and Petra was privately grateful for the additions the Red Room had provided her.
The alarm must've shown on Petra's expression because when she looked back, Gwen had a similar one.
<<"Someone's coming!">> She hissed in warning, allowing her muscles to collapse and her eyes to shut. Their beds creaked in eerie sync as the five-year-olds went limp.
Petra felt the light shine into the room as they opened the door. She made sure to keep herself entirely still, not even having a singular muscle twitch as she heard them enter the room. Their footsteps were nearly silent as they walked before Petra heard someone cry out from several feet away. The other girl's handcuffs clanked loudly against the metal bedframe and she sobbed loudly.
It took every fibre of her being to stay still as the girl's cries echoed in the hallway, the bottoms of her feet dragging against stone. Petra felt an inkling of pity for her fellow Widow, but kept still, knowing that there was nothing she could do.
A sigh of relief left her lips as the door slammed shut, and Petra opened her eyes to meet Gwen's teary ones. She frowned, tilting her head in confusion.
<<"What's wrong?">> Petra whispered as the sound of crying faded.
<<"She's gone ,">> Gwen said empathetically, sniffling. <<"Will she come back?">>
Petra was at a loss for words. She couldn't lie to Gwen. She knew the girl was not likely to return. Superiors confronting them late at night never meant anything good. Often, those taken at night met a fate worse than death. Petra chewed her cheek, shrugging.
Gwen buried her face in her mattress, muffling the sound of her tears — which made Petra wince in sympathy. Her friend was obviously still unused to how the Red Room did things. She should not be wasting tears over another Widow. Yes, it was sad, and Petra's stomach curdled at the idea of what might happen to her, but tears wouldn't do anything. It will only get her punished.
Widows are made of marble.
<<"Don't cry, don't cry,">> Petra spoke softly, reaching out, but her stubby arms were too short to touch the other girl and ended up just dangling uselessly off the bed.
<<"You're going to get in trouble if they catch you, Gwen,">> She whispered, eyes darting around anxiously.
Gwen looked at Petra, her face disguised by the dark, but it didn't take a lot to see the large, almost cartoonish frown on her features.
<<"Will she come back?">> Gwen repeated, her voice numb as her cheek was squished against the bed.
Petra looked at Gwen's shadowy features and felt a wave of pity fall over her. Her head moved to face the ceiling and she sighed. <<"Maybe.">>
It was more of a comfort for her friend than anything. Petra looked up at the ceiling. She could feel metal biting into her skin. It was warm from her body heat and her fingertips twitched uncomfortably. Petra didn't believe the words, but she could hear Gwen whisper them to herself, a glimmer of hope in her tone.
Maybe.
Petra clenched her jaw as she dodged another blow. She kicked her opponent — a girl named Sofia with freckled skin and a brute-force approach to fighting — in the stomach.
She took advantage of how Sofia stumbled back and spun around, hitting the top of her foot against Sofia's skull.
Her opponent's face snapped to the side and Petra swiftly wrapped her foot around Sofia's ankle and yanked it out from under her before pinning her to the ground. Sofia struggled under Penny's hold, but she just pressed her palms harder into her shoulders.
<<"Stop,">> Madame Komarova's voice wasn't particularly loud, but their heads whipped to meet her gaze as if she had just screamed the order. <<"Petra wins. Sofia, you are to report here with the others after languages.">>
Petra got off Sofia gingerly, her side and head throbbing from some particularly well-placed hits. A migraine throbbed at her temples, but she could see Gwen flash her a quick smile out of the corner of her eyes. Petra almost allowed her lips to quirk up at the blonde's enthusiasm, but swiftly wiped her expression when she noticed Madame Komarova scrutinizing her.
Sweat soaked Petra's hairline as she stood up stiffly. Her legs wobbled as she tilted her head up. The mat under her feet felt woefully inadequate as she tried to make herself as small as possible.
The identical gray walls felt suffocating as she waited for instructions. Sofia was glaring daggers into the side of her head. Petra met Madame Komarova's gaze meekly and she scoffed, dismissing the two girls with a flick of her wrist. Sofia shoved her side against Petra's, huffing air out of her nose as she made her way to the leftmost corner where all the other losers were standing at attention.
On the other hand, Petra maneuvered around the line and stood in the rightmost corner where the other 'winners' were. Gwen's face seemed to light up when Petra stood next to her, and she put a hand over her mouth to stifle a smile.
Another two girls made their way onto the mat and started without prompt, scratching and hitting one another desperately.
She felt, more than saw, Gwen slink up to her. The shorter girl pressed her side against Petra's as she whispered: <<"You did so good!">>
Petra kept her face blank, but inside she glowed at the praise. Madame Komarova was watching two others sparring, so she felt safe enough to murmur out of the corner of her mouth: <<"Not as good as you, you took down Katya in only a few minutes,">>
She could see Gwen's cheeks turn pink out of the corner of her eyes. <<"Thank you,">> She muttered, before moving away from Petra.
Immediately, she missed Gwen's warmth, something feeling intrinsically missing , like an incomplete puzzle, now that she was gone.
Petra's eyes flickered to Gwen's for a moment and she felt her whole body soften. The winner of that round joined them and Petra took that opportunity to squish herself against the blonde under the pretense of moving to give the other girl space.
Perhaps it was dangerous, but in the six-year-old's mind, the Madame didn't seem to be paying attention, so they'd be okay. Gwen blinked a little, her lips curling up the smallest bit. Petra's fingers ached as the back of her hand brushed Gwen's, some kind of warmth settling onto her chest.
It was almost addictive, this unknown feeling.
She craved to wrap the two of them up together and tickle her friend's sides until she was hoarse from laughter. She wanted them to run around the field and eat berries and jump around and be loud. She wanted to spin in circles until the world blurred and all that was left was the two of them, alone.
No Red Room. No HYDRA.
Just Petra and Gwen.
Best friends.
Petra awoke and found herself… somewhere. Blindfolded.
The smell of bleach coated the air, making the brunette's nose twitch as she tried not to show how much it was bothering her. Fear dribbled down her spine as she felt her fingers being wrapped around the handle of a blade — how did she get here? Why was she here? What happened to her?
The last thing Petra remembered was eating dinner. She could've sworn it wasn't drugged, but, she must've been wrong. Her spare hand flexed in the air as adrenaline flowed through her muscles.
There were two other heartbeats, and Petra closed her eyes to extend her other senses. One was quicker, younger, clearly another Widow her age. The other was from whoever set up this test — a Madame? The General? Another Widow, perhaps?
Either way, Petra doesn't intend to fail.
She bent her knees, breathing in and out through her mouth.
<<"This is your test,">> Fear welled up in her throat at the sound of Madame B's voice. Petra bit the inside of her cheek anxiously.
<<"You are finished when one of you kills the other. Start.">> Her opponent didn't waste time, leaping forward and barrelling into Petra's side. She felt their knife nick her ribs and immediately socked the other girl in the jaw.
They were fast — they had been trained to be. This was not sparring. This was real.
Petra had at least the small comfort of knowing that she wouldn't see the other girl — didn't have to watch the life drain out of her eyes.
A kick to the side of her head had Petra seeing stars.
She blinked quickly attempting to shake off the disorientation.
Her opponent took advantage of that, using Petra's dizziness against her to sweep her feet from underneath her and pin her to the ground in an almost familiar way.
She struggled from underneath them, desperation welling in her chest as she felt them raise their arm to slit her throat — an overly dramatic approach, parried with their seeming hesitation, cost them.
Petra used her free shoulder to knock her opponent off balance, wrapping her feet around their calves and switching their positions.
She then, unsparingly, stabbed them in the jugular.
Her opponent gurgled as blood sprayed onto Petra's face and coated her hands.
Her breaths were coming out in pants as she leaned back onto her haunches.
Her opponent twitched underneath her, before going limp.
Petra swallowed, tasting blood as it went down her throat. She stood up numbly. The adrenaline was fading, and she felt an insurmountable amount of horror building in her chest.
Madame B strode towards her, clasping her hand on Petra's shoulder. The six-year-old wanted to scream, she wanted to fall to the ground, curl up and join the girl. She did neither.
<<"Good.">> Madame B said after a moment. <<"Weakness is not to be tolerated here. Take a shower. Breakfast will be ready soon,">>
Petra barely acknowledged the words as she was escorted out of the room. All she could smell was blood. It dug deep into her skin like a bird's claw, refusing to relinquish control. She wished that she could have the scent of bleach back.
Her bare feet padded onto something warm and wet, and somewhere in her mind, Petra distantly recognized that she had been brought to the showers. She couldn't even bring herself to take the blindfold from over her eyes as her body seemed to finally give up on her.
Petra sunk to the ground, ignoring the water soaking her pants.
The blood dripped down her cheeks as if they were teardrops and Petra tilted her head up, silently glad that she seemed to be the only one awake. Of course, that didn't last too long. She heard the door open.
Petra couldn't be bothered to even twitch a muscle in response to the newcomer.
<<"Hey, hey,">> Petra lifted her head at the voice. She suppressed a flinch as she felt a pair of hands on her face, only to relax when she realized they were untying her blindfold. The piece of fabric fell to the ground and she met the eyes of another Widow.
She had light brown skin and short, dark hair. Freckles were smattered across the bridge of her nose and across her cheeks. Deep brown eyes, dark enough that they were almost black, swept over her in a way that was both kind and clinical.
Her gaze was indescribably soft as she brushed a thumb along Petra's cheekbone, even as the skin came away a dark red.
<<"You had your first kill?">> She asked gently, motioning Petra to put her arms up as she helped her take off her shirt.
The six-year-old almost gagged at the smell of her top and on her bare skin. The other Widow tossed the shirt to the side and helped Petra shuffle out of her pants.
Petra barely mustered up the energy to nod as the older Widow gave her a sympathetic look.
<<"First one's always the worst, I'm afraid,">> She said softly. <<"But can I tell you something?">>
She watched the brown woman turn on the shower, soaking her clothes as she motioned Petra closer. The six-year-old shuffled under the spray hesitantly, allowing the water to wash off the coppery liquid and drench her hair.
The other Widow sat down, murmuring into Petra's ear: <<"You can cry as much as you want, here, little one.">>
Petra's hand wrapped itself into the Widow's soaked shirt as the reality of what happened crashed over her.
She sniffled, pressing her face into the older girl's chest.
A sob managed to wrench itself out of her throat, and it was all over after that.
Petra's eyes burned and her breathing stuttered. Snort dribbled from her nose. She cried until the water turned frigid and her hair stuck to her skin.
And the other Widow rubbed soft circles into Petra's back the entire time.
Eventually, the water shut off, and Petra looked up at the other Widow, committing to memory the curve of her cheekbones and the slant of her nose, just in case.
She offered Petra a rare kindness. Petra owed her, whether the Widow wanted it or not.
The older woman stood up slowly, the corners of her lips turning down. She looked as if she had been caught in a terrible rainstorm. Still, she offered a hand to Petra, helping her get up.
She accepted.
The words thank you appeared in Petra's mind, but they seemed glued in her throat, unable to escape her lips.
She hoped the other Widow understood it all the same.
Petra, like always, was singled out during languages. She was brought to a separate room with one of the HYDRA scientists and a stack of papers on top of a bolted-down metal table. They had clearly reused an interrogation room for her — though, why, she had no clue.
Her sixth sense buzzed a light warning at the back of her neck when Petra's eyes wandered to the one-sided glass. Her brows furrowed. Was she being watched?
She gingerly sat down on the metal chair and started looking at what she had been assigned. It was simple math, with multiplication and division. The man looked bored when he handed her a pen but immediately sat up as Petra began.
She calculated most of it in her head, writing down the answers in a messy scrawl. The man's eyebrow raised, which Petra could only hope was a good thing, as she continued to work diligently.
Despite keeping a blank face, Petra found her mind wandering. Not really about anything in particular, just about things she's learned. She hoped she might get another book to read. A little while ago, she had been given a big book full of different animals. It was in English, so it was a bit of a struggle to read, but Petra loved the pictures. The tortoises were her favourite.
Her pencil stilled against the page and she was surprised to find that she had finished all of her work. Petra looked up to find the scientist staring at her intently before he scribbled something down on his paper. He dismissed her with a flick of his fingers.
Petra almost skipped outside, despite the armed guard escorting her, face lighting up as she scanned the big field. She frowned a little as she didn't see Gwen.
She shrugged, figuring that the blonde was just a bit late — Petra was practically alone on the field, after all, and plopped down in front of the berry bush. The bush had sort of become their unofficial 'meeting spot' and Petra wrapped a strand of grass around her index finger until it snapped.
Her head jerked up excitedly as she saw Gwen's class stream out of the doors, but felt a pit in her stomach when she couldn't spot her best friend's recognizable white-blonde hair. Petra stood up, brushing the dirt off of her pants as she meandered through the crowd. All of the girls were there, except for Gwen.
Had she been held back? Was she in trouble?
Petra's ears picked up a conversation a few feet away. Two of the girls in her age group were whispering to one another, sending fugitive glances to Petra every few seconds.
<<"Do you know where the small one went?">> The first girl asked.
<<"Who?">>
<<"You know, the small, bouncy kid,">> Girl One shrugged, before offering: <<"She had white hair?">>
<<"I don't know. We just woke up and she and the know-it-all were gone,">> Girl Two snorted.
There was a buzzing in Petra's ears. It became louder and louder with every second she spent rooted to the spot.
Her stomach churned uncomfortably. Petra felt bile rising in her throat as her mind whirred, connecting the dots. She didn't care about the name-calling, but the fact that she and Gwen were missing at the same time?
It seemed like some sort of awful trick. A cruel coincidence. As if her best friend was being held back in class just to mess with Petra.
But there were no coincidences in the Red Room.
Petra gagged, feeling as if she had been spun around too quickly but couldn't stop.
Her limbs felt weak.
She stumbled to the berry bush just as her stomach cramped.
She coughed, spit and vomit dribbling down her chin. Please.
Her knees hit the ground. She can't be dead. Gwen can't be dead.
Pebbles dug into the skin of her palm as her body expelled whatever meager rations she had been allotted that morning.
Petra dry-heaved onto the dirt even after her stomach's contents were long gone.
She didn't want to believe it.
She had to.
I killed my best friend. Tears pricked in the corners of her eyes. I'm a monster.
Notes:ayyyy B) i originally planned this to be chapter 8 but tbh I think it works better for chapter 7,,, more explanation etc etc yknow?
hope yall enjoyed this! :) comments are always appreciated
EDITED: 03/06/24
Chapter 8: thanks, i got it from my very best friendSummary:Yelena is back! With her dog :)
Penny meets MJ and they talk science
Notes:title is from Born2Run by Penelope Scott <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter TextShe was munching on an apple — it was sweet, and the juice dribbled down her chin — as Yelena opened the front door with a grin. Penny wasn't surprised to see the blonde, but was slightly confused as something small padded excitedly around her legs, and it barked as Yelena dropped her bag on the ground.
Wait, barked?
Penny stared at the bouncing animal as its tail wagged excitedly, tongue lolling out of its mouth. Yep, no doubt about it. That's a dog. Though, she shouldn't be surprised. Penny's pretty sure Oksana had mentioned Yelena leaving to pick up her dog from New York the other day.
"Morning Penny," The blonde said brightly, crouching down to shuffle through her bag.
Penny gave Yelena a small wave in response, gaze darting to where Natasha and Oksana were chatting with one another, half-finished drinks in hands.
" 'Lena!" Oksana smiled. " Did you annoy the Bishop girl so much that she had to send you back?" She teased.
"Ha ha," Yelena said dryly. "No, Kate Bishop was rather nice about me staying overnight. She needs to feed her Lucky better, though,"
Natasha sipped her tea, warm steam curling up into the air. "Not everyone can spoil their dogs like you do with Fanny," She raised an eyebrow teasingly.
Yelena's jaw dropped in mock offence. She held a hand to her chest. "Natashka! You wound me! Fanny is not spoiled!"
Penny wiped her mouth against the back of her hand, frowning slightly. Penny tilted her head, watching the dog, Fanny, warily. The animal reminded Penny a bit of the husky one of her marks had, with its square jaw and ears, except, rather than being black and white, Fanny was more brownish and cream.
Oksana tilted her head back in a laugh as Natasha smirked.
"Oh, by the way, Penny?" The teen startled slightly, gaze darting up to meet Yelena's as the blonde craned her head around to speak. Yelena swiftly pulled something green and fuzzy out of her coat pocket and lobbed it at Penny's face.
Penny jerked back, hands shooting up to catch it before her mind could even comprehend what just happened.
The brunette looked down and realized Yelena had just tossed her a stuffed turtle. Penny didn't know whether to laugh or not. It was cute, with little black eyes and a stitched-on smile. She turned it around to find that it was wearing a black T-shirt with the words I Love New York on it.
Yelena drawled, "I thought you might like the souvenir," Penny swallowed, nodding as she pressed the stuffy to her chest.
"Thank you," Penny said quietly, gently pressing her thumb into one of the turtle's stumpy feet.
Fanny whined, pacing around a circle. The dog plopped down right next to its leash and barked. The sudden sound made Penny's hands fly up to her ears, which in turn, caused her accidentally drop the turtle onto the countertop.
The blonde frowned as she turned around. "Aw, Fanny, you can't wait a little longer for a walk? We just arrived,"
Fanny only barked again in response, nudging the leash a bit with her nose. Yelena sighed, rolling her shoulders back. It was clear to Penny that Yelena didn't truly want to go, and the teen felt kind of bad for the blonde — even if she was a little irritated at Fanny for being so loud.
Yelena had been so thoughtful, getting Penny a toy when she didn't have to do anything for her. She needed to be useful. This was a way to show them she wasn't as much of a burden.
Maybe… I could… Her palms itched uncomfortably at the idea beginning to form in her mind.
Before she could rethink her decision, Penny blurted out: "I'll take her for a walk,"
The three of them looked at Penny, which made her insides squirm uncomfortably, but she didn't back down, repeating, "I'll walk her. I don't mind,"
Penny maneuvered around the countertop, picking up the dog's leash. This was a way for her to pay Yelena back for the gift. That way she would owe the older Widows one less thing.
Yelena raised an eyebrow, looking between the excited dog and the teenager, before shrugging. "Sure, if you want to. The poop bags are in the little black container, and make sure that she doesn't eat anything weird,"
Penny attached the leash to Fanny's collar, but to be honest, the animal didn't really need one. Fanny waited patiently for Penny to pull on her shoes, nudging her a little to encourage the teen to hurry up.
"Pen!" Natasha called, brows furrowed. "Don't you need your headphones?" Penny paused, feeling the tips of her ears turn pink at the insinuation that she would need any help to go out for a walk . The other day had been a fluke, an accident she doesn't intend to repeat.
Penny shook her head, calling back, "I'll be fine!" as she closed the door behind her. She wrapped the leash around her wrist, a bit unsure, as she felt the dog tug on it.
Penny hadn't interacted with any pets since an undercover mission in 2009, where she had to stall the man on his usual morning walk, and even then, Fanny was much better trained than the other animal.
She remembered the gift Yelena had given her, and became determined to repay her with this.
Honestly, the walk was rather calming. They did live in wherever the fuck, Ohio, and most of the people here were retirees or farmers too busy to care about their reclusive neighbours.
Penny hummed a little as she surveyed the area, watching as a squirrel scampered up a tree and a robin pecked at the ground before flying away. The sky was a soft blue, and the wind lightly ruffled her hair. The gravel path crunched underfoot. All in all, a perfect summer day.
She was passing by a small farmstead when she noticed a person with dark skin and extremely curly hair holding what seemed to be almost a dozen books in her arms, walking in front of her. The stack was tall enough that it obscured their face.
Until they tripped, and the books went flying everywhere. Oh shit, Penny scrunched her nose in sympathy.
I should help them. Penny nodded to herself, barely noticing Fanny as the animal barked. She increased her pace until she was in front of the person, and bent down as they pushed themselves off the ground. They looked up, and Penny felt her cheeks warm as the two of them made eye contact. The girl's face was round, with soft brown eyes.
Penny averted her gaze from the girl and picked up a random book with a soft yellow cover . Then, she offered it to her.
"Are you okay? You kinda ate dirt," Penny was silently praying she used the saying right, and sighed in relief when the girl laughed, nodding in agreement. Fanny pressed her nose against the girl's side, as she sat up, brushing the dirt from her top.
"Yeah, I probably should bring a bag or something to the library," She chuckled, running a hand through her hair. She looked around, frowning as she surveyed the mess around her. "Sorry about that. Name's MJ by the way,"
"Penny," The brunette said absently, gently picking up another book that had landed in its middle. Penny shook out whatever gravel was between its pages, before passing it to MJ.
After a moment of brief silence, Penny suddenly blurted out, "Would you like some help bringing them home? I noticed you're going in the same direction as my house,"
MJ's face lit up, relief coating her expression. "Would you? I-I mean," MJ backtracked, "You don't have to if you don't want to," She picked up several more books, chewing her bottom lip, "But, um, I'd really appreciate it,"
Penny grinned, raising her eyebrows with a chuckle. "If I didn't want to, I wouldn't have offered." She put Fanny's leash in her other hand as she held a few books on her left. "Now, c'mon. I would hate to stop you from reading —" She checked out one of the book titles, " — To Kill A Mockingbird? Is that any good?"
MJ rolled her eyes, before seemingly realizing that Penny was serious. She stared, open-mouthed at the teen, before basically shrieking, " Yes! It's literally one of the best books ever! Aren't you my age? Haven't you read it in English?"
MJ's eyes were wide with curiosity, and it took a second for Penny to formulate a response: "No, I haven't. I don't even know your age. How do you know I'm not secretly twenty or something?"
The dark-skinned girl paused, before tilting her head in thought, matching Penny's stride. "I mean, if you are secretly twenty then you are looking very good for your age, and also," MJ grinned sheepishly, "yeah, I guess you wouldn't know if we were the same age. I'm fifteen. You?"
Penny nodded slowly, excitement bubbling from the tips of her fingers to the center of her chest. "Me too," She said, trying not to sound too eager.
MJ made a noise that was a bit like a mix of a whistle and a squeal. "Awesome! I swear, there's literally no one my age here," She rolled her eyes.
MJ tilted her head, looking at her for a moment before saying hesitantly: "By the way, your shirt is really pretty. I like blue,"
Penny brightened at the compliment. "Thanks!" She chirped, running a hand through her curls. "I like your shirt too, it's," MJ was wearing a pink t-shirt with a picture of a napping cat on it. "...cute,"
There was an awkward silence for a minute as the conversation between the two teens dwindled out. Should I say something? Penny wondered. What could I say? She could feel the gravel from the path crunching underfoot.
"Do you like science?" Penny asked, hoping the words sounded less awkward than they felt. Thankfully, MJ did like science. She absolutely lit up at the question and kickstarted a conversation about the differences between chemistry and engineering.
"See," MJ said, "A lot of people tend to lump all the STEM subjects under one big umbrella, as if they're equal, but they're, like, not?" She cast a glance to Penny, "y'know, chemistry isn't the same as math which in turn, isn't the same as engineering,"
Penny shifted some of the books in her arms. "I understand what you're saying," She hummed in thought. "But you're acting as if things like engineering aren't linked to math in some form. You need to know math to build things,"
"Well," MJ nodded a little in acknowledgement, a little sparkle in her eyes, "You're not wrong, but I'm saying that subjects that require lots of trial and error, like chemistry, aren't equal to things like math, where it's mostly formulas?"
Penny gave her a deadpan stare. "There are formulas in chemistry,"
It was a little hard to tell, but it almost looked like MJ blushed. "Oh, right," She scratched the back of her head. "I kinda forgot,"
"How can you forget that ?" Penny exclaimed jokingly, noticing out of the corner of her eye that Fanny looked up due to the sound.
"Look," She jokingly defended herself, "It's summer! I'm allowed to be stupid,"
" Fine," Penny let out an exaggerated sigh. "I'll let it slide this one time,"
The two girls were so absorbed in their conversation that they almost forgot about the dog that was walking right by their feet. Fanny very quickly reminded Penny of her existence by barking loudly at a squirrel as it scampered behind on the grass, which made both teenagers flinch in surprise, MJ's being much more obvious than Penny's.
The dark-skinned girl blinked, looking around. They were across the road from a quaint, two-story house. Funnily enough, it was the house closest to where Penny was staying.
"Fuck," MJ groaned. "I don't want to go home, but I promised my Aunt that I'd help her with dinner,"
"Oh," Penny responded, in lieu of anything else. "That sucks,"
MJ nodded with a huff, head turning from side to side before the two of them walked across the road to her house. It seemed even nicer up close, with a white picket fence and a small garden by their porch.
Penny tilted her head, plastering a fake smile on her face as she gave MJ her books, even snorting as the other teen's head was obscured once again by the stack.
"So," MJ said awkwardly. "I guess I have to go now,"
"Yeah," Penny rubbed her arm. "I enjoyed talking about science with you," The teen tentatively offered.
"So did I," MJ said. "Maybe I'll see you soon?"
Fanny whined, huffing as she plopped onto the grass. Penny smiled to herself as a voice called out for MJ from the house. MJ waved her goodbye, her fingers fidgeting with the pages at the bottom of the stack as she turned away.
"I'd like that ," Penny whispered, scratching Fanny's head as she watched the dark-skinned girl disappear into her house.
Notes:first;y, want to apologise for the late update. I've re-written this chapter almost 3 or 4 times at this point and I was a bt\it unsure about posting it, but I really thought that this was a much-needed break for penny. she honestly just needs someone her own age to talk to, and I get to introduce MJ!!
also, as someone who absolutely despises science with a passion, it was sooo fun /s to write about it lol
I still hope you enjoyed this chapter, and tell me your thoughts!