The medallion, etched with strange runes, hovered right before me as I sat in a meditation pose. It floated, and next to it floated the holocron created by my deceased mentor, Lorm Decer… To be honest, Lorm had been given to me "to teach me about life." Pairing someone as utterly insecure and self-doubting as me with a confident man like Lorm… Playing on the contrast between a student and the teacher offered to him… Classic — so that, by observing him, I might at least try to become better. To change some of my character traits. Though I thought Yoda had gone a bit overboard; he could have given me someone kinder. Otherwise, another year or two and I could have become quite the asshole… Not that I wasn't one now.
I could, I had the ability, I practiced, so to speak. And I could even be proud of it… Wait, stop. Better focus. According to the instructions I'd received, to summon a ghost, I needed to use something that had been in contact with the summoned person's Force. Almost any personal item would work, but a holocron or personal weapon was best. In Master Lorm's case, I used his holocron. By the way — I didn't actually need to summon Lorm for training. I had his holocron, which contained all his knowledge of Force techniques. So this summoning was only for me to observe the process itself. How it was done, what would happen?
The Force streamed from me toward the medallion floating before me, and then connected the medallion itself to the master's holocron with a kind of thread. The Force literally churned around me. The medallion itself had to be charged before use. Either this was done through ordinary meditation, in which case recharging could take several days, maybe weeks — it all depended on how talented the user was. Or you could force the artifact to absorb the life force of sentients, thus charging it. Shilazh had done that when she'd used it. But the latter method, I sincerely didn't want to implement. Not that I was an impeccable angel, but to do something like that just to summon the dead?
Even with my enemy, I'd prefer to just stab him, not use him for this ritual. So I meditated for a week, dosing myself with botha extract. This drink enhanced my already powerful connection to the Force, almost blowing my mind. After each dose — such euphoria washed over me that I wanted to do literally everything… First go fight Plagueis and Sidious, then transform the Republic into something adequate. In short, a stimulating effect that could also, due to the stimulation, make a Force-sensitive relatively irrational. But regardless, I was able to resist such temptations and even decided it was a kind of training for mental and spiritual fortitude.
Of course, I'd undergone the appropriate trials while I was a Padawan. But testing yourself further never hurts. The Force kept churning… Suddenly, it began to coalesce, first into a huge, visible sphere of energy, and then the sphere began, little by little, to transform into the silhouette of a sentient. A silhouette so familiar that it might even have moved me to tears. The silhouette slowly — it felt like entire minutes — took on a tangible, clear form, so familiar.
"Aaaah… Phew!" the silhouette said. "What the hell? Where am I? And who are you to disturb my sleep with beautiful Twi'leks?"
Beautiful Twi'leks? Oh, how I'd missed that. But actually, as far as I remembered correctly, dead Force-sensitives either ended up in the Afterlife or in Chaos, depending on their polarity. Though officially it was believed that the dead, unless they mastered a special technique, simply merged with the Force… And I personally wondered — what exactly did this medallion do? Did it detach the reflection of an individual personality from the Force stream and summon it here? Or maybe there was no merging with the Force at all. A sentient sensitive to the Force simply appeared in the afterlife, as I'd seen in the comics, or in Chaos (the Void), depending on polarity. In any case — I now had a unique opportunity to ask Lorm Decer what actually happened upon the death of a Force-sensitive.
"Master," I grinned, "you haven't changed a bit."
"That voice," the Zabrak squinted. "Familiar. But you remind me too much of a Shadow. They're the ones who wear costumes like that. So tasteless…"
"I think it's stylish," I noted, pulling back my hood.
"Oh, I'd cry and hug you right now, man to man, but I sense I can't do that. Though, considering what you pulled me away from — I should kill you."
"What, found a pretty Twi'lek?" I sighed.
"Better. Do you even understand that where I ended up, all Force-sensitives go, more or less from the light side of the Force. Including female Jedi. And what's the main advantage of female Jedi?"
"Let me think," I pondered. "Ah — they take care of their physical bodies, and the vast majority of them are beautiful."
"Correct. I'm glad you received my signature knowledge!" the Zabrak nodded.
"Speaking of women," I grinned. "You should know — you went too far."
"What are you talking about, my faithful student?"
"About what you did with Officer Dizzy," I replied. "Or have you forgotten? The poor thing wanted a family so badly that she overdosed on Sephi reproductive stimulants, and now… Congratulations — you have a lovely little daughter named Lily."
"What?" Lorm exclaimed, far too loudly. His eyes practically bulged out of their sockets. "A daughter?! Mine?! Wait… How?"
"Are you joking?" I smirked. "That happens when you have sex with a woman. In short, let me explain: first, you undress yourself and the woman…"
"Alright…"
"Let me finish…"
"Don't mock me!" the master cut me off sharply. "I know perfectly well how children are made! I mean something else. She swore up and down she was on birth control."
"I don't recognize you," I looked at Lorm in surprise. "You, who never believed anyone. Where's your all-encompassing cynicism, the one that kept you from reporting so many things to the Order? The one that made you trust no one around you?"
"I thought she wouldn't lie…"
What?
"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" I laughed. "A woman… not lying! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, you made me laugh."
"What're you laughing at your beloved master for?" he snapped. "Watch yourself — you'll make the same mistake!"
"Yeah, just let me stop laughing first, and I'll make it a different mistake," tears actually welled in my eyes.
"Don't push it," Lorm Decer said through his teeth. "Yes, the medallion's power doesn't give me a full physical form, but I can still hit you with Force Lightning," green lightning appeared on his right hand. "Maybe that will teach you respect for your elders!"
"If only the elder himself observed discipline," I said, my laughter subsiding.
"Still, it's amazing," Lorm Decer looked around. "So the medallion really works."
"Yes," I said. "It really helps connect with someone who has already died. I can't describe the process more precisely. So I'm hoping you'll describe it…"
"What happened to me after I died from buckshot in the back?" the Zabrak asked. "Well, how to put it… The soul, or consciousness… falls into some strange hole. It seems to have this light hue. I remember being literally sucked inside, and then… suddenly spat out into a bright space where I felt an enormous amount of Force. If I hadn't been prepared, I'd definitely have gone into sensory shock from such an abundance of energy. And I'd call this place the 'afterlife,' which divides into two parts. Where I ended up contains everyone more or less aligned with the light polarity — that is, users of the Light Side of the Force. But… very close by, at least from where I reside in that space, there's a huge chasm, an abyss, from which cries and the noise of endless battles come, as if they never quiet down. Those who end up where I come from… exist in a kind of existential meditation. It's so peaceful, so… free. In the process of this meditation, you literally create whatever you want and, realistically, you feel it."
"So you conjured yourself some Twi'leks and are just resting?"
"Got a problem with that? I've been fighting for my life since I was a baby — and not just my life. Can't I finally rest? But… why did you pull me out, Light? What's happened since my death?"
"Well…" I sat down on a rock. "I summoned you to test the power of the medallion, and not to get my face slapped for being too bold. Remember? We wanted to summon the great Sith of antiquity to gain knowledge from them. Like Tulak Hord. And not just him. But I couldn't start with such terrifying monsters — I needed to pick someone gentler, someone more reasonable."
"Then you should have summoned Revan," said Lorm. "If you're picking someone you can summon without getting wrecked — Revan's the best option. He saw so much shit in his life. He was on the light side, the dark side, then the light side again. Knows so many Force techniques…"
"Perfect. And you, of course, know where there's an object that was in contact with his Force?"
"Ah, Hutt," the Zabrak cursed. "The irony is that someone truly significant didn't leave much behind. Yeah, that's a shame."
"But in any case — I know where there's something that was in contact with Revan. I just need to prepare, because that thing is not a holocron or even a lightsaber radiating darkness from Revan the Sith — it's the droid HK-47."
"You know where that droid is?"
"Oh yes," I nodded. "I actually need a protocol droid. And his candidacy will do nicely."
"And what happened to your insecurity?" Decer suddenly asked. "I don't recognize you. You used to be afraid of everything, and now you're so confident. You even decided to mock me. It must be because you became a Knight. Well, fine, go on — tell me what else you've been through while I was resting. And then we'll get to work on you. It may be a test of the medallion's capabilities for you, but for me, it's primarily an opportunity to continue your training. And start, please, by showing me a holograph of my daughter. Tell me everything about her first. Then everything else…"
* * *
"The fundamental difference between the dark and the light, as you know, is the use of emotions when applying Force Techniques. And Force Lightning is the perfect example. Immerse yourself in the Darkness, give in to anger, to emotions, and you'll get an incredibly powerful version of this technique. But remain calm and rational, and you'll get the Emerald Lightning I showed you. Remember what I deduced over so many years of my life — there's no unique recipe for doing the right thing. Even the dirtiest trick, turned toward good, is good, not evil…"
"Yes, but history is full of moments when sentients, acting on that very formula — went down the razor's edge," I said. "But generally, after thinking so much about the nature of the Force, meditating and mastering techniques, I've started to develop my own concept of the Force, my own views."
"And it's a good thing you killed Jonal, otherwise for such musings — you'd have been worm food somewhere in the Unknown Regions long ago. But go on, tell me what you came up with. I could use a laugh."
"I personally believe that, hmm… the Force is just energy generated by a Force-sensitive. It's neutral in itself."
"In principle — yes," he nodded. "That's been obvious for a long time — if not to everyone, then to many, for sure. But what else will you say? That the Force, naturally, has no sides? If you say that, I'll hit you. Because that sounds like Potentium nonsense. Meanwhile — you yourself, many times, have seen sentients with the Dark Side of the Force. The Force is neutral energy that is distorted by the perception of each sentient wielding it," Lorm said with emphasis. "Use emotions like anger, passion, rage, and hatred — and you'll gain access to the Dark Side of the Force. But detach from emotions and you'll use the Light Side."
"Hmm... Strange business. The concept of Polarity of the Force suggests that the Dark Side is the use of emotions, while the Light Side, which logically should be its opposite, requires detachment from emotions... But logically there should be something like pure love and mercy for everything around..."
"That's partly why every sentient who isn't the sharpest tool in the shed considers it an honor to present their own teaching about the Force," Lorm remarked. "You're not the first to notice inconsistencies in some of the interpretations the Order promotes. And you're clearly not the last in this matter. But you know what's most important?"
"There is neither Light nor Dark, there is only the Force," I suddenly said. "The Force we use by detaching from emotions — that's not even the Light Side in the usual sense, it's more likely something close to the neutral Force, without any alignment..."
"Hey, are you listening to me?"
"Yes," I nodded.
"But the theory is amusing," Lorm chuckled. "And can you explain — why are there so many who fall to the Dark Side? Your idea that we use neutral energy is amusing. But..."
"But why are fallen Jedi not a rarity?" I asked. "I myself, when I was Kuro's Padawan, even handled two at once... Because a lot of it is tied to understanding the concept of the Force. To its understanding and interpretation. What if we consider the wrong polarity to be the Light Side?"
"Oh? And what about this polarity — I didn't end up in the Abyss..."
"But were you a sinless angel who went to heaven, Master?" I asked him. "I remember perfectly well what you were like. You weren't above sexual relations, or death threats, or killing even when you could have avoided it... No, it's not that there's a Light Side that's correct, and a Dark Side that needs to be destroyed. Darkness itself is not a phenomenon that exists outside of us. Darkness comes from within us. And dividing techniques into: 'this is clearly the Dark Side' and 'the Light Side, a good thing' I think that's stupid. Our life isn't the Force; it's our actions. You clearly weren't an angel. But you ended up in the so-called 'paradise' for benevolent Gifted. Because you didn't surrender to your emotions completely. The so-called Dark ones — they mostly plunged into the darkness irrevocably. We need to fight not so much against the Darkness, but against those who direct it toward evil."
"In other words, if a Sith appears who is 'good,' you won't touch him? You hear that?"
"What?"
"Jonal's ass just caught fire. The poor guy will fly from Coruscant to Tatooine in an instant now."
"But he's dead..."
"After your words — I'm not so sure. He's probably turning over in his grave so hard right now that there's enough energy for half of Coruscant."
"Enough with your jokes... But no. Sith are those who completely surrender to their Darkness. Sooner or later, they'll attack us themselves. That's just how it is among the Gifted who look at the Force through emotions."
"In short, you'll be proposing your own Code soon enough."
This is basically a law of the isekai genre. In Harry Potter — everyone has to learn Avada Kedavra. In Naruto — create a Rasengan. And in Star Wars — get into a fight with the Jedi Council and propose your own view of the Force... But if you think about it — everyone has their own Darkness. The Dark Side is in everyone. And now we can deduce — the trick isn't to deny it, or to resist its temptation. The trick is to look inside yourself, see it, and accept yourself as you see yourself there. By denying the darkness inside you, you only make it easier to succumb. But to look inside yourself, think, and understand — that you are essentially the same kind of sentient being... That's what Jedi need. Not to deny, but to understand that they too are living, sentient beings, not insane bio-robots. And the latter, in my opinion, is exactly what the Jedi Code demands. No emotions, fear nothing, become attached to nothing. Live wherever and feed on the Holy Spirit of the Great Force... Nonsense, if you look closely.
That's precisely why the sentients we supposedly protect will eventually betray us. They will understand someone like Palpatine, a Sith, much better than they will understand Jedi monks. A Sith who yields to and manages his passions is understandable, because they see that he has the same feelings and emotions... Yes, somewhat hypertrophied, considering what emotions the Sith favor. But sentients will always side with those they can understand, those who are similar to them, at least in part... Not feed on fairy tales about the common good, the will of the Force, and so on... I still have a lot to think about in this vein, but right now I saw two main problems. First — Jedi don't want to act on their own. And second — Jedi don't try to understand the sentients they are supposed to protect. They don't understand us, we don't understand them, and on top of that, our own hang-ups always get in the way... Well, I've landed myself in it, haven't I? Life was good back then — wait for the weekend, play games, read books, jerk off, maybe swing by a prostitute... And now? Deal with problems of galactic scale?
But still — it's the right thing to do. It's time to start developing my views in a more meaningful form, because major reforms without some kind of written-down idea are a hopeless endeavor from the start. And it doesn't matter when those reforms are carried out. Training with my mentor and supplementing with bota helped me get better. The bota extract accelerated my progress in many techniques. But I hadn't just been leveling up the Force lately. Gradually, I was gaining a deeper understanding of Jar'Kai and improving my physical body. Considering that the gravity here is a bit stronger than recommended — my muscles got an extra workout. I mostly spent my time in the cave, where I could also study theory, trying not to show my face much at the base, only going there to harvest. The gangsters of "Black Sun" also flew into the base a couple of times, collected a batch of bota, and immediately flew back. Since I had hacked their main computer, I had their arrival schedule, so we never crossed paths. The gangsters were commanded by a Rodian with bluish skin. Her name was Nigzore Amari, and honestly, I didn't like her from the start. There was some strange aura emanating from her... And it clearly wasn't Force Giftedness...
After a certain period I had set, a BB on a Star Trek showed up on the planet, under invisibility. I needed to take the tests at the Anaxis Citadel. I also checked the mail for any urgent missions. The Shadows had something like a common forum where Order requests could be posted. Any Shadow could respond to such a request. There were also specialized missions, for which a specific Shadow was selected, usually they were contacted directly...
In fact, Shadows were always on a mission, I'd heard something like that somewhere. That even when not on an Order assignment — a Shadow is still fulfilling its purpose. Well, just like every Jedi, but this applies especially to us. There was no specialized mission for me from the Order this time, but there were several "general missions" that any Shadow could take. After passing the required exams at the Citadel, I immersed myself in studies again. Mornings were for meditation and mastering Force techniques, consuming bota extract. At noon, I made it a habit to work on the physical aspect, regularly setting myself challenges in the form of timed runs over a certain distance. And in the evenings — I studied the theory of piloting a combat starship from Anaxis's materials. You can declare "correct ideas" all you want. But the fact remains — without abilities, skills, and expertise — they are just empty words. So I dedicated time to my training, yet again, pushing aside thoughts of future accomplishments... Until I became strong enough to prove my words not only with the truth on my side, but also by backing them up with action. Because, as they said in the "Leadership" course back at Alderaan University — a true leader isn't the one who shouts loudly, but the one who can turn his shout into meaningful action. A typical "man said — man did," dressed up in book-form, which was drilled into me first at Alderaan University, then Jacob told me how to act in practice, and now at the Anaxis Citadel — they were essentially teaching the same thing. Not to talk about what needs to be done, but to do it... Straight-up personal growth courses.