"Oh," Nao covered his mouth. Tiger frowned in confusion. Everyone at the table, except Jay, looked at me with questioning gazes. I had no answer, nor did I understand what Jay had just said.
I tilted my head, avoiding their stares. The silence made Jay ask: "Dan, did I say something wrong?"
"... No, no... ahem... let's eat before it gets cold," I said, serving myself some food.
Everyone resumed eating as if nothing had happened. Nao changed the subject, and Tiger stopped being angry. I answered questions as usual, but Jay's words kept echoing in my mind. Was he... jealous? Or maybe protective, like a child jealous of their parents? But I only saw... I didn't know. What I did know was... I was nervous... My heart pounded, my chest felt warm, and I felt awkward. I used my fork to eat soup. I looked at Nao, who gave me a mischievous look. I shook my head, and Nao changed his expression to one of confusion, silently asking, "What's wrong?"
I shook my head again and continued eating. After finishing the meal, I helped wash the dishes. Mom suggested watching a movie, and everyone agreed. I sat on the sofa with Jay beside me. After the movie ended, I walked Jay to his room, not forgetting to bring the box of letters. We talked along the way.
"Dan, drive safely. Let me know when you arrive," Jay said. "Thank you for today."
"Yeah, I'll let you know."
"Alright."
I drove for an hour back home. After arriving, I sent Jay a message and went to talk with Nao on the garden swing.
I frowned, and made a serious face "Nao."
"Dan, hehe," Nao laughed. "You're so nervous. Ever since Jayden said that, you haven't been yourself. You didn't even understand the movie."
"No," I repeated. "This is serious."
Nao laughed. "I've never seen you like this, so nervous and red-faced."
"It's just that..." I grabbed Nao's hand. "Nao."
"You've called me four times."
"It's just... I don't know where to start. I feel like something... isn't right."
Nao kept laughing until he teared up, wiping his tears.
"Dan, you have this side to you too."
"No, listen."
"I'm listening, but you never get to the point."
"No, this is serious."
"I know."
"Stop laughing," I shook his hand. Nao took a deep breath and tried to calm himself.
"Alright, say it."
"Right, when you joked about me liking Jay or him liking me, I was sure you weren't serious. But today... it felt different."
Nao replied, "I wasn't joking."
"Ah, well, today felt different. When I put Jay to bed, I accidentally smelled him and kissed his head. At first, I thought it was because I cared, but..." I stopped. "Nao, can I smell you and kiss your head?"
"Huh?" Nao raised an eyebrow. "Now?"
"Yeah, let me try."
"Alright." Nao let go of my hand and opened his arms. We hugged. I smelled Nao's familiar scent and kissed his head.
"Are you comparing?"
"Yeah."
"And?"
I frowned, answering slowly after thinking about it several times.
"It feels completely different."
Nao widened his eyes. "Different... how?"
"With you, I don't feel much. I mean, you're my sibling. I love you and care about you. But with Jay, it's not the same. I don't know how to explain it," I answered. I knew it was different, but I couldn't describe it.
Nao covered his mouth. "Ohhh, that's love and care, but not like for a sibling."
"I'm afraid so."
"Wow, Dan Nuea, 26 years old and falling in love for the first time. Wow."
"Calling me by my full name sounds weird," I replied.
"It's not weird."
"Duen Nao," I shot back.
"Yeah, that's weird. But the point is, do you think you're starting to like Jayden?"
I took a deep breath before nodding slowly. "At lunch, Jay spoke in a jealous tone. I got nervous, Nao. I've never felt like this before. Is this what being nervous feels like? I even used a fork to eat soup. My heart was racing, and my hands were shaking. Ugh, I'm not young enough to be feeling like this."
"I disagree," he raised his hand, and I raised mine too because we were still holding hands. "Age doesn't matter, and we're not old. Besides, this is love."
I smiled. "That's true."
"So, do you like each other? Are you two dating?"
"No, no, no," I shook my head quickly.
"Why? Why are you so serious if you say you're starting to like someone? Isn't that a good thing?"
"No," I said weakly, wincing unconsciously. "It's not right."
"Hey?"
"I like Jay, but it's not right."
Nao frowned. "Why do you think your love is wrong?"
"I promised to take care of Jay, to be a good older brother. That's family love. Now, if I like him romantically, it's not right. How would he feel if he knew his older brother loved him in a romantic way?"
"But Jay feels the same way," Nao countered. "He wouldn't speak in a jealous tone if he didn't."
"It could be like a child being jealous of their parents. Remember when we got mad if Mom played with other kids? Jay doesn't understand romantic love. If I confess, he might agree without knowing what it means to be partners. That would be forcing him. Jay trusts me. If I teach him about love, wouldn't I be influencing him to think he loves me?"
"..."
"What do you think?"
"Wait, let me think." Nao frowned, deep in thought. "Aren't you overthinking this? Well, you do that a lot. Don't you want to win his heart?"
I shook my head. "Like I said, Jay trusts everything I say. I don't know if those are his true feelings. He loves me very much. If he knew what I wanted, he would accept it without thinking about his own feelings."
"We could ask him. What he thinks, what he feels? It's not an assumption if we ask him."
"Ah, right."
"You look pale. Are you feeling sick?"
"Sick with myself," I admitted. "I said I wanted to be his older brother, but I can't. I feel like I'm betraying him."
"You're overthinking," Nao patted my shoulder. "People can change their relationships, right?"
"Yeah, that's true."
"Then, what are you going to do?"
"I don't know," I sighed. "I don't have an answer. Ah, I talked to TonFah earlier. He asked me what I would do if Jay loved me romantically. I was worried, but now I think it might be better if that's the case."
"Wow," Nao grinned mischievously. "You're really unique."
"Don't tease me."
"You never used to blush, but now you do," Nao kept laughing. "I told you, you'd fall for someone like that, a caring kid. I wasn't wrong."
"You've always been wrong, until now."
"You love to argue," Nao pouted. "Well, this time, I'm right."
"Right. You're amazing, Nao."
"You have my full support, Dan! You can do it!" Nao raised his fist.
"Huh?"
"Fighting!"
"What if one day Jay falls in love with someone, and that person loves him back? His world will expand. Can I truly be happy for him like I think I can?" I murmured.
"Stop, stop," Nao gently shook my body. "Don't get discouraged. You just realized you like him. You haven't even done anything. Why are you immediately thinking of the worst possibility?"
"I think of many possibilities."
"Then, what if Jayden likes you?"
"I've already thought about it. If that happens, how will our relationship change?"
"Uh-huh."
"But that's not the worst possibility."
"Hey?"
"If he loves someone else, I can still be his Phi. But if he doesn't need me anymore, that's the worst."
"Can you bear to see him love someone else?"
"I think I can," I reflected. "I don't know if I really can, but I think so. I'm not like Tiger, who couldn't bear to see Nao with someone else, so he gave an ultimatum: if you're not a couple, you won't be anything."
"Ugh, just imagining that hurts. Honestly, I couldn't handle it. I'd rather end everything. Okay, don't think about that. For now, just ask Jayden why he said that at the dining table earlier."
"Huh?"
"Yeah, then you'll know what he's thinking. That would be a good start."
"No, I don't want to."
"Why? Come on, Dan..."
"...It's embarrassing."
"Haha," Nao laughed.
"Don't laugh."
"Dan, you're adorable. First love," Nao sang. "♫ Love when you find it. A dreaming heart, love when you dream of it..."
I smiled, shaking my head. "That's your song with Tiger."
"It's not exclusive. It could be yours too," he kept singing. "Look, those who fall in love can't help but smile when they hear a love song."
"Enough."
"Will you ask him?"
I held back a smile. "No."
"Dan, ask him or I'll keep singing."
"Well, just keep going then."
"Don't you want to know what he thinks about you?"
"No, Jay is eight years younger. He'll meet many people. Why would he choose someone older?"
"Don't change the subject. Let him decide. Just send a message and ask," Nao shook my arm. "Come on."
"Okay, okay," I gave in. Nao seemed more curious than I was. I picked up my phone and opened my chat with Jay. "What should I ask?"
"Just be direct."
"Isn't that weird?"
"Have you ever thought like that when asking Jayden something before?" Nao asked. I shook my head. "Then why now?"
"I just... like him. I'm not really his Phi anymore."
Nao laughed. "Don't be suspicious. You said you wouldn't try to win him over. Just act normal. You're good at giving advice to others. Why not to yourself?"
"They're all like that," I said. "When you went to Tiger, Nao also felt confused and asked for my advice. Now it's the opposite. What should I ask?"
"'Go ahead and ask directly.'"
"No, no," I quickly replied. "Not like that."
"Then, 'Jay, what did you mean earlier at lunch?'"
"Hmm," I took a deep breath and started typing. Honestly, I'd never felt this nervous writing a message to Jay.
[Dan]: Jay.
[Jayden]: Yes.
[Dan]: What are you doing?
"Dan, why are you waiting? At least lead into the topic."
[Jayden]: I'm thinking about Dan.
"..." I froze. Nao covered his mouth and exclaimed.
"Ohhh, right on target."
I flipped my phone over. "I can't, Nao."
"You haven't even asked yet."
"He always says that, but..."
"He doesn't see you as a real Phi."
"Hmm, I guess so."
"Ah, there's another message. Open it," Nao said as he saw my phone vibrate. I opened the message.
[Jayden]: What are you doing, Dan?
"'Thinking about Jay too.'"
"No," I turned to Nao. "I'm not going to reply like that."
"You usually say you miss him, right?"
"I do say that."
"And now you don't?"
"Well... yes, I miss him, but the problem is..."
"Why don't you just say it?"
"No," I repeated.
[Dan]: I'm talking with Nao.
"Oh, Dan," Nao looked frustrated. "Be brave. This kid is intense, respond to him firmly."
I shook my head. "No."
"Are you going to ask him?"
"Yes, yes."
[Dan]: Jay, I want to ask you something.
[Jayden]: Yes.
[Dan]: About lunch earlier.
[Dan]: Was the food good?
[Jayden]: Oh yeah, it was good.
"Dan," Nao groaned. "Do you want me to type for you?"
"No, no. I'll ask."
[Dan]: Hmmm, Jay, why did you say that to Tiger?
[Jayden]: Am I not allowed to?
[Dan]: I just want to know why you said that.
[Jayden]: Because he said he didn't like me looking at Nao.
[Jayden]: And I don't like him looking at Dan.
[Dan]: Why don't you like it?
[Jayden]: I don't know.
"Oh," Nao sighed as she leaned back, "Finally."
Jayden didn't seem to fully understand his own feelings yet.
"Dan, ask him how he would feel if someone else looked at you."
[Dan]: How would you feel if someone else looked at me?
"He's not replying," I said.
"Maybe he's thinking."
Jay read the message, but he didn't reply right away. About three minutes passed.
[Jayden]: Like who?
"He's asking who. It must be someone who makes him jealous."
"Who?"
"Someone Jayden knows, if you're curious. Oh, the boxer that Jayden defeated. He once tried to get close to you."
[Dan]: Jay, do you remember Great?
[Jayden]: Yeah.
[Dan]: Imagine he's looking at me.
"Tell him that he used to like you."
"Huh?" I turned to Nao. "Seriously?"
"Just say it."
[Dan]: He said he liked me.
"You should clarify that he liked you romanticly," Nao said. "It's better to explain, just in case Jayden doesn't know."
"That sounds weird," I said after checking the chat.
"Say it, Dan."
"I'm starting to doubt your advice. I don't know."
"Just do it."
[Dan]: He said he liked romantically.
Again, this sounded weird. Jay read the message but didn't respond right away.
About four minutes passed.
[Jayden]: That bothers me.
"Ohhh," Nao dragged out the sound. "This guy is really intense."
[Jayden]: I don't trust him.
[Jayden]: He might have bad intentions.
"That's not just a casual concern," I said.
"Ugh," Nao slapped his knee in frustration. "Next time, I'll come up with a plan." He crossed his arms, leaning back on the swing, looking exhausted. "Should we ask North, the expert? He's helped a lot of couples."
"How many?"
"Eighty-eight million."
"Don't bother North."
"Oh, his life is meaningless. Ask him for love advice. I heard looking into the future can help you understand the present."
I was about to reply when Jay sent another message.
[Jayden]: Can I have Great's contact?
[Dan]: For what?
[Jayden]: I want to talk to him.
[Dan]: Alright.
[Dan]: "Sent contact"
Jayden immediately messaged Great:
[Jayden]: Don't go near Dan.
[Great]: ?
[Great]: I haven't talked to him in a long time.
[Jayden]: Why did you look at him?
[Jayden]: Are you near his house?
[Great]: No.
[Great]: I haven't seen him, and I'm not near his house.
[Great]: Who is this? How did you get my contact?
[Jayden]: Alright.
[Jayden]: Don't go near Dan.
[Great]: I wasn't planning to.
[Great]: Who is this?
[Great]: Your name feels familiar, but you don't have a profile picture.
Jayden immediately blocked Great.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
[Jayden]: Dan, block Great too.