No, I shouldn't be counting points. I shook my head at my own ridiculous thoughts. We talked a little longer, but it was time to say goodnight and part ways. However, it seemed like Jay didn't want to end the call.
"Is something wrong?"
Jay was silent for a moment before answering softly. [I don't want to hang up.]
"I don't either," I smiled. "But we have to. I have work tomorrow, and you have training. Don't forget to call me to wake me up, okay?"
Jay nodded, promising, but he still didn't say goodnight.
"Can you say goodnight?"
[If I say it, won't you have nightmares?]
"I just want to hear it, can't I?"
[But if I say it, we'll have to hang up.]
"We have to hang up, it's late," I said gently. "We'll talk again tomorrow."
[…Alright.] He looked gloomy. [Goodnight.]
"Goodnight to you too." I ended the call, even though I didn't want to. It took me a long time to fall asleep, thinking about Jay.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
In the middle of the night, I woke up to an incoming call. Jay was calling. I raised an eyebrow, surprised. He never called at this hour.
"Jay?"
[Dan.] Jay's voice was shaky, breathless. [Dan, I…]
I immediately sat up, my sleep vanishing. "What's wrong?"
[I… Mom, Mom.] His breathing was fast, almost incomprehensible.
"Are you crying?"
[I saw Mom, lying dead on the floor.]
"You had a nightmare?"
[Yeah, yeah.]
"Alright, alright. Take a deep breath. Calm down. It's over now," I tried to soothe him. That nightmare must have affected him deeply. "Do you feel any better?"
[Dan, where are you?]
"I'm right here."
[...I can't see you.]
I pressed my lips together. "I'm sorry. I should've asked you to stay here. I'm sorry, Jay. You looked at the photos and letters from your mom today, and you told me all her stories. It's not surprising that you're thinking about the past. I should've noticed when you didn't want to hang up. I'll come get you."
[Dan, no—]
"Wait." I ended the call and immediately got ready. If only I had been more attentive… I was too caught up in my own feelings. Why am I like this? I grabbed my things and headed to my car. As I started the engine, Tiger and Nao ran toward the car.
"It's already one in the morning. Where are you going?" Nao called out worriedly.
Tiger frowned in confusion. "You look like you're about to cry."
"I'm going to see Jay."
"Now?"
"He had a nightmare. He called me crying. I have to see him."
"Calm down first."
"Please let me go," I pleaded. I knew they wouldn't let me drive alone this late at night. They exchanged glances.
"We'll go with you. It's dangerous to go alone. Tiger will drive."
"Alright." I got out of the driver's seat and sat in the back. Nao got in beside me.
Tiger started driving. I checked my phone—there were multiple missed calls from Jay and messages apologizing for what he said. Of course, he truly meant it when he said he didn't want to be away from me. I replied, telling him it was okay, that Tiger and Nao were taking me there. I wasn't going alone.
"I got scared. I was drinking water when I saw you running to the car. What happened? You wouldn't go out just because of a nightmare."
"It's my fault," I sighed, unconsciously wincing. "Jay got his mom's photos today, read her letters, and told me about his painful past. It's no surprise that he dreamed about it. It must have hurt him a lot. I should've realized when he didn't want to hang up." He often had nightmares and woke up in the middle of the night. The doctor said he needed treatment, but Jayden refused. Even so, he never cried and called before.
When Jay was like that, I had been excited, realizing I liked him and wondering if he was jealous. Ugh.
"Dan…"
"I know, it feels wrong to fall in love like this." I leaned back.
"Dan, that's just who you are."
"Hm?"
"You're always considerate and careful. When something doesn't go right, you blame yourself, unlike me, who's reckless," said Nao. I had heard this many times before.
"Yeah, so what?"
"I'm just saying. I can't find the right words to comfort you."
"Ah."
"What do you think, Tiger?" Nao turned to ask his husband for his opinion.
Tiger looked in the rearview mirror. "Eh, I don't think it's a big deal," Tiger said casually. "At first, when I liked Nao alone, I didn't know what to do, So I avoided him until he thought I was angry. I just didn't know what to do, that's all. My mind went blank."
"If only I had thought things through more, I would've known not to leave him alone tonight," I reflected.
"You said earlier today that he looked fine, right?"
"Yeah."
"Then that's it. Just see him. And stop thinking things like 'How can I love him but ignore him?' or 'I know loving him is wrong.'"
"How do you know?"
"Because you're always like this."
"I can't help it. But it's getting better."
"Hold my hand," Nao said. I reached for it. With Tiger driving, we arrived quickly. I saw Jay waiting under the dim light. I opened the door and ran to him. He hugged me, trembling from the cold, showing that he had been outside for a while.
He spoke in a quiet, shaky voice. "Dan, sorry for making you come. I didn't mean to…"
I hugged him. "No, no, shhh… I should've realized. I'm sorry." I apologized first.
"Come on. Let's go inside."
"Yeah," he answered, and we walked hand in hand. Nao asked if he should stay, but I declined, thinking Jay might want to share something personal. He understood and went to get a room. We parted ways.
I entered Jay's room with him. The light was on. I closed and locked the door, guiding him to the sofa.
"Don't want to sit?"
Jay shook his head and sat on the floor, hiding his face in my lap like before.
"Are you mad?"
"No. Are you?"
"Why should I be angry?"
"If only I had been more careful, I would have known not to leave you alone."
Jay shook his head. "I'm not angry at you."
"But you could have been."
"I wouldn't be."
I stroked his head, surprised when he suddenly started crying.
"Jay?" I sat beside him and hugged him, letting him cry on my shoulder. Eventually, he spoke.
"I saw my mom in a pool of blood at home. I got scared and ran to check on her... but it was you, Dan."
"..." I was at a loss for words.
"Dan, you weren't waking up. You weren't breathing, your body was cold," he cried harder, holding me tight.
He dreamed that I died... just like his mother. I slowly pulled back, looking at his tear-streaked face. I began to sway gently while holding him close.
"I'm here now."
I placed my hand on his cheek. "Can you feel my warmth?"
Jay nodded.
"My body isn't cold either."
"...Right."
I took a deep breath. "I'm also breathing."
"Y-Yeah."
"Nothing is wrong with me."
"...Yeah."
"Come here, hug me." I opened my arms. Jay leaned in, and we embraced again.
We stayed like that until Jay calmed down. I slowly pulled away and felt that his body was still warm.
"I'll stay with you tonight. Tomorrow, Tiger will drive me home..." I paused, remembering something.
"Jay."
"Yeah?"
"You said you didn't want to tell your story to anyone, right?"
He nodded in response.
"But I care about you. You don't have to tell everything, just whatever you want. But I want you to see a doctor. At least you'll be able to sleep well, without waking up or having nightmares. I don't want your health to suffer," I tried to explain. "The doctor is nice, don't worry. I'll be with you."
"He's nice?"
"Yes."
"Like Dan?"
"Even better than me."
"No one is better than Dan... to me."
"Really? Thanks, but that doctor is also really kind."
"You talk to him often?"
"Yeah, but not about you. I just ask for advice."
"You like him?"
"...Uh, no. He's married."
"If I go, will you be happy?"
"Yes, I'll feel more at ease."
"Alright."
"Okay... How about tomorrow?"
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
"Huh?" Nao, sitting in the front seat, looked at me in shock. "You're going to Chiang Mai tomorrow?"
"Yeah, to see Dr. TonFah."
"Tomorrow is Monday."
"I'll take leave until Wednesday, so Jay can rest."
"Will they approve your leave that quickly?"
I smiled. "If not, I'll quit."
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
I took Jay home. Given the situation, Nao didn't joke around like usual. I told Jay he could sleep while I changed clothes. When I came back, he was still awake.
"It's almost three o'clock, aren't you sleepy?"
"I was waiting for Dan."
"Alright." I lay down, turned off the light, and then lay back down. Jay lay beside me.
"If you have a nightmare, wake me up."
"Can I hold your hand?"
"Of course."
"Then I won't have nightmares," Jay said. "Dan, good night."
"Good night to you too."
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
"You're going to Chiang Mai today?" Mom asked in surprise. "So suddenly? What about your job?"
"I'll take leave," I said, spreading jam on a slice of bread and handing it to Jay. Mom and Fei were a bit surprised to see Jay so early in the morning, but they didn't ask anything.
"Did you book tickets already? When are you coming back?"
"We leave at ten, and I'll be back on Wednesday."
"Alright then... safe travels," Mom said to Jay and me. I heard Nao coming down the stairs, talking to someone.
"Yeah, I'm flying at ten. You can come late. I'm taking my brother to see Dr. TonFah. You want to come too?" Nao spoke on the phone and sat beside me. "Okay, pick me up at the airport. I don't know, I'll ask him. Dan, when do we arrive in Chiang Mai?"
"11:15"
"11:15. Yeah, Dan, Jayden, and me. Tiger? He has to stay with Fei right? Yeah, he won't let me go without him. Yeah, you're right." Nao said while glancing at Mom and Fei. "Should we all go to Chiang Mai? Because Tiger won't let me go without him, but we're worried about Mom and Fei, and I want to go with Dan too."
I raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Chiang Mai is my territory, of course! You're going for a vacation, so how could I miss it? I'll recommend some great restaurants.."
"Oh."
"What about school?" Fei asked.
"You can get permission. Dad will call your teacher."
"We're going to Chiang Mai, Grandma," Fei said excitedly to Mom.
"I'll pack. Three days, right?" She ran upstairs.
"Mom should pack too," Mom said, taking off her apron and leaving.
"North," Nao called out to the person on the phone. "We're all going. Don't worry. I'll call when we get there. Any other friends? I don't know, I'll check if they can go." Nao continued his conversation with North before hanging up. The others couldn't join because it was too last-minute, so he just chatted with them.
"Can anyone else go?" I asked.
"No, it's too sudden."
"Alright."
"At least I get to meet North," Nao stretched his body while taking some bread.
"North isn't busy?"
"No, as long as he's not in training."
"Do you miss gaming competitions?"
"Sometimes. I stream and attend events. It's fun," said Nao. Many people didn't know what his job was, but Nao was a gaming streamer and YouTuber, earning good money. I was glad he was doing what he loved and was successful. Sometimes, he asked me to join. I didn't play games, so I just read the comments.
"And Tiger?"
"He went out to take care of something. He left feeling upset with me."
"Upset because you're going to Chiang Mai?"
"Yeah, but we decided to go together, so there's no problem now."
"I see." When the time came, I called to request leave from work. Fortunately, they approved it. I packed clothes for Jay and me. We went to the airport, and no one was more excited than Fei.
"Take me to where Daddy Ger and Papa Nao studied. I'll also get to meet Uncle North, this is so exciting!" Fei grinned widely.
"Fei, you look adorable today," I couldn't help but compliment her. "I've never seen you wear this outfit before."
"Right?" Fei twirled to show off the outfit. "Daddy Ger bought it for me."
"And Papa Nao helped pick it," Nao said proudly.
"By the way, Tiger, is everything okay with Jay's permission?"
"Everything's settled."
"Thanks for talking to Ryan."
We waited at the airport for a bit before boarding the plane. Jay sat next to me, not acting strange, remaining as calm as ever. Even so, I still asked if he was okay. He said yes, and that reassured me a little. This was indeed a sudden trip, as everyone had said. We decided last night and booked tickets this morning.
There was no other choice; Jay's symptoms were getting worse. I called the doctor before leaving the house. The doctor said the clinic would be open at five, and we could go straight there. He sounded happy that Jay had agreed to undergo treatment. Nao suggested that while waiting for the clinic to open, we should eat something good.
We arrived in Chiang Mai. At first, I thought about renting a car, but Tiger said someone would deliver it to us. We dropped off our belongings at the hotel first. We rented three rooms; one for Jay and me, one for Nao and Tiger, and one for Fei and Mom.
"This room is pretty nice," I observed. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
"Are you tired? We can rest for a bit."
"I'm not tired. You?"
"No," I answered. Mom had said in the family group chat that she was tired from the trip and needed to rest. We agreed to have lunch at 12:30. I sat on the sofa, thinking I'd rest for a bit, but I fell asleep without realizing it. I woke up to a knock on the door. I found myself covered with a blanket. I saw Jay on the small sofa.
"You covered me? Thank you."
"Yeah."
I went to open the door. Nao smiled. "Let's eat."
At 04:30, we went to the clinic. I decided to go with just Jay so he wouldn't feel uncomfortable with too many people waiting. Everyone said goodbye and went on with their activities.
"Call us when you're done," Nao said. I nodded. The black car drove away. We entered the clinic. It was small, decorated cozily. Only an assistant was at the reception desk. Seeing us, she stood up.
"Hello."
It seemed we were the first to arrive. Luckily, there was no need to wait.
"Hello," I replied.
"Please fill out this form," she said, handing over a paper and pen.
"Jayden, go on in. The doctor is waiting."
Jay went in as instructed. I sat on the bench, feeling inevitably anxious. More people arrived as I waited. Almost an hour later, Jay came out and sat next to me.
"How was it?"
Before he could answer, Dr. TonFah called me.
"Dan, may I speak with you for a moment?"
"Oh, sure." I stood up and followed the doctor. "Hello."
"Hello." Dr. TonFah smiled, handing me a pen and paper. "I'm really glad Jayden agreed to undergo treatment. Thank you, Dan."
"You're welcome. What do you want to talk about?"
"Just a little about his condition and how to take care of him. From our previous conversation, I thought you should know. Jayden has given permission to share his information with you."
"I understand."
"Jayden has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Have you heard of it?"
I shook my head.
"It happens when your mind experiences extreme trauma."
"I see."
"Patients recall the event, experience nightmares, extreme anxiety, or hallucinations. In Jayden's case, he doesn't have hallucinations, but his anxiety is very strong, especially regarding you."
I nodded.
"He's afraid of losing you like he lost others, causing anxiety. His physical symptoms include stomach aches, headaches, or chest pain. He hasn't been sleeping well for a long time. His treatment consists of monthly therapy and medication."
"Is he depressed?"
"No," the doctor replied. "Only PTSD and anxiety."
"Is his condition serious?"
"Yes, very serious. He doesn't forgive himself for his past and doesn't accept the reality that we all lose someone. If he were to lose you, his reaction would be extreme. Don't tell him that one day you might leave him or won't be there for him."
"I understand."
"Reassure him that you'll always be there for him, listen to him, don't make him feel like a burden, and give him a sense of importance. Keep doing what you've been doing, you're doing very well. You're amazing."
"Thank you."
"Make sure he takes his medication on time. Jayden exercises regularly, so his physical health is fine. His environment is very important—keep his space open and comfortable. Stay with him as much as possible. He needs you very much."
"Yes."
"That's all. If you need anything, please contact me or come in before the next appointment. Thank you."
"Thank you, Doctor."
I went out and sat with Jay. Soon, the assistant called me to pick up the medicine. I paid and called Nao to pick us up. Meanwhile, I read the labels on the medications.
"Dan, are you still worried?"
I looked at him and smiled. "No, knowing this is treatable is a relief. Thank you for coming."