"Chaldea Master, Fujimaru Ritsuka. Servant of Silder, Mash Kyrielight. Irregular Servant, Deadpool. Please step onto the podium!"
Although reconstruction work was still underway in the ruins of Washington, in front of the White House, which had already been brought into relative order, Edison, in a black suit, called out to Ritsuka's group.
The Mechanized Corps, including Blavatsky, Tesla, Arjuna, Nightingale, and Saber Alter, as well as Resistance fighters and the American army, sat in their places, greeting the trio ascending the platform with thunderous applause.
"Ahem-ahem. For bringing the war between East and West America to a victorious end, and for showing unwavering courage, sparing no lives for world peace and the restoration of the human order – on behalf of all citizens of the United States and heroic spirits, I present them with honorary titles and the Medal of Honor. September 3, 1783. Provisional President of the United States of America, Thomas Edison."
As soon as Edison finished his speech, soldiers and servants erupted in ovations, showering Ritsuka, Mash, and Deadpool with praise.
"Thank you, Master. No, Honorary Vice President Fujimaru Ritsuka," Edison shook his hand with his massive palm, smiling.
"Thank you, Edison."
"I witnessed your will as a Master's servant firsthand. Honorary Chief of Staff to Vice President Mash Kyrielight."
"Oh, Mr. Edison... It's rather I who should..." Mash replied shyly to the handshake.
"Your elusive abilities are simply beyond control. Thank you for using this power for us. Honorary Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Deadpool."
"So, the nuclear missile launch codes are mine now?" Deadpool inquired businesslike.
"No," Edison cut him off, instantly serious, "they are mine."
"Ah, I almost forgot!"
Edison fumbled on the podium and handed Ritsuka the Holy Grail that remained after Halfas's disappearance. Ritsuka joyfully raised the Grail above his head, reveling in the triumph. An even more powerful wave of cheers and applause rose, and the short award ceremony concluded.
"Master, summon me anytime! I will help you with all the might of my mag-nificent direct current!" Edison exclaimed.
As Ritsuka's group prepared to return to Chaldea, the Servants summoned to this singularity also began to slowly fade into the air, having fulfilled their duty and returning to the Throne of Heroes.
"If I summon you to Chaldea, I hope for your help," Ritsuka promised Edison a swift reunion with a smile.
"I would have liked to give a gift more valuable than that cat's head!" Tesla said. "...But alas, Lieutenant Ford's horseless carriage is smashed to smithereens. Therefore, I give you our adventures and our friendship!"
Hearing this, Edison clutched his stomach and burst into laughter, mockingly asking what kind of gift that was. Enraged, Tesla once again got into a "catfight," and in the heat of this exchange, both finally disappeared.
"Oh, my head is splitting. This incarnation was too much," Blavatskaya took out a migraine pill. "Master, if you decide to summon me, please do it when those two aren't around. Then I'll help you one hundred percent! Well, bye-bye~"
Blavatskaya, weary of the eternal arguments of the two geniuses of electricity, said goodbye and melted away.
"Master. Mash. And especially you, irregular named Deadpool. I wanted to say thank you," Arjuna, whose gaze had become much calmer after Deadpool's "corrective strike," bowed slightly. "If fate decrees you summon me, then I, Arjuna, will dedicate myself entirely to serving you as your loyal servant."
Sighing with relief, Arjuna disappeared after the others.
"Master, that was useful. Once again, I'm convinced: the best cure is the company of comrades. Amputation is also good, of course, but... In short, Master, be sure to summon me again. Otherwise, I'll cut you up. Don't worry, if you die – I'll revive you. And the bill, of course, will be issued in your name."
Nightingale, true to her manner of speaking only about herself, smiled radiantly and dissolved into the air.
"Queen, why aren't you disappearing? Oh!" Deadpool shouted.
"I'm local," Saber Alter cut off. "My red personal chef."
It seemed strange to Deadpool that Saber Alter hadn't disappeared, but instead of an answer, he received a blow from her Excalibur Morgan.
"Senpai, maybe it's time for us too?"
"Yes."
Clutching the Grail in his hand, Ritsuka felt pride: this was already the fifth restored singularity. Only two more Grails left to find, and the human order would be saved. A ray of hope finally dawned in the fate of their dying world.
"Fo! Fo! Fo-o-o!"
Fo, who appeared from nowhere, wagged his tail, ran across Ritsuka and Mash's shoulders, and jumped onto Deadpool's shoulder.
"Oh-oh, who do we have here so fluffy? I forgot about you. Ooh, what a cutie. I like you damn much. Is this the 'pet therapy' or whatever it's called?"
As if understanding Deadpool's words, the fluffy Fo rubbed his muzzle against his cheek, making contented sounds.
"Romani! We're ready."
As soon as Ritsuka said this into the communicator, Romani, who appeared on the air with a radiant face, commanded:
[Received. Coordinates entered. Launching quantum transfer device!]
Signals of the transfer system flickered around the quartet, beginning their dispatch back to Chaldea.
"Oh, wait! I completely forgot," Deadpool said during the leyshift, fumbling in his pockets and pulling out a small detonator.
"Wade? What's this for?" Ritsuka asked, looking at the strange device in his hands.
Deadpool, with a smile full of pure malice, pressed the button.
At that moment, a monstrous explosion thundered behind them.
Turning around in surprise, they saw the White House, already barely standing, engulfed in the epicenter of a fireball. The building collapsed, scattering into pieces and turning into a pile of smoldering ash.
"Wh-what?!"
Stunned Ritsuka and Mash stared at Deadpool, not believing their eyes.
"Aha-ha-ha-ha! Idiots! Did you really think I'd leave the White House alone?! I'm Canadian, you morons! Losers! Scum! Beggars! Trash! Freaks! Go on, do your politics on the ashes! Aha-ha-ha! Ee-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Deadpool burst into mad laughter and gave the middle finger to the frozen mechanized soldiers and American troops staring at the smoldering ruins. Before anyone could say a word, they were completely s"Oh, my head is splitting. This incarnation was too much," Blavatskaya took out a migraine pill. "Master, if you decide to summon me, please do it when these two aren't around. Then I'll help you one hundred percent! Well, bye-bye~"
Blavatskaya, tired of the eternal arguments of the two geniuses of electricity, said goodbye and also melted away.
"Master. Mash. And especially you, irregular named Deadpool. I wanted to say thank you," Arjuna, whose gaze had become much calmer after Deadpool's "corrective strike," bowed slightly. "If fate wills you to summon me, then I, Arjuna, will dedicate myself entirely to serving you as your loyal servant."
Sighing with relief, Arjuna disappeared after the others.
"Master, that was useful. Once again, I'm convinced: the best treatment is the company of comrades. Amputation is good too, of course, but... In short, Master, be sure to summon me again. Otherwise, I'll cut you up. Don't worry, if you die – I'll revive you. And I'll send the bill, of course, in your name."
Nightingale, true to her habit of only talking about herself, smiled radiantly and dissolved into the air.
"Queen, why aren't you disappearing? Oops!" Deadpool shouted.
"I'm local," Saber Alter cut off. "My red personal chef."
It seemed strange to Deadpool that Saber Alter hadn't disappeared anywhere, but instead of an answer, he received a blow from her Excalibur Morgan.
"Senpai, maybe it's time for us too?"
"Yes."
Clutching the Grail in his hand, Ritsuka felt pride: this was already the fifth restored singularity. Only two more Grails were left to find, and the human order would be saved. A ray of hope finally dawned in the fate of their dying world.
"Fo! Fo! Fo-o-o!"
Fo, who appeared from nowhere, wagged his tail, ran across Ritsuka's and Mash's shoulders, and jumped onto Deadpool's shoulder.
"Oh-oh, who do we have here so fluffy? I forgot about you. Aww, what a cutie. I like you damn much. Is this the 'pet therapy' or whatever it's called?"
As if understanding Deadpool's words, the fluffy Fo rubbed his muzzle against his cheek, making contented sounds.
"Romani! We're ready."
As soon as Ritsuka said this into the communicator, Romani, who appeared on the broadcast with a radiant face, commanded:
[Received. Coordinates entered. Launching quantum transfer device!]
Signals of the transfer system flickered around the quartet, beginning their dispatch back to Chaldea.
"Oh, wait! I completely forgot," during the rayshift, Deadpool fumbled in his pockets and pulled out a small detonator.
"Wade? What's this for?" Ritsuka asked, looking at the strange device in his hands.
Deadpool, with a smile full of pure malice, pressed the button.
At that moment, a monstrous explosion thundered behind them.
Turning around in surprise, they saw how the White House, already barely standing, found itself at the epicenter of a fireball. The building collapsed, shattering into pieces and turning into a pile of smoldering ash.
"Wh-what?!"
Stunned Ritsuka and Mash stared at Deadpool, not believing their eyes.
"Aha-ha-ha-ha! Idiots! Did you really think I'd leave the White House alone?! I'm Canadian, morons! Losers! Scumbags! Beggars! Trash! Jerks! Go on, do your politics on the ashes! Aha-ha-ha! Ee-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Deadpool burst into mad laughter and gave the middle finger to the frozen-in-shock mechanized soldiers and American troops looking at the smoldering ruins. Before anyone could say a word, they were completely sucked into the quantum transfer stream.
"Great job, everyone! Wow, we've restored the fifth singularity already! Only two left. Let's keep up the good work!"
Romani, contrary to his usual self, was beaming with energy. Looking at Ritsuka and Mash with pride, he was so inspired that he was literally jumping on the spot.
"Heh-heh. And who is this here rejoicing alone, completely forgetting about the Servant who worked the hardest, sparing neither his stomach nor his bones?"
Of course, Deadpool wasn't going to just let this happen. Crossing his arms, he scowled. Romani, who was completely forgetting about the mercenary in his delight over Ritsuka's and Mash's successes, instantly lost his radiant smile. He turned pale and broke out in a cold sweat.
"(Whispering) Come to my office in two hours. Today I'll get out a special belt..." (Sniffs).
Whispering these ambiguous words, Deadpool sniffed loudly at Romani's neck, who was already trembling with fear, and winked meaningfully. Feeling that something was happening that they were better off not knowing about, Ritsuka and Mash hurried to retreat.
"Hey! Pool! How many times have I told you not to mess with our gentle Doctor Chicken!"
"Thirty-forty-five times, old hag!"
Apparently sensing Romani's life threat or simply smelling another of Deadpool's pranks, Da Vinci-chan appeared and stood between them.
"And anyway, why did you blow up the entire White House? What if the timeline got completely tangled, what would we do?!"
"Oh, stop grumbling. It's just one building! If it fell apart, they'll rebuild it themselves."
"Do you even realize how much trouble your 'little things' cause the staff?!"
From the outside, it looked like a marital spat. Romani, caught between them and not knowing where to go, finally just sat on the floor and sobbed like a child.
"It's a bit noisy, of course... but fun."
Meanwhile, Ritsuka and Mash, still hearing the echoes of Da Vinci and Deadpool's "family scene," couldn't help but exchange glances and, giggling, walked further down the corridor.
"Well, Senpai, rest. I guess it's time for me to hit the hay too."
Mash looked unwell – apparently, fatigue was taking its toll.
"Ah... well, yes, rest." Ritsuka wanted to add something, but only opened his mouth silently and let her leave.
"Ugh, annoying! Hey, kid! Mash! Wait for me!"
Unable to bear Da Vinci's grumbling, Deadpool bolted, chasing after the kids.
At that moment, a chill ran down Deadpool's spine. The sensation was damn familiar, the kind he least wanted to experience again.
"Wade? What happened?" Ritsuka asked, noticing that he had suddenly frozen.
"Uh... well... you see, there's this thing..."
"Am-pu-ta-tion!"
Deadpool's arm flew off to the side.
"Mommy!" Ritsuka screamed in surprise, practically jumping in place at the sight of the flying limb.
"Hmm. It's amazing how much you can see. How can a cut grow back instantly when you reattach the limb? It defies human understanding. No, rather, it's a creature capable of healing without any amputations. I need a sample. Although, wait... If the wounds heal on their own, then there's nothing to cut off. That won't do. I'll kill you. As long as you're alive, humanity will be healed. But if you're whole, I can't amputate you. So, I'll dismember you. Couldn't you die?"
Nightingale was spitting words like Eminem in "Rap God." Ritsuka and Mash could only watch in astonishment as she nonchalantly held Deadpool's severed arm.
"Huh? But I didn't summon her..."
"I know, Master. I came on my own."
With a completely impassive face, Nightingale took out the bone saw she had just used to reattach Deadpool's arm and cut off his second one.
"Came on your own, without being summoned?" Mash was surprised. "Did you track the trace after the rayshift?"
"That's a secret. If you find out, I'll amputate. Hmm... the medical conditions here are simply terrible. Cleanliness is commendable, but the staff is completely useless for the job. Especially that 'chief physician.' Is he even a doctor? He looks like a pampered weakling raised in a greenhouse. I bet he'll faint or turn inside out at the sight of blood? He needs to be amputated. I'll take his place as chief physician. This isn't a rebellion, it's a legitimate transfer of authority."
In response to Mash's question, Nightingale again delivered a burst of rapid-fire text, as always, listening only to herself.
"I will kill you immediately. Only then can we treat the sick. Sacrifice yourselves for the future of humanity. Refuse – and I'll amputate. Don't worry, I'll file the insurance claims in my name."
Without further ado, Nightingale severed Deadpool's Achilles tendon with a scalpel so he wouldn't escape, and dragged him towards the infirmary.
"Hey! Kid! Mash! Help-me-e-e!"
Deadpool resisted with all his might, leaving furrows from his nails on the floor, but as soon as Nightingale's saw pierced his skull, he immediately went limp.
"And you two. You'll have a medical check-up later. I've already scheduled you. The bill will be sent to the Master's name."
With these words, Nightingale disappeared from sight.