Ritsuka and his companions headed north in search of the "Exile" to lift Deadpool's curse. He was already on his way under the name "Code-Spear." Only five days remained. During this time, they needed to heal the mercenary and distract the Celtic Servants so that Geronimo and his group could eliminate Queen Medb.
"We're here."
Along the way, Deadpool kept whining about being bored. He somehow got an acoustic guitar and started screaming "Roads Home" – the journey almost turned into a two-hour road movie, but in the end, they still reached the northern forest.
Geronimo mentioned sending a carrier pigeon, so Code-Spear should be waiting for them at the agreed-upon location. That's where they headed.
"Are we too early?" Ritsuka asked, surveying the empty thicket.
"No. He's nearby," Deadpool replied, sensing someone else's bloodlust.
He sharply drew his sword, reacting to the danger. At that moment, a Servant in scarlet robes leaped out from the bushes behind him and delivered a lightning-fast thrust with a spear.
"A second strike won't be necessary."
[Divine Spear – No Second Strike]
The scarlet lancer, having read Deadpool's rhythm, struck him three short, powerful blows to the heart area. This was Lancer's Noble Phantasm: with each thrust, he poured his inner energy into the enemy's body, causing cardiac arrest.
Taking the series of crushing attacks, Deadpool collapsed, clutching his chest. Mash and Nightingale immediately raised their shields and pistols, aiming at the scarlet Lancer.
"Hold on. I have no intention of harming you." The Lancer put away his spear and raised his hand, demonstrating peaceful intentions. His gaze was fixed on Deadpool, lying on the ground.
Of course, Deadpool merely twitched a bit and got back on his feet as if nothing had happened.
"Phew... A good heart massage. I don't know what you pumped into me, but it feels strange."
"Code-Wolf was right," the Lancer finally put away his weapon and bowed politely in apology. Ritsuka and the others returned the greeting.
"I am a Servant of the resistance army. Class – Lancer. True Name – Li Shuwen."
His Eastern attire and exotic appearance immediately marked him as a foreigner, but no one expected to meet the legendary martial arts master from China.
"If I sense a strong Servant, I can't help but challenge them. However, this time I attacked from an ambush only because I wanted to test Geronimo's words."
Under Li Shuwen's leadership, the group headed to the resistance camp set up deep in the forest. As it turned out, the entire "resistance" consisted of Master Li alone.
"I prefer solitude. But Geronimo asked very nicely, so I had no choice. So, you're looking for the same Servant as I am?" Li Shuwen sat down comfortably and took a sip of tea, getting straight to the point. Ritsuka explained the situation with the curse and that they desperately needed the "Exile."
"I only came here because I heard of her strength and wanted to fight. I didn't know you had such circumstances. Alright, rest today, and tomorrow we'll set out in search." Night fell, and Li Shuwen built a bonfire. Despite the abundance of monsters roaming the forest due to the Grail's influence, none dared to approach, trembling before the master's aura. The night passed peacefully.
"But how did you know the 'Exile' was here?" Ritsuka asked the next morning.
Li Shuwen looked at him as if he had asked an obvious question and tapped his temple with his finger.
"Intuition."
The answer seemed absurd, but in the world of martial arts, the strong are always drawn to the strong. Even if a master from the Celestial Empire hides his power, another master will still recognize him. At least, Ritsuka decided for himself that this was the reason.
However, intuition aside, the search in the forest dragged on for three days. Besides ghosts and magical beasts, they encountered no one else.
"Let's be optimistic. If it were easy to find her, we wouldn't be suffering," Deadpool remarked philosophically. Only one day remained until the deadline. They had to hurry to help Geronimo and retrieve the Grail. While Ritsuka was nervous, the mercenary remained completely calm.
"I have an idea... Step back." There was no time left, and Deadpool decided to play his trump card. He swore that after this, the "Exile" would definitely appear. To Ritsuka's reproach – why didn't he do this earlier – Deadpool merely waved it off: he didn't expect her to hide so well.
"Phew... First, take a deep breath..." He stretched, clapped his hands, took a deep breath, and, tilting his head to the sky, roared at the top of his lungs:
"Come out, you hag from the Land of Shadows! Your grandchildren have come to visit their grandma, who's already a couple of thousand years old! Come out and give us money for gifts, you old hanger!"
Ritsuka and Li Shuwen stared at him with a silent question. Would this work? It was just a ridiculous provocation. Would a Servant they couldn't track for three days fall for something like this...
"She's head over heels in love with her own disciple and wanted to drag him to the altar, but she's all shriveled and decrepit! Come out, old maid, or else...!" He didn't finish.
Dozens of scarlet spears, charged with sincere, almost palpable hatred, rained down from the sky and literally tore Deadpool to shreds.
"Eh? She really came?!" Ritsuka couldn't imagine that such a stupid insult would work.
The provocation succeeded perhaps too well. A woman in a dark purple robe emerged from the shadows, her face hidden in darkness, and an overwhelming killing intent emanated from her figure.
"She's here! The Exile, the Queen of the Land of Shadows... Scáthach!" Li Shuwen raised his spear, but Scáthach didn't even glance at him. She hurled her scarlet magical spear directly at Deadpool.
"Aaaaaah!"
The blow landed precisely in his groin. Deadpool, already pinned to the ground by other spears, howled in inhuman pain in his most sensitive spot.
"Well, since you called me, be prepared to pay. What did you want? To die? Excellent. I will torment you until you breathe your last!"
Piercing Flying Death Spear.
[Gáe Bolg Alternative]
Scáthach's magical spear pierced Deadpool. She hacked at him again and again, unleashing her fury on the insolent Servant. Li Shuwen and the others silently watched this execution, crushed by the queen's overwhelming rage.
"U-a-a! She's not letting go! Take more!"
Piercing Flying Death Spear.
[Gáe Bolg Alternative]
"Ow!"
Finally, having somewhat sated her thirst for revenge, she plunged the spear directly into Deadpool's head.
"So, why did you call me, risking your life? Huh?"
"Uh... well... you see..." Ritsuka tried to speak, feeling her aura on his skin, but faltered. One wrong word, and he himself would turn into shish kebab.
"We came to lift Mr. Pool's curse."
"Pool? What Pool?"
Noticing the meaningful glances from Ritsuka and Mash, Scáthach discovered Deadpool, who was imperturbably gazing at her with her own spear in his head. Realizing the situation, she immediately pulled out the weapon.
"Henceforth, I advise you not to call me that," she said, casting an icy glare at Ritsuka and Mash. "Did you see what happened to him? He seems to be of your kind, but you two won't even leave a wet spot."
Ritsuka and Mash swallowed in unison and nodded rapidly.
"Alright. So, what about the curse?" Scáthach turned to Deadpool.
"Yes, doc, my heart's acting up," he replied. "And no, it's not from unrequited love... though who knows. Your wayward disciple poked me with his thorn, and now I feel like a squeezed lemon."
After carefully examining him, Scáthach saw damage to the Spiritual Core in the heart area. She was surprised that he, like herself, possessed an immortal body, yet even that did not fully neutralize the deadly curse of Gáe Bolg.
"There's no mistake. This wound was inflicted by my wayward disciple. What did that scoundrel do to you, that everything went awry? However, there is a way to fix it."
Scáthach was not just a warrior and the queen of the Land of Shadows, but also an outstanding mage who had learned Odin's runes. Hearing that there was hope, Ritsuka and his companions perked up.
"And what is this method?"
"Trifling. You just need to bring one magical creature that inhabits the Land of Shadows."
It didn't sound too scary. Just catching a beast. Scáthach would open the gate, they'd handle it quickly... But then she added a condition.
"You'll go alone," she pointed at Deadpool. "The healing will only work if the cursed one defeats the beast himself."
Deadpool hesitated. Regeneration is great, of course, but without strength, fighting a monster won't be easy.
"Maybe we can go with him and help?" Mash, along with Saber Alter and Nightingale, volunteered to assist, but Scáthach cut them off:
"I said: the effect will only occur with personal victory. And this is the only way. There are no others."
If the expert says so, it's useless to argue.
"The gate opens and closes only twice. You have..." Scáthach businesslike glanced at her wrist, which had no watch, and added, "...let's say, ten minutes. Hurry up."
"Mr. Pool, can you do it?" Mash asked.
"Wade..." Ritsuka looked at him with sympathy.
But Deadpool wasn't going to deliver a grand speech about being ready to die for victory or solemnly swear to return alive. He was simply picking his nose with the most bored expression.
"Hey, why are you looking at me like I'm already dead?" he grumbled. "Think I'll kick the bucket? I've been torn apart, blown up, broken, and cut to pieces so many times – and nothing, good as new. You should be used to it by now."
"Precisely," Nightingale confirmed coldly. "The patient's body continuously regenerates. Extremely curious. At a convenient opportunity, I will amputate his arm to obtain a sample."
"Go on, hurry up," Saber Alter lazily responded. "I'm hungry. I want chimichangas. Get there and back quickly."
"Decided?" Scáthach crossed her spears. Runes flared on the ground, and magical energy surged upwards, forming the outline of a huge gate.
A gate to a magical world full of death.
"GATE OF SKYE."
Beyond the doors, a grim landscape of the Land of Shadows opened up.
"If I don't come back, then the hentai doujinshi under my bed are yours now, kiddo."
"What?!" Ritsuka could only exhale.
Deadpool was sucked inside, and Scáthach immediately slammed the passage shut. Ten minutes. If he didn't come out when the gate opened again, he would remain in the Land of Shadows forever. Knowing Scáthach's character, she was unlikely to open the door a second time.
Ten minutes passed. As promised, Scáthach opened the portal again. Ritsuka and Mash froze, their eyes fixed on the opening.
"Why isn't he coming out?"
But Deadpool didn't appear. Obviously, something had gone wrong. Mash was about to rush to his aid, but Scáthach closed the gate, and it dissolved into the air.
"But how!" Ritsuka exclaimed.
Scáthach placed her spear at his throat.
"A deal is a deal."
Deadpool did not return. He was stuck in the Land of Shadows. Ritsuka was angry at him: he promised everything would be fine, told him not to be a crybaby, and in the end, he let them down.
"Hey, are you crying? Seriously?" A familiar voice rang out. "Aww, our little one thinks his big brother kicked the bucket? Idiot! This is 'Fate/Grand Deadpool Order'! If I disappear from the plot now, how will you get through the finale? And the transition chapters? And the second part? Can you manage without me?"
Ritsuka turned around. Deadpool, alive and (judging by how cheerfully he looked in his red leotard) perfectly healthy, stood leaning against a tree.
"Wade!" Ritsuka rushed towards him, tears in his eyes.
But as soon as he approached, Deadpool pressed the barrel of his pistol to his cheek.
"Stop! No snotty hugs. How many times do I have to say: no drama. Go have your melodramatic scenes two blocks down!"
Ritsuka froze, rubbing his reddened cheek.
"But how?" Mash asked. "When the gate opened, you weren't there. Where did you come from?"
Deadpool sat on the ground and winked conspiratorially (though it was invisible under the mask):
"Want to know? Sit closer, I'll tell you an awesome story from the wild lands." He lowered his voice:
"And no jokes about Hearthstone, dear readers, this is not 'wild mode'."