Flowers, so many flowers, but they all look the same.
"What are those?"
"Chocolate cosmos, Lorelei. They are called chocolate cosmos."
I see. The tree… I've already had this conversation with the tree. I called them chocolate cosmos.
"Who named them?"
"You did, Lorelei. You did."
The old me.
"The old you."
The me from two months ago.
"The you from two months ago."
I remember.
"You remember."
I kept her memories.
"You kept her memories."
I looked at the tree. And back at the flowers spreading beneath my feet. I can't touch any of them. They can't touch me either. It's not because of my power. It's because of their nature. Chocolate cosmos are beautiful, more than anything else.
"What are they?"
"Memories, Lorelei. They are memories."
Memories? Memories of who? Memories of what? Why are there so many of them here? Why are all these memories in the same place? Why are those memories flowers?
"Memories of who?"
"Memories of the dead."
"Memories of what?"
"Memories of their existence."
"Why are there so many of them here?"
"Because memories reunite."
"Why are all these memories in the same place?"
"Because they've found refuge with me."
"Why are those memories flowers?"
"Because they've chosen to be."
A choice? They've made a choice. A choice after death.
"If they know they will die one day, why not die from the first day?"
"Because a life is immortal. A life continues to live through memories. That's why they've sought refuge with me, because I will watch over them. For eternity."
Those people. The people who died. They've chosen to stay remembered. They've chosen to become flowers, carrying their memories. They've sought refuge with It.
"Who are you, tree?"
"An Arbiter, Lorelei. I'm an Arbiter."
"What's an Arbiter?"
"…"
It didn't answer me. Was it because I'm not allowed to know yet? Is an Arbiter so important that I can't know what it is? The tree… It doesn't want to answer me. Just like the figure. They want to keep me in the dark. They don't want me to know the truth. They don't want me to see what I need to see. Why? Why do they do that? Why does nobody want to answer me? Am I selfish for seeking answers? Am I? Tell me, please…
"You aren't."
"Then why?"
"…"
It won't answer me. I know it, but it's fine.
"You said "an" Arbiter. Does that mean there are more?"
"The Gate is also an Arbiter."
The Gate? I've never heard of anything called The Gate.
"Is The Gate like you?"
"No."
"What is The Gate then?"
"An Arbiter."
"…"
There's no point in asking It about The Gate. It won't answer me, but that's perfectly fine. After all, I will get the answers myself. I will be strong, stronger than anyone else. I will learn the truth, everything about them. I need to learn it. I need to know everything and anything.
"That's right. Everything and anything."
"…"
The figure, I remember. She's the one who made me like this. It's because of her that everything turned out like this. I have those powers because of her. She made me like this, but I don't want to hate her. I can't hate her. She sounded sad, very sad.
"Who is she?"
"Yourself."
"…"
The figure said that too, but I don't have her memories. I don't know anything about her. She isn't the me from yesterday. She isn't me from last week. She isn't the me from last month. She isn't the me from last year. She isn't the me from ten years ago. Who is she?
"Does she know the future?"
"No."
Impossible. It is lying to me.
"An Arbiter does not lie."
How did she know all that? How did she save me so many times? How did she save me from death? How…
"How did she know all that?"
"She lived through it."
"How did she save me so many times?"
"She lived through it."
"How did she bring me back from death?"
"She lived through it."
If she has already lived through all of this, then… Am I? Am I her memories? Am I her from yesterday? Am I her from last week? Am I her from last month? Am I her from last year? Am I her from ten years ago?
"No. You are Lorelei."
"If I'm Lorelei, then who is she?! Tell me who is she?!"
"…"
"Tell me"
"Tell me!"
"Tell me!"
I walked closer to It. I ran to the tree. I dashed to the Arbiter.
"Tell me!"
"Tell me!"
"Tell me!"
I reached It's trunk. I reached the tree's trunk. I reached the Arbiter's trunk.
"Tell me…"
I dropped to my knees in front of It. It was gigantic, ginormous. From the bottom, I couldn't see the top. Its branches spread and formed the sky. Its roots spread and formed the ground. Its trunk spread and formed the space. It was beautiful. I touched Its trunk.
"How beautiful…"
"…"
A sentiment of rage filled my heart. I started hitting Its trunk with my fists until they hurt. Over and over again. Over and over again.
"Descend and save them from their sufferings."
A sentiment of sadness filled my heart. I cried over Its trunk until my eyes bled. Over and over again. Over and over again.
"Lay to rest and raise again."
A sentiment of fear filled my heart. I hugged tightly Its trunk until my arms grew tired. Over and over again. Over and over again.
"Take their memories and embrace them."
A sentiment of joy filled my heart. I laughed on Its trunk until my throat itched. Over and over again. Over and over again.
"Tear their happiness and rebuild it from nothing."
Who am I? Just who am I?
"You are Lorelei."
Ah… I am… That's what I am…
"Do you wish to know the truth?"
"…"
I didn't answer It.
"That light. Touch it."
A beam of light pierced through the dark sky. Particles burst out like little fireworks and wrapped around me.
"Touch it, and you will know the truth."
"…"
I reached my hand out to the light, but didn't touch it. I did want to know; I wanted to know everything, but if I did, what would happen?
"What is that light?"
"The future. Your future."
It wanted to show me my future. Something I and only I will live through.
"What will happen if I touch it?"
"You will know your future."
"…"
"At the same time, learning your future would mean nothing more than accomplishing it. If in the future you see that Lorelei knows everything and anything, then that future would become reality. If you choose not to touch it, the future would not change at all either. It would still be a future in which you know everything and anything."
"Why?"
"Because you are a fragment of The Arbiter."
"Do you know my future?"
"No."
"Why?"
"I'm merely an Arbiter. I only assume that you would know anything and everything, because you are a fragment of The Arbiter. It would not be impossible for the future you see to be your death, your return to nothing. If in that future you really die, then by your mortal thinking, you would try to avoid such death, therefore taking every measure to not face it. Eventually, those actions will lead to your death. Once a future is seen, nothing can stop it."
"Would I not become a flower? Like them?"
"…"
Why did the tree stop there? I wanted to know the rest. I know that I never had a choice to begin with; whether I touch it or I don't, I would still end up reaching that future. The tree gave me two roads, but in the end there were only illusions. He told me an Arbiter didn't lie…
"An Arbiter doesn't lie."
I pulled my hand back after realising the risk of knowing my future. The particles flowed out of the light beam. The tree speaking about time made me remember that woman. The one who killed me for the second time.
"You will wake and forget everything. Are you sure you're willing to let go of the future right within your palm?"
"…"
I didn't answer It, but I knew my choice was made. I need more, more strength; I will discover the truth by my own means. Even if it means dying again. Even if it means killing again. Even if it means…
"Erasing an existence."
I will unveil myself.
"Very well."
"…"
The trunk of the tree opened. I saw a core in it. A pure white core. Whiter than anything else. Particles flowed out like a river from Its core, but the inside was almost hollow. There was something in it, but that something wasn't present. Something was meant to be there, but that something wasn't there.
"You've proved your resolve. Drink."
I placed my hands forming a bowl and let it flow until they were full.
"…"
I drank.
"Servant of time…"
I drank more.
"Bound by memories."
I drank even more.
"Child of The Arbiter…"
I drank what was left.
"Catalyst of destruction."
"…"
The ground split open, and I fell through it. The particles engulfed me whole.
* * *
"REILI! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"
"Shut up, no need to scream that loud."
"Little bastard, quit talking and read your damn book."
"Say what?"
Lorelei slowly opened her eyes. The soft warmth of the bed greeted her first touch, and the early morning ticking bombs graced her ears.
"Finally up!" Brant said, all prideful. "See, I woke her."
Lorelei sat up straight and looked at the two men arguing in front of her.
"Quit making so much noise, please."
They both turned around to her at the sound of her voice and stopped barking at each other.
"Reili, come on, we need to leave for the tournament," Brant said, all excited.
"We'll leave so you can get dressed."
On these words, Samuel dragged Brant by his hair out of Lorelei's room and closed the door. From it, Lorelei could clearly hear the two men still arguing and throwing punches at each other. She raised her head off the blanket and felt something roll down her cheek. A tear flowed down from her eyes. Lorelei wiped it off with her arms, but no matter how many times she wiped them, they kept coming back.
"Huh? Why… Why am I crying?"
She got up and went to look at herself in the mirror. A smile traced across her lips, yet tears denied its origin.
"I feel… Something is missing… I'm-"
"…"
"I'm not whole…"
The tears stopped, and her smile faded.
"REILI! COME QUICKLY! WE'RE GONNA BE LATE!" Brant screamed from behind the door.
Lorelei took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and suddenly reopened them. Courage. She gave herself courage. Lorelei took off her eyepatch and glove before taking a quick shower. Then, she wore them again as well as new clothes, and pushed the door open. Both Brant and Samuel were waiting for her on the other side. Brant gave her the sword and Samuel a briefcase.
"What's this?" she asked.
"Your own gun. Pouty made it."
Samuel cracked open the briefcase, and a long silver pistol lay flat on a royal red cushion. She picked up the gun and inspected it. Just like on her sword, an inscription was engraved on the gun's barrel.
"Fidelya."
"You're part of the family after all."
Lorelei nodded and smiled.
"Now let's go!" Brant screamed, all excited.
Lorelei gripped her sword tightly and took the briefcase, placing the gun back in it.
"Come on," Samuel said, walking alongside Brant.