"This is your boyfriend, right?"
(Here we go again. Pretty much whenever it's a boy and girl around the same age, and the guy helps the girl pick something out while they're walking together, the clerk assumes they're a couple. And if the guy happens to actually like the girl, he'll end up buying it in a daze for some inexplicable reason.)
Saiki didn't bother explaining.
The clerk immediately started flattering her: "You and your boyfriend look so perfect together! He's really good to you. Try this one—it's the latest trendy style in the store this year, and it suits you so well. He must have put a ton of thought into it!"
(No thought at all. I just glanced around and grabbed whatever.)
"No, he's not my boyfriend. He's just my classmate."
Umaru had finally calmed down and explained.
"Oh? That's too bad. You two look really good together."
(Don't say unnecessary things.)
Umaru [Really good together? Me and Saiki-shishou?]
"No way, we're just classmates who get along pretty well."
Umaru started imagining what it would be like if she and Saiki really got together, then gave a sleazy little grin.
In Umaru's mind: She's at home playing games, Saiki does her laundry, cooks for her, takes care of her daily life, and whenever she's bored, he plays games with her too, always looking after her. Saiki on call 24/7 for anything she needs. In the scene, Umaru is strutting around all smug and arrogant...
Saiki instantly felt like punching the person in front of him twice.
(Don't imagine weird stuff. A life like that would be absolutely miserable.)
The clerk seemed a little disappointed.
Clerk [What a shame. At first glance this guy looks totally average, but the more you look, the more handsome he gets. He'd look great all dressed up, and that blond-and-pink hair combo... this CP is so shippable.]
(Don't ship random CPs.)
Clerk: "So, you don't like this style? What kind do you like then? We have lots of different vibes here—some pure and innocent, some pure-desire sexy, some youthful and energetic..."
(So annoying. Umaru, just reject her already.)
The clerk kept getting more and more excited as she talked, but then she felt a gaze lock onto her. Slowly turning her head, she saw Motoba Kirie staring in her direction with a grave, displeased expression, dark aura radiating off her.
In reality, she was just staring at Umaru.
The clerk broke out in a cold sweat, forced a professional fake smile, and slowly backed away: "F-Feel free to look around!"
Saiki casually put the clothes back, walked over to Motoba Kirie, gave her a thumbs-up, and said appreciatively: "Nice job, Motoba-san. I'll treat you to dessert later!"
Motoba Kirie snapped out of her dark-aura state and quietly said: "Th-Thank you, Saiki."
...
[How's it going? Did you pick something?]
Umaru pulled Saiki off to the side and whispered: "Saiki-shishou, look—Kirie and Ebina still seem really stiff around each other!"
[Oh? So, have you picked out the clothes yet?]
"...I'm asking you what to do about them. Their relationship is pretty good!"
[What a pain. Just take them along and have them try on a bunch more outfits. Don't girls like wearing cute clothes? If they try on a few more and get happy, they won't be so awkward anymore.]
"Great idea!"
After that, Umaru, Motoba Kirie, and Ebina Nana played dress-up. The three of them tried on tons of different outfits: Lolita, sailor uniforms, JKs, and later even swimsuits. The worst part was that they didn't just change—they made Saiki give his opinion every single time, and each opinion had to be different.
Various pics of the three girls changing outfits →
Saiki had no choice but to use phrases like "good," "very good," "really suits you," "perfect," "way too perfect," while clapping expressionlessly in praise. He was one step away from giving the ultimate encouragement with a big thumbs-up.
...
[Ebina and Motoba's clothes should be taken care of by now. Now it's just you left.]
"Got it. We still have about 10 minutes until the meet-up time, right? Let's go—we'll head back to the first store and buy that dress we saw at the beginning!"
[So the clothes we end up buying were in the first store all along!]
"Okay, okay, stop nagging. Thanks for today, Saiki-shishou."
Umaru pushed Saiki from behind to keep him moving forward. But when they passed a toy store, she suddenly stopped.
Saiki felt the pushing force disappear from behind him. He turned around and saw Umaru staring in a daze at an advertisement board in front of the game section: today's limited-edition game "Monster Fantasy."
[It's just a game.]
"No way! Saiki-shishou, this is literally the greatest game in Japanese history."
[That's what "just a game" means. And you said the same thing last time, and the time before that, and the time before that. Besides, if you buy this, do you still have money left for clothes?]
A mental balance scale appeared in Umaru's head: one side with the game, the other with the clothes. Her brother's voice from that morning echoed in her mind:
"Only buy clothes! Only buy clothes! Only buy clothes..."
In the end, the game side of the scale came crashing down way heavier than the clothes side.
Umaru dragged Saiki into the game store.
[Why did the game win over clothes in the end?]
10 minutes later...
Umaru walked back toward the meeting spot carrying a bag, beaming with excitement. Seeing her satisfied smile, Saiki couldn't help but ask.
[If your brother finds out you spent most of the money meant for clothes on a game console, you're done for, right?]
"Th-This Umaru bought clothes too, you know!"
Umaru panicked and explained. She really didn't want her brother to find out.
[All cheap plain-colored stuff.]
"Saiki-shishou, you won't tell my brother, right?!"
Umaru vaguely remembered that Saiki and her brother had gotten along pretty well before. They'd even exchanged contact info, and Saiki said something like "If Umaru ever gets into trouble, remember to tell me."
[Not interested.]
"Going out shopping and hanging out with Saiki-shishou today was actually pretty fun. And Ebina and Kirie's relationship got better too."
[Not necessarily.]
"What do you mean 'not necessarily'? Weren't they chatting really nicely when we left?"
By now, Saiki's position already let him see Motoba Kirie and Ebina Nana standing at the meeting spot.
[Really?]
Umaru looked too. The two of them standing there—Ebina and Kirie's relationship had gone right back to how it was before, especially the atmosphere.
"Ah, weren't they fine just a minute ago?"
[See? Told you. It's not that easy.]
Ebina Nana and Motoba Kirie had indeed reverted to how they were in the store earlier.
It was only because Motoba Kirie went to the bathroom, came back, and saw Ebina Nana again—but she instantly couldn't return to the casual chatting from before. She suddenly felt that without Umaru around, she couldn't keep a conversation going. After all, other people always started the topics. Deep down, she really hoped Umaru and Saiki would hurry back.
[Yeah, it might take more time. Anyway, I'm heading out first.]
"Saiki-shishou, are you going home? Let's go back together."
[We're not going the same way. I have somewhere else to be.]
"Ah! Then should we at least tell Ebina and Kirie first?"
(Yare yare. Just go tell them yourself.)
"Saiki-shishou, seriously!"
...
"Ah! You... What are you doing!"