Life is like bubbles. Why can't life be like love? Affectionate, tender, soft, calm, hopeful for tomorrow. Bubbles don't exist for long. They either float in the air or hit a surface before popping. When playing with soap bubbles as children, we run around, blow on them, poke them, or stand for quite some time to see the bubbles hit the ground. Life is such. We either blow a gust of wind in someone's way, be it misfortune or fortune.
Unknowingly or knowingly, our hand hits a person, causing them to stumble or pushing them forward positively. Sometimes we watch people hit the ground, aware that it may harm them—it may also give them a wake-up call. But how can we be so sure? There are no certainties in life. Just as a bubble pops at the touch of a fingertip, so is life. One mistake, one touch can kill you.
Once you blow on a soap bubble wand, bubbles spring forth. Watching bubbles feels elusive yet calming. The feeling of a calm sea and the feeling of elusiveness give me warmth, yet it is also frightening. Lately, my life has been looking like bubbles. One word said. A whisper here and there. Once brought into the light, they burst. And unlike bubbles, they do not reflect light.
"Joel, what are you daydreaming about?" David says as he walks into the classroom.
"I'm thinking about what I should get Adah for her birthday."
"Is it already that time? Is her birthday not in February?"
"It is," Joel exhales and smiles. "I have to plan her birthday a few weeks before."
"Is it not enough that you do it about two weeks before her birthday?"
"It is, but what if what I have planned arrives the day after we celebrate her birthday? It's better to have it arrive at least a week before."
"I never really thought about it that way. It may be because I buy Bae's presents directly from a store."
More people flood the classroom, and bustling noises soon fill the room. Everyone has something to say about their winter vacation. Someone who really has an important story to tell is Joel, as all eyes turn to him. Drew looks at Joel, smiling while placing his hand on his shoulder.
"I heard that you got a girl in another class." Drew pauses slightly, removing his hand as the bustling lulls. "Is it Adah?"
Joel looks at him with a smile on his face, yet it does not emit friendliness. "Yes. She's my girl."
A faint sound of a whistle and boys laughing fills the room.
"Guys, see! I told you, he is together with that pretty girl that hangs out with Bae."
Both Joel and David tense, looking at each other. "Wait, isn't Bae the best friend of Adah?" Johnny asks.
"She is. They're our school's famous pretty duo," Theo adds.
Drew lightly scoffs. "Of course you would know. You both find Adah cute," Drew says as he nervously peeks at Joel. "You do?" Joel asks, his smile turning concerned.
"Yeah, we do… I mean, she is cute," Theo answers while his eyes dart around the room.
"I mean, from a man's point of view, she is very attractive—and cute," Johnny adds in a low voice.
"Thanks for the compliments. But let's keep it to admiration, okay?" This time Joel is not smiling. He doesn't look angry or annoyed; it's as if he expects them to keep a boundary.
"Well," Drew starts, clasping his hands together. "It seems like our class now has another taken man."
"That makes two of us," David says, jokingly punching Joel's arm.
Where I am, the atmosphere is cold around me. I'm left alone, speaking to no one.
I feel alienated in class. Bae, Joel, and David all go to the same homeroom. I'm the only one in a different block. My thoughts don't wander far until I'm met with unpleasantness.
"Hey, Adah! Are you together with Joel now?" My daydreaming while staring out the window gets disrupted by Luke. "Hey, don't you hear me? Are you dating him?"
"She is," Jake chimes in. "She looks happier and prettier than before." For some reason, Jake's words make me feel nauseous. His eyes scan me.
"I thought that you weren't interested in anyone? That's what you told me." I scrunch my nose. Before I can retort, Jake pulls a chair closer to my desk to sit down.
"What?" Jake says. Something tells me his words will be more vile than his eyes. "Did Joel get more interested after what we told him? Or did you let him eat?"
Luke lightly scoffs while trying to hold in laughter.
"Hey, is that why you turned him down?" Luke asks. "You didn't think Jake would be good at eating? Surprisingly, he is. Want to have a go?"
Before the situation escalates, our homeroom teacher enters, telling everyone to move and sit down. Thankfully, I'm at the opposite end of the classroom from Luke and Jake. That still doesn't make me feel safe. I feel uncomfortable, and it takes a while for me to understand what Luke meant.
The last class usually takes an hour or longer—it depends. Mrs. Abbott always has something to say. During that time, my mind usually drifts off, but today I can't. It feels as if I'm being stared at.
The bell rings and the school day is over. Before I can hurriedly get out of class, Jake pulls my arm, shoving me back into my seat.
"You didn't answer the question before," Jake says. "Are you dating Joel?"
"Yes," I answer him coldly. His mouth smiles, but his eyes leer at me.
"So did he?" Luke asks this time. "Don't act so innocent, Adah. Did you do it?"
"Do what?" I say, getting heated. I'd feel good if I cussed him out right now, but I can't. Not after everything I've tried.
Jake smiles and sighs before he opens his mouth. "Okay, let me make it easier for you to understand, since you love acting so naive."
"That's why you like her, no?" Luke adds.
"That's right. So, Adah, did he pop your bubblegum? Did he eat your cookie?" Luke starts to laugh loudly, and some of my classmates turn to see what's going on.
"Is it easier to understand what he means now? Or should I show you with a universal hand sign that everyone knows?" Luke's words make me feel disgusted.
"I didn't know that you were like that, Adah. I thought you and Joel were Christians, you know. Stuff like this should only be done after marriage. Does this mean I get a chance since you gave Joel your—?"
Before Jake finishes his sentence, Mira hits him with her bag.
"Sorry, I couldn't see you there," Mira says as she turns to look at me.
"This ugly chick!" Jake starts cursing profusely. "Adah, let's go! We need to hurry. The bakery is closing soon." Mira pulls my hand as she walks me out of the classroom.
"David, hurry, stop playing! We need to go to the bakery with Adah," Bae says as she frantically tries to hurry him.
"Bae, it's okay. There are five hours left before it closes," Joel tries to reassure her.
"Oh really? And when we went out last time, how long did you two spend playing arcade games?"
"Adah isn't here. She left with Mira," Sally says as she walks into their class. "I just thought you may want to know that, as you—"
David quickly cuts her off. "Okay, thank you. We'll leave now." This time, David actually tries to hurry out of the classroom.
"I'll call Adah." Joel picks up his phone and calls, but gets no answer.
We have already reached the café, and Mira is still holding onto my hand. "Mira, you can let go now."
"Sorry. Did I hurt you?"I look at her, astounded. "Why did you do that? Why did you pull me out of class?"
"If I hadn't, you'd probably sit there and let them talk smack about you, wouldn't you?"
I pause. "I mean, I—"
"Adah, I know that you aren't weak. You're just passive—in a bad way, of course. And I know that I have been a horrible person to you. I don't expect you to suddenly like me."
"Mira, where is this coming from?"
"I saw Sally, Luke, and Jake outside last week in the grocery store. I pieced two and two together when I heard you talking about Sally with Joel. You were right."
"I was right about what? And wait, that means that you were in the grocery store at the same time as us!"
"I know, I'll tell you more about that later. But I thought that you liked Johnny… so I was mean to you. I was being petty."
"Wait, didn't you tell me that you liked Johnny's older brother, Liam?"
"I just thought that he was handsome, and that was over a year ago before I knew he had a girlfriend." Mira deeply exhales. "But that's beside the point. You're good at evading important moments, but I won't let you," she continues.
"I know. I get that you're sorry. It's okay, so can we just—"
Mira grabs my hand again. "No, it's not okay. I need to explain this mess to you, including Johnny and his older brother."
"But Mira, I am okay, so—"
"No, you are not okay. I made it hard on top of Jake and Luke. My actions towards you fueled the self-harm, did they not?"
My heart drops; my fingers turn cold. How could she find out?
I try to put on a smile. "It's really okay. I'm fine." I can hear my heart thumping loudly. "I'm here right now, that's all that matters," I mutter, my voice barely audible.
"Then why are you crying? Hiding or pushing something down does not heal you."
I can't utter a word. Mira wipes my tears. I look up at her, surprised by her act of kindness.
I manage to slightly calm down before breaking down yet again upon seeing the look on Joel's face. I feel immense sadness and guilt for not telling him.
"Adah!" Joel comes running towards me, clasping my hands in his. "Are you okay? Are you fine? Are you hurt? Are you—?"
I shush him, my hands shakily covering his mouth. Bae and David come running, panting heavily.
"Hey, you! Did you do something to Adah?" Bae says angrily as she steps closer to Mira.
Mira looks at me, as if she wants to convey that she won't say anything unless I allow it.
"Hey, why aren't you saying anything? Did you actually do something to Adah?" This time, David is the one who speaks, enraged.
"I'm okay, she didn't do anything to me. If anything, she helped me."
Joel's hands softly move to my cheeks, and he leans in and kisses my forehead before he hugs me.
Life is sweet,
yet sour.
We exist for a moment,
actively affecting others.
We reflect light—
a calming and intriguing light.
Hurtful words are confusing.
Mockery is found sweet.
Your demise is not okay.
Cry your heart out.
Search for help.
Don't be afraid—
some are more than willing.