Despite my age, I can already honestly admit that I've experienced more than many people do in their entire lives.
Training on the edge of death; fights with all sorts of creatures arising in the expanses of my soul; Russell, capable of working magic with his bare hands bordering on true Magic... In short, I've seen enough to stay calm in most situations. So I thought.
But who knew revealing myself to Sakura would be so difficult?..
Well. It still turned out much better than I hoped... I sighed, recalling how our conversation with Sakura went.
And no, it was far less tense than my assumptions. After meeting Gilgamesh, we returned to my house, where after quickly putting away the groceries, I began my explanation.
Omitting details, it boiled down to me being a magus and knowing about her involvement with them. I also assured her that I hid it solely to avoid attention from the other families, explaining that I live on this land 'illegally.'
That's when I was surprised. Turns out Sakura doesn't know much about how the magical side of the world works. I had to explain the basics so she could better understand my reasons. About how precarious my position is, and the significance of the 'Emiya' name in the magus community.
In the end, to my relief, Sakura didn't blame me for anything, though she was surprised by who my adoptive father was. She didn't even seem upset that I kept being a magus from her. She was more worried about the blond we met that day. He seemed extremely dangerous to her, and my reaction to him greatly unsettled her. Then I asked if she knew about the Holy Grail War, and upon getting an affirmative, told her who we met.
The Hero King himself—Gilgamesh 'in the flesh.'
In general, now we know a bit more about each other. That day she stayed with me until lunch, then left early as usual. Sunday we spent calmly, not mentioning anything related to magic or what happened the day before. This morning we met at the agreed time and went jogging.
Surprisingly, in the end, our relationship didn't change at all. Though I couldn't help noticing how Sakura seemed... to distance herself from me? No, that's too strong. She seemed afraid of something but tried not to show it. And Sakura clearly isn't afraid of me—I'd sense that. I know her too well. More like she's afraid FOR me. And that's already a very bad sign.
I know only a few reasons that could lead to such behavior. And none of them is something I can accept.
Ha-ah... To hell with all this. I need to deal with her 'grandfather' as soon as possible, then she'll be free. Long overdue to accelerate our plan with Russell. I think he won't mind. Just need to find a suitable opportunity...
Sakura deserves a better life, and I'll do everything necessary to make sure she gets it.
"Emiya Shirou!.." Suddenly, the English teacher's loud voice snapped me out of my thoughts, making me blink in surprise as I met the displeased woman's gaze. "Your excellent grades don't exempt you from class. Stop daydreaming!
"Ah... Sorry." I smiled apologetically and continued listening to the lesson. Though at that moment I was mostly pretending...
Right now, I have to pretend nothing has changed. I have to wait. Compared to what Sakura endures every day, simple waiting is nothing.
Even if with each day it gets harder and harder...
Some time later...
"Finally, that lesson is over...
"Who would've thought a lesson could be even more boring than usual.
"Looks like the teacher's upset about something today. Never seen her so irritable...
"So what do you have for lunch?..
Break between classes is always accompanied by the hum of classmates chatting about whatever comes to mind, including food. And when my ears caught the word 'lunch,' I immediately pulled out my own bento made by Sakura this morning.
As usual, I did this alone. Sometimes someone joins me to eat, but mostly I eat in solitude, though I catch frequent glances from the girls in class and try to ignore them.
In any case, I only know them by name and nothing more. They'll approach if they really need something.
"...O-oh?.. What is she doing here?
"Waiting for someone maybe?
"What are you talking about?
"You're right, she...
When I had unpacked my 'small' bento ('two-tier' food box), I witnessed a strange sight. Most of my classmates gathered at the classroom entrance, peering out into the corridor as if a celebrity or something had stopped there.
Overcome by curiosity and a sudden bad premonition, I stood and headed to the classmates to see for myself what caught their interest.
"Sabata... What's going on?" I asked the nearest student forming the improvised human 'barricade.'
"...Huh? Emiya? I don't get it either... Tohsaka is standing there, and from what I heard, she's waiting for someone...
The bad feeling intensified with his words, and I pushed further. Peering over the 'barricade,' I saw what I really didn't want to...
There, in the corridor, stood a girl in the middle school black uniform. Her dark hair was braided into two pigtails with black ribbons, and her aquamarine eyes looked straight at me...
As a man, any other time, attention from the school's top beauty would flatter me. But as a magus in my circumstances, I'd prefer good old solitude where only you know your secret...
Praying to Akasha and holding a brief staring contest, I silently pointed at myself asking if she came for me, receiving a short nod.
Somehow extricating myself from the wall of bodies, I didn't delay the inevitable, as it wasn't hard to guess why she came...
After all, there are few magi living in this city. And Rin Tohsaka, besides being the school idol and a beauty, is a hereditary magus and the legitimate owner of Fuyuki lands.
And right now, behind the 'perfect student' mask, emotions peeked through as if I'd killed Rin's beloved dog and then cooked it right in the Tohsaka family mansion courtyard.
"After classes on the school rooftop... Don't be late." She said quickly and quietly, leaning to my ear, then left in a direction only she knew...
The rising murmur around me mattered little now. What worried me more was something else.
Tohsaka now reminded me of Sakura when she once got mad at me for refusing medicine during cold symptoms. Though that day I just overstrained my magical circuits. (Damn you, Russell!)
Funny how, knowing their blood ties, it's easy to see the similarity between sisters. Especially when you spend so much time with one.
All that's left is to hope things don't go according to the worst-case scenario...
...After classes...
"You know, if you're trying to burn a hole in me, it won't happen anytime soon...
Arriving on the rooftop, I met her there—Rin Tohsaka in person. And she was clearly in a foul mood, judging by how she glared at me with narrowed eyes, 'looking' menacingly without starting the conversation, trying to incinerate me with her gaze.
This, in turn, puts me in an awkward spot, as I haven't yet abandoned a tiny, utterly insignificant hope that she called me to ask for some help. After all, I'm known at school for always helping those around me who constantly ask me to fix something. True, in the last year my altruistic efforts were curbed by Russell and later by myself, for the sake of magic studies and training.
I don't even rule out that Tohsaka simply wants to protect her Sister from me due to some rumors I know nothing about.
Yes, that could well be the reason...
...
A man can hope for a favorable outcome, right?..
"...You really don't understand why I called you?" Tohsaka's voice suddenly sounded with another gust of wind tousling her twin-braided hair.
Her tone was calm and cold. Not how one asks for help. More like she's about to pronounce sentence.
And now even hope is gone. Just great...
"You're the one who called me here... By the way, how did you open the door? It's usually locked." I was calm and collected. If she brings up me being a magus herself, so be it. I'll deal with it as it comes.
"Emiya... Who are you?"
What is she trying to do? Why is she stalling? Does she want to instill fear in me? That's hardly going to work. Force me to admit my affiliation with the mages? From the looks of it, she knows exactly who I am. But when? For a long time, I haven't used magic outside my home, and sensing my own prana in my body won't work because of the 'System,' which keeps me from 'glowing' unless I fully activate the circuits.
The only time I used magic like that outside my home was... Last Saturday. In one of the most crowded districts...
...
Shit... That day managed to get even worse, didn't it?
"Tohsaka, I think... Whoa!"
I was about to respond calmly when she launched a powerful clump of curses at me.
It would have worked, but the prana circulating in my body provided decent protection against such magic. Especially since I'd prepared for this meeting in advance.
A simple wave of my hand was enough to deflect the attack. Only a slight numbness at my wrist testified to the magical projectile's impact. And even that faded within seconds.
"You deflected it without consequences?..." The girl drawled, slightly impressed, scrutinizing me with an analytical gaze. "Maybe you're not a bad mage if you can brush off a Gandr that easily."
So that's what that thing's called? Gandr... I think it's a curse from Scandinavia? The one that worsens the target's condition like 'Reinforcement,' but with the opposite effect. Father once said the true masters of that spell are the Edelfelts—my potential enemies, since I might have to face them on the battlefield someday due to their mercenary activities.
Kiritsugu left me a lot of info on the most famous families like the Edelfelts, so I'd be ready for a 'meeting' with them.
But what do any random mage families have to do with this? Anyway, I got distracted, and it's time to come up with my response, which I hope can resolve my current situation without far-reaching consequences. Because fighting Tohsaka, regardless of the outcome, would attract attention that I need to avoid at all costs until the Holy Grail War ends.
In short, negotiating with Tohsaka is my only option right now.
I sighed. While I pondered my position, Tohsaka raised her hand like a pistol again, intending to launch more Gandrs at me, but I hurried to interrupt her by finally speaking:
"You know, mage community or not, starting a conversation with gunfire isn't the best idea..."
"Oh? Decided to talk after all? I was starting to think you'd swallowed your tongue." Tohsaka said sarcastically, not lowering her hand.
"Why not? I've been exposed, and my options aren't exactly plentiful..." What can I even do right now? My situation could go from bad to downright awful any moment. And while I'm not afraid of her, I can't just beat Tohsaka. Aside from a truce, only death would make her shut up.
And that's not the outcome I'm aiming for.
"Then you should understand your situation, Emiya-kun..." Tohsaka began in deceptively polite tones. "You've been living on MY territory for a long time, and nothing was known about you, even though as a mage, you were OBLIGATED to notify the city's owner of your presence. And only after getting permission dare to enter MY territory and set up your Workshop." She said, lowering her hand with the attack spell only slightly.
Luckily, by then a rough plan had formed in my head, and accordingly, I confidently raised my gaze.
"Tohsaka..." I began, shaking my head. "Even if you're right by Mage's Association laws, what was I supposed to do? I've lived in Fuyuki as long as I can remember and only learned about your mage laws much later! And where do you think a simple teenager should go? Into the woods?! Just because I live in MY house in MY hometown?" I said in one breath, not hiding my real emotions.
I can't lie. Everything I feel shows on my face. And unfortunately, after years of trying to deal with this issue, all I've managed is a decent 'Poker Face.'
Luckily, the mask helps when I'm in Mage mode, but otherwise, like right now, that method's obviously impossible.
So all that's left is to use truth and half-truths, trying to make the best 'positive' impression on Tohsaka if I want to resolve this peacefully.
Yes, my best shot is to tell the truth and steer our 'near-confrontation negotiations' toward 'possible mutually beneficial cooperation' or something like that.
Good thing I have something to offer her...
"Emiya. Even if everything you just told me is true, how does that change the situation? You've essentially owed my family for years of living on our territory. As a Tohsaka, I can't let you go unpunished." The girl said coldly, lowering her hand further but not yet dissipating the spell.
"As far as I know, you're not the owner of this territory yet..."
"You'd rather deal with Kotomine?" She asked as if the answer was obvious.
"You're right..." I admitted calmly, shaking my head to meet Tohsaka's gaze with my own. "So what do you want? I'm not the best mage, and I have to admit my training was pretty unconventional. I have some savings from my father, but they're meant to keep me afloat until I can support myself, so I don't have much to give."
"How frank." Tohsaka said, not hiding her skepticism. "Sure you're not just trying to talk your way out of this?"
"Why would I? You're absolutely right that I'm on your land illegally. Denying the obvious would be stupid."
"In that case, you admit your guilt?" Tohsaka raised an eyebrow questioningly, with a hint of surprise.
"Partially." I scratched the back of my head under her expectant gaze and, gathering my thoughts, continued: "It turns out I was adopted by my father after the fire seven years ago. No memories, no relatives, not even traces that I existed before. Then I 'got lucky' and turned out to be a first-generation magus, and the old man reluctantly started teaching me magic until he died two years ago. Naturally, a simple teenager with no connections outside Fuyuki had no way to relocate. Especially since a guardian was already chosen for me."
Truth and half-truth flowed from my tongue word by word to soften her reaction. I didn't even have to fake the emotions. It really was uncomfortable telling this to a stranger like Tohsaka, but I kept eye contact, not letting on my true intentions, hiding them behind other, no less true ones.
And if she's anything like Sakura, this approach might work.
After all, after so much time getting to know Tohsaka's little sister, I've mastered this skill well...
Tohsaka kept boring into me with her aquamarine eyes. I could almost see the metaphorical gears turning in her head as she searched for a solution, then she opened her mouth again:
"You're sure you really couldn't do anything? You know, the Clock Tower accepts students and even provides housing in exchange for work..."
"No way." I cut her off, shaking my head negatively. "Father told me enough about that place. A nest of snakes and liars where weak mages without centuries of history have no place. I'm sure you understand the Clock Tower isn't for everyone."
"I understand." Tohsaka nodded and continued: "But that doesn't mean you can just hide on my land without even trying to report yourself. You had plenty of time to do it, and maybe we could've reached an agreement."
"Tohsaka..." I drawled, shaking my head again. "Don't get me wrong, but how old do you think I was back then? How old were you? We were just kids then, and we still are. Maybe while my father was alive, he could've negotiated with Kotomine about our living there, but when he died, it was just the two of us."
"And your current guardian?" The girl asked again.
"Her? Well, Fuji-nee... Taiga Fujimura, she knows nothing about magic, so she can't speak for me. Father originally didn't want me involved with magic at all, so he picked a guardian from ordinary people. And after all his stories, I refused to deal with anyone from the Moonlit World myself."
"Stories?" Tohsaka latched onto the word. "Sounds like your father had reasons to hide..."
"More like he wanted to get as far away from mage business as possible after losing his wife and daughter to it."
After those words, Tohsaka went silent for the first time since our talk began. My cold tone hit her like a bucket of ice water, and for a moment, she lost her composure.
Who better than her to understand a mage's life? To understand losing family? I didn't even need to tell Kiritsugu's story for Tohsaka to recall her own and empathize.
After all, life is unfair, and the mage world is ruthless. If I'm right, I won't even have to reveal more details of my history. I'm already lucky she hasn't connected the Emiya name to the 'Magus Killer,' and I have no desire to give her more reasons to ask questions whose answers could lead to bad outcomes.
By then, the pause between us had stretched noticeably. We stood silently on the rooftop as the wind blew over our figures. At some point, the girl lowered her gaze in thought, her face reflecting the weight of unpleasant memories. Only after a minute of empty silence did Tohsaka finally dispel her Gandr, deactivating her magical circuits, and raise her eyes, their aquamarine gleam signaling the strength and determination of their owner.
I waited for her words, holding my breath and hoping I hadn't slipped up anywhere.
"Emiya-kun..." Tohsaka drawled suddenly, closing her eyes briefly. "Taking your words and circumstances into account, I still think your guilt is obvious!"
"...And what's my guilt?" I asked, not hiding the tension in my voice as Tohsaka spoke again:
"For starters, you're still living in this city without permission from my legal guardian or my family..."
"I get that already... But what do you want? Like I said before, I can't offer you much..." Money? Father said the Tohsaka family is pretty wealthy from magic patents, but mages never have enough... Or maybe magical research? That's the one thing I can't show her. My research would attract even more attention than killing her...
So her next words nearly made me fall over in shock.
"I need... An assistant!" What? "See, if I had a loyal subord— Ahem!... Assistant..." I really don't like that slip... "...That would really help with my research. And if you prove a qualified helper, I'll help with your own training, since no one's teaching you."
"That's..." Everything I wanted or could say just evaporated. For some reason, my brain went blank from her sudden 'judge's' decision.
"What? I made this decision considering your circumstances, and if you don't like the offer, you can go negotiate with the Fake Priest. Frankly, I don't care what answer you give. Just know that if you refuse, I'll have to notify Kotomine of your presence and leave the decision to him, as the current temporary owner." Shrugging, Tohsaka silently waited for my response.
Damn! First I was Russell's guinea pig, and now they 'offer' me to become an 'assistant'? And this is the favorable outcome I was hoping for?
Maybe going to the church isn't such a bad idea after all...
...
Taking a deep breath and irritably massaging my nose bridge, I met Tohsaka's gaze again, clearly noticing the victorious gleam in the aquamarine reflection of her eyes.
"Fine, I get it. And I agree."
"Great!" The girl nodded immediately. "In that case, meet me after school tomorrow at the entrance. Don't be late~" Tohsaka said with a satisfied smile and walked past me, leaving me on the rooftop mourning my luck.
I don't even know if I got lucky today by coming out relatively unscathed, or if I just got a bigger headache.
I guess I'll find out tomorrow...
A hero's path is never easy. Right?
Matou Manor...
"...You did well..." The old head of the Matou family said with a fake smile as rotten as its owner, looking at the girl with lilac hair who'd just finished her 'training.'
The girl knew his 'praise' was empty. To this creature, her grandfather... Her well-being meant nothing; he only cared what he could make of her. She was no more than a tool, filthy and corrupted by his countless tortures, unworthy of simple happiness.
She'd long grown used to this life. Accepted this mindset.
By now, the pain was no longer a big problem like before. The worms couldn't taint her more than they already had. So what else could hurt her? Her life had long lost all color, and only one thing kept her from going mad, breaking completely, and losing her already shattered mind...
"Sakura... You're going to Emiya's as usual?..." The old man's question didn't need an answer. The only place the girl could 'live' was with Shirou. Sakura was surprised her Senpai was a mage too, but it didn't change anything fundamentally. She hoped it really was so.
Senpai was Senpai, and he'd always be the same. She believed and hoped for that. He'd said himself nothing had changed between them and proved it with his actions, not bringing up the topic again, for which Sakura was especially grateful.
Magic was the last thing she wanted to talk about. No need to mention the associations that word brought to mind.
Though she was curious if her grandfather knew about Emiya. Probably. She wouldn't be surprised if this was part of some twisted plan of his. Her grandfather had no other kind.
But she didn't care. As long as it didn't harm Him, she'd endure. Just to stay by His side...
"By the way, Sakura, how are your 'urges'? You're a grown girl now, so they must be especially... Intense." The old Matou head asked in his usual dry tone laced with mockery and false concern.
His eyes were hidden behind sagging eyelid flesh, making them impossible to see, but the old man's gaze pierced the girl's back as she finished dressing.
"Everything's fine, Grandfather. I can still handle it myself..." The girl reported without visible emotion, bowing slightly toward the old man.
But she lied. Sometimes it came as a faint warmth spreading from her stomach through her body. Sometimes an unbearable wave of heat, held back only by her strong will. And with each day, these 'urges' came more often. Stronger...
Sakura was seriously worried about it. But what could she do? She really didn't want to ruin her current relationship with her Senpai.
After all, she was tainted. Even kind Senpai would turn away from a girl once he learned what happened during her 'training.'
And she didn't want that at all. She didn't want Him to see her like this...
"Still, Sakura, remember I'm worried about you. You know that, right?..." The old man said in a calm but chilling tone.
Sakura froze at his words. She knew exactly where her grandfather was going. He'd told her, hinted that sooner or later she'd have to 'let off steam'... Even against her will.
She was just his tool. Her opinion didn't matter since the day she entered the Matou house.
And it would probably stay that way until the day she died...
"Sakura... I might have to ask your brother for help. You are family, after all. I'm sure he'd gladly help with your problem, as an older brother should... Ha."
Shinji? Help? If back when she first joined the Matou family she might've expected help from him, now it was highly unlikely. He craved becoming a mage so badly he ignored the potential cost... She pitied him. Pitied her brother for ignoring his flaws in his envy and inferiority complex, seeing only one side of the coin and blind to the consequences of his desires...
She'd give anything to escape her meaningless, mournful fate...
"Though, I think it can be resolved another way." The old Matou suddenly spoke thoughtfully, drawing his 'granddaughter's' attention. "As I recall, you have a good acquaintance... 'Senpai.' It warms this old man's heart to know such an outstanding young man is watching over my granddaughter. If I'm not mistaken, his name is Shirou. Shirou Emiya..."
And the moment the old man finished speaking, the girl felt despair overwhelm her, barely leaving room to breathe...
He knows! He definitely knows! It can't be otherwise. He knows Shirou's a mage, and... Wants me to 'use' him?
I can't... Senpai's different, different! He's kind and good... How can I, filthy and defiled...
"Sakura, can you invite young Emiya over in the next few days? I want to meet the young man who's gotten so close to my granddaughter..." His words were, as usual, full of fake friendliness. But Sakura knew it wasn't a request. He was clearly saying he wanted to see Shirou as soon as possible and wouldn't tolerate disobedience.
Naturally, she couldn't disobey...
"Grandfather... Fine, I'll do it..."
What choice do I have? What can I do? Shirou will find out. He'll definitely find out who I am and how dirty and corrupted I am... He'll turn away from me, like my parents, sister, and uncle... He'll find out...
...And then I'll be completely alone again...
***
Read the story months ahead of the public release — early chapters are available on my Patreon: Granulan