To him, I had become non-existent at the moment.
I stood still in my place for the next few seconds, his words echoing in my ear. My head hanging low, tears glistening that refused to be suppressed.
Upon receiving nothingness, my steps retreated, wiping the tears as I changed into the nightgown. My empty gaze fell on the bed again which had become a battlefield at this point.
The thought no longer felt protective or delightful.
I was scared.
I stood by the edge of the mattress, my fingers twisting the fabric of my nightgown anxiously. My face burned with an embarrassing flush, my gaze darting anywhere but at the man currently unbuckling his greaves.
"I... I can sleep on the rug, My Lord," I whispered, the thought of sharing that vast, soft mattress with him made my breath catch.
Lord Kaldric didn't look up, "And have the Earl's servants reported that the Commander of the Obsidian Pillars treats his bride as a slave so he could save you?"
"I did not mean it like this." I whispered and sat quietly, avoiding further ridiculing statements.
The mattress was dipping under my weight. I never had the privilege to sit on such a comfortable surface, it was foreign to me. My hand extended, feeling the softness that brought a feeble smile on my lips.
But as I moved to tuck myself under the furs, his cruel voice cut through the silence, grabbing my arm, tossing me towards his hard chest.
"Perhaps my presence is too suffocating for you, no?" he mocked, his silver eyes flashing with a cold burn that baffled me.
A crimson shadow adorned my cheeks where both were on his chest to steady myself. On top of him, on the bed, so close that our breaths collided yet extensively far.
"My Lord, please… don't say this."
"Why not? Look at the way you tremble near me."
His eyes traveled on my body, noticing the way my breaths was hastening when he kept me secure on him. His grip became iron the instant he found discomfort in me, earning a whimper from me.
"Would you rather prefer the Earl's chambers? I am certain he has a bed made of poetic lies waiting for you, Lady Ardelle."
The anger flared in my chest, hot and sharp, but I didn't dare release it. The pain of disbelief melted it away, replacing it with a heartbreaking look.
I couldn't fight a man who had already decided I was a traitor.
My eyes went wide, staring at him. For a rare moment, he noticed the heartache and pushed me off from him with sheer disapproval.
I simply turned my back to him, pulling the covers to my chin, staring at the cold stone wall until the patterns in the rock blurred.
Yet as long as the sound of his breathing, his presence was next to me, this luxurious mattress failed to give me comfort.
For the first time, we were sharing a bed and the embers of short-lived glee died before I could ignite them. The proximity was only a mockery of the distances.
I turned and found him deep in slumber after piercing my heart and discarding the matter like it was irrelevant.
'Why am I invisible to you, My Lord Kaldric?' I thought wretchedly, my eyes narrowing with unwanted tears.
Despite the fact I had accepted my husband as my current world yet I was nowhere in his was… unbearable. The sting was sharper than any wound I had ever received.
My hand moved instinctively. My fingers extended, hovering just an inch from his shoulder. I wanted to poke him, to regain the short-lived smile I shared with him.
But I froze. The memory of his mockery—the way he had linked me to the Earl—turned my fingers to ice. I pulled my hand back, clutching it to my chest.
'He doesn't want your touch, Ardelle,' I reminded myself. 'He wants your obedience.'
I faced the wall again, closing my eyes against the loneliness, and finally let sleep take me.
When the first light of dawn filtered through the curtains, I didn't wake to the cold solitude. Instead, I woke to a stifling, beautiful warmth that had consumed me.
My eyes shot open, my back involuntarily arched when a deep breath swept over my spine, sending an uncontrollable shiver.
I attempted to shift only to find a heavy, muscular arm resting firmly over my waist, pulling me back against a broad chest. His crushing weight entirely over mine, halting my breaths.
I could feel the rhythmic sound of a heart against my skin. Strong, steady, and dangerously close. Lord Kaldric was asleep– Exactly. Else this position was unimaginable for him– holding rigidly onto me and I had absolutely no idea how to react.
I stayed frozen, my heart racing though unconsciousness, the fact his hand embraced me swayed me no poetry, no soul ever could.
I couldn't understand it. How could the man who neglected me, who mocked my character and doubted my soul, feel so... right?
His warmth was a sanctuary I didn't want to leave.
Slowly, testing the limits of my own bravery, I reached down. I rested my hand slowly placed above his. My functioning stopped the instant my skin met his.
His large, calloused fingers looked so rough against mine. I squeezed gently, closing my eyes and letting myself believe, just for a moment, that the 'burden' was actually a wife.
We drifted back into a light, humming sleep, linked to one another in the quiet gold of the morning. And his unawareness vanquished the ache I carried last night.
… I forgot everything else.
We were deep in slumber, our breaths and heartbeats moving in a flawless synchronization but since my destiny was my biggest foe, it couldn't endure two moments of my felicity.
The door knocked.
I kept my eyes shut when I sensed Lord Kaldric's body jerking with a loud 'huh!?' due to the unforeseen call from the other side of the door.
"Commander? The King's council meets at the third bell. It is time to rise!" Sir Aldwin's voice came, muffled by the door.
I remained motionless, burying my face in the pillow so he wouldn't see my face. The arm around my waist tightened, the fingers digging in, pressing me down.
My eyes shot open, my body went numb when his weight was almost on me, locking me on the mattress but he merely used my waist to sit up.
I gasped, glancing over my shoulder, missing the heat I experienced by his hand. My lips dried as I timidly looked at him.
Lord Kaldric was sitting, running his fingers through his locks while yawning looking devilishly handsome doing a humane gesture.
This is the first time I heard him yawning. The mattress was indeed comforting, it made him yawn and sleep with extreme relaxation.
"Go- Good Morning, My Lord." I scrambled to the opposite edge of the bed, my hair a wild silk mess, my heart hammering, holding the covers firmly.
We stared at each other for a heartbeat, wide-eyed, breathless, and utterly caught. He looked at his hand that twitched, finally realized the weight he used to sit up wasn't the pillow but… me.
Lord Kaldric cleared his throat, blinking a few times to regain his senses. He looked at his hand, then at the spot where I had been lying, his face flushing a deep, uncharacteristic scarlet.
"The... the mattress is too soft." he mumbled, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and refusing to look at me.
"I must have rolled. An... accidental movement. Nothing more."
"Yes," I whispered, my voice overflowing with a mix of disappointment and missing warmth, letting out a smile.
"An accident. I... I didn't even notice either."
"Good," he snapped, standing up and reaching for his tunic. "Don't let it happen again."
An unknown smile came to my lips, repeating his previous statement, "But, the mattress is too soft." A silent signal it might happen again. And this time, 'I' might do it.
"Vex not. The wound can dull my senses for days. Not forever." He also gave an indirect reply: 'Enjoy it here. You won't get it once we are back on the road,'
I did not ask for an explanation, and he did not offer one.
Instead, we changed, he was stripped from the armor and went to his untouchable noble form, looking enticing as I got to wear a beautiful pale pink gown that complimented me. I fell in love with that gown.
My heart skipped a beat when I looked at me, unknowingly attracted to myself, grinning at the luxury and the dress which had laces and bows.
The maid that helped me get ready stared at me in awe, "You look absolutely divine, My Lady."
"Thank you." Grinning at my reflection, I took a spin and accidentally bumped on Lord Kaldric who was wearing his leather gloves that fell on the ground.
"Woman, you and your clumsiness." He let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"I apologize, My Lord." Offering an apologetic smile, I shifted down and picked his gloves, helping him wear them. His fingers flawlessly slipped in and the instant my hand pulled back, his rough hands ensnared my fingers.
His dangerous gaze narrowed, cascading on my dress, observing me with an unreadable expression before ordering strictly.
"Where is the hat? Lady Ardelle's robes are incomplete without hats. Go. Fetch one." He ordered.
They bowed and brought back a hat. She was about to place it but Lord Kaldric, who apparently stayed and waited for this… theatrics, snatched the hat from her hand and slammed it over my head.
My shoulder tense up at the abrupt action, lifting my head to stare at the mystifying man, tying it with a cold precision yet deliberately trailing his finger around my neck, inducing an unstoppable heat.
After being done, he tugged it down as per habit before marching out of the room and I kept staring at his back, watching him fade into the corridor.